NOVEMBER 18. 1941

 

 

 

Well here we are again—«all set to go but
unable to think of a good beginning! ile-
g‘innings are a pain in the neck anyhow
and should be banned from all claseiml
writing which mmms that this colyume
is included. So here goes—wand we don’t
mean nothing!

* e is e

FLASH: Butch Mo’l‘cchawk enters new
research fieldsin attempt to learn the truth
about life! Steve Dorms, rhumba master
of the Dance club, has announced that be
will soon reveal all about the dangers and
intricacies of modern marital life. In order
to get first hand information, Steve has
enlisted the aid of a young lady who, ol~
though married, is sort, of one the outs with
the old man! Stevie says he is learning
plenty but that he must know all before
he will reveal the ghastly truth!

wit >l< )8: :5:

Boy! Happy days are her: aga'iul! W’hat
are we talking about?! We mean that we‘re
once more able to report favorably from the
Eileen Robinson-Gus Museums sector. We
have it on superauthority that those swim
two were. smoocli‘in’ in the phone booth in
the Situdcwzt Union last Friday eve. ll. com»
munlamc of this nature um mean only one
thing—utimt operations are progressing ac
cording to schedule!

II: It s; all:

“What‘s this we hear about. “Morgue“
Fitch having a little mowutln flour what
goes to the Yoonivcrsity of Nortwcstum‘fl
lawful me boy - falxcse interlochuls are
more potent den jcmxwine mawotiu dewl

~ * e e :2

By the way kiddies, we understand that
some of the sr. civils are organizing all. or-
ganization for the purpose of organized
combat, against the freedom of the Steam
Shovel! It seems that we’ve been stepping
on a few of the boys’ instcps and they’re
right peeved. Our answer to this more is
the following statement: “We’re withdrew-
ing our ambassadors immediately and ere
announcing that a formal state of war does
now exist!! 80 therell Fuy on yuy.

lit 711 3i: lit

The raucous laughter stuck in his throat
and almost choked him when Bob Klein row
lized that the dance which Bub Cotter bad
to attend in his battered condition: last
Friday eve was given by Rosary college.
It. seems that Klein’s girl-friend attends
Rosary but had not invited him. This fact
hit him between the eyes as he was driv-
ing home from the Chicago game and he
almost killed all twelve passengers trying
to drive into a phone booth to make a
call.

7b 3% Vac 3!:

The Legion of Decency missed out on
a good affair last Saturday ova—«The senior
mcch stag held at Senior Plumber .labnkc’s
home. The affair lasted into the wee hours
of the morning, when the projccuw burned
out. Being engineers, no one could be found
to repair the outfit, so the film was out into
strips and distributed among the attending
Stags.

During the showing, strong men fainted
and faint men collapsed. Plumber Bob
Arko bad to be revived by Fire Squad No.
9, which had to pour gallons of water on
the lad before he was cool enough to handle.

is at: at: e

Resting forlornly in the bottom of the
mailbox in the Armour bookstore is a
lonely postcard from “Norma" of Ottum—
wa, lowa, begging for the address of Le
Roy Van Auken of Illinois Tech. If any-
one knows of the whereabouts of this Chi.
cage heartrbreaker please notify the editors
of the Steam Shovel so that this heartless
Casanova may be brought to justice.

al= ll: :1: :1:

Sparks will soon be flying in the electri-
cal dept. Frosli Juliet-1r- Bill Murphy and
Soph Juicer 'lv Manson arc both develop~
ing a high tension over Lewis Coed Marilyn
Johler. 1We’d hate to be around when the
insulation broke down.

 

.figttsitrtegf

Will: the mercury liittin’ new all time
lows, and' the weather man beatin‘ out a
minim-kc on’ tho molars, ills high time to
hitch up old Dobbin to my slanderous
sleigh, plough through this week‘s slush,
and make tracks from my door to your’n.
Jim] here comes Bozo, the Bistlin‘ St. Bor-
nard with his little goblet of gossip.

President of the Casanova cab service
is our Al Falkman. Ever since the advent of

 

 

that jitturbuggy of his, the tire tracks can /

be traced from lower Madison Street to
all points North and West. Any customers
in the offing for this gratis service? Romem
her, Al’s motto is: “A Lake-«No braltch
wake.”

The flower of knighthood has perked up
its drooping head thzmlrs to the tender
care administered by Lewis Johnson, he
of the wild red hair and awesome tltian
beard. This gallant Galahad was viewed
recently, giving the once over lightly to the
petite hootery of Mary minke.

A soul-weary boy is Howard Raiser these
days. Showing the paradoxically ignorant
Howie the fine art of traversing on the in-
cline, sans elevator, was Gracie Toglicrl

. or don’t you believe in getting up in
the world, I—l‘owie‘l?

