FOUR

 

 

.Eiilllfiiifimfifil

Once more lhe school bell lolls. and all lhe
"len o'clock scholars" resume lheir dulies oi
apple polishing; everyone having found oul
lhal palience is a virlue. aller wailing a good
iwo weeks for inlarmalion concerning lheir
grades. Remember?

 

To begin wilh I believe i will lell you a
lillle slory.

TlME: 7 P.M.. Friday, January 23. i942

PLACE: TECH NEWS banquel. Norlhwesi-
ern's Abboll Hall on Chicago's lake lronl.

SETTlNG: Dinner lable; wilh all lhe guesis
wailing for lhe official gong lo slorl in a
diggin'.

Wailers began bringing oul plales and be.
lore you knew il a delicious slice oi roasl
beef and all ils lrirnmings was sel beiore you.
Bul here is where lhe slory really begins;
lhrough some misunderslanding. lhe Friday
Tish ealers were lorgollen and lhe problem
arose as lo whal lo feed lhem. Aller a long
conlerence. unpalaiable vegelable ploles were
decided upon and lhe vege’rarians wen? lo
work. Whai lhey needed in lheir lcilchen was
a few oi the home economic girls irorn down
here. lo show lhem how lo gaul a good meal
logelher in a minule's calico.

Wilh lhe coming of lhe new semeeler we
final lhal our pal Mary "Bu‘ich" Flasher has
losl inleresl in school. and has dropped Lewis
and is now enrolled al lhe lllinois Business Col«
lege. We'll miss her bid we wish her luck and
predicl lhal shorlly she will become ”Mrs.
Johnnie." bul who are we lo say?

"Oh. lor l‘he lilo oi a sailor." These are lhe
words Dave Kesier is now repealing, seeing
ihal he has also loll Lewis and enlisied in ihe
navy. Probably by lhe lime lhis news reaches
you he'll be sailin' lhe seven seas.

li's lrue lhere are many who have us.
bul lrorn 'lhe looks of lhe many new happy
smiling laces. passing lhrough lhe hall. we're
sure many newcomers are going lo be ready.
willing and able lo do lheir damdesl lor
good old llT.

Bul now gelling back lo Uncle Sam. Marge

i :.
rial:

Murphy. our librarian, seems lo have received
a long dislance call from Hawaii. She has
a soldier lriend down lhere and is doing
her parl lo aid delense by "Keepin‘
Smiling" and , . . inleresled.

John Williams mel will: a mishap: while
running our elevalor. He lorgol lo pull his
lees oul oi lhe way and consequenlly gel
lhem caughl helween floors. Jusl loci: cl his
shoe. and you'll see his lamed "big lose"
which missed being chopped oil by a narrow
margin. Neveriheless. John is slill prelly chip
per. and is always ready lo give me? wilh a
"good morning."

ll seems lhal Sieve Mendak and his able
bodied assislanls Kasper and Thomas are
"doggin" il during lhe noon hour in lhe cale-
leria. They are so slow lhal one ol lhe wom-
en in kilchen has said lhal she alone could
do more work in a hall hour lhan lhe lhree oi
l'hem do in an hour. Bui don"t lrel boys; we
agree wirh you. hurrying doesn'l gel you any-
where.

The lolesl addilion lo our school is Elaine
Sivmone of lhe Simone Simon lame. ll seems
lhal during roll call Dr. Whilehill chalked up
a lillle French lo his credil, for he called Sim—
mone and everyone wondered iusl who he
meanl. bul as lime passed we all found oul.

Well. il looks like lhere isn'l any more. for
loday. bul l'll be back lrying as hard as ever
and hoping lhal everyone will lurn oul lor
lhe Lambda's Valenline dance. Friday. lhe
lhirleenih. THE SiXTH COLUMNIST

'em

 

 

 

 

aver. . . . .

