YE ARMOURE SbUSlMlE PUMPEV

 

Page Two
illfimfilm" Tfifih lwawg WWWWWWW’W’W%WWW

Student Publication of the

”lilac @ligiollllclo 99 d

Cleave lo ”The Slipsfick"; lei‘
the Slapstick fly where it may

ARMOUR lNSTETUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 9

3300 Federal St. l3?

CHlCAGO, lLLlNOllS ‘

Published Weekly During the College Year %

l938 Member I939 [:3

mwcmd Colonials) fires; in &, l m @915. $5,. 2% Afix Q, fill. £3.39, 4,33%
HEPVIEfiPN‘V‘ED Fun «menu. Anvum‘mmc av

~ V - .- . . CREME/T: (To his: crying wile): “Stay: crying! Your

National Advembmg sewn/B, me. {ears have no client on me. Whnt area they? A small mor-

Callcge Publitbers Rcfi'esmllafivt' - . .
420 MADISON AVE. Ncw vorm. N. Y. centage of phosphorus, malts, is little sodium clilot‘ido. All

ll

£§§&§%

CMKAOO ' neuron ' Lou Anallcs - Sun FIMNCIIEO the rest water. Bah l”
“Entered as second clans matter December 8, 1937, at ll *
the post office at Chicago, Illinois, under the Act of March She was only a professor’s daughter but she learned
3. 1879." no: 237 [Mfr lesson.

Single Copies, 10 Cents Each 1k w >3
" Fifty per cent of the modern girls smoke.
fifty per cent aren’t so cold, either.
V ft m:

$2.00 Per Year

 

The other

 

EDITOREAL BOARD

Editor ..... Murgatriod Montmorency Magillicuddy
Managing Editor .............. Percival Pastypuss
News; Editor ............... Reginald Rubbergutz
Records Editor . ............ Algernon Addleconk
Sports Editor ..... , Benjamin Bunnyhump
Business Manager. . .......... Sylvester Slopjar
Copy Editor ................ Bertram Bulgyknob
Feature Editor ...... Parkinson Cuthbert Ritchbitch
Rewrite Editor ....... ...Magonnigal Mop‘nandle
Faculty Adviser. . .Prof. Whiteside W. Whifi'lesnoop .
This, dear reader, is the Bull Edition of the Tech Indicating that this column has the engineer's bent.
It’s all in fun, no offense is intended. interest at heart, we are giving you the following tech—
- __ nicul report received from the research laboratory on

She was only a fireman's daughter but she certainly
did ya lo blazes.

coals

  

"Dom thio package belong to you? The mime in ob-
literntcd.”
“No. That isn't my paclmgo, my moms in O'Brien.”
'l‘ fi< ill

 

She was only a milar’o daughter hull she greased well.
"1‘ ’I-

News.

 

Vol. XXX“. Tuesday, March 2g, 1939 N0. '27 WhiSkY~
..,. Connect 20,000 volts owes a pint:
. i (I) If the current jumps: it the product in your.
in“; efiifiafilaa 0% file week . (Z) M the current nausea a precipitate of lye, tin,
The Preydenl m l'HS recent SpeeCh sa'd: Blah anionic, iron, slag, and alumni [ho whining! in fair.

 

 

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, (3) ll the whialiy chosen the current back to the gen.
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, orator the whisky is good.
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. ’l‘ " *

She was only an ucrobul’s dauphin?“ but silo nclll‘ll‘

Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah

I l! F‘lled (war.

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, ,, , ,,

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, “Johnnie, do you want to leave the room?”

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, “Say, teacher, you don’t think that I’m standing here
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. hllCh hiking”

9a 4i «i

Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah

She was only a photographer's: daughter but ohc will;

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, W, developed.

blah blah. blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, .1. i, .,

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. Student: "1'“ bet you as him that l elm limol one from
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. you."

Girl Friend; “And l'll bee. you two [ball you count."

Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah. blah blah,
blah blah‘ blah blah' blah blah, blah blah She was only an iccmun‘s daughter but sho tool: llcr

Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah pick,

Student: "All right, you: win.’
'3‘ ll ’,

blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, * 22 v

blah blah blah blah‘ blah Nah, blah blah “Who was; that woman 1 saw you with last night?”
blah blah. blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, ”Th“ was "0 womanjlhgl walla my We”

blah blal’k blah blah, blah blah, blah blah She wall only all clan-Miami's dangliler but she wont

Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah hill/wirc’.

blah blah. blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, . ,, .
blah blah. blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, ”30 Yonvbmllm‘riaepminlcr?"
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, I‘VE?" ”
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, ,,:‘"“””“l‘“fi‘““’”WW“? _,

ope. Points men and women.
blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, “Owimfim mm...

and we agree on every point. “Nope. Jim: palms women on om door and men on

lbw,» other."
=3 :3 a

She was only a plumber’s (10110th but she had good

linow You? Elwin.
mmlcrrians.

“The Lady Known 35 Lou" K m i l

“Hello, Armour," ”I'm sorry l can"? find him,l HE: “i like to take experienced girls home."
will call you back later." “Thank you." We‘ll give; SHE: “1 am mt «:xnerienccd.”
you three guesses as to who these phrases apply to, l HE“ And YO“ re “Ol rm? 3*“, “mu"
. . - , l
and the last FWO don l COUfit' lUSl m caél‘ you are: S'Ilc will; only a blflrflkfl‘l’flillt‘lz (laugliicrr but she [mow
all blind, mflrm, hall, lame, or dead well have iol how ,9 [WW ahead.
tell you. The name, boys, is Louise Lakin; lhe ad-l
dress is NH North Dearborn, second floor in the Dlll you hear about the man that smokfid 80 many

southwest corner. Don‘t get ideas gentlemen, be— l Camels that his nerves got so steady that he couldn’t;
move.

 

now

cause she is also a fond wife.
"Red", Whose l’ialr is really nalural (all CraCkS, She was only a milkmuu's clung/Mn (in? like was Hie
to (be contrary not—withstanding) came to our lair ”mm 0/- ,he or“,
institution in January, l937. She has been Sla— a i l
tioned in the information office ever since That ; The Pmlcwor rapped on the 495k and filled: “Order!”
time, putting up with the hundred and one lbmgsv The Wll°le “la” Munich-filmy!"
which an operator has To keep in mind. Her poi 4
peeve is the man who does not know how in us
a telephone correctly, Another gripe is The funn .
gent who, when she asks for a “number, please] l Engineer: “Mother, 1 just lost my leg in an automobile
answers Canal l23jump, Creenapple SlZmarly, l:>l'v,3‘“ld9“l-H
Forest 3333' l . Mother: “Well istay outside until it stops dripping, I’ve
When asked whal' she thinks of the student body l NS: momma the “0014'" ,, ., ,,
in general “‘9 4 leaf ll ind" EVElEUll sald lhEYl She was only a woman’s daughter but she had her
are, in her opinion, prelly much o.l<. She acfuallyl following.
thinks we are gentlemen. Yippeel l " " *
Looking al’ your scribe through her one good eye‘ 1'3””: “And Wm", dial You see him milking «he
Lou revealed lhai‘ she was born in lndianapolis 28 l 50:36}. ,, _ . . ,
. , itnesm: duo: is hallo beyond the center, air.’
years ago. She moved lo Chlcogo aboui eleven) 1. 9
years ago. llOWGVel', and allel’KlEd Waller ngl’ll, She was only a boxel"s daughter bull she know when
School, While (here she look part in the debaiing i ’0 faint
team and Since her graduallon she has done workl
in fhe Epworih Methodist church dramalic group, lbeards?”
She likes swee’r swing music, parlicularly of (loci 'Motfie1,: “Because they get to heaven by Such close
Kay Kyser variety, but loathes the barrelhouse type l shaves.”
of Benny Goodman and Arfie Shaw. Her hobbies: i i. =k
are knilting, golf, tennis, and bicycle riding. l “Oh, what, a strange looking cowl" exclaimed a hwflzll.
Siarting next September Lou is going ('0 siudy l young lass from the city, “but why hasn’t she any horns?”
dress designing. If she fakes a course in descripiive “Well, 3'0“ see?" ”flamed “‘9 farm”! “some COWS (“"9

geometry right here maybe That would help herl born without horns and never have, any, and others shed
. — h f » '2 1. v H ‘(- (theirs, and some breeds ain‘t supposed to have horns at
in er ulure SiudleS. OWSVEV. I there are any 2111, There’s a lot of reasons why some cows ain’t got

«i a is

.‘x‘hc was; only a, cmlvict’s daughter but who knew all of
in: bars.

