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Aiter ecdng this column we felt a @3965.

(51an like Columbus; when he started cut hc

didn’t know where he was going, Wham hc 529%

them he didn’t know where he wag, and when

he gm back he didn’t knaw where he had been.
min.»—

Thc littlc boy calm is» his mother. “Ma,” lac
maid, “l have sameming in mi: you. My teaches-
lzicsmll inc."

“Well, were you: a goml lmy aim}? did! yam kins
hm" hack?"

“0f QDHY’Slh “0“”
hinged her face."

    

Em denied inaiiggimntly. “E

Mun.»
Girls when they Went out to swim.
Once drcsscd like Mother Hubbard,
Now they have a: holder whim:
They dress more like her cupboard.
~4| ,._

Finish: “Waiter, this coffee in slicer maxim—take
it away.”

Wainm; “Sowy, air; but it was «mly ground this
mm‘ning.”

~——-ll'¥m
He, to girl in ultra gown: “Do you like wearing
evening dresses?”
She: “I feel that nothing is more becoming to me.”
He: “1 have no doubt of that; but don’t you think
that would be going; a trifle too far?”
«Millw-

The English language is a funny fining. Tell her
that iimc SMWNES mm when you luck mm inex- eyes,
anal she’ll mime you, but just try telling lici‘ 4.11m
5.11m“ facc would: claim an clock.

nulle-w
On a hunt for excitement, the eager freshman
asked: “Can you auggest anything in the way of a
good time?”
The disconsolate junior muttered: “The Dean.”
-—-llT——

“I shall illuszmfic wlmt l name in Mimi,” Haiti Elm

mni‘cssm as m: animal the board.

”HT—~—

“I suppose,” saici the department head to the latest
aubstiwtc teacher sent him, “it’s the usual fiery—419’s
the 13001 of the family, let’s make him a teachcl‘.” “No,
sir,” said the young asssistani respectfully, “all that
ham been altered since yam: time.”

«Hi-m-
?a: “Well, 5mm, haw are yawn“ marks?”
Salon: “They‘re under waiter.”
P21: “What aim: you mean?”
36m: “Belcw ‘C’ level.”
Had Einaugh?

      

, 1%? .\
figgfi ea 9 a»;
Professow A. Q. Flumkcmfiafi,

Chaiwnan of the Departmcni of Baskztwcaving

anal Beadctringéng

lefcssor Asymtc’te Q. Flunkcmfia‘t 13 ncw
cclcbmiing his sixtieth anniversary as chair—
man cf the Departmcm of Baskctweaving and
chdnstringing. Profefisw Flunkcmfiat can now
lack back upon a career of noteworthy service.

He received his MS (Master of Sidcburns} degree
from Acme Barber College in 1866, having attended
under the Civil War GI Bill. After taking refresher
courses in new enunciation, illegible handwx‘i’ting, and
ncg‘ati‘vc personality, Dr. Flunkemflat was preparad t0
mach. He then. served on the facultieg of Harvard,
Yale, Princeion, Cornell, and Columbia, but couldn’t
hold a job and finally was exiled, expelled, and exccmr
munica’ced to Illinois Tech.

 

During hi3 years here, Prof. Fli‘mkemfiat has noicd
with pleasure the growth of the department 0:“ Basket—
‘vwcaving and Bead—swinging. Though the present acute
Shortage. 0f morons limit: the cxpausien of We faculty.
ii: is expected that the department will, add a course in
paper-doll cuttings; Whi ‘1 will undau‘cmdly be Very pop—
ular with engineers on cwcbatien. The pyo‘fevqm' states
Wat the most unplcmcnt mcmcni in his: y s at UT
was. when inc was: forced i0 cliamiss can instrucmr who
was caught, returning lent papers within 5:. month
a? M“ the exam.

thn 3.2;de if he had any advice for éixc stinlcnm,
01d Wing‘s:

 

   

 

 
 

meccam' ii‘lunkamflzit repeated this
2 can‘t do iii, mach it; if 507.}.
..i:nent Emmi?“

 
 
 
 

 

  

«9%

«fig 3,2? 65
WMWQER .1me W
. 8

””3

-U‘iil

 

   

 

Elli??? ”'

mnm‘cn'fi MUTE: This; (minimum is; m: mpg-maniac GE Mum Emma maelcm. Encewam

cam/mining mm. mere Wan £359 wail-2m will Yaw ,nzimmi. Axmnymmag Mimic Wm mm

be cmiiuiximl 16w mmflimfilem. mflwwrlu za, writcr‘a Emma) Willi kc Wigwam fmm will»:
r

“Gallium if dcmrmfl.)
H.E’.l"TER ”WE TRUE”. EDETQR
Dem." Eaiifim‘:

Sn Ehcsc limlmnadmvn HT wanincn mm; 31%le yam ii. {WM {this time,

Emil?

