T We find it very difficult to write any; thing this Friday (we because there is too fmuch noise in the: News office. Thc boys lhm'e just unearthed a bunch of old icsucs of PM, Field's New York publication,‘and flare heating each other to a bloody pulp i{grabbing those isomer; that contain “pen sonal” photos of our American beauties! The» place is‘ a mad-house, what with ouch wolves. as Bob Arko, “Morgue” Fitch, and .Art lllinwegcn on the fly. Grimm, you’d ltinlc tho mugs had m-vcr‘sccn a nice girl micro. Hey. who the heck in that? Let’s be that, will you? Wowll “’liat a licauti Vitcwl Look at that sweater! . . . WWW n 1 it It Well, well, well!!! What do you know! EOur old friend “Connie” Kapranos has fin- rally fallen into our clutches! For two long years we have been trying to get something on this "pal" of ours and now, all ol‘ 3. udden like, we get enough on this guy to hang him. What good fortune! Goody, oody! “Canny” haafinally given away his; caret. He’s in lovemyessir, really hitrwbut ood, yet! Who is it, you nay? None other ban that charming young science Student, Miss Rosamond Golden. In due respect to , his budding romance, the Junior Chemo have adopted the tune “Rose o” Day” as k heir class anthem and can be heard rend- ' dering this piece at, every opportunity (ev- ery time “Canny" is; around. Very much ' log?! '44 W is ti: Honor was once more brought to the Ar- . mour campus when Vlad Fiiko, local man about~town became the holder of the world’s record for the shortest engagement in the Middlcwest. He obtained this award on the heels of his activity on the now igone and forgotten last New Year’s Eve. Vlad took his ex-lady love to a party that night and presented her with the “bracelet” t approximately 10:30 p. m. After per» forming this ceremony, he adjourned to he bar to celebrate the momentous oc- asion, at which task he remained for the next two hours. He made one little mistake however, and that was that be neglected to take his tootsie with him. After Said celebration, F‘ilko, in some manner, maria v aged to navigate back to, the little worried ’ only to find her dancing with another lug. irritated by this “lack of faith", Fillfl) dc- " cider} to blast this “louse” off the map. it was at this moment, as he was shouting out. his intentions, that his apple dumpling calmly ripped the ring oil“ her finger and hit poor Vlad between the eyes, scoring a TKO. After Filko had been revived. he made a few startling announcements: 1. That he would return to school to re— ceive his flunks. 2. That he Would stay drunk until alter the exams. 3. That he would join the Foreign Legv ion as soon as he got official notification of his “grand slam" of course failures. 4. Women?7 Nyehll 4r. >1: :54 “Those” Jr. Mech’s, ditcheartcned over their present failure in the intramural bowling tournament, have decided to turn their attention to other sgiorLans in which they are more successful. Ii you doubt their success, just ask that lowly, but. liavid, freshman who dared to ride the elevator last Thursday afternoon. it is a confirmed report that he stayed at school until 7 p. m., that night, wait.in,t..;r for his clothes to dry before he proceeded on his way home. :1: at >9: FLASH” We have just been. handed a late bulletin (very late), stating that Wally Gow came back from visiting his gal in New York, without a wedding band on his finger. We Understand that her old man tried his level best to do right by his daughter, but due to the present ban on shot gun shells, found himself stymied. Consequently, Wally escaped with his neck, but the boys in the know are laying 4-to-1 that, Wally’s next trip will be his Waterloo. {5095" till. SNGOlWJRS Now that. the cold wave has left our windy city (we hope), the condo are once again returning to school without their ba~boosh- has, carnmll‘o, mull slacks. Swing is on ital way and with it comes the thoughts of a moon . . . a girl . . . a purl; bench . , , and . . . 