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ELLINOES ENSTKTUTE 0F ’ ECHNOLOG‘Y‘. CHICAGO. mfilmfllfi

 

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In line with its policy of being
. first
in war, first in peace, final. on the
relief rolle) "Crochnology News;
scoops the world in anoouncz.
ing important new curriculum
chzoiges at UT. These changes; will

be $01er the recoil; of student de- ,

mallow-the faculty washing its
hands of the entire mesa When
interviewed by your with-awake
(Sig). reporter a school spokesman
said, “The (icon lo gettih’ Sick ah’
tired of all the squalor you jerlte
have been puttin’ up. From now
on you can go straight to Hades
with our beet Wishes!"

Student reaction has been won
led. Quothe Horace ll. Horvath,
ill, “Mighty decent of the chop—
pies .... it gets; extremely liming
sleeping through the some claooee
year after year.” Making a Special
trip to the Rialto theatre to get
the opihion of Lad Filcho, proml‘
hem Ii'i‘ lncbrizttc, your reporter
was told,

“God, I hope they throw the
ohyeics courses out. I refuse to
spend another year in the curated
place. Three and a half yeem out
of my life has been too much
now!” And then, his last cigarette
with the enthusiastic theatrc’goer,
your ecribo proceeded to tho Stir

(continued on page four)

emoticons Titlil‘llfilil
igliilfiiifii ”Til iifiifil"

Last night the "F131. made a
startling discovery Lionell Moo
covitch, famous Jr. Civil at lifl‘.
hot; just sold his patent/suspension
bridge to the Italian government.

This giant bridge, which is; to
connect Sicily, British Malta, and
Libya, will have a Span Hibachi}
300,000 times; as long as any bridge
sport now in existence. It will be
the some type as the Tacoma Boy
Bridge which was vibrating too
strongly a short time ago. In order
to avoid this vibration and oscil‘
lotion, this bridge will be made
entirely of rubber, except the
pavement which will be construct
cd of PbSozl.

Since the spans are so exceed-
ing long, Lionel} Muecovitch has
hit on the idea of attaching bal-
loons to the middle of the span,
in order to prevent excessive de-
formation when the loacis are ap—
plied.

These balloons will be equipped
with machine gunners to ward oil
British wareplancs. The balloons
will be filled with a new gas made
from Uranium X, The FBI has not
yet been able to obtain the exact
formula.

Of course, these balloons will
introduce an additional Wind re-
sistance, and they will contribute
to lateral sway mo ion. To over»
come this Muscovitch has propos.
ed the application of an eccentric
The counterbal-
' {continued on page three)

 

 

 

 

 

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eliciting out of: {in limo; page of (Eli; ole-my mg”?

“What? ll‘m ctlitnr oi.” «in

u cola? W by, it‘s) oooooetitutionoll Who dammit? Fill moiacr it! ills in slit

cmil

’Gfiimmie my timid gimme do bottoms! I‘ll pooh ”om try» do floor! ills
hero paper’o gotta be mt: do right. way. lilo gotta be horrible. More ain't
no almimotoc‘m. What’s (in motto will you tongs”? E ain’t no niooy! Elix-
cltcii? “Wbooze limiter}? hero‘s grotto be corliooiou. .

Gimme filo forte. l: gotta got me inspiration. Hello, Holly? Whatmro
rub {loin}; tonight? Nuttio? Grate, I kill yore yore yo (loo colonic (loin.
For all oohfttoion. i gotta be soothed.

 

 

Weir; chrome: What
‘lil’coclree Should No

 

“What Every Working Girl
Should No” will be the subject of
a diocoorsc by Profosoor Ulysses
P. K eicnhoon. Professor Kafen~
neon will address: the women’s di-
vision of the Lewis Coop Depart-
ment at his regular time, Satur-
day, at 5:50 a. m. This subject is
coneidcrecl oi vital importance to
the young women who are about
to be sent forth into the cruel,
hard world. They will be employ-
ed on jobs obtained for them by
the director of. the coop course in
Business and industrial Manage
ment. »

Such subjects as “Working After
Office Hours?" “What to do when
meeting the boss’ wife,” and “Em-
ployer’s Sons Are Dynamite” will
be given lengthy discussion. At
fessor hopes to be able to com~
plete his course. He has been sufl

flaring from an old battle wound

Prohibition Repealetl
For bicwccl Elliott

A;

Under the direction of President.
H. ’1‘. Herald of the Illinois insti—
tute of Technology, the final plans
for the new campus of 1.1.1“. has
been made. Of special interest to
the stuclcot body is the design of
the new Stoclcnt Union Building.

