Junior Week, I hear thee calling me with thy sweet tender voice. "ilead'i, the echoes of thy depantoing escapaées, my glorious pee- geants, thy vine-covered halls for open House whisk me away into dreamlamcl. All Spring! Where is thy sting? an e we 22 Inobrlation This test is a very simple one and may be tried out in any public building which die {lenses spiritous beverages. See how near the edge of a table you can place a high. ball glase without its falling off. If you miss the table entirely, you are slightly inebri‘ ated. If there is no glass when you do this trick, you are just plain cockveyell. bill if there‘s no glass in your hand and no table in sight, Brother, you’re Fried. >15 11: >1; it She was pensive when 1 mol her, Sadness was on her brow. But my checkbook made her happy, And she’s ex~pensive now. a: r a «3: “Where’s God?" asked a local science in» structor. “In our house,” reloried a student. “Who told you that?” “Nobody, but my father was standing outside of the bathroom door this morn- ing and yelling, ‘Godl are you still in then???” >5: a: we: is First. Ellen-«“0095 your lmnbnncl will in hie sleep?” Elocoml 8bc-“z‘l0, and ill»; terribly 61mm» printing. lie fine: grins.” #1 Ii! 771 3:! Vance Zduroky: “I womler if i could make you melt. in my arms? Girl Friend: “No, I‘m nol {not coll em! you're not that hot.” n: m m :25 Try Kleenex Temm“lleur about Jack? He drool: Hillflill’" in acid by miemke." Jerry: “Kill him?” , , Tom-«“lilleck, no; he will like only thing lilo momma} wave that he made holes in his bomb krrchlci‘ cverylime he blew his; none.“ Sc at )3: it "What a splendid fit,” said the tailor as be carried the epileptic out of his shop. * lit a ll: Thom; 0M Moll! A girl attending Bryn Mowr a. Committed a dreadful fetus gear. She loosened a stay In her decollele Exposing her je~ne~saéc~quol »:< 2% a; e “Did that sailor attempt to More you lent “fight?“ “Why, mother you don’t think he came all like way from the bowie/silly flamingo jun! to listen to our radio, do you?” :1: A: o 25: N0 clergyman being present cl :2 recon: luncheon, the host singled out o solemn» looking man in black who had a miller re~ liglous appearance. He asked him to pro- nounce the blessing. After being addressed, the gentleman in block out his hand in his ear end craned forward intently: “1’ can tell you’re talking to me,” be sold loudly, “but I’m so damn deaf I can’t tell what in hell you’re trying to say.” :14 =3 41 15‘ You can’t kiss a girl unexpectceily; me neareel you can come to it is to Mac her before she thought you would. v2: :9: to r; Eimmerman—J‘An awful lot of girls are stuck on me.” Lykowski—“Hmmmnff, they must be an awful lot.” The census taker was inquiring of the mountaineer how many children he had. “Four," was the answer, “an’ I tell you that’s all I’m goin’ to have.’ “How come?" the census taker inquired. “Why,” said the hill billy, “I just read in this here almanac that every fifth child born in the world is a Chinaman.” (continued on page seven) TECHNflLfl‘GY NEWS More fire e The other night Joe said the hell with homework and we went over to see Dimitri. Personally, I think Joe’s a dope, but Dimitri is a geniusmpasseol colc the first try. We found Dimitri darkly brooding over a bottle of absinthe. He couldn’t recall the formula for Singapore Slings. We showed him. Quickly assemblying another batch and still a third, Dimitri got gabby over the fourth. He stood there with glowing eyes and flaming breath. “Fellas” he told us “you know l think up things. l’ve gone and thought up another thing?" “Huh?” said Joe, gulping a straight rum chaser. “What sort” I wondered “of thing?” Dimitri showed us: his working model, a small disc of blue paper. .loe wanted to know what the hell it was. Dimitri fondly caressed it and told us it was his, all his. “Yell” said Joe. “Wliassil good for?” “Try to grasp the true significance of this bit of paper. Science line not been thwarted. This; is my lripleply, warp-proof, fade-proof, wrinkle-proof confetti! Coneider the masterpiece of his woilpnlpeiy. We can shower it on returning lransatlantichlc filers!" Holding his working model lovingly aloft, Dimitri blew it gently. It fell to the table with a leaden thud. Giaoscs almost spilled. We conveyed the alcohol to safer regions. Glug. “God help” said 1 “the returning trans~ allamic fliers.” Joe sneezed. The working model took oil, skilterecl across me room. mattered to reel beneath a fuming radiator. Joe groped for it. shrieking, he wilmlrew his