 
  

  

o it ,1.

 

avizx

Little boy: “Mama, why don’t men angels have

 

wavy-haired sophomores taking dress deSlgnlng she horns, but the reason tho: cow ain't got horns is because
will cerl’ainly have plem‘y of company. it ain't no cow—it's a hox'se.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The theme song of the oophs is
still and definitely: “We Love Li'e"

“wow-WWW

 

 

and 3chci'ei' (Captain

mm

 

Stockmai'kot Quotations: Tochawks higher, BULLS holding their own,
I chorus girls still popular (coeds too), school stocks surging down. . . .

l)‘ Yll ll! #1 d: ‘

Social note: The Sleeping Hour Girls School of Pi‘itznngle on the Drain-

age Canal has invited the Armour Tech Rover Boys Glee Club to a nuclei.
and beer dance in the women’s lounge of the school, it was. announced by
C. Austin Flatbottom, dean of our school. The counsellor of women at
Sleeping Hour girls school, Mrs. Y. Duyou Holler, exhaled to the gentlemen
(‘1) of our press, “Our girlsi are both refined and good looking. While wear-
ing horn rimmed glasses and being" slightly baggy under the eyes, they
have the MOST charming poisonolities.” Said Johnnie Bean, glee club
president, in declining the invitation after much deliberate deliberation:
“l?“‘o’iw. l'l‘“) !(*?."

5|: ll? >31 ill Ill

 

Little known facts about Armoro Tech; All classes are dismissed each
Sunday, subject to change without notice; beginning any day at 'five o’clock.
classes will be dismissed for the remainder of the day to all day school stu—
dents; students will positively have to pay tuition, starting four yeats'fi‘om
yesterday; G.E.O. Allison will give away free new shiny dollar bills to all:
students putting in their application before December 12, 1937; homework
will be aboliohod under the new rule paused by tho holler-professor council,
this feature atoning June 1?. and extending to all lucky regular term Shiv
dents ’till September 16, 1.939.

lb ’5‘ Ill ll: lit

Since our grant of $6.750 000 000 was; obtained from the federal govern»
ment to build on eighty—live story addition to our school, the mathematics
profs Gzyhanslcostowit‘z, Blowhistlc and Squarerootski have computed for
days on how long it will take a freshman student to walk from his basement

. _ . sac of the Drunken Delta, Fox locker ('l) to his first pol-ind class on the top floor. 'Aflm integrating floor
gammy), by floor, they were thoroughly exhausted upon reaching their destination:

were, a” knocked out about Olga, a and published the findings with the statement: “We don’t give a d~~n."

blondie, in life last Thursday. .
Both of them tool: her out Friday for

lll >l< n ill :1:

Hal (Orchards) Johnson, who is head game hunter of this issue because-

a MOOd time. . - Sh?- drank b0“! them he’s always shooting the bull, hols clamored and begged to be taken into the
under the table. . . ~50 dies the game A.S.L.S.S. (American Society of Love Sick Students), Armore branch, but

of the drinking delta.

Art Gum, alias Pretty/«boy Ron, has been rejected.

since he hall on much SA. on Ferdinand the Bull (and we do mean you) he
Too bad, Ho], but only one girl, and the only one you

had one Of his woman out the other have ever lmown, may‘smem like a. lot of women to you, but to veteran memu

nite and he quizzed

her saying: bers of the club, it in chicken feed.

“What (ions :1 virgin dream nbout?” m l .i. i. ll:
- film“ “am She didn’t know, to Prof. Huntly, in explaining on why the north heat the south in the
which naive Rea said: “You

wouldn‘t.”

Some of ye am: think that. Spa/er
hm; gotten into HM wrong institution
“Hills tin/wt must have bctm for

[)u'lm'ilm.

