Armour institute of Technology. Chicago, lllinois,

 

   
  
    
        

653

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Papa Dionne:

Berlin, March
Special.
“Germany's birth rate ain’t what

it ought to be,” said Adolf Hitler in

an address before the German people
tonight. “What we need is quantity,
not quality. I’m going to Whip over
to Canada and drop in on that guy

Dionne, and get his personal views

and opinions. Our motto should be

‘Triplets or nuthing’. ”

 

 

13 1/5; , l939—Extra

 

 

In the wildest game yet staged
by the co-op invalids, the fourth year
delegation positively skunkcd the so-
called mighty freshmen by a 72 to 18
score. The five 4A men defeated not
only the eleven incompetent freshmen,
but also the bribed rcfrees and time—
keepers. Nothing, not even the stone
walls of the gym, could hold back the
inspired juniors. Captain “Flash"
Jones led the scorers with an amaz»
ing total of 36 points, 34 of which
were accounted for by free-throws.

Andy Blaida (the lad who won the
coveted Canine Foundation Award in
1937 as Downers Grave’s most strik-
ing baby) followed was runnerup for
high honors with a total of sixteen
death blows. Aldorson led the fresh-
man attack with two points, both of
which were granted when Blaida
tripped him unaccidentally. Inciden-
tally, Alderson’s broken arm is heals
ing rapidly.

This being the fourth consecutive
year the juniors have won the tour-
nament, undisputed possession of the
trophy cup goes to them. The cup
will be presented to the team at the
coop smoker, Friday evening. Each
member 01' the winning team will per—
sonally engrave his initials on the
beer-mug trophy in the presence of all
the co-ops.

Congratulation/s are in order for
Paul Beckman, 4A, who was recently
married to Adelle Olsen, daughter
of Mr. and Mrs. Mortimer Olsen of
Chicago’s great west side. Mr. Beck.

man is a graduate of the Chicagmfit by “Machine Gun"
School for the Mentally Undernour-.

ished, where he received Q.A. for a
thesis on the sensibility curves for the
unbalanced. He is at present doing
graduate work at Armour, and will
soon receive his W.P.A. certificate.
Mrs. Beckman was a very popular
coed at the University of Kankakee,
where she was president of the fresh—
men class for 4 years before her
resignation. The marriage was a
complete surprise to at least one other
co—op!

55555555 5. 5o Who
do 55 up in 55.55.

During the week preceding, now
let me think which it is, is it the

 

week before that one or is it the
other one, Doctor B. B. Freud is

schedualed to attend the national
meeting of the American Chemical
Society which is being kept up this
century in Baltimore, Maryland. In
addition to attending the general
meeting he will be a participant in
several other groups. It seems that
there are a number of nice spots in
town in which one can have an en
joyable evening. His position on the
committee devoted to organic and to
colloid chemistry will consume the
little time he will have left.

After leaving Baltimore the fun
will really begin. He will stop off
,gmtiuued on page four)

 

 

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5ea5ure 55aden5
Union "Walgreen

 

A new plan whereby the Armour
student will realise his fondest
dreams of true college atmosphere
has been announced by the front of-
fice. It is felt that the Armour en-
vironment must be changed to mod
ern day conditions.

Under the new plan the Student
Union walls will no longer be bare.
Works by that 10th Century Rem-
brandt, J. Petty, will drool from every
nook and cranny. Every shade will
be drawn, incense ligrhts,, and an
opium pipe placed at every table.

it has long been the general opinion
that school work has been interfer~
inn: unduly with tripe down to Kitty
Davin’ locktnil Lounge and the Gem
Arts‘ Theater. The new plan will
alleviate conditions by bringing Kitty
and the Gem to the Student Union.

As you enter the 33rd Street en-
trance two hostesses greet you opcn‘
ly and escort you to the east side of
the room where. you may sit with
them and talk and do things. After
the student is tired of doing things
with the hostesses he may walk over
to the new game room. Here he will
find several roulette wheels and fare
tables. Should this not interest our
dear tired Armour student he may
play on any of the 2:3 onesarmed slot
machines installed there for his bene-
Weissman and
his henchmen. These machines will
have a 130% payoff.

On the first floor in the auditorium
21 special musical comedy revue will
be put on by various road shows.
Such performers as Ada Leonard,
Mary Sunde and Peaches will put on
their specialty acts. As a special fea-
ture on Friday afternoon that fam-
ous ballroom team of Steele and Liv-
ingston will put on their dance “Pas—
siona’te."

In the main lounge upstairs, the
students may sit and drink at the
new and modern bar. This will help
keep the tired lads in good spirits
all day. In one corner will be the
new booth for the bookie. A special
wire from all the leading race tracks
will bring up to the minute race re—
sults to the interested students. This
will relieve the burden placed on cer-
tain students who were formerly
forced to call by phone to place their
bets and await results from the eve-~
ning newspaper. This arrangement
will be greatly appreciated by cer-
tain junior chemicals who have been
forced to miss certain lecture classes
in the morning to read dope sheets.
A special dopester will be present to
help the students place their bets.