 

Thai bunch oi slumble bums lhal arrived
at school lasl Tuesday morning were none o‘lh~
er lhan the members of the Glee Club and
orcheslra relurning lrom lhe yearly publicily
’rour including Ollawa and Davenport Quole
Prof. O. 6. Erickson. "Whal a success. we
wowed lhem." Quole Dial; Eclzsirom. "Boy. oh
boy (hic) were we gooder lhan ever (hicl.” The
consensus of opinion was (hic) some lun.

From now on. Julian (Lover Boy) Bowers can
nol be lrusled. To lislen lo him you'd lhink
he was lailhlul forever lo his Lucie down-slale.
Bul he and Blake Hooper disappeared loo
lasl aller lhe Davenporl concerl and rel'urned
iusl in lime lo calch lhe lasl bus. They were
slill wiping iheir lips hall way back lo Chi-
cago. Anoiher viclirn. Harry {You've Gal Me
Wrong) Anderson is well on his way lo be.
coming a compleie dissipate. \Nine. women.
song and lobacco have lheir grip on him.
Quoie Harry. "Somebody spiked my slraighl
(.7) coke and l had lo drink ii so l wouldn'l
be wasling any alcohol during l'he nalional
emergency." This boy Anderson really knows
how lo lalk lo women. Mary Kay had a short
course in calculus. organic and physics by ihe
end oi lho evening and she looked il.

Warning! The sophomore class lhreaiens
mayhem lo lhal lroublesome lhird year chem~
ical Kapranoa, if he doesn'l slop annoying
lhe belle oi lhe sophomore class. Jusl lhe
olher day several soohs caughl Cappie
siealthily lollowing her bul Don Maihock. Bola
Uuridas. Ed Lewnard and Flay Tubergen (all
oi whom have been smilien} caplured him
and lei him go wilh admonilions lo keep away!

ll you don'l know your chem and cola. oi
lean? know your leachers. Anybody looking for
Harold Ross. Ken Page. Larry Magill. llruce
Worcesler. or Jack Hcyl can always find lhem
asking Bernslein or {libh some silly gueslions
lo impress on lhem lheir willingners “lo learn.
Hal Trial ll is w successlul. lhough. lhal line
boys are now selling up a whorl course on
how lo do less and gel holler grader—-
lhrough apple polishing. Waich lhem in ac»
lion somelime. They're plenly goodl Time:
i0 o'clock, M.T.W.: Place; 305lv‘i—«lor shorl

demonslralion.
’3 71': 1%

Bill Walson oi lhe powerhouse lunior mechs
clique has a new and unique melhod of win-
ning his wreslling malches. W’eissmon please
no‘re, Seems as lhough ihe mighiy Walson
hulied and pulled bu’r couldn'l pin Bachman.
Finally in desperalion, Bill used his head—won
lilachman's headwresullwfiachmon was pin-
ned 30 seconds laler.

Nolice lo lhe Lochinvars Club of lllinois
iech. Cerlain members 07' lhe swimming loam
have passed all enlrance exams wilh high hon—
ors and mus’r be admi’rled as members in
good slanding. During lheir recon-l lrip lo
Greenville. Tennessee. Bill Maui. soph mech.
did lhe lollowing in one nighi: Slarled (ml by
slurping up a few beers: mel a blond and al-
lended a lwo-gun Weslern lhriller. Oi course.
during lhis inlerval lhey becamouwell acquainl-
ed. From lhere lhey look a laxi lo lhe blonde's
rooming house bul mama had paper's sho‘rgun
cocked and ready. (Jean. lhe blonde. had nev-
er been oul before). Bolh wandered aboul
lown and lhey were able lo converse in lhe
close inlimacy apprecialed by lhe enamouredl

The wonder boy from lllinois Tech. holler
known as Cookie. is a real drinking man. Two
drinks al'lhe Blackhawk and he is a fire em
gine. "Wheel l'm «3 Tire engine," he would
yell as he was escorled oul by Member
friends. finally lhrowing dollar bills all over lhe
slreel when reaching lhe greal ouldoors. His
case is nol enlirely hopeless. however. because
Ed 02, one of his drinking companions. fell
asleep in his car. or so he says, bul we know
olifierenl.

in $1 I?!

