Page Two

ARMOUR TECH NEWS

Tuesday, March l4. “$39

 

Armour Torch News

Student Publication of the
ARMOUR ENSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
3300 Federal St.
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
Published Weekly During the College Year
l938 Member l939

msocmed Colleoiale Fires;

"mummy. row “mom mum... m
National Advertismg Servrcc, llnc.
alum Publisher: chrcsantalivc
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“Entered as second class matter December 8, 1937, al
the pest ofiice at Chicago. Illinois, under the Act of March
3, 1879." 231

$2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each

 

 

EDITORIAL BOARD
THOMAS HUNTER
,.F‘RANCIS OI’ILA
ROBERT BARTUSEK
JIM FAHEY

EDI'I‘OILlN-CHIEI"
MANAGING EDITOR ..
NEWS EDITOR. , .

    

     

 

SPORT. EDITOR
COPY EDITOR EUGENE KALNIN
RECORDS EDITOR ROBERT KOHN

FRANK SLA VIN

SUSIVESS MAN/\(‘ER .
I S ‘ ’ .WALTER HENDRICKS

FAC UL'I‘Y ADVISDR

   

 

EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT

Irvin Dzlkowaki
. l’clA-r Wood»
. . ., ..Art. Hanson
”Frank th, Robert Mead
. . F'ond Anderson
.E. Cnvunugh. C. Wright
P. Beckmann. J. Kuccra
E. Minieku
Bernard Stornlcld

From. S. Neenun. B. Mead

 

Desk Ediwr , ,
Rewrite Editor
Fe‘ulul'v Editor
Assiilnmvnt Edilurs
Assislaint Sports Editor . ..
Make Up Assistants
Rewrite Asuiscanm .
Records Asuiumnt ..
I’I-uwrnity Editor
Copy Readers ,
Worcester.

Columniutx .
iwn, M. Cu
nt'

 

 

  
 
 

 

 

, G.

. H. Krnntz, W. Lnulie, F. Prnther, S. Silvermun.
- " , , ’l‘. Bri mrus. E. Colant. E. Grucu. .I. Hartman.
lurp‘ll’lcginrlrich. H. Kra L, A. Kunickin, I), Mackcy, . . Mackey,
C. Shultz, W. Strauscnbui‘g, J. Thibault. R, Untlcrhill, H, Zim-
mcrmhn. 4
Cub Reporters .........E Fruncone, L. Elzonson. R. Mueller. A. Poems.
D. Sumle. J. Wahor.
Shorts Write-rs ,
Sports Reportu
W. Spitz,

 

, ,, F Dz-Moncy. L. Norkus. E. Worwatcr
. Doolittle. I3. Flood, G. Hanna. W. Simonini.

 

., J. Mirolsnic

    

Cartoonist

_____.__,..__.‘.——

BUSINESS DEPARTMENT

 
 

 

 

Advertising Mnnuuvr W. Spoil:

Circulation Mnnugcr . , Ralph Erikman

Circulation Mummcr Cn-O ,, ll. Abruhmnmm

Cirmlntion Mauritian—Exchanges . ....Roner 5mm)

liusinrsn Aron-Aunt» R. Bunnnt'on. It. Jacobson.
M .luhntum. ll. Mum . Kimmy. ll. Siimpl'l.

Vol. XXIII. March 14, 1939 Na. 5

 

GREEN CAPS

The Dean's office backed by the agreement of
the A.T.S.A,, has definitely ruled against the green
caps. This form of hazing the freshmen is no long
er going To be a part of campus life at Armour.

This custom was originated in order to make

 

one freshman recognisable to another and create a:

feeling of having a common bond between the
yearlings,
a few years. the custom has degenerated into an
annual feud between freshmen and sophomores.
Injuries have been quite common. Three years ago

All started out well and good. but after.

‘(lyyapl Giddyapl Giilrlyapl Giddyap . . .

”Tho blipshich” lg
lb

g Cleave to “The Slipstick"; let

the Slapstick fly where it may

Mum mumlnAmAmmp

Having been falsely accused of lower-lug thc Standard
of the Farmer Nee/c Noasplmcr, this column will Duly
print those items which it considers on a lcvcl equivalent
for an Armour Student. Just to iuterest the sludeuts of
thc vam’ous departmruls in their prolessiou, we put the
following question to them: “What is the effect of turning
down the parlor light on Sunday night.”