Ever claim the Anincnrwliewia manger, may haw manic ncinmdi

mmmlm to film 9%“ch mac Waccmswcivglmytfiaingy at llll‘li‘ cluculc‘i inc MT

William.

Now the left “wing Junior ‘chk
committee in trying to pull a fast. one
on us queen-lovin’ Techmen; they
want. to push in an HT queen. Only,
they play it smart; they call her
a ”Woman of the Year” and to make
the. "HT women feel less self-com
scious; they choose her on the basis
of “scholarship and activity.” Halal
At least we can say, “Look, at least
our Women have ‘tscholai'slhip and
activity’.” No wonder Happy Henry
wants more women. «

Let'S g0 back to the glorious 40—
year-old tradition oi‘ Junior Week.
Let’s have a queen chasm: on the
basis of personality and other assets.
To hell with “Scholarship and activ~
ifiy." Who wants; that in a woman,
anyhow? Not me. Not Happy
Henry, either.

Now is. the time for all madlloodcd
Techmcn to rise up and revulfg! If
the senior women want a senior
queen elected on the basis of “schol-
arship and activity,” let them elect
her.

(signed) Junior Reactionary
Deci- Editorc:

Sew these broalmnvdown HT men

think thay’ll poet it Oliver this tymc,

 

Huh? Ever scinin the Armm‘-~L0‘uis
mcrjer, ”may halve mama sn'yidc 1mm
mar}: two the effect that HT ‘wcum—
en cudn’t bcza. kw ns of anything
butt a (lick of kards.

Now that the Joonyur Weak
komitc has game the lilac and has}:
dcesiiicd to elect; an NT wocmcn
chcn of HT, sum '11}? them: kamlv
tea-s; are rising up in revolt. The};
demand that aw! kwecm shud cum
frum owtssydc the infloncncc uv the
kampus. Thay any HT woomcn dcw
knot havlc suflisi‘icn‘t bnty “four the
roll. Thay make fun uy how: inteli-
je‘nts.

 

Eye objckt. Inn uddighun to lace—
ing hrilyant and witty, HT woomcn,
such as misclf, are Xtrecmly butiw
ful. Eye sun. prowd to bee a ‘tipilwl
HT wooman. Maya meshm‘cmunts
wood keen any man’s I: Hips, 26',
waste, 36; buck, 26.

Now in the hymn four 21w} Mon»
blooded HT woomcn two Tyne up and
revolt! H the men. want a. kin/can
electwi 5.0tu on ‘ihc bases 0‘}? lmly,
let them find her.

(signed) Fyuchure chcn

 

ch Elwcmckimg Mclgmifln

(3 ,.
mm {a o\ C
. «$3.. ,1.» .3> .13. .,.,

 

 

 

 

“ 7%.? chfia:

The shidcn‘i: wl'lossc name la (in the lip of cvexrymicys tongue
this term is that lcvabic “with wires” chameicr, Will "U. Slipper-
abmk, who has; hccn selected as the ycar’c magi. outfianding
“Man of the Week.“ Slipccmbuk is known fmf‘ liic javial, mundn

shouldered, lamebrained mannm‘. His
unusual talents. have served to mini
intellectual atmesp‘ncre to the cam‘
pus. A poet and aids: of some rev
fume, he is: the auéhor of such tal-
ented and wittv sajrings as:

1000 i‘oys:::‘a kilroy, and

 

Wmim L115 Ncw‘mn
Some Example came hem 3.0 M2, and

  
 

 

     
  

time Siip; a
keep him"

‘ ‘n an .

'CE‘LETEv

 

{fillfi

 

he was presicicnt of Du Slappa Thi
for six years While at the same time
serving an student ariviscr for fresh-
men faculty members.

Typical of Slippcwbuk’a izidugti‘y
0n the“: campns is his wm‘k in can‘-
junci‘icn with Brain Vadel and Robert
Goof‘cry (m "the all-(mi: Junior 'chlb
end bust. it was his flies-1 to import

models frmi‘s we “U. Namit” Mnéci

 

Agency at Ma 'ismz. Slip-
per‘abuia :zlc am; We
party afiers many onpor»

 

 

tunities to cmm‘pr‘i .cchawks.

 

“in spite of his unusual numbcr (7f
' " ‘ ~,S1ippernimk has

6.8 average. Ea “
,0 hiz; mi

main-

     
   
 

 

include

    

hobbicg
' mai. and K
. .

w. a c.

kg??? 3 . "

 

 

 

 

 

Wacleingmn, April 10%. wave cfi suicideg swam:
Wasliingtcn early; ibis manning Slamming to an ASHES"
Sinated Prcsc dispatch.

