OCTOBER 7,‘ 19151 Wm “wellington, 10.0., Oct. (‘r—( Special to edi< tors of Steamshovel)~’l’he Federal Bureau of investigation announced late today that a special committee is on its way to Chicago . to open an inveetigation into alleged sub- versive activities on the Illinois Tech cam- puses. Acting on information from audio closed sources, Edgar J. Hoover ordered this picked committee to proceed to Chico go, with these words, “This; tort of thing must be stopped! The fate of our youth is at staleel.’ This ring of saboteurs that is an dermining the traditions and ideals of our undergraduates must be brought to justice!” The committee will investigate the follow- mg: 1. The failing of students even though they have attended a majority (51%) of the lectures. 2. Homework assignments before the fifth week, of school. 3. Forcing students to read text books. . Banning of sexy literature. 5. Removal of Petty drawings from lock- ere. 6. Eight o’clock classes. 7. Classes on Monday. 8. Disturbing the student’s peace of mind and! physical health by the issuance of flunk notices. 0- The nervous strain, resulting from the shortage of cute stcnogrnphem. to. The shock due to the sudden awaken» inn caused by the disgusting clung of the class bells. (Ed. suggestion: the inotaliotion of chimes which at 10 minutes after the hour will gently and melodiooely lull the student to sleep with the strains; of Broilm’e Lullaby, and at the close of the hour to rouse him by the soft, but urgent burn oi Reveille.) it. Quizzes. Cooperation of the student body in un- earthing and bringing to light the cxioteot‘e of these, and any other vile oractlcsco is earnestly solicited by the committee. (ED NOTE: Forward all information to this column and we’ll deliver it to the choir- man of the inocstigatin committee.) 1‘? £1 #5 via. FLASH: Johnny Bulhus hoe given up his Lil Snodgrass for Old Bee-sic! Yup, [hot old concrete mixer you see putt-putting amt/2m! school (when it’s in the mood} is “Spill-eh” pride and joy! Although any resemblance to a car is strictly coincidental, our guess is that “Leapin’ Lena,” originally limit; a Eula-lei Vintage? We weren’t born yell! It: 39 194 The IITFA (Illinois Institute of Tech' nology Anti-freeze Association) held their first meeting last Friday night. Due to the chilly weather a large quantity of anti freeze was needed. High lights of the eve ning included Karl Koos’ attempt to out o loaf of bread with a lawn mower, Don Ely decorating the place with Seminole, and Jim Walker fencing with a pint: elephant! Bill Shene was also present, but due to his phy— sical condition, missed out on most of the aclivity. Good start lads! 94 Ill #1 3it WARNENGll To the nit-Wit that iamblcs words together and wile the renult “Blitzkrieg": If you me the words “soopcr snoopcrs” just once more En that tripe that you write you’ll have the eweotost libel emit on your neck that’s over come before a U. S. court! We'll push your lace so for underground that you’ll be able to exchange greetings with the American embassy in Shanghaill For your informa- tion this is What sec. 235 of the U. S. Copy— right Act has to say about mugs like you; That if any person shall infringe the copy: right in any work protected under the copyright laws . . . " See that? in other wot-(is, bum, we'll beat a taboo on your aconce which will put the ubangi drummers-l lo shame! And now we close with a lovely little ode! What a wonderful bird is the pelican His bill can hold more than his belly can. I don’t know how in helican! 800391433 SNGOE’ER. W'cll. the old super snooyer’s spontm’ spillin’, and smitering school scandal all over the place again amt is hesmcarcd and bcgrimcd from keeping the prohoois at such a proximity to the ground while smell- ing out all the rumors amt catching these campus-s capers in the fly. New to blow . . . the (lust oil’ the rocorlls mu} lot you have it! My most humble apologies; to Mr. Falls“- on for neglecting his; new cookie duster as one of the improvements about HT. Noth- ing like a twirl of the moustache to add that finishing touch. Kibitzin’ on the Keys woo Lil Snoilgmss (remember?) last Thursday in the Tech News office, While Pot dictated. Lil, you’re definitely typed! Also winding his way back to the Damon-Madison domicile was “Uncle” m Fallcmzm affectionately greeting his be- loved nieces all along the way. Good to see you, Uncle. information Pleosscl Who is that roving refugee from EDT. division viewed last Monday by a number of our fickle co-eds with aesorted cases of heart manner? If anyone knows, kindly Shake the info’ out of his sleeve, and send it on in. The defense is unbearable! How does “Tiny 't‘lm" Meyer do it? Sunday night found our Glamour Boy with a bad coon cl“ doubledate dilemna. 