Will: Elbfifill?l$i¢
FM!" W’lifififi l7 WWW.

Astronomy is great. Umm-mm some pun-
kins! What an opportunity to observe the
hoovenly bodies without gettin’ a slap in the
puss. Hey, not}, pass mo a sandwich. Will-
yuh?

at: a m c
Wrong Answer

last. Spicglc Broad: “So Jackic is. touching
you how to play baseball?”

'l‘hc dark one: “That‘s right; and when
I asked him what a squeeze play was. I
think lie put; one over on mo."

:4: 2: 19:
SOLD OUT

Just last week we noticed the following
_ poster advertising a local dance: “Girls may
attend this dance, but no dresses are to be
worn above the knees.”

We tried to get tickets, but we were too
late.

Sit 5k ”i: ll:

A prominent businessman fell in love
with an actress and decided to marry her,
but for the salsa of prudence, and circuvv
speclion (whatever that may be) he em—
ployed a private detective to report on what
was goin on. When he received. the report
it read as follows:

“The lady has an art-client reputation.
Her past is without a blemish. She has a
wide circle of pleasant fricmlswthc only
breath of scandal is that lately she has been
scan a great deal in the conwany of «1 3315333
net-smart of doubtful repute.”

a 4: a a
Can anybody say that the modern gil‘l
has no visible means of support?
v.4 vs a
SCHOOL BAKE
There are to me, two kinds of gnya,
And only two that I dauphin:
The first, l’el llkcvto slam,
'i‘bc ones who copier; my cxom;
The other is the dirty skunk
Who covcm his and lets me flank.

Have any of you sat down for any length
of time and wondered just what a red cor.
puscle is?

After reading the papers last week, it
strikes us as a Russian non-commissioned
officer.

Jack: “Darling, I could sit here and do
nothing but look at you forever.”

Dorothy: “Yeah, that’s what I’m begin-
ning to think, too!”

1’; 31¢ at: it

The colored preacher was describing tho
“bad place’ to a congregation of awed lis’
tenors.

“Friends,” he said, “you’ve seen moltcn
iron running out of the furnace, haven’t
you? It is white hot, sizzling and hissing;
Well,” and the preacher pointed a long,
lean finger at the frightened crowd . . .

“well . . . dcy use oat stuff for ice cream
in the place I been talkin’ about.”
fl: 8: it 5?

Prof (to lad who has come in late): “Young
mam, you ought to who a lesson from tlic
busy bee.”

Vance: “I did, sir. I was out late last
night with my honey."

’2: ”F * ii:

The old lady met a young man in a gen
genus uniform. “What rank does your uni-
form represent?” she asked.

"I’m a” naval surgeon,” he replied.

“My, my, how you young people do spc~
cialize!”

lk >l< =11 *
“To get his wealth, be spent his health,
And Ellen with might and main
He turned around and spent, his wealth
To get his health again.”
its wk :1: >1:

Josie: “Jim, where were you last night?”

Jim: “Why, darling, I was out with you.”

Josie: “Yeah? Then you must be the guy
Dad’s looking for.”

‘0‘ ¥ 3'! Or

A man will always go to bat for a girl if
she has the right kind of curves.

“fall. that ends that. So long, l’m hungry“

0H MIN!

 

Killilzin’ on the blitzin', killdlin‘ the K0-
Edu and local Killers, and just plain plowiu‘
through the slush that constitutes this
week's dirt, what with that double (loalin‘
weather man a bit oll' comm“, is why yours
truly is here again, giving out with Who’s
l‘l'iioac.

With a hoop and a holler guaranteed to
send any old Commancbe bowling to his
tocpce, Heap Big Chief Bucko Walter and
.lo-Jo Mtnga add another hank of what
the gals simply can’t do anything with, to
their collection on the bulletin board, in as-
sorted colors. So any of the refugees from
a crew cut will be gratefully accepted.

Long-Distance L’Amour Dilemma personi—
fied by Reva Miller, to the tune of $1.05 in
l‘locscler’s Hideout. Love must be quite
the thing when it reaches the stage of pass-
ing on phoney money like than!!!

Nick F:~ankovcllia meets Flat Tire at
Lowis. Ho expounded the theories of suture
application to the hub cap as; he vainly
sought, to reunite the inner confines of the
rubber. And Nick at medical student! While
in the modico department, Mosaic Mosul
just promos on about ore-mods. Exactly
what; did the Doc have to say Friday night,
Floss??? The aura of myster Y surrounding
Friday night’s finagling has us really curi-
ousll

Sigma Home flinch

“ill.” the sprintin’ primer really kicked
up a moon splinter on the dance floor with
that terrific torpsichorcan mugowtap routine
he gave out (literally) with!!!

Dorothy Giambclluca does away with the
apple business, and snagged a whole doctor
for the evening instead.

llob ”Synthetic Shoulders" Wows and
“’i‘orchy’ Cary holding a private benefit
show of their own in the little room with
the llarv Gongs: Special.

Bob Mayer and Aldo liaim‘a having fun
with the “Lake Shore Window Sill Hop.”
Aw, just throw it out the Window, kids!!

