PAGE SIX

 

If it’s funny enough is tell, it‘s been told;
if it hasn't been told it's too clean; and if it‘s
dirty enough to interest the engineer, the
editor gels kicked out of school.

a ’5 >l< 5!:

Monday—I felt highly honored, for being
placed at the captain’s table.

Tuesday—I spent the morning on the
bridge with the captain. He seems to lilac
me.

Wednesday—The captain made proposals
to me unbecoming to an officer and a gen-
tlcman.

Thursdawahc captain threatened to sink
the ship unless I agreed to his proposals.

Friday—MI saved six hundred lives.

a a a c

There was the old farmer who noticed,
while riding down a lonely road the other
night, a young couple sitting in a parked
car. The young man had a bottle in one hand
and a girl in the other. “llarumph,” said the
farmer, “that must be one of them bottle-
necks.”

it 71: fr ’l:
UNPO?ULAR
There was a young man accrued unique
Who considcrcd himself quite a shrill,
llm the girlc didn’t, fall
For tllc follow at all
For he maulc only tcu bucks; a wank.
* ‘5 $6

The only diflcrence between a cutie and
an old maid is that the calie goes out with
the Johnics and an old maid sits at home
with the willies.

1's it 1'? fir

Son (who has caught his father kissing
the maid): “Whatcha (loln’ Pop, kissing the
maid?”

Pop (thinking quickly): “Bring me my
glasses, son, I thoughl, it was your mother."
35‘ Fl {yr 1!:

A lady who had married a traveling sales”
man decided to raise chickens. When her
husband returned from his trip he asked
how the chickens were (icing. Willi pride
she answered: “Fine, l have five liens and

two roosters.”

The salesman was puzzled. “I don‘t no
(lerstand why you have two rooslcrs with
only five hens.”

“Well,” his wife explained, “1 gal an cxlra
rooster so the hens would still have one in
case the other took a notion in go on lhc
road.”

19‘- )5‘ it 3%

She: “A woman‘s phycical charms arc licr
chief weapons in the baffle of love."

He: “Well, one thing is sure. You will
never be arrested, (iconic, for carrying com
cooled weapons."

a >2 9k :3
"WE NOX’V STUDY MULES
01). moles we find two legs behind,
And two we find before.
We stand below we find,
Villa: the two behind be for.
bl: 5.2 3% “-lfi

Jack: “I’m a man of few words. Will you
kiss me or won’t you?”

Gloria: “I wouldn‘t normally, but you’ve
talked me into it.”

if 3k 2‘ ii:

The reason no woman has ever married
the man in the moon is because he makes
only a quarter a week, gets full once a
month, and stays out all night.

2: :14 a 9;
Counsel (in divorce case): “Is it true that
your husband leads a dog’s life with you?”
Wife: “He did. He came in the house with
muddy shoes, leaving footprints all over
the carpet. He took the best place near the
fire and waited to be fed. He growled at
the least provocation and snapped at me a
dozen times a day.”
Ac :1: =3: fix
Another fellow who lives of? the fat of the
land is the girdle manufacturer.
5: ‘3 1% 3
Just rcmem‘bcr now that if Dad is worried
when (laughter is out with a boy, it is be-
cause he has a good memory.
0H MIN.

TECHNOLQWGY N E‘WS

     

Despite s‘lixfil‘lin‘ will: the Sigmas Friday
night, yawnin‘ the next mawni‘n', Saturday
night soireosu, and buckin’ the: Sunday blues,
those blcary old eyes are still able to soc
through you all, and blast forth with the
results of last week's excavating; cscapadlc
with Yc Oldc Pick and Shovcle.

You’ll never guess who I unearthed in
the process, ehhcrll None other than friend
Johnny Ferraro, paying his respects to the
institution where he gleaned some of that
information stuff they blow around here!
Johnny’s cultin’ himself a mean hunk of
career in the Kankakce ordinance works in
Elwood, Illinois.

(lrorga Drcvikovsliy is really sprouting
out this semester . . . or haven’t you noted
the fringe bordering the chasm? Carry on
from here, Glamour Boy! Hahla ustcd, Es-
panol‘I? This whisperin“ whisker campaign
seems to be quite the thing this semester.
Haven’t you fellas viewed the poetic hints
thrown at you while lurching home on the
“L?”

This week’s bunch of assorted blooms
goes to Mr. Echic for his splendid coopera-
tion in securing the desks for the typing
Lykes in the News office. We ihank you
from the bottom of our filing cabinets, Mr.
Robin .

A pplcs and Algebra

The apple polishing business hits new
high in the Elllll. division, with Elm; Illn-
gcrhui really doing it up right?! Neglecting
his quota of what one a day keeps the doc}
tor away, Art promptly and efficiently sup-
plied the lcarned l’roi. Jordan with a whole
pass-cl of the better grade businesses”

Playin’ hard to gel is Bur-nice Folk. lnl
fact, Prof. Marks informed this refugee
from an algebra class that he was by way
of including a truam officer in his employ

italrleyl

 

2: .

mom for the sole purpose of keeping the
old eagle eye on the llix3-64y3 evader.