It is hoped that with all these new
improvements, the stay of the stu-
dent will be a pleasant one at Ar-
mour. Any suggestions in additions
to those all ready mentioned here will
be gratefully acknowledged by “Me.-
chine Gun” Weissman.

 

 
   

 

5555555

With the announcement of a com—
pletion of work under the new re-
search foundation project, the science
of photography has reached a new
high. The project sponsored by a gift
of $6,735,000,000 by Elmer Slurp
Esq. has just been completed after
seven years’ intensive study. With
the development of new films and
the grinding of seventeen new lenses
the camera was placed in a light
proof building mounted on bed
springs with four feather beds as
part of the springing. Seven feet of
cork placed in 1% inch layers painted
black on both sides were used in the
walls and floors of the building. The
ceiling was mounted from 17 ton gird~
ers and placed by means of free
wheeling.

Especial care had to be taken in
the lighting. Four synchronous mo—
tors ran the generators connected to
separate power sources in order to
eliminate any possibility of failure.
Four hundred and seventy and one
thoid photo lamps designed for the oc-
casion were next mounted. The entire
equipment was hermetically sealed
and packed in ice with 12% salt. to
secure equilibrium in temperature

conditions. Exposure was calculated
to 4 hrs. 27 minutes 35.496] seconds.
Exact timing was controlled by

means of four tuning forks vibrating
in n vacuum.

The results published in TH E Ali-
MOUR TECH NEWS by special per—
mission of the Foundation i5; the first
time anything of this sort has been
attempted by any periodical. A copy
of the picture taken is printed be—
low: (NB. save this copy for it can.
not help but be valuable, similar con-
ditions happen only once in a life-
time.)

 

 

 

 

. The Inside of a Sulfur Barrel ..

 

55we5

Talking bei’ore an audience of
seniors last Sunday, Mr. J. 0. Gus;—
zlcpus, Fig. ’29, described in glowing
tones the positions and experiences
that await our graduates in the exec—
utive field.

After outlining the procedure for
getting a job Mr. Guzzlepus gave a
detailed explanation of some of his
encounters in the solution of female
personnel problems. One of the best
of his examples concerned a secretary
and her employer.

It was a spring day. The executive
and his “Venusesque” secretary were
busily working side by side and the
boss got up and opened the window.
With the first breath of balmy spring-
aiy a gleam came into the executive’s

(Continued on page three)

 

Tuesday, March 28,

”#57713 issue /5
Dedicated to
Ferdinand the

 

“FERDiNAND THE BULL”
lBy Stonpbrain Bliss

Woncc there were a hull, a lotto bull,

And hen were the prydc of hi7. mam.
mo (and poppa)

l'lea liked to play uwl dayc, aw] dayc,

And drive urouwnd in hiz otta.

Little Ferdie juste grew and grow
And anticipated the (luye wen hen

tow

Wuld joyusly kum hence, kum hence,
and

Explore beyond the white washed
fense.

Putting on his tux and tales,

Hca tact owt tow sea the city,

Spied our skool and cnroaled in it,

With wuz kwito a pity.

Awl fore yeci's wuz constant dis-
kourse,

A2 yew might think kwitc rash,

Knuse a sissy bull ’mid Armore hams,

()wr bownd tow produce hash.

Hoa set owt on the rode of life,
Withe a slipstick and a sheepskin
(watta bull),
And sat beside the rodoside bare
Tow :mel the porty flowers.

But now won. no that under below,

A bee withe a stinger did sat,

And rammed poor Ferdie so
hard,

It almost nocked him ”at.

done

Up hen turns and down the rode,
Rceching the ring-aide in nothing flat,
A picodore, a matmlore cries hen,

l wannt dew combat.

Combat boa does, tew hi7, surprize,
Withc awl the bases loaded,

Seas sum rod on a bleecher hat,
And withe hiz bat exploded.

The shot wuz herd arownd the world,
And the Yanks dide win the series,
But poor oldo Fordie ended up,
Az beefstew-at O’Lcarys.

Fresh To Staggcr At $15.00 Per
Bathing Suits Required

 

One 01' the outstanding swaybot-
toms in Armour History will take
place in the Blue Boiler room of the
Stevens April 14th, as the Freshman
class swing into their Miami beach
formal Art Wises “smellelegant
swing” and the Corliss engines will
insure continuous dancing. Art
Wisc’s band was chosen after many
auditions, his being: the only band
with enough leather lips to be heard
above the clumsy clumping of green
batted feet. Bob Tatge stated this
week that this is the first time that
the boaniful Blue Boiler room has
been secured for an Armour affair
and that the cooling spray from the
water pumps makes formal dress im-
perative (no shoes). George “Fat
Stufi'" Allison, guest of honor an—
nounced yesterday that unless some
body Will lean him the proper attire,

 

 

I939

drmour Warmers
55M Program

In its twelfth program of a new
series of radio broadcasts over stu-

tion WCF‘L on Sunday, March 26,
the speakers
Cormack, Nachmnn, Messrs.
topherscn, and Schreiber.