Let Elinor Wick beat out a rhythmical
tattoo on those drums of hers in tribute to
the thoughtfulness of Ethel Witt. Seems the
little refugee from the hot stove which the
women allegedly slave over, supplies ye
olde scribes with scrumptious goodies
scrambled up in the home ec. hodgepodge
room. 7

li’hilst 'vmnpin’ a jaw vitamins; in the
cafeteria last Wednesday], John. Bog/Mon
dumped a whole glassful of what Elsie soup
from moo to you iniomor ontommt inverted
gloss. No use staging a lucrimal lamenta-
lion over the proverbial spill mill". Johnny.

Gut of the several hundred ill. (with the)
Diffs we have come across one lad who
should be handed a great big hunk of
credit stufl‘. We refer naturally to the
“brain" of the 8. Damon cult; namely,
.‘iolm llbcchaml who currently disprovcs
the theory that you glean from enterprise
as much a:- you give. He gets MORE out,
entertaining a minimum of etlort, he’s still
lesdln’ the field in the stretcli with those
“go or n0~{o” things.

Then, too, those three ogllng assimilations
of psycholigical lore who ghoulishly en’
joyml viewing our absent pal Bernie beer
give out those col‘nplimcntory tickets to
minor traffic offenders at Clarke and Madi»
son after the psych meeting at the Cordon
club.

S'l‘é’l‘IS’HCAL S'l‘lUiileRl;

A copyrighted official TECHNOLGGY
NEWS statistical survey r words that in
on average class Professor Feller makes 57
trips to am] fro. Resultant factor! The arm
indent professor travels in a titty minute
period an average of 1025 Steel: or in the
vicinity of a fifth of‘ a mile. Fuller marches
on:

Also in the line of statistics to the report
of convalesccd Patty Ams, the dear old
slave driver. This dimmed darlm’ reports
that there are 72 serial programs mending
their way over the ozone between the hours
of 8 am. and 5:45 pm. at a mere drop of
the but. she can also dig up from the deep,
dark: recesses of her excellent journalistic
memory the names, sponsors, and princi-
pal characters involved.

This week’s bunch of orchids goes to
Elaine Maggie who was the only lemme to
endure the severe chill in the chem lecture
room without the shelter of a sweater.
smock, or coat, a mute tribute to her on-
durance was the fact that the keeper of
the igloo, Eskimo Supple, found that the
tertiary butyl alcohol he had brought for
demonstration purposes had frozen. Hon-
est!

What’s this we hear about you Mr. Lowy?
Are you a metalurgy instructor now?

Dr. Boiler has made the column of a
daily paper, so far be it from us to pass
him up in this column. Nice going, Doc.

Pictures are now appearing on many
desks, but the one that Mort has on his
desk cops the cookies, and he says that
she is his sister!

Old Dobbins 5:00le a bit woblcy at. the
knees, the sleighs pmtinl' on the stall, and
bozo’s gone back for a refill, so until next
week’s trip,

THE srxrru CULUMNIST

 

 

 

By Emmott Edclman

You don’t have to go around with your
arm in a sling! Why should you go through
life with people storing at you and whis—
pering, “He doesn’t know how to carve
a turkey.” To avoid becoming such a social
outcast, your mothcaten reporter will tell
you the correct way to rip a turkey.

Win-sf. secure a wicmdnr, a jeep. a Sub:
machine gun, mid a small coke. The cal-
endar is to find out when and if Thanks-
giving comes this year. The jeep is for a
quick getaway after borrowingmermbuying
a turkey. The submachlne gun is to explain
the situation to the owner of the turkey,
and the coke is to drink if you get thirsty.

After getting the bird. (not that way)
tie it to a table. Then go into the next room
and cut the string that is tied there. This
will release a weight. which in turn breaks
a window. This automatically sets off a
fire alarm. The firemen rush in swinging
their axes, and one of them accidentally
chops the head oil the turkey.

Then place the turkey in the oven for
mm lnom'. Remove the bird from the oven
and see if it is done. If the bird is still
raw, place it back in the oven. This time
turn the gas on.

The most important. step is the. carving of
the turkey. F‘lrst empty the house of all the
people, breakable furniture, and the in-
surance policy. ’l‘hen. using the double x-f)
method, slowly approach the bird. Grasp
one leg: in each hand, and start to pull. If
nothing happens, pull out a bowl of wheat-
ies and eat the bowl. This will leave you
with the Wheaties. Send them plus $24.05
to cover the cost of mailing and oomebody’s
new suit. ’l‘hcn forget about it.

Now, tlmt you have reinforced yourself?
will! nourislnncnt. return to the turkey.
Softly place a bicycle pump in its mouth
and start pumping. if this doesn’t tear the
turkey apart, at least you have had exercise,
and now you know the bicycle pump works.

If all of these sure-fire methods fail, then
cover the bird with nitro-glycerine and
place a stick of dynamite in its mouth.
Light the dynamite and then rush to the
nearest restaurant for a real Thanksgiving
dinner, After all, you can wipe and the
little woman can wash, or maybe you can
even pay cash.