(film-a Fowlcr really believes in drown
ing her sorrows! Seems the gal took the
fatal plunge this summer . . . and darned
near landed herself out of this world, walt-
ing for “that." man to slip on his water
wings and (log paddle out. to save her. The
whole idea is very definitely all wet, moral

The atrocious appellations that. some-
how or other find themselves an integral
part of our saluations—Ed Wcinllold greeted
as “Baum-cup," Dick Johnson slightly per»
turbed when referred to as “Stinky," and
Phyllis Hagar silently cursing the current
nickname of “Fill."

I'll-hie Lilck does it again!!! The happy lit—
tle. fixer with a mere grunt and a mighty
wrench, broke the whole shaft of the water
faucet up in the chemistry department.

Rendezvous Rambles

Bully licmlmly, Bucky Ill/alter, “Moll'cy,”
and l’. K. Raul talking it all over in the
privacy of the back table in Hacscler’s hide-
out. John Boynion and Mary Flasher dis-
play a decided preference for the clolsterccl
atmosphere proforma by the Lewis library.

Although we also have many minor
“flirts” to reveal about the Lake Shore
sweethearts, we’ll keep you in suspense ’tll
Tuesday newt.

Who said. a woman can’t. keep a secret?
Mcrccdcs Brown has done an excellent job
of secreting the work of Dan’l Cupid since
she and Marty Gordon harmonized affiria
once in St. Louis. last April (inspired no
doubt by the merger). The announcement
of this startling news certainly stimulated
the already live Sigma dance. Your Sixth
Columnist takes this opportunity to express
the belated “wishings well" of the Illcchu
analogy News staff.

THE SlXTH COLUMNIST

 

groophmln 'lira Wilma final: in filliicia Ely
Malllilfll‘ly lirolreawilowa Elimifeatare Elinor

lly Ari Hansen, flicllli‘. will
Damp Wallacr, Team-i
Ucwhtzr M, 1941
(via plllgcou express)
llrcr Sally:

Wei, (leer moumin flour, hear I am wuncc
more, ycwre own old swcclhan from the
hills, and now a soldier “coy {rum way up
than“, in foreign service down hear in Texas.
That cxprczzion that General Sherman ut.
lewd after the lasle campch of the Civil
War still flutters Lru my mind, quote and
unquolc: If I owned both Holland Texas,
l'd rem owl Texas and live in i-lcll. Oh, wel,
wun shouldn‘t think that way won wun in
down hear in the land Wear the “word “Re-
publican" whom owl with {he dado bird.

I am sorry that l havn‘l rilteu to my
sweet little girl frond lately lilac i used tew
dew wen I wuz picking up cullurc back at
(leer old Armore, bill the army and “things”
hav kept me busy down hear, "things"
standing ahowl 5 feat too, waying abowt
115 and having hair—yes, norm of that false
wig stuff that I used to goa to me skool
(lanzes withc, ye no, the type that every
lime she saw a man and drum her eyes coy-
ly, she had Lew bend over and pick them
up again.

The army iz grate sluil‘ lore building a
man up, & I recommend it pew any young
lady 1100 would like tew join. First thing
in the morning we hop owt of had. (Then in-
tew the shower rume and stand under the
cold shower fore ten minutes (sum morn-
ing I’m going tew turn the water on). We
dry owrsclves briskly by slapping at the
moskeeloes at a cadence of 120 a minute.
Then all we goa to breakfast of hen fruit
and cow juice, followed by vigorous calis‘
thentics with mops and brooms across the
flora. Then we put on owr uniforms and
oil we goa to work. Sorry, deer Sally, no
more K. P. fore me, I am a goldbrick and
work in the office at camp hqs.

I shure long tew see my olde mammy
and poppy back in the hills, (leer olde
cousin Lamebrain, brother Halfstoop, gram-
pa Bentwitz, my favorite skunk Otto, and
more than him, yew deer mountin flour. I
can still remembre that nitc befour I whent
off to the army, az yew and I and Otto sat
under the tree down neer hollow gulch and
held hands (yew and I, I mean), and I
stroked the fur on his back (Otto’s), and
whispered sweet nothings mtew your ears.

Then down at the station the next day tew
ace me on wuz the hole gang, and how
grandpappy slipped me that 5 gal. jug of
gudc olde mountin dew, and how I explain.
011 tow the sargant at the induction camp
that the notice had said that yew could
bring along sports equipment, and that jug
wuz aw] the athletics I participated in.

We], lymc passes on, and now I am a
full~lledgcd buck private ($1.00 a day instcd
of $0.70). I remember wen we were on man-
uvcrs. As a little oldc lady approached a
bridge she wuz in the habit of driving over
daily, she wuz stopped by a sentry. “Ma-
dam,” he setl to her, yew can't, drive across
this bridge. It has hen demolished. Leaving
her duml‘oundcd, for the bridge wuz in no
way owl, of killer, he walked oil". AZ she de-
bated the possibility the the sentry ‘wuz
insane, anuther soldier approached, and she
beckoned tow him. “Young man,” she in-
quired, “can yew tell me any reason why
I can't. cross thiz bridge?" “Lady,” he re-
plied sobcrly, “I don’t know a thing. I’ve ben
(load fore three days.”