hand, well done. Dimitri sat wmped in thought (and an odor of freezonc.) ”Your approach, consider- ed from on engineering seamlpoim, non compass menus.” "Huh?” “ll‘s wrong. Let us urp apply more heat to this device, thus increasing liie conveo lion currents and waiting our my working model on an even swell of riring oir.” Dr milri whipped out his; cigaretteligliler, mumbling something about me invincible ingenuity of the scientific mlm‘i. He clicked the lighter five times, towed ll afiifil}, bor- roweo‘l a match. Joe greeuily drank the lighter fluid. Dimitri appliell a match to .loe’e lips and applied .loe'e lips; lo the ralli- olor. lnwmlcsccnce ensued. All in no avail. We hail another round of fliogapore Slings. After discarding Joe’s euggeollon of a vac uum cleaner as impractical, we (leaded to remove the radiator. Yonklng the curtain. l'Ol'} from its mooringe, Dimitri mod ii. an a lever. We assisted, badly bending our lever lmd ripping the curtain no emi. “Let’s rest” pained Joe. “We're urp con- suming our enegr‘y." “You don't, consume energy" I said scorn» fully. “You transform it!” And I was right. You transform it! W e rested. W e had another round of Sing- apore Slings. We were debating the possi- billlzy of using static electricity to pick up the working model when in walked Dimi- tr’s sister, a twelve-year-old whatehwdoin’ bral. She was chomping on a wad of gum. “We overlooked molecular urp adhesion” yelled Dimitri as he extracted the gum from his sister’s mouth, suffering the loss of only a forefinger. Dexterously impaling the gum on a corkscrew, he probed in the entrails of the radiator. He unearthed a torn card which read: Your Weight imam-You Have Quick Wile—«Try To Use Tbem-«Bustle About Eificiemly With Disentangling the gum from the card, we found it in crummy condition. Not fit for a hog. Joe said it install all right. We went to the kitchen for more ice cubes. We had another round of Singapore Slings. Then Joe snatched the magnet from the guts of the refrigerator and suggested “Let’sh my thigh, hey?" it didn’t work. However, we salvaged sev- en rusted razor blades and a small pin em’ blanoned: Relelccl Wilson! He Kept Us Out Of War! Suddenly i had an inspiration. “Gentle- men” I sold (l‘m sure I was absolutely so. her) “let us cool the radiator with water. Then we can reach the working model without. parlioiling our hands.“ No sooner saill than etc. To solve the drainage prob- lem we chopped a hole in the floor. But the rzuilalor stayed hot. Pounding begun. Joe said “'l‘hassa folks downhicslalrs.” Dimitri sneerco. “Uh-uh. ‘Urp. Good ole mcrcly, olc pal, the water hummernarml iotor.” (Copy reader’s note: I’m lost.) The pounding continued. We were hav’ ing another round 01“ Slings when Dimitri suggested blasting the working model looee. As he’s a Chemical, he quickly beat up a batch of nilro. Dumping it under the radiator, Joe touched a match to it. The radiator shudderea, lept up and carefully imbedded itself in the ceiling. it was noisy. Scraping Joe off the wall, we revived him with leftover Slings. We were sifting the when which bordered a gap in the floor» hoards when wailing eircns stopped outside. It is very nice here. The food is excellent and they treat us well. We will be released from our straigbtjackets on 'l‘hursdey. ’l‘hen Dimitri will set us free. He plans to distill nitric acid from the air and use it to dieeolvc the bars; between us and you. FARRELL n FILED. new ell . 1i Ripper flumnski gets; an A in visual n‘alning, we know it’s all due lo the un— selfish efforts of (under the table with one beer) Duly . . . Advertisenwno-nfiee Sbyoler minnow-g for all tracing paper. shoe laces, aspirin, chewing gum, and Male cape. His rates are reasonable and his stock unlimit- nu: «.u. 9% “l1 9k 1335 Flash! The Sophs have moved to lower (and more comfortable) quarters. For an (loublellly selfish reaeons, the Burial; of the Upper School wishes certain incriminating facts published. Sorry, Joe, my humanilar‘ ion instincts prevent my becoming a part of this vile scheme. The Blucsleixxx-Goldsmith feud is cooling off 10 the utter dismay of a certain group of young men. 2» 21‘ :k a». Slnrubbery Sherlock, the professor of Rosa» glen Juidimn neatly bounced Olsla oil” of a wall in the soph room. NOTE—If Sherlock persists in these subversive communistic activities, drastic action will have to be taken. 