CAMPUS Sing gives back to his community. Pg. 5 ABE It's not around this weekwant to change that? Email ae@technewsiit.comfa SPORTS Brian Glennon is our Athlete Spotlight! Student newspaper oflllinois Institute of Technology since 1928 TUESD Y April 3, 12 Volume 172' Issue 10 technewsiit.com SGA 2-8 Campus 4-6 AprilFool's 8 The Slipstick 9 Sports 10-11 91LM. to 7P.M.VARIOUS LOCATIONS ON CAMPUS Old Man Daley’s Machine Politics Proficiency Index: IHS With the SGA Executive Board elections set for April 3, HT students have a difficult choice for whom cast their multiple ballots To aid in the selection process, TechNews has bridged the ethereal and supernatural worlds to bring in special political correspondent, Ricth It Daley Da Mayor has kindly agreed to rate candidates based on his opinions of their personalie ties and policies, and how he sees them fitting in as cogs in his larger Chicago Machinei Da Major will rate candidates on the DIS, DAT, DEEZ, and DOZE scale, and will provide insight into the candidates and their fitness for the position Mayor Daley attended the SGA debates on March 29, and has thoroughly researched the candir dates’ backgrounds and prior poi litical history Da Mayor will make his picks based upon a candidate’s fitness for the position and their ability to succeed in the Chicago Machinei When asked what his ideal can, DAT didate would look like, Old Man Daley said the following, “Any body dat runs for office in da City of Chicago got to get a few tings straighti First, dey better know who da boss is, and dats met Sec, ond, dey gotta have a good head on dere shoulders, ‘cause it’s gonna be a lot learning on your feet Tird, andmost importantly, dey gotta be able to communicate I’m talkin’ Saul Alinsky style, ‘cause if you can’t motivate your constituents, your screwed’f The following are Mayor Daley’s picks, and are TechNews’ officially endorsed candidates: President: Candidate Kelly Lohr Daley Says: Mos def a DOZE Lohr has been involved with SGA for a while, and you may have noticed her SGA updates in TechNews, which is always a posie tive in our book Candidate Paola Arce Daley Says: Needs ime provement, aka a DAT Arce may have a few studentepositive tricks DEEZ up her sleeves, but prior involve ment and leadership skills are lack, ingi Executive Vice President: Candidate Matthew Otten Daley says: DOZE Otten sounds a lot like Ogden, who was the first mayor of this great and beautiful city Plus Otten is bright, and will be an invaluable asset to his president and the rest of the student body Vice President of Student Life: Candidate Rani Shah Daley Says: DOZE Rani knows what’s going on, and has worked her way up from inside SGAi Her prior experience and ambition make her a threat to all those who stand opposed, and Da Mayor knows a thing or two about that Candidate Tristan Larson Daley Says: DAT Tristan is certainly passionate, but to this mayor it seems like his passions have been directed elsewherei As EWB President, Tristan has cere [YO DOZE tainly shown he is capable, but he does not know the inner workings ofSGA like some of the other can, didatesi Vice President of Aca- demic Affairs: Candidate Victor Obaihu Daley Says: DlSi Vii} tor wasn’t at the debates, and the Mayor don’t know what to think of himi Candidate Soonen Ahua Daley Says: DlSi Soonen was also absent from the debates Finance Board Chair: Candidate Emmanuel Klu Daley Says: A solid DEEZi Emmanuel shows promise in his position, and will bring profe ssione alism to this office He’s also unope posed, which is Da Mayor favorite way to run For information on the can, didates, turn to pages 2 c’r 3 to read a quick blurb on all oftlie Vice Pres, idents up for election, and a little more information on what the prof spective Presidents want to imple ment.