The baskelball learn musl cerlainly have
had a swell lime on lheir lrip lo Grand Rap-

 

ids and Delroil. The slars and besl wolves of
lhe l'eam were observed earning lheir expense
money working on EDT lo spend down in ‘l‘he‘
Deli-oil nighl clubs. The hard working slurs
were Capl. Pendlebury. Ray LaGodney. Jack
Byrne. Harry Sieg. and Bob Neuhaus. A cou-
ple of lhe boys worked all nigh‘l so lhal lhoy
could have enough money lo keep up wilh
" Weissman and lake good care oi
him. {They were inslrucied lo walch Sonny
and keep him oul oi harm's way by Mrs. Vir~
ginia Weissman.)
hk s ii: a

"Sonny

Don'l be surprised ii a large moving van
pulls; up in lronl of lhe $luclenl Union wilhin
lhe nexl iew clays and lhe driver slarls un-
loading a bowling alley! Al Pelronis ordered
lhis alley from Ollawa. ill.. for while lhere. il
was on lhis alley lha’l he rolled his 646 series
and a 265 game. Al insislecl lhal will: ihis
alley (and lha pin boy ihel wenl wilh ll) he
would lead lhe Soph Chems lo a smashing vicu
.lory in lhe llT Keglers Loop. However. lillhy
rumor has ll ihal Aloysius could do perfeclly
O.l<".. by iusl hiring lhal Ollawn pinboy be
cause 'lhey work very well logelherll

vi xi. x: w

Pingll Cupid pulled lhe bow. lhe arrow flew
direiclly loward lhe largel. and boaulilul row
malice once more slruck ye olde campus wilh
lhe proverbial bang! And of all places for a
lhing like lhis lo happen—yup. in lhe musly.
drowsy almosphere oi our library. And now
ulhal we've sol lhe siege lel us inlroduce our
casl. viz.. Pal Johnson as lhe beaulilul heroine.
Elwood Daly as lhe gallanl young lover. and
Nell Sieele as lhe cruel. muslached villain.
The slandard Mull—Armour woll sees prelly
girl. gels on lhe beam. and lhey live happily
ever ailer! 80 H says horell

* it #4 2h

0n ‘lhal evenllul Musical Club's concerl
lour. lho schedule called for leaving Davenu
porl. Iowa. al | A.M. Tuesday morning. giving
lhe boys aboul lhree hours lo do anylhing
lhey pleased. Rising in heighls of greal lead—
ership. Norm Lellvin decided lo give a low
of lho boys :1 special lreal and announced
lhal he would arrange a small dance al lhe
Blackhawk Holel (and provide ‘lhe girlslll Al-
ler lhis slarlling declaralion. Norm slarled
righl ou‘l lo make every word lhal he had
ullered. He worked in close coniunclion wilh
”rho supl. of grammar schools of said lawn.
The evening found Mr. Lellvin surrounded by
a bevy of beaulies. all of lhem college—boy—
crazy. as mosl lwelve year olds are. Leaving
no cle'lail undone. Norm had arranged lor
several chaperones lhus making lhis cradle-
robhing legilimalel All lhe “1' men were lick-
led pink wilh lhe resulls of Mas’rer Lellvin's
enlerprise and gave him lhree rousing cheers
as ‘rhey carried him lo lhe shower roomll

sk m '4’- *

'Whal your scribe is wondering aboul is
whe’rher lhe EDT secrelaries also work lo 3:30
AM. when “we .Jr. Mechs and Co. slay here lo
lhal unearlhly hour on "EDT business"? if Rose
and Ann slay down we're going on record
righl here and now lo say lo you. almighly
Weissman. lhal our services are yours for lhe
asking— we may even be willing lo work wilh:
oul moneiary relribulionl

Pin boys beware. lhe 3A keglers are all sel
lo slarl oil lhe lirsl round of lhe Co-op Bowie
ing Tournamenl. Come Wednesday. lheir four
4—man learns will be over al Milo VVeisner's
wilh blood in lheir eyes and bags undernealh.
Thal man ol many accomplishmenls (lrom
dancing inslruclor al Melody Mill lo boogie;
woogie ivory lickling). Harry Lee Schrader
slales. ”ll 3A bowlers can'l deleal any learn
led lo lhe slaughler by lhe olher co-op classes,
i will share my lillle black hooks wilh all
wolves."