 

btllflll‘iflitw
(continued from page six)

First old maid: “I wish I could stop
dreaming about having a husband."

Second old maid: "Some day you’ll wake
up to yoursel ."

First old maid: "Say! That’s all I’ve been
waking up to for the last forty years.”

Ill 33! 1k “4%

Advice to the profs: Always help your

wife. When she cleans house, clean house

with her!
i: * 7k e

The little old lady bent over the baby in
the cradle.
“Ob-o, you look so sweet, I could eat you.”
Baby: “Oh, nomyou haven’t any teeth."
as 3k W 1&4

Said the little termite to the bartender:
“Beat me daddy, I ate the bar."
#2 a; it e
(MUCH!
“Can 1 stick this wallpaper on myself?”
“Well, yes, but it will look much better
on the wall."
at e is 4:

An English boy was talking to an Amcrb
can boy about his ancestors.

“My grandfather was a very great man,”
he said. “One day Queen Victoria touched
his shoulder with a sword and mettle him
a knight.”

“Aw, that’s nuuibim',” the American boy
replied. “One day Red Wing, 2m indium
touched my grandfather on the hood with
a tomahawlr and made him (an angel!"

Well, that ought to satisfy your appetite
for jokes (‘2) mull Thursday when you
can really sink your uppers into something.

0H M1313

   
  

By Charles llowbotlmm and
J. Van banter-xi

{lllw l‘l’ll Comp Book club has already
developed a large “number-ship among the
student body. .At the time of this writing
approximately 20 ocuop students from the
“A" group have paid their $2 outitling them
to charter membership im this up dud
coming organization. At the first general
meeting, llomy Altonlkamp, 2A oo-op, was
elected to the board of directors, and will
represent the coop students in that cupaoi~
ty. In a recent press interview Mr. Alton»
lmmp stud, “Cooperative otmicuto should
be particularly interested in an oil-gamm-
tlon of: this type for its practical economic
value as well as the sound clinical con—
cept behind it.”

11‘ W )1: 11:

 

The grapevine has it. that lilierl) Otto and
‘llon flanks will waylay Jimmy Cam-oil and
Harry filclirndcr to some remote Woodstick
hideout while a contingent from the sopb
(to-op class led by Russ Mueller and Warren
llcczltur spend the Thanksgiving holidays
with the two Miami university coeds, 1M.
“wall and llol‘clda. Rum: Mueller, spokes-
man for the invaders is quoted as follows,
“We can’t, let our personal regard for Jim
and Harry interfere with this glorious op»
portunity. A promise has been made and
it must be fulfilled."

>l= ll! ll! ’l‘

Four of the better known "wolves” of
the 3A class mole it upon themselves to
celebrate Armistice day by watching the
parade (ll; say/s here.) We have it an author-
ity] that J. 11., “The Horsclaugh,” had more
spectators watching his antics than the
parade. 11.970 cm} 3/1. follow as to the identity]
of “’I’hc I-forsclaugh.”

m e a: e

lit-rt Motllcncghml, 5M, li‘raml: Carquovillo,
2A, and lion Kcighor, junior ll‘l’lfl, made
quite a stir at the Rosary college dance in
their tuxedos. Rumor has it that Don
bought a tuxedo just for this occasion, and
future, occasions, too, he hopes.

lit *5! ill 71*

Impeachment; proceedings are under way
for Marty Kraegol, 5A, profit. The prosecut-
ing attorney claims that Kraegel has shown
a degrading lack of school spirit. In fact,
the defendant has not watched the 5A.
team come through its schedule unbeaten.

* 2r at v

The freshman flashes led by Capt. “Casey"
l’uclmlski defeated the Sopb Coops by a'
score of 14-0. Wally Moe starred for the
“Flashes” with a thrilling touchdown in
the last quarter.

*1/- ll: 5k ii!

“Ace" Ramscth, 3A, has applied for a
pilot’s license so that his paper planes
won't be confiscated by the Interstate Com.
merce Commission. National. defense needs
more men of Ramseth's calibre.

1% ll: 3%: 1!

About 5 couples gathered at Flank Alden
son’s, 5A, place for a housewarming party
last Saturday. '

>l: :14 if: it

The other day in the 3A mach. design
class, it seems that Prof. Perry had to throw
some chalk at two conversing students; the
missile missed, and struck somnambulist
Wittckindt. G. A. was properly indignant
about being awakened during lecture.

is zit W >."

That quartet from Rockford, “Gus Don-
ncy, Harry Bitter, Louis Long, and Bob
Elliott,” 2111 of 1A, were crowned “champion
donut devourcrs" at the Frosh~Soph hayride
last Saturday. Imagine 4 beautiful girls
jilted for a plate of donuts.

ark '15 ll: :e

Altm- two easy terms, the projuniors
have run into a few tough quizzes. Now
they are so disgusted that they resort to
profanity on the quiz pupcrs.