5: xx »:< :3 Mrs. Frye was properly {squelcned by the Counter Jabbering of four juniors in Con- crete last week. Our little Southern Belle swings back into aclion (and type) after her brief sojourn in Arkansas. Honey was seen tripping a light (but violent) fantastic with Wocrhl all over the erSr. room last Thursday. Michaeleon, the woman hater (hell, boll), bagged clans early under the pretence all working at, the office. Four hours he was still chatting with his favorite chicken over a Walgreen coke. Ed. Mote:--’i‘hc trai- tori! Suzy moved to the upper levels recently for one (or both) of two reasons. Undoubt- edly she needs some degree of seclusion for her work on the Ryerson competition; then too, Bud has his board on that level, too. in- cidently, they make a handsome couple in their Bcrghofi rendezvous. :k =1: e #5 It sure looked like hades (you know what, l mean). National defense and open house work was held up last week when a fire broke out in a model city now under construction in the Sr. Class. Sabateurs from the Beaux Arts foundation. =lfi >2: ll< ”ll Well, folks-lee, guess lhals all. Remenv her, “Keep on the ball,” it’s only two weeks ’till open house. GUS“ WWW}. APRIL 23,, MM} Now llml the Fresh are all through beat»- img cock others braille (Hill; and knocking the crystal our. of line walls with their filler» bug smiles. pence elnonkl once more reign on the campus! By the control decrepit, all" poo amen of Jon ll‘rosln ywllcrauy morning we are willing on make our shirts, that the Fromlofioph shambles are going; u) reach a new high in hmnlmation! Sorry-millwll walled off on account of crippled freslnmenll (Hi you we “Pretty Boy" Blowers mil mangled up, he «lid NO'H.‘ groin limit way m; the brow” Hob. boll!) Ill A: W Dr. A. H. Carpenter has stooped to nefarl ans tactics. Fruillcss in his efforts to put his entire geology class to sleep by his usual method of garbllng’, he has enlisted the aid of Miss Rosamond Golden and her new, all penelrallng perfume, obtained through the courtesy of the chemical warfare division of the U. S. Army! Latest reports from the Imll-hole, that, is .Dr. Carpenter’s class—room indicate “ml the new gas is worlolng lilac a charm—ail has claimed four victims to date and yrcal things are expected from it ln the near future! all n: i: ll: Ralph Von Midllllonworlln, fooling low anal in llw (lumgm. rewarded the aloomr will: in visit. “Hill worm. fears were realized; the mom-lion. {liter connialorlng the heel. place for quarantine, he wont to .lllll’e (his girl friend) how—w. Poor Won, be forgot. in lake inlo occounl the “in tiny incubation normal. 1* ll! in e ll‘llArll‘imHank Wilmer and! Bob “llloml llon" Flown“ make a weekly trek to Gary. You. Gary, imliunu.mlloyn in ii. owing or mileage tools on the Model “ll." 2r all 4: r The Peterson and Ifcamer expeditionary force, going under the slogan of Detroit or Bust, Busted. The great brealcdown ac~ curred on Sunday, 25 miles off then-route. All Monday was spent in consumlng beer and working on “Zena." This gruesome two—some Ml the campus early Tuesday morning llred anal haggard. When inter viewed they said “the hell with conven» lions, we want bigger and better break: downs.” it ‘vl: Ill 41 Bidding Chicago a fond adieu, Kai-l Bloom. Bill flkcnc. Don llmly1 anal .l‘im Walker left early Wednesday morning (April 9-wl’ower3 conf. remember?) to spend a quiet holidayi at Koos’ summer home near Ne‘wago, Mich. The boys left with a complete camping outfit which consisted entirely of liquor. Arriving at their secluded woodland para» disc the boys immediately unlaxed and shed all semblances of human beings. The only experience incurred during this three day drunken orgy which is suitable for publica- tion is the story of Koos’ emergence from a spillwoy pond dripping green slime and “WM" fungi and other forms of aquatic, WW“, growths, looking very much like King Neptune himself! >l< #1 al: 2:: FLASH—“Lover" lumbar latest loll mm love lane! limit; him working: on the boom of Miss; Mary Knimch. a: e is 2;: Dammit it seems thal these budding? . engineers haven’t anything better to do than make lrlps, to some for-flung hole. Here’s some guy, Ed. Floreen Sp. mosh, ‘ whose very existence depends upon a week- ly weekend trip to Milwaukee to see his Dorothy Baum. Ed. Nolemand here we sit , in a sultry news office writing about these guys carouslng throughout the country-side. What the hell are we doing here! 14 =iK ll! Il= Ami new since our train to Hawaii leaves in 5 mlnnfim. we have 20 rook lo Elle ncigll- borilootl llootrlry for our romping coaxial- numbsuloon. Elfilli‘ll‘ll SCGQK’ERS.