0h! . . . There I go. just dreamin’ . , , but let‘s skip it. and get down to business. Last Tuesday in from of lockers 281 and 282, respectively, two figures stood. From the back it was hard to tell who they were. Could they be espionage agents? Slowly one figure began removing clothing, first a jacket came ofl", then a hat, ocarf, sweater, and -Oh my gosh!!! At least twenty other pieces of top clothing and by golly if the strangers didn’t prove to be the twins, Jackie and Louise, who Were all bundled up beyond recognition for protection against the subcero weather. All set to go for a joy-ride in Jack (lita- ltolan’s car, George Drevittovslcy and Red Johnson were quite disappointed when they discovered that the weather had gotten “Leapin’ Lena” down, and she just refused to run. Finally after pushing and tugging they got started. All this work was not done in vain, however, for George achieved a slight layer of ice on his “cookie duster" which gives him a right to the title of possessing the “first oddity of the year!" In the lobby of our went aide campus oc- curred the championship bout of the year. John Foyic, Frank Maori-3r, Frank mull and Jim Vocliccl; had a free for all. As yet we do you know what bloude’a telephone num. her they were arguing over, but. they did nrove one thing. NOT 3: “Sonny“ Weissman, they have the makin’s of Wrestlers” Speak- ing of wrestling Mix/ills; liocgor and Jim Gullivnn were having an lndian wrcatling match in the lunchroom the other day. Who won? Well, ll’hyilis seemed to put up a good fight. Rather discouraged Ethel Witt announced that her prize rats were not accepted by Lonnie Wczeman, her guest in the lab, but don’t take it too hard Ethel . . . could be that he was; interested in a different specimen present. Lawrence ($23“) Kjellhcrg‘a most embar- rassing moment occurred at the Stadium lact week, when his mother called, “Jr. don't light your pipe bore!" 0i!!! Mom! The physics survey evening class: is sure having a gong up time. Dr. Countryman has a new “fanndangled cont-option” con- nected to his room clock which is supposed to ring out every hour. Due to some cross in the wires the bell began ringing every minute. But (lid this discourage our friend and "countryman?” No! He only remarked “l’m glad I don’t have to give a cigar every time it rings.” Have patience students . . . Give him time. . if any of you noticed a certain person hobbling’ up and down the stairs, it’s only "lion-Along" Body, suffering the effects of a week—end of ice skating. Another student: having difficulty in locomotion is Red John- mm. lie was seen walking very slowly into chem lecture showing all the traits of para- llzed pedal digits. The case was rapidly cling. nosed by the “Herr Doctors" of the Chad- rcwal Clinic. Their accurate (liagnoaia re- vealed two pair of shoe laces tightly knot. ted. Any calls for help that were heard echo- ing from the thinl- floo'r, last week belonged to Connie Cary (she certainly was in a 77m- dicamem). Several fellows had tied her hands on to her home «20. apron strings; and then on to the knobs of the first and sixth lockers, just Im- enough away for her to war- ry about how she could tmtz‘c herself. Time and struggling proved for the best and (mac again “lied" went about her business not a bit. mud, proving 312.0 can mice (1 joke . . . ’l'hul’c the spirit! Back with us is Jack l'rlallomi, who slid down some highly polished Stairs»- (a week BEFORE New Years) and dislocated his: shoulder. We all hope you’ll be OK. in a short time. I didn’t want to say anything sooner, for it would probably bring about some loud (lli’o . . . and Ali’s . . . but, crayon are thin week. Although the professors may pretend to like you. they still would like a change of lat-ca in their (311185-1054 so come on get. to work and see if you can‘t got all A'H like yours: truly. SlX'l‘ll COLUMI Nlltl'l‘. Did You By A RT MINVVEGEN How much is a billion dollaro? Yew-m, it's a tidy sum anyway you look at it. in foot if you owned a billion dollarc and under- took to count it at the rate oi? also a minute, all; hours a week, you would need more than Gil years to complete, the job. lily that time you’d be a wee bit too old “to have any fun out. of the money. it in ii! 2’5 A pursuit plane has 15,000 ports in fuse- lage and wings, all held together by $8,000 rivets, 291w: welding. There are mme than 6,990 parts in the motor, and aylyyroxinmlely too in the propeller. There are at least 90 instruments, dials, knobs, buttons, and voices for the personal use of the pilot. 