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ILLINOIS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY x‘ 3i“ S ex Tech THE SEX AND RELATIONSHIP ADVICE COLUMN Sweet Pseudonym SEXTECH EDITOR Submit your question through technewsiit.com/ask-sextech : Hi. So, I’ve been dating the same boy for a year now, and it’s definitely . serious. We’re doing super well, except for I one thing: lately he’s been bringing up mar- . riage seriously and repeatedly, but no way! : We’re still undergrads, and while I don’t see :myself never getting married, it sure isn’t ' going to happen anytime soon! I guess my I question then is: how do I take the idea off :the table for now, without hurting his feel- - ings or our relationship? :A: That’s definitely tough. I think you just :have to go into it knowing that if his mind ' is really that made up about marriage, nothe : ing you say is going to change it. That doesn’t :mean there’s no point in having a conversae :tion thoughl The most important thing to VLADA GAISINA opinion@technewsiit.com remember is to not take an accusatory tone when you’re talking to him about this. Frame your concerns in statements about how mare riage isn’t out of the question forever, and how you love him, and you don’t want this to be a dealbreaker for you two. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be firm about your be, liefs though. Don’t be scared to tell him that you can’t imagine getting married for at least another (however many years you want to wait), and that it simply isn’t up for discus, sion. Then tell him why Tell him you want to make sure you have a career first, and that you want to live in the real world before you even begin to think about marriage, or what, ever it is that has driven you to decide to wait on marriage. If he loves you, he’ll understand. Just be prepared for marriage to be as none negotiable for him as it is for you, but then I suppose it would be better to know now rather than later. Good luckl : I recently started dating a girl from the same friend circle, but it just ended - big and badly. She’s apparently dialing up the drama, and trying to make people take sides. How do I navigate this situation with- out tearing all of our shared friends apart? And also, is there anyway I can salvage a friendship with my ex? We used to be super close even before we started dating. TechNews I Tuesday, February 15, 2011 A: Honestly? The only chance you have at mediating this is by talking to your ex. Try and get her to meet you face to face so that you can discuss how to deal with the mutual friends issue. First and foremost, you should try and understand why she’s reacting the way she is. Tell her that you feel like she’s try, ing to make your shared friends take sides, and how it makes you upset. You won’t be able to get her to change until you know what’s driving her behavior (and remember, what you see as her dialing up the drama, that might just be how she actually perceives the situation). From there, you should of course discuss different options to keep your friends out of it. Perhaps you can propose not talking about the situation with the friends that you share? Either way, feelings have been hurt, and it’s going to be tough to be on the same page with things like this, so just work on making her feel that it’s as much in her interest to keep your friends neutral as it is yours. As to the topic of remaining friends, I just say time. Don’t burn any bridges while you’re broken up, and I’m sure that you’ll eventue ally be able to be friendly, if not good friends, again. Time really does heal most relationship wounds, so you’re just going to have to wait, and if her friendship is worth it, you will. 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