Every Monday and Tuesday yo arm
witness a, verbal duel between Pro-
fcaco'r Sccgrl'cl and the fire 1170101:th

.HM! fire protccfg arc 10 up an
ll,i1rl.....l’ol,tm~ again breaks the am
wows, ll scum.» thm lull; [Milwn'ingu
flinging (main. . . .j'uot wait until he
chowo the lioylho the way one of Ncwv
ton'o [ml/ions laws Ivor/ca. . . .lm usual-
ly koala; over from crhustio’n after

one of ”1,850 pcrforwumcaa.

Fumolm wordn: Howe is a. dumb
What senior

brick with a brick.

whoao initials are A.M.B.Y. liaan't
grown up yet, just the other day he
had to change his pants?
F00
BOX—ARTS.

 
    
 
   
   
    
      
    
  
 
     
 
 
 
    
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

V fiflME‘l’HlNG T0 Tlllél

Civil war, aaid, quote “
ll: 1): '4: ll! it
George (They Pay) Frost has a system all his own. The galls pay his
and their way to dances, brawls, theatei'n, etc. If you think we're shooting
Ferdinand to you, ask Gorgooun whom he took to the Junior Brawl at the
Flatbush Casino recently. None other than hin cousin on cousin's money,
Gosh, what a man.
to a? VlK #- Ill
Proicsum‘n, ATTENTON: Herewith we print the unbiased truth, the
lmicknames of some of the profs, taken at random, that the students have
labeled them with. Any similarity to real or living; persons is purely hop—
penstanco and coincidental. (l) Drooling Dan, the Diesel Man; (2) Put
Put Potter; (3) The Dutchman (civil); (4) Steamboat; Perry; (5) Long
John Grinter; ((3) Uncle Willie Krathwohl; (7) Sleepy Davis; (8) Pickle
Puss Van; (9) Pail; (19) Nellie 3.; (11) Jojo Finnegan; (12) Brother
Winston; (13) Whippy Spencer; (14) Jack Libby; (15) Benny 3.; (16)
Daisy Schommer; (17) Beacon Swineford; (18) Billie Goats Goetz; (19)
Curly Top McCormacli; (20) Sammy Bibh; (21) Bedapring Dutton; (22)
Sludge Hammer; (23) Rabbit Puss Nachman; (24) Fat Stuff Allison; (25)
Baldy Olson.
llF V'fi il- lk l1?
Mcch 1 notc: Steele necks at the yield point when stressed beyond her
elastic limit.

 

«

THERE? MUEST

     
  

BE

T l’ll/l
Ple*SMOKlNfi Til/ll :7
MllfiSlNG. WHA‘HS lT? =

HERE’S WHAT

young MlSSlNo, $54.th

m PRlMCE ALEERT.

, THERE’S NO "ll
om Elia "loomed

' thE HT!

  
 

  
 

 
  

    
   

i» ’ WE- ..
Copynzm. mm. B lloynuldn’i‘mocu Company

"(ml VERY puff of Prince Albert is filled. w} th RICH,
' RIPE TASTE—~good, full body that’u never
harsh, always EXTRA MILD 2 That’s real smoking
joy in anybody’s pipe. No rawness to raise. hob with
your tongue. P. A39 exclusive “no-bile" process as»
sures all the full, rich taste of choice tobaccos —
without annoying harshness (to bite your tongue.
P. A. gives you a lot for you? tobacco money. Try
the big red pocket tin tacitly.

  
 
 
  

 
   

I?“ 7 “iii
‘ ‘ “filflla -
ii: llgl’lilsi‘illfill. llflfil bl?
“dill '

   

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3N?) Milifllw$fi Y5”???

  

Smoke 24} fragrant pipofulo of ?2’i::ce Albert {E yam:
dam find it elm: nzolluwaak, (tonkieno gripe tobacco you
cum“ mocked. return line pocket tin Evifili the $652 of
film tobacco in it to m. at any tima within all month from
this date, and um will mflsml mu bouillon” mice. 5min meg»:
yoeiogc. (Signdd) R. J. Reynolds Yobactn Company, Prism» i.
'i.%rsa%on»$zdom, North ambition

pipcfiuis a5 fro»
05.5w