The E, (with tho) Diffs arc on the hall
these days. invention out in his appearance
at 12:30 instead of 8, with a dental dilemma
as an excuse. Or maybe he hasn’t heard
that according to the Windy cum older-
man, 'l‘cmpuc Fugil Non, oi: one hour latcr
. . . or is; it earllcr?

Staci; Hallo ml, with his head in the clouds
and a ’way up in the air about tho whole
thing, really fell hard?! A fine example of on“
balanced youth, he tool; a float from amp

llN MEMORIAM

This column today is dcdicatcii to the
memory of the former Sparta stall, which
was buried on Ogden tic-id last Friday after-
nocn altar being cracked antler me icoturo
stall steam-roller. Complete iuncml act-vicar.
wcrc omitted because of the llattcrcd condi-
liona of the bodies. Some oi the coryscs
arc still missing, and the playing hold is
now lacing drained, in the hopes that those
Mullah victims of their own stupidity may
bc laid in their final resting places. hilly
their souls rest in peace.

’9‘ fl: # It

The editors of this column have a serious
nroblem to solve and all information per-
taining to the incident in question will be
greatly appreciated. Now here iv the silver»
lion—Jane Goelet, versatile private scare»
fury to “Dean” Weissman, and “Anti-trust”
Sherman found themselves in what, to most
people would be a very embarrassing pre-
dicament, locked in Weissman’s office to-
gether. However, these two were not seem/
ingly affected because they made no attempt
to get themselves out of this mess for a
full half-hour. What we want to know is
the details of what happened'rluring this
interval, and the lucky person possessing
this information can make himself a pretty
penny by turning over said done to this
pillar (or by using it as a basis for black-
mail!)

:5 :1: 2: a

The crop of campus cookie-ductcrs is
gradually but inevitably reaching extinction.
Day by any tlicy are becoming rarer and
I'arcr due to suicide and to murder by the
upper classmcn.

"vr- >lt It: *

When is the class of 1944 going to en-

force the unwritten law of Armour college

 

 

a twelve foot ladder, sans umbrella. As he
vainly kicked at the air molecules, (luck
found that; “Keep the Old Chin Up” is more
than a mere mottou
Nowaomc Twosomo

Latest. blondeshell to hit Gracie Tinglicrl
is Ray “Shillk” Simpson. By the way, have
you soon Groom’s deluxe chubby? Wolf?

Gloesomo Threesome

With the Koppas, who know men best,
it’s Wiley, two to one! Blanche “Squibb"
Fried and Florence “Bubbles" Barlusck the
gals in the two corners of the Triangle club.

Personal Apology

Not content with merely chewin’ the rag
with Sylvia ‘Wclslo, llolz Meyer had to go
and let her have it right between the eyes!
Boll wishes to publicly apologize from the
bottom of that greasy dishpzmll

The age oi? chivalry returns! At least this
would seem to be the case as we witness
such events as buyermou lion Known cal"-
rying “petite” Dorothy Giambolluco to class
so she could save her solels) for the "D”
drift. Ben bravely and (lovingly defied all
and ovary law of gravity by staggering and
stumbling up an entire flight of stairs with
the fair maiden. Result: he is now a firm
believer in the V-diet.

Just by way of proving that National Do
lens-c has further reaching effects than the
design of cigarettes (which in turn inspires
Gamma Rho tyros), Lorraine Kashia’s lano-
lincss, and the influx of the EDT’S, we pro
sent the sad case resulting from increased
cost of towels in the chem storeroom. It
seems that a certain young fellow, who had
partriolically responded to tho govarmncnt’s
appeal by donating his Pepsi-Cola allowance
to the USO, found himsclj in dire need . . .
of a cloth to remove the acid bywrducts (of
Experiment 781nm. The solution to the
problem presented in the form of a highly
absorbent II’I’ sweater which he immediate-
ly appropriated and which now enclosed his
oozing sovaratory funnels, rctorls, etc. In,
ciacntalltl, the result might havo been a
little different if OLGA MARCOFF‘S swea‘
tar would have fit BUCKY.

if you lmvc had trouble in deciphering
tho above moss, attribute it. to tho ollccto of
tho “twice three" writer being forcibly fad
vast quantities of Hnllowcon jolly bcano,
candy pumpkins, exploding gum drops, ctc.,
by thoac weird spooks and goblins of Ward
313. More indigestion noxt Tucuday.

THE SIXTH COLUMNIST.

iiahwcuovcl '

which was passed in 1797.

“Be it enacted that. any freshman on
the bounds of the Armour institute wear
a green cap as prescribed by the sophomore
class at such time. If the aforementioned
freshman does not wear aforementioned
cap as prescribed by aforementioned sopho-
more, he shall submit either of his own free
will or by force, his trousers into the hands
of the aforementioned sophomore.”