'l‘wo dates in one ove- nlng is all right but at one and the some time takes real ingenuity. All hail. stupor nmni ' Why is t’rol’eomr Klem- so anxious to re . turn to northern Michigan? The scenery? Could he. flylvia ‘Wcielo makoe history . . . more in- teresting to the student at Marshall, you lucky neoplc, you! The medical proteoolon will hit a new time low when Sylvia finds herself reaping that harveet of big, rod on» pleas! Alice Moll‘ett and “Pluto" Roost still shin- il‘lg‘eyed and tl‘lat-a‘way. Snnguess I’ll have to eat a few words from last week’s blitzing (and me on that V diet, too). won» nic- {Jory staged a surprise comeback and in once more one of our happy little group! l-iowcly, kit." Wile week‘s bunch of Chrysanthemums new to the new officers for the your “Lil-’42. Congratulatioiw people, and carry on the good work! From where I oil it looks; lilac another swell and prosperoae year! Number Please! Business must be “picking up” for hob Tundra», judging from those reputed “busi- nec-ls” cells he makes. Did you secure that appointment for 8:30 okay, Bob? Remit l’achowim really got hie liner; mixed the other night when he found himself z‘m in- tegral part of a three-way telephone con— vemation which included the gel and a bit oi“ long distance competition. Ti’iere’e some» thing phone}! about all this}! Florence llortueol; is certainly gelling eairell‘heacietl about the whole thing} She registers the complaint that one of her bi- ouepitis is kicking the gong around inoidc her pretty head. Iponu for you, Florence” “Proxy" Schooner io very happy about the whole thing. His subordinate shipper TE WENOLOGY NEWS ' name we» "mu m .» i riegl walk.».rli~.n=wmn1ww“mum: r. a. resaw-mwwm um lion at the helm of the shman clas' out to be Melon Gordon. We see that Professor Schumann, formerly of HT, is in for a bit of Khaki Kibltzin' as: instructor for our boys behind the guns; and without a PhD. at that” And while in the War department, 1 sec Art Pottcrnm over in the corner working up a harmony arrangement of “Any Blondeo Today?” Even Uncle Sam realized the fact that when— ever an emergency call rings out, there’s Art! So long Pete, and if they neglect your quota of beans, just wire the HT home ec girls. Doris lblotlk, the girl who makes the broth and pudding that loo many cooks spoil, and the proof is in the eating, hoe sure get. it all over Mother Hubbard, and is glv» ing the Altai” Self Service Super Market a good run for their money to boot! If you can push Ben Kilogram out of the way, just (211') a gander at her locker, and the results of 2 teaspoons, 1 cup, 1 tablespoon, with just a pinch of, and chill for one hour. If Professor Hammer had his way, Mr. Greenwood would find himself sitting out in front of Ye Olde Bookc Store with nary a pencil sharpener to peddle, since his op- inion of the text books is an infinite series (acknowledgement to the college algebra, text) of “lnconsistonciee.” EAOIHHiNQ lineman. directs her complaints about the National Defense not against the inflation (Mr. (limbo, please note), but against the United States Marine Corps which is taking the attention of her be- loved. Tim very latent mews, am} you can’t deny it. concerns that zealous patriot of the Sigma cause, Dorothy X. Giamhcllum. She clien- tively proved that curiosity can do more than kill the cat just a few minutes ago when one tilted precariously on one of the news office chairs just to sneak a peak at the firm; page of Blitz as it rolled out of the L. C. Smith. She wasn’t supported to be. come acquainted with this SUDOT goesin until Tuesday (today), and just to Show that the notation of justice balance evenly, Dot lost her balance and dropped herself un~ gracefully on the oak of 313. Honk ’nohom who. was the nearest gontlcnmn who did not. assist. her to arise. Muttering irmohcren- ciee about “coefficients of sliding friction” she departed having suffered injuries both to her bride and her . . . it “5 W 1k m n S: 1‘1: ,_. .. a. Q. HUM”?! Your oixtlz columnist. hots recruit/a oil