Sozial activity iz pretty good down hear
arownd camp, deer Sally, but don‘t yew
worry ahowt me. Dames, domes, and, more
danzes every week end in Houston. Gee, the-
people are shure frendly in that city. And
the southern feminine pulchriiude—WOW!
Down hear yew don’t weed owt the horner
gals frum the pretty wuns. The problem, iz
two weed owt the pretty wuns from the g0r~
gcous wuns. It’s so common down hear that
the fellows (most of them are in the army)
don‘t even whistle wen they pass a pretty
girl, they just spat, take anuther chow of
tobacco, and keep on going.

Yew may think that I am laying; it on
thick, Sally, but: yew no I am no liar. (Speak.
ing of liars reminds me of the incident in
wich the inhabitants of a Norwegian fishing
village witnessed the forced landing of an
airplane olishore. A fisherman set out tew
rescue the pilots but sune returned withowt
them. “They were Germans," he explained.
“But weren’t they alive?" somcwun in the
crowd asked. “Well, wun of them sed he
wuz, but yew no how theze Nazis Ila”)

We}, I hav gotten riters cramps, deer
Sally, so I gess 1 better close and get back
Lew my duties withe Uncle Sammy. Give
my regards tew everyone. I’ll be seeing
them again sum day, I hope.

Stoophraiu Bliss.

(lll‘lllilll'lill’l 28, 194i

 

tion in ' about the maxi. live minutcu whilo
l relate to you the latest Slflfiill'alld slush
about your fallow aimlcmu! All of you will
he held l-osponui‘blc for this umtcrial so
I would advise you to take a cmnprchonslvo
am. of notes, («molly convor’iotl into limit clamp
blackmail info), and than work a low prop.
ticul problems; involving llno lunatic under-
lying principles! Nico work il‘ you can go
away with it! All right class, grail) your pen»
cilsl‘
31‘ )k W rl<

Boy, is the administration glad that the
Sigma Sweetheart dance is over and done
with! Why, do you ask? That’s camp—now
the gals won’t be around on Friday after“
ammo and the academic program can once
more get back into swing. We understand
that the various lab instructors have re-
ceived orders to reopen the Friday lab ses-
sions now that the source of local disturb-
ance has disappeared! We’re wondering
what effect the. gals’ leaving will have on
Midge Goliislca, Pete Zemaitis, and their
gang of i'ough~riding Jr. .Mcchsll

:v :2: 2i: a

Dr. Erickson, of Leningrad fame, gave his
lecture on “Finger Nails” last week and
pointed out that it isn't nice for a follow to
ask a girl out and then sit next to her
(with her nice clean nails in full view as
a contrast to his dirty ones) and cause her
embarrassment. One of his students hastily
offered a field method to eliminate this diffi»
culty, his suggestion being that the fellow
nol. all; with the girl where it’s lightl! We
guess that this will just about complete
0.03s lecturing ~— next week the above-
mcntioned bright scholar will probably con-
duct class!

a: a i- *-

It’s really funny but the longer a guy
slay/s around this joint the more evident it
becomes that the regular school schedule
takes too much of a student‘s time, interfer-
ing a greal deal with his social life. This,
of course, has a tendency to matte the stu-
dent live a fast life whenever he gets the
chance. After many hours of research and
deliberation, we have decided that the prac-
tical solution to this problem mast neces»
sarily be “a drastic reduction in the dad"
dcmic week and abolishment of all lab
courses.” We feel sure that; the administra-
tion will give this matter due consideration
now that they know how we feel about
things.

‘Wc [indict-stand that: Brother Hemman has
issued a amtc'mcnt to the effect; that any
group cudcavoriiug' to remove his extermin-
cous foliage will be. doing: this at their own
risk! Nicc of the lad, isn”t it? By the way,
hoyu, while your at it why not attend in
Rug Mueller, too?

=l< * a it

WE HAVE RECEIVED THE FOLLOW-
lNG UNllIASEll LET’ETER AND WE PERE-
SlflN'l‘ l'l‘ TO YOU IN ll'll‘S ORIGINAL
FORM:

To the Steamshovclcr:

We, the students of lllinois Insiiiutc of
Technology, (lo present this; petition to
the Steam Shovcl to be forwardcil to the
propcr authorities:

Whereas, the Blitzkrieg has descended w
a level from which it, cannot be raised, and

Whereas, the Sixth Columnist has dam»
cusp-med that. lac belongs to the 8“: column
of a Tech Ncwo shock, and

thrcas, the column (loos small to lligli~ ‘

heaven;

Be it resolved: that the Sixth Columnist
be banished to the French Foreign Legion,
and

That the space formerly occupied by that
column be devoted to more cultm‘al subjects
(namely, the lillc histories of Ill-l hurlyuq
queens, and

That the steam Shovel be given a vote
of confidcncc in its cuislmuliug colonial

(continued on page seven)