This laws was passed in March, 1797. Any
questions as to the validity or constitution-
ality of the law should be submitted to Miss
Nell Steele oi the library, who was present
at tho ATSA convention when it was passed.

all ’1‘ iii ’3

All yous-e hcpcats and jivehounda better
start warming up right now because the
Dance Club’s “Turkey Trot” is going to be
a jam to shame all jams. The committee
has informed us that this swingaroo is open
to any litonian whose average is better
than «2.00, and who can scare, frame, or
otherwise inveiglc a gal to act as his escort.
Wolves are definitely taboo and will be
thrown out as fast as they knock at the
door! So come on Gate, get a datel.’

‘44 a: ‘44 >14

We understand that Mike E’ollack missed
out on Tau Beta Pi due to negligence of his
academic work. Mike has fallen so far be-
hind that he cant even see the dust of
his follow sr. juicers. The peculiarity of
this whole situation is that Mike has been
doing his homework very diligently and
very periodically. Why then, you ask, all
the difficulty? Simple, says l—lliis institu-
tion does not recognize credits from Bogus-
lowski College of Music and consequently
Mike’s galfriend Roslyn better change to en-
gineering or Mike will be taking thermo
with Mike Jul!!!

I’IMEE SEVEN

 

Woddcww

By Helen Murzullo

 

 

 

'l‘lm loot of the rushing parties will be bold
during this week . . .

The Sigmas held their Formal Rush party
in the Pump room of the Ambassador East
hotel on. Sunday, October 26. A formal
breakfast was served, at 12 noon. Each
rushec wore an orchid corsoge, as a guest
of honor. Mics hounwortli and Mrs. Kohl-
snot, two very prominent alumni members
of the sigma new Theta sorority were
among those present.

The Lambdas, who have not quite ended
their rushing parties, entertained their
rushec guests at a chop sucy dinner last
Tuesday. The tea room was fashionably
decorated with Chinese ornaments, and
the room was lighted by dim candlelight.
The credit for such a delicious meal and
the most picturesque surroundings may be
given to Elaine Simon and Sylvia ‘Wcialo.

Last Sunday, October 26, the Ilanmbdas
held their monthly meeting at the home
of Lorraine Surdyk. v

Doria 'll‘ully, an alumnae member of the
Enigma Omicron Lambda sorority, who is:
now attending the University of Illinois,
visited with her sorority cisters last Sun
day, at the sorority meeting. Also on the
visiting list this; week was lino it’owcll.

Kappa Phi Delta rushing was brought to
a successful climax on Wednesday, October
29, at the Panther room of the Sherman
hotel. After a delicious dinner cons'cting
of steak, served “a la flaming sword,” and
all the trimmings, the girls enjoyed the
lilting music of Woody Herman, who dedi-
cated the song Love Me a Little, to the
Kappa chpics. Also among the highlights
of the evening was the appearance of a
very energotic clown at the lioppaa table.
Miss lllankc, faculty sponsor, and each rush-
cc were presented with large yellow chryo
anlhcmums. The credit for the enjoyable
evening goes to lililccn Robinson Whose
planning gave vent; to this super event.

Well, that’s all the news for this wcck.
lice you again next; wook.

a :2: v m

“ODE

The llncdulluno are hoping that their
brother, Dick Johnson, will be fully recov-
ered and able to return to school sometime
this week. It seems that “Stinky” has been
in bed with the “flu" since the Sigma
Dance (‘2??). Pledgings for the ll’a will take
place in the next. week.

A sorry group of Gamma Rho pledges
are undergoing their Hell week, culmina-
ting in the informal initiation on Friday.
The boys will have the week-end to recover,
they hope.

 

Wo ot‘ tho feature sniff want: in) take this
ommrtunity to thank publicly Hurry Hoi-
donvicli for gallantly allowing his: aorvi ice no
release for the News touchball game last
Friday. lilo crawled through the mad and
spent a great don] of time excavating the
sports stall. We’re sure that thin (invariance
will prove invalaublc to him if he ever finds
it ncccsam‘y to open-am a atcmu-oliovol!

a a: a v

“Ono Bear" Roomm- won’t be buying any
more beers at Millie’s for a long time to
come. According to accurate information
received, Bodnar, desiring to quench his
thirst, walked into Millie’s and upon flash-
ing a “buck,” ordered a beer. One of the
club hostesses, seeing this “greenback,” sat
clown beside him and ordered herself a
drink (on him). The bartender after bring-
ing the drinks, whisked away the “simole-
on”——no trace of which has yet been found.
Later that night, as the rest of the boys
were bowling, “Sucker” Bodnar, low in
spirit and finances, sat wistfully looking on.

4: :5: >1: =$<

THE QUESTION 014“ THE WEEK“ What
is it?! RENT: Looks like a garbage inciner»
otor (and smells like one), is perched on
the end of a long tube and uses tobacco as
fuel. You guessed it!! A pipe. But. this one,
belonging to Howie “finish, cops the cake.
it has a carrying capacity of "umptccn’ cubic
yin-(la, fitted with an automatic stokor
‘Wulah calls the plum his “let. me try your
brand” pipe, while the producers call it
the “super nucoclicr“ special.

SQOPER SNQGPEE’S