from “an authoritative source” tho info Hunt :1 l‘rzntorlty is in the flywheels. Tho oiiiocm have been determined, the faculty oponsor selected, and the (tonotlmtion be- gan. As noon no the Butter ll; completion, the tentative plane will go down to room 2322 for the blue pencil or “GK." ’ll‘l’io orgnni» nation will be the firm of ite- kim‘l at H’l‘ and should be s’uoccoeful . . . in providing cannon i‘ollflor for Blitz. st: 2» o 3 Well, here i go again, encole‘ln’ out the back, but H'll have my foot in your door again next week. THEE SEXTH COLUMNIST mam wwwwmmmmamm WWW tmmmmn‘mmmmmmm‘. on PAGE QEWN WWW m4”... fififictqotoco on... ' * we, lily Chm-loo 1. Bull The Univereity of Kansas’ newspaper, “Daily Kansan” lo Differing a free trip to Sun Valley, Miami. Beach, the Sugar Bowl, and the Rose, Bowl. in a subscription drive. I]! 5;: )5: vi: America’s college and university football teams: annually play before more than 18,» 000,000 fans who pay over $20,000,000 to see their heroes do or die. at: ’l‘ it: *5: From a survey of ctnt‘ollmont ligation oil 5'! ol‘ the country's loading colleges and universities om Survey than (“nonverbal that home. oconomioe common have olmwn the largest increase. while most. otlncr worsen have ohown demolition (law to tho draft and job omlortunitice. llamwoy, it looks bad for the male. on o m a College authorities at Harvard and eight other New England schools urged students; to leave their automobilee at home this year to conserve gasoline. bk it: 1i: ll! At Clarlcson Institute of Technology freshmen are required to wear green caps and ties, not to smoke, salute upper class- meu, attend all college exercises and uarstty games, and carry matches for upper class— men at all tin/lee. 1k ill :1: >1: it in reported that (Gory Cooper woo die- mica] nwnnborehlp in (irinnoll college’s; «iron nuntic club on an umliorgu‘atlnutom-‘bccouso he couldn’t not! ‘ jet e e bl: 4‘ Awards of the Rhodee ocholarohipe to Americum has been diocontinuod since 1939 because of the war. However, the Carnegie Corporation ol'i‘crcd tuition. and many Amer- ican universities, including the University of Chicago, oliercd free tuition to all Rhodes scholars dioplaced before and during the war. it: )1: ’14 It‘ . Bare legHA—to be or not to loom—are still. in the news; . . . Unlveroity of Nebraska ro~ quires coeds to wear hose at its etudent union dances . . .U. of California’s band voted its annual NO on short okirts for its drum majorette . . . Michigan State college males think the now colored coed stockings especially blue and green ones, look like infants’ wear . . . Port Arthur college, after 32 years, has finally allowed coeds to at- tend classes: borelegged . . . A “Shell Silk for Uncle Sam” club at Minnesota U. was form- ed by coeds who pledged to go with bare legsmor even barefool;ed-~if necessary for national defense. REEULVE ill: lililiilhii liNfiliNEEl’tliMl infilllig ”l‘WQ “twill: fillilfililili THE SENIOR THINKS: THE JUNIOR: TEHNKS: THE SOPHOMORE THINKS: THE FRESNMAN THINKS: My 0135an are tougher than innior year. My classes are! tougher than sophomore year. Third week of school; better report in at my clasoco. Occasionally. "Women are not to be “custom Women are not to be trusted. Women are not to be trusted. ’Womcn are not to be trusted. The student union is where clauses; Sitcom be held. Freshmen wear baggy pants. The rocket is a night club. , Flue student union in whom clauses-z are held. Freehmon wear palate. The rocket is; a star with a tail. The student union ie where classes are ll?i‘%xl% ”1’3! Tough freshmen wear pantie. The. rocket is; what I drive to school. The student union in whom? Pants are desirable. Rocket is when you stand up in a workout. Just so she. Just go one opoa‘lcs. Just no elm speaks English. Jnet so silo speaks; English well. Gloomy Sunday is the day E do my week’s home work. Books cost too darn much. Nothing could be tougher than constitutional law. The Steam Shovel is too per- 502ml. Gloomy Sunday is the clay ll. sleep outside of clone. Books coat too clam much. Nothing could be tougher than the meat in the cafeteria. The Slipsticlt ion a paragon of humor. Gloomy Sunday is inert on- otlxer morning after. Books cost, too (lam much. I scream] the motion. What’s tolerable about this article, anyhow? It’e the name of a jive. Books onset too darn much. ’l‘hc sophs arc tougher. if i could only read.