2: ’2: a: £5 Cattle, thieves more dangerous and math less than any in the history of the West overrun the island of Marajo at the mouth of the Amazon in Brazil. They are the giant crocodiles that ingest the swamps and mar- shy fields of this river islandmlarger in area than Switzerland. These deadly marauders take a heavy toll of farmers’ cattle, but the natives have novel means of fighting the reptileswwi’th lassos and harpoons. It would seem logical, and much less risky, to shoot them. But this is impractical, as a crocodile that has been shot at, whether wounded or not, may sur— vive to continue his career as a cattle killer. So the farmers have adopted surer means. When they come upon a big crocodile mark. ed for death they lasso him with the skill of a Texas cowboy, drag him ashore, and dispatch him with an axe. When the victim is in deep water they set out in frail dug— outs, and with uncanny accuracy hurl a bar. poon into the barely visible animal and drag him ashore to be bludgeoned. Either method is very perilous. A croco- dile can bite off a man’s leg, or break him in two with a blow of the tail. in it Brakes now being made by industry for defense purposes are/so powerful that they must, stop 80-min bombing planes; rolling along the ground at 80 miles per hour in 10 seconds flat. )1! tl< ti: * REMEMBER i’EAltll HARBOR (Dec. 7th, urn) REMEMBER THE MAINE (Feb. filth, 1898) With the new war slogan, “Remember Pearl Harbor” most people think of a simi~ lar war-cry “Remember the Maine" but few imow morn than that. . Public fooling in the United States at the time had been gathering intensity Over the state of suffering in Cuba which resulted from Spanish treatment, of insumwictionicts. 0n the morning of February 15, 38% this feeling was fanned to fever height; by the destruction in Havana Harbor of the United States battleship Maine with a loss of 260 killed and 90 wounded. Nowc of the disaster cauecd great excito- mcnt; and accusations were made against the Spaniards by leading American newspapcro. Soon the temper of the nation wan crystal- lized in the slogan “Remember the Maine." cvcntu moved rapidly to a climax and on April 250th war with Spain had begun. investigation of the wreckage of the Maine shortly after the sinking revealed that there had been both an internal and external explosion. The, COlllfilufilfln won that most likely a mine had been the primary (sauce. and that the i‘orwnrd powder magazincs ignited as; a conmequcnco. No direct evidence could in- discovcrcd which would fix responsibility for the placing of the mine and Some cx~ ports asserted that spontaneous combustion in the coal bunkers may have been re» sponsiblc. The wreck remained in Havana harbor until lillll at which time Army engineers built a. caller diam, scaled w‘lna‘t remained of the vessel and floated it. to sea. On March with, 1912. with its flag flying and the guns of accompanying warships booming salutco, the Maine sank slowly to ito final resting place on the ocean bottom. PAGES FIVE lly llci‘t llllillovillo The reaction to lat-ll. week’s column was really tort-ilitwcspcciaily in the ninttcr (iii suggesting a new mum to replace “(Jouoll Column." that-hope our dililoulty is our own fault, since we (lid ncg‘lcot to Intuition that any namo submitted MUST be printable. Bosidco, we think tho names exaggerated were purely noraomtl opinion, and not rcp- rmaentatlivo of the opinion ot‘ the majority. As that famous old philosopher, .‘lustad A. Snortcrtoo would say: “Never let a kick in the face get you down in the mouth.” Braced by these noble sentiments, we grit. our teeth (both of them) and carry on. John R. Nleman pulled the big curprisc of last week when he marched in on his old classmates Hill’s) in the CE. drafting room. it’s Sergeant Nleman, now-who had three chevronc on his Sleeve and a little bundle of Texas sunahlne on his; arm. Typ- ical reaction, as voiced by Fred Brown: "Why the have i been trying to keep out. of the army?“ John explained that he was or), his way from 'l‘exaa to the oilicera’ training school at Norfolk, Virginia, to start work toward a commlasion. 'l‘lno graduating noniora are planning a whirlwind climax to their film yearn of all work and Horne play. The commence» "taint: will tnicc placo on ‘chntemla‘y, {litmu- nry 28, in the auditorium of tho Museum of Science and industry. Mr. Raymond J. Koch, m-caldcnt oi" ll‘cll. 8r. '.l.‘arrant (30., will give the. conmncmccmcnt. mldrcoo. 0n (Elmira- «lay, a “Mulch oi? the boya” are going to wimp it up at. a stag party-