And here are a few of the answers from those brilliant

intellectuals.
F.P.IL‘.<—Il increases lhc danger of fire duo lo rcd‘deucd
chcokc.

Civil—«ll causes greater compressive stress in the
bridge of the nose.

Ch.E-——-It causes a precipitation of white powder, which
is grnemlly collected on the shoulder.

llI.E.——lt causes an increased flow of superheated
steam which is allowed to exhaust info the atmosphere as
nail-cl” as possible.

E.E.~Il, incrcascs the excitation, consequently causing
a greater fluctuation in lulm'l frequency.

W 154 *

Temperance Lecturer: If I lead a donkey up to a pail
of water and a pail of beer, which will he choose to drink?

Soak: The water.

T. L. (triumphantly): Yes, and why?

Soak: Because he’s an ass.

m »i< xi

Joe: Edison never slept more than four hours a night.
Blow: Must have lived next door to a fraternity house.
a): v'; :1-

Two laborers were working on a very tall block of flats.
Suddenly the man at the top of the ladder called to
his mate at the bottom:

“l say, Jim, come up here a minute and listen.”

His mate slowly climbed the ladder, and at last, quite
out of breath, reached the top.

“I can’t hear nothing,“ he said, afiei' listening: intently
for a while.

“No," said the other. “Ain’t it quiet!"

il< :3 9.4
Low and porous plaster, sou,
Arc very much «Ii/cc;
“'5 simple polling into one,
Bul pclfing oulfl—(ioorlvnighl.
>21 3? VS

An inmate of a lunatic asylum asked for some paper,
explaining he felt an urge to write. To pacify him, the
guard brought him an old typewriter and a pile of paper
and let him amuse himself. Very seriously. the lunatic
so! in work typing; at a great ram, filling: one sheet after
another. This remarkable activity soon aroused the
gum-11‘s curiosity and presently he came over and asked
how lhu writer was fretting on.

“Swell!" he said. “I'm writing: a wonderful adven—
lui'e story. Here, read it.”

The guard, slightly bewildered, took the panes and
read: “General Jones leaped upon his faithful horse and
shouted, ‘Giddyapl Giddyapl Girldyap; Giddyapl Girl-
" and so on for
pages and pages.

“What‘s this?" asked the guard. “The guy jumps on
his horse and then there’s nothing but pages of ‘girl-

, ilyap’l"

an arm was broken, while ‘rwo years ago a sopho- .

more was qui‘re badly beaten while wearing glasses.
This very fall, during the numerous fights, boys

were thrown against parked cars and curbs while;

They grappled with each when
that no one has been injured recently although the
opportunities were not lacking.

Most students upon entering Armour intend to
embark upon a four year course leading to a degree
in engineering. The “rah-rah" spirii, prevalent at
a greatL many small colleges, is definitely absent al’

Armour. So. why should we, anxious to secure a

lf is very fortunate

‘ELSE HOW GENEROUS NATURE

standing in a professional field, tolerate a condition ;

which does not even exist in a “rah~rah" college?
Nothing can be gained by continuing the custom of
daily brawls.
manen’r injury to even one student would cause re-
percussion in all directions. A person's plan of life

would be permanen’rly altered and the students reA .

sponsible for the injury would have a permanent
feeling of guil‘r, None of this has happened, but
ihere is no assurance Thai it will not happen.

Apart from These more serious considerations, let
us see what ihe effect of “pan’rsing” and brawls
has upon visitors and freshmen students. At This
time of The year a large number of companies are
sending their represen‘rafives To interview seniors
abouf prOSpeciive positions. The effect of seeing
students fighting in the streets and on lawns, and
walking about without their trousers cannot help
but be injurious. The effect upon freshmen sl‘u»
dents is even worse. Last year a freshman student
withdrew from school as a direct result of being
mauled in a ”panfsing” sliuation.

From the above mentioned incidents only one
conclusion can be reached