     
  

’i' "
' ‘ ‘ cm: W in ”run
. w/lisurslucwm uri-
. v was: monomer:
'» . my Winona W MAW.

Here we are back again. Yep. wide awake
and rearing lo go.- Keep 'em rollin' and here‘s
lookin' al you.

?l< 3% 59‘ 3’:
ME DID

O: "Whal was lhnl explosion on Si's harm?"

K: "He led his chickens some lay—colonel
lead and one of lhem was a roosler."

3% ill * 3k

Did you hear aboul' lhe young lady who.
when asked why she ran home lhe olher nigh-l.
answered: "Because l was being chasle.”

>lx 1k :9: it:

One oi our more or less prominenl men
aboul lown was describing his family.

“Yes. sir." he said. "my lalher had seven
boys. The lirsl one grew up lo be a banker
and lho second one was a crook. loo. The
lhird boy finally gol' a job on a WPA projecl.
The lourlh one wouldn'l work. eilher. The
lillh boy wen'l' inlo lhe drying machine busi-
ness and ‘lhe sixlh gol lo chasing around aller

women. loo. As for mowwell. | iusl grow up
lo be an old bachelor like lalherl"
i: ‘Jk >l< w

"Well. my son. whal did you learn in Sun-
day school loday?”

"We learned all aboul a crossneyed boar.”

"Abdul a whal?”

”Yes. sir. named Gladly. We learned a song
abou’r him: all abuul 'Givladly. The Cross l'til
Bear'."

Sr i- w w
BEFORE NATION CARDS

"Hello! ls lhis 'l‘he Smighl‘ aparlmenl? . . .
Well. I'm McTavish in lhe aparlmenl' below
you . . . Lislen, il's lhree in lha morning now.
and your parly has kepl me awake all nighl.
l don'l mind lhe pounding and shrieking and
music slumping and singing and banging lhal's
been going on over my head. bul pul some
more sugar in lhal Tom Collins lhal's dripping
‘rhrough lhe ceiling."

* ’l‘ ‘l‘ '31
WHAT ABOUT CHATTANOOGA?

Handsome Johnny: "Can you read my
mind?"

Beaulllul Eloise: "Yes!"

Johnny: "Go ahead."

Eloise: "No. you go aheadl"

w ii ii *

"Filleen minules. aller pulling on a pair

of socks i made a hole in one." wrole an en—

lhusiarlic golfer lo lhe sock manufacluror.
Sl‘ ’fl Il< 1h

COLUMBUS?

Sonny: "There's a nice looking gal rooming
across lhe courl from here. bul l don'l like
lhe way she dresses."

Ray: ”How does she dress?"

Sonny: "ln lhe dark."

‘5‘ 7’1"» '41 Tl‘

"Whallo' you sharpenin' 'al' razor?"

"Woman, 'ihey's a paih o' genlmun's shoes
undah yo' bed. ll lhey ain'l no one in dem

shoes l's gonna shave."
‘15 i/fi m :5:
THERE'S A REASO

An lrishman. invil‘ing a lriend lo his wedding
anniversary. explained how lc find him in l'he
aparlmenl where he lived. "Come lo lhe
sevenl'h lloor." he said. "and where you see
lhe lel‘l'er 'D' on lhe lloor. push lhe bullon
wilh your elbow and when lhe door opens
pul your Tool againsl il."

”Why do I have lo use my elbow and my
fool?" asked his friend.

"Well. for heaven's sakel” exclaimed lhe
lrishman. ”You're riol coming emply»handed.
are you?"

Hil lhe road. you bumsl

0H MiNl