Chris-

Heat was the subject under din-
The results of 150 years of
of

cussion.
experimenting and compiling
volumes of data were given over the

nation—Wide hook-up of the interna—
tional Broadcasting (Jo. through the
discourteny of station CWFL. A radio
survey at the time showed that they

had no listeners.
it was concluded that

trigradc.
profession. But it was found

this manner.

Stevens Hotel.

555265555255 5.5555555

 

Starting with a new cover. sweep-
ing- changes are foreseen in the policy
of the Armour Engineer and Alum.
nus. Contacts are being; sought with
such nationally known magazines as
Esquire, Spicy Detective, Body Beau»
tiful, Film Fun, Artists Fun and
Gesetze uml erodnungrn sowre

(Continued on. page four)

were professors Me~

Armour
students generate enouzrh heat while
writing: one quiz to raise the tem-
perature of the sun one degree cen-
Thie heat is necessary to
the perpetuation of the engineering
that
this heat need not be generated in
Much to tho pleasure
of the Armour cheaters this heat

may be generated While they are
truckin on down at the Frosh brawl
in the Blue Boiler Room oi’ the

Scoopl’ 5np75aeer

   

Shooting:

Last Friday, beneath the blazing
lights of the newly decorated fourth
floor chem—lab, Dr. J. F. McNamara,
the school physician gave President,
Heuld an injection of serum to over-
come the dread disease, ocopomopolos
petradogcnes (we don’t know what it
is either). The shot in the arm was
considered successful and the patient
is doing line.

Scrubwomen Swing
55 at Dance 57.555552)
Sociui 5rioi’oy55

 

Yen ho and verily, gentlemen, the
rumor is kccrect. The Dance Club is
doing things and stuff. Though the
gala event occurs on the fateful eve
of April lst, be not deceived—M’tia not
a just. They in going- to have a brawl
and no i'oolimr’.

The Women? Ah, yes, the Women,
and even if they have to give up their
scrubbing for this evening~bless ‘em.
Throne-h the goodness of their hearts,
their aching knees and feet, and the
courage of their convictions several
of the fellows have yielded a portion
of their respective harcms to the
wolf infested wilds of Armour’s
Union. The aforementioned withered
maidens will be brim): to our haloed
hull via sundry rattletraps supplied
by the more gallant wolves.

Further it is rumored that Herr
Charlton and his 3% Weasels will
be on hand to try and blow out the
valves of their instruments. They sho
can do it as per their past perform-
iIHCUSA

With Mrs. Orcutt (the Club’s sponu
sor) there to aid the hilarity, with
Pres. Duncan to wax the floor, Pro»
fps. in; Stone and Ropck (Professors
of the Dance) to inspect the applies~
tion of the technical knowledge and
’balarnvy they dispensed, and
. Mr. Wiscman to not as a wall flowv
er and chief bouncer, the evening;
should he abundant with enjoyment
for all. Yen man!

Fortunately, however, twei'ps, the
allair to those loyal
members of the Dance Club who have
slept through at least four thirds of
(the meetings of the Club and can
walk a chalk line drawn across the
floor.

If the above conditions are not met
a slight donation to either the presi-
dent or secretary will fix up matters.

 

have

is open only

 

 

May all ye eligible members stay
.home and absorb some amusement,
. charm, and rhythm.

 

Steps have been taken to educate
footloose Armourites in the use of
footwear.
footwear will be presented tomorrow
in Room 2E, Mission.

“Down with

pers, the company
respondent.
peducated.”

Shoes it seems are things that are
worn on one’s lower extremities
to Wash the foot and to keep up a
social prestige.
dirt. shoes have also been
recommended as a means of

high '
hiding-

 

that he will have to appear without.

the holes in sox (if one has gotten

An exhibition of modern‘

bare feet," shouted Dan Sing Slipf
representative 3
when interviewed by your Tech cor~‘
“The masses must be,

namely the feet, to keep from having:

Besides covering»: the;

 

Armour 55udes 555555 gee Shoes
Tomorrow; 55555“ 5mime 5n 55555ory

, the militia if necessary.
the governor has promised to call out
wish to attend ma 0 do safely {is
over, all you pi'oirre. ire students who
‘ Our rights must be protected." How.
joim,” he said. “it’s unconstitutional.
the coming show. “l‘ll picket the
('ipitatc u striktl when he heard of
radical clement, threntcncd
Jughcad Outhouse,
i done nnle shoes
lgood pr. 9 but this should not
l
l
l

  
 

to
of

pre~

lender the

 

are worn.

be

 

ployor's dos}; is consider
ing onc's bare feet mer : fut
b hunting: it setms {
ing a boner

now

 
  
 
 
 
 
 

out 5
of or

 
 

(QlLSl llies mums in
.3. special of? ‘

to the siege xvi