By Karl Rybaltowski IT'S NOT SLANDER IF IT'S TRUE At a recent student forum, students, faculty and university staff were surprised the other day by the latest initiative put forward by out7 going SGA President Brian Kibbe? The student leader has a respectable history of service to IIT’s community, and has pa.r7 ticipated in (and led) the push toward various high7profile improvements around campus? His latest idea, though, is causing quite a stir 7 eliminating recycling, first from IIT, and then “hopefully the world, but we have to start at the local leve ," according to Kibbe? Kibbe’s term ends later this month, with the ofiicial transfer of power to the President7 elect, Elnaz Moshfeghian, at an SGA general body meeting? But Kibbe did not wait until this happened to announce his post7presidential plans? Where7 as previous SGA presidents, after their terms ended, devoted themselves to causes such as ‘graduating’ and ‘finally enjoying their week7 ends,’ a near7manic Kibbe announced his plan before a large gathering? “I have seen the fu7 ture, and there is no room in it for recycling From this day forth, no man or woman who recycles may call me friend? I pledge myself to eliminating this blight from our fair campus!" Though sketchy on the details, Kibbe repeat7 edly insisted that “that program will finally get what’s coming to it" and “I will wipe that smirk off their faces," not elaborating on who ‘they’ may be? He then reportedly bounded away from his podium and attempted to knock over a nearby recycling bin? Though he was unsuc7 cessful (the weight of the material in the bin made it diflicult to get a good grip), the sight was far from comical? “Brian’s always been so committed to helping others," said outgoing SGA Executive VP Brad Strandquist “When he blew up on stage and tried to knock the re7 cycling over, it was kind of terrifying It came out of nowhere" Since that initial outburst, Kibbe has ob7 tained a cart he loads up with recycling bins that are then taken to an undisclosed location, never to be seen again? After the disappearance of a few such bins, in events marked by the stunned faces of onlook7 ing students and the grim determination on Kibbe’s face, the school’s Facilities department, Public Safety, and the Office of Campus En7 ergy and Sustainability (OCES) teamed up to try and stop the respected student leader from making off with any more university property “Those bins are expensive," said Joseph Clair, Director of OCES, “and we’re still not sure what Brian’s up to? We try to talk him down, but he only ever responds with cold stares or mania7 cal cacklesi" These efforts to stop the former student advocate have not been entirely suc7 cessful, as Public Safety Officers have reported Kibbe to be “really diflicult to apprehend" and still find themselves “just not believing he could do this kind of thing," even when they witness it in person? Rumors abound as to the reason for Kibbe’s sudden man7versus7world mentality, but a plausible one has been posited byseveral mem7 bers of the SGA Executive Board and Senate, as well as close friends? “When he realized how much free time he would have next year, he just kind of snapped," said Finance Board Chair Kevin O’Leary “He just had to find the next big project, the next huge initiative 7 and I guess, in his state, he settled on something absolutely crazy," he added? The President7 elect agrees? “The lack of sleep, hnewsiit.com ||T DATING GUIDE \/-2 Bored? Tough 10/0 It's Over 9000! Sudoku 1-30 Frolf NO working late nights in the SGA office until building staff kicked us out, coordinating big events with all the student organizations 7 he couldn’t handle giving it all up?" Others noted his erratic behavior as the full implications of his free time slowly dawned on Kibbe, such as one student who asked to remain anonymous for fear of retribution “I asked him if he wanted to grab lunch some day since he was going to have so much time on his hands, and out of nowhere he just glared at me while putting a cigarette out onto his forearm? He didn’t even flinch? Come to think of it, he doesn’t even smoke? Where’d he even get that thing?" While IIT staff formulate a plan to stop Kib7 be’s inexplicable rampage, more and more re7 cycling bins on campus disappear Students are asked to shake off their disbelief at a respected member of the community performing such bizarre and destructive acts and report him immediately to Public Safety Kibbe himself, though, insists that this is “only the beginning" and that “soon we will all be free to live in a world without recycling" Certainly, no one can accuse him of small dreams? Budding bromance stirs up controversy on campus By Karl Rybaltowski 1 WRITER EVERYTHING A hotly debated issue has drawn ire from up7 set students recently After a number of “man7 dates" between William Syvongsa and Alec Weege, their growing bromance has sparked a controversy that threatens to tear the univer7 sity apart? The affair began when the two found them7 selves working in the same office? “Sometimes I’d buy him a cup of tea, sometimes he’cl buy me a box of Dibs," said Syvongsa? “It was a good system?" As the two got to know each other over the course of the school year, the relationship moved from the workplace into their personal lives? “We grabbed lunch at this great new Thai place one day I had heard about it and wanted someone to go with, so I asked him to come with? And it was pretty good? Will’s a good guy," said Weege? But such antics are not sitting well with some members of the IIT community “Quite frank7 ly, it’s unseemly," said Roslyn Woodby, founder of the new No7Mance movement on campus? “There is absolutely no reason two straight men would want to spend time with each other alone? What are they trying to tell the world?" She continued, “Ma.n7dates just aren’t natural? If you’re going out with only one other person, you’d better believe it has to be someone you’re trying to woo? Anything else is just?“ weird" No7Mance has turned into a visible student or7 ganization with one clear goal: “stopping this kind of behavior on IIT’s campus?" The students at the center of the controversy are adamant “I just don’t understand what the issue is with two straight guys going to a movie together and sharing popcorn, and not keeping a seat between them? Is that so weird?" Syvongsa wondered? Weege concurred? “Peo7 ple are actually concerned about this?" There has been an attempt by the No7Mancers to force Student Affairs to censure Syvongsa and Weege for misconduct Though Student Affairs staff were unavailable for comment, other IIT staff chimed in? “A what7mance? Is this some kind of joke?" said John Collins, VP for Busi7 ness and Operations “It sounds like you’re just describing a friendship? Are you sure that’s not what you’re talking about?" But the No7Mancers remain undeterredi “We won’t rest until this kind of behavior is eliminated from campus? It’s strange, it’s un7 natural, and it’s just not right," said Woodby For their part, Weege and Syvongsa are ada7 mant, as well? “We were thinking of going for a bike ride, now that the weather’s getting bet7 ter Maybe some snacks by the lake? You know, nothing too big"