The first floor will be completely
given over to the Armour Cocktail
Lounge {Floor Show Every Hour
on the Hour.) The second floor
will consist of the men’s bar and
free lunch department. The third
floor will contain the women’s
salo(o)n, resplendent in all the col
ors of the rainbow. The bars will
be decorated in various shades. of
baby blue.

There will also be a few class-
rooms scattered here and there.
The improvement committee has
decided to install love seats in
kricg all the class rooms. This will
facilitate the overcoming of in-

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‘ Hotioote illicit-till lliciel
@iipoiicire Miller A

 

Siuflcnto ill? lllihoie
’l‘ecli Give Adolph,
Bonny The Blitz I

Attention all Armour engineers,
Lewis students and Lillian Snocl—
grace 1: With the new order of mil-
itary lilo on the l;l.T. campuses,
the following rules: will go into ef-
fect:

l. Sliding rules will be worn
on the right hip, open holster
style. (Similar to Gene Autrey).

Z. Dorringcrs, ponioo, pocket
slide rules and other dangerous
weapons will he used only by the
secret service. (For further clo-
tuils see your local comic mag-
Mine).

3. No (lioguioo of any sort are al
lowed. (Special notice for “Blind
Bat" Pollack and “What Color"
Rosenberg).

4. Gambling, recreation, etc, will
not be allowed in the Union be~
tween 1:00 A. M. and 1:05 A. M

5. Pants will be considered part
of the uniform and must be worn
at all times, excluding the class
of ’44.

6. Students; will not be allowed
to carry school books in their
knapoacks, because they will not
have knapsacics.

7. Going to classes. doing home‘
work and other fifth column ac.
tlvitles will be discontinued be-
cause of demoralizing effect.

8. “Simon Legrec" Welssman
will be adoiresscd as “Major”, and
will be identified by a bull whip
and black flowing mustache.

9. All forms; of degrading tobac-
co, except cigarettes, cigars, chew-

(Continued on page nine)

”’gfirfitii” iliiliflfiml'ifim
Elli liliiitmil MEQWS

A drastic step toward the mo
hiiization of all competent en-
gineers was; taken by FDR. last
night, when all senior mechani
cale were informed that they will
he enroute to camp Joyellott on
lune 13 w one day after gradua-
tion. Although this action came
without any warning, it can harri-
ly be said that. it was not expected.

Only Ono Rojactctl
The beneficial results of the phy-

 

 

sical education given here at 1111- »

hols Tech came to the fore when
the men were examined during
the last few days. Out of over 200
engineerc only one, a certain P.
A. Trumpler, was rejected. Also
the doctor said he too could prob
ably pass the exam if he would
develop his humor a little bit
more. The only other item hold—
ing “muscles" Truimpler from join-
ing his pals at the “from" is one
“lab” report, and since all the
boys want to be together, a couple
of the better junior mechanical.
students have offered their aid
to “P. A.”
Teach Public Speaking

Not only military angles will
be cared for, but also an educa-
ti’omxl program is intended. The

d .

  

  

  

or; or we oil

In less than forty-eig’
last week, i‘llinoio In,
Technology transformed
to a mighty arsenal for D
in re.L spouse to the cloq
of Franklin Roosevelt,
Winkle, J. P. Morgan. on
Zaharoil. j

Sending the inhubitzm
neighborhoods housing
chh’s three oampuoee ,oourr
to their cellars: in eturlt
Armour- ,Lcwio‘, and the A.
stitute underwent oovera]
cal ziir raids and blackout
Wednesday. Muttercd th
Benito Mussolini and Adol'p
lor that all Illinois 'I‘cchtlo
pay a bitter price for lto co
efforts in behalf of Inter
Jewry, Bundles for Brita
the Polish Club, etartlcd ll
of students to prepare f ye
for attacks that may 00"
minute.

Operating like clockwork,
audo of motorcyclco tit
through the halls of Low
chine guns; bristlecl fro
window of the Art Imtitu
ten foot trenches gradually
combed the beautiful gro
Armour. Gone woe the ll
serenity that, , once 19
throughout the beautiful
gardens and babbling broo

Dropping from the to "
Armour Student Union b
like tumblewccdo,
parachute troopo prop
alight upon the unaw’at‘
of Adolph’s blitzkrieg tic
every campus, extensive
tions were underwayeafo
taming Benito's famoue
with hotfoots and emai,
with vinegar as they surrc

 

(continued on page ih

 

 

 

THEE-l WEEK [till Elli;
WEDNEEDAW

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1: 00 Elohool
2:00 What meets at: lilo

THURSDAY

moo Lunch

1:00 Larger pictures: at
Lewio "

1:00 Armour, EDT, 3?
EVE), etc. -

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