The frenzy which gripped thc capitol city followed
claw upon the rclcace cf 9. Samate Inwastigcating 93m-
mitme weport indicting fecimology News, a Chicaga
scandlc sheet, for Amazican activities.

Engnlfcfl. in the laycficcria ware many pci'scnc in 41%?»
cinl Wamhiwgmn, inclmling maliinet mmiwm, ccnmimm
and mnmsefl‘smlivcfis. Every member 93‘ the inmsmi»
gaining wmmiimc mm? finely: families yieldcci m Shim
impnlmc m cammil. which.

53ml? mamlvcm cg E’echnolom] N ewa have been mic- ‘

cu finite» iimtective Malaysia! by 36ml; palm: m crawl.
them {mm film waters "which swarmed chant their law
ml aiming fine night. All}. availablc units emf film Maury-
lmui mm milific have been mobilized is) my: dawn
Mic nwifiaing.

The events of the past few hours have slimmed
week-long agitation concerning the investigation 0f
Technology News. Harried senators have fallen far
behind in issuing statements 0:16 the rapidly changing
picture. ’

Startling dcvelopmentn came late yecterday when
the investigation bucolic up in a blaxe cf gunfire. A
short pitched battle was waged in the investigating
chamlacrc during which columnist Wild Pill Foolong
was wouncied slightly in thc brain. The injury was
not serious.

That: lining cmmldci'ing fcmi between Zowic Emma,
Technology News Editor, and Senate? gimme,
inflict reactionary, filmed mm may we (men OE macer-
«Bay’ss swasinn. liliippc, chairman 9f the invefitigatlng
mmmiilcc. has. nuncanncfi Emmi. lilac managing imam
and Sfmfilf 9E Technolayy News when they failed to “3‘
vcml film som‘cc w? their Slcamchmcl it/cmsa.

Senator Hippo summoned Baom to the stand late in
the scsaion in, an effort: to stifle the lil—page defense of
their American activities which Beam had prepared.
He swaggercd about Boom, who was clad 6912111?er in
a lavender pinata-inc suit, hoping- to bully him 111m
admiszsicn (if his guilt.

“izzit 0E" izzimot true that on February 29 you pub-
lished a statement that Baudrey Weed was the cosm-
try’s outstanding lingerie model Withoufi material evi—
dence?” snapped? Hippo. Boom refused to answer the
questinn.

Mhirin‘bcd. Hippo: dmw mxé; his knife aimi firefi six
3mm mm Emma. Wiliiin ten Semantic the Imam Wm: as
Shambles with banicadcs Eyeing filamwn mm across the
llama. The dinfiurlmnw wag calcified by fear gas.

Pmccdfzng; Emma in film Emmi wcm Jim Newcimc,
,8thme Emma-mm, Spam: cdimr ami fen‘im‘e Mimi" cg
Technology News. Ncwnkcc wag indicteei em a change
01? caving nice things. nimmt inatiitins flmimbman, mac
hfiiéfi‘ifil athletic xiii‘cccw at Elinnis Twit.

 

Rummy: was brough‘é before the committee on a
much more serious charge. Hippo and his aisle 2m-
cased him of allowing Columnis‘s Foalcng to can the
pl’csifient of Iliinoia Tech “Hank,” while he is recorded
as Happy Henry on his birth ceflificate.

 

 

 

Mcmcan fimwtfialcé Callagiain 59mm;

 

Oificifil smdcm pubiicafion m‘ Hiinoifi lnsiimla mi Yurchaoicgy, 33%
Ecdwaf Simel, Chicago. ”“3915. Published wnc‘xly during the coilgzgcéz
war: Repmsenfad ior nesfiona! advertising by chiorml Adverfising
Samoa, Ina, college publishers rcpteseufafivcs, 420 Madism Axum, Naw
York. N. Y., Chicago, 805mm. Log Angmias. San Francisco. Entered in
second class mai‘ier October 50, W40, .3? ihe new affine; a? Chica‘ga.
Hiincis, minim iha Ac? of March '5. £879. Subscripfion ram gum par)? éerm.
$wraign whscripi‘ion: $.63 par icrm.

 

 

  

 

WHEELS
Hams Schlwniel Scema Tram
Scmsga .......... .. Pull Thflffifii'lfi’gh
Mismahcgemmi Chici Marfin €4.12sz
Haul Spcvi Ski £5" ca
Space Filler Dcaéwood Emma
{Emmy ficy id‘s; Kwicrx‘ychi
thgumieai, Lg. , . , ,Hah‘ V5”? Skid

SFSNCEi

J; 5pm: Ken Smmpflmnw
Asst Muse Man “SM" '
, Drew Pa‘mn ,
iice Cap-y Box».

   
 
  

   
 

 

 

””3;va .

hey. u...

 

»:.ue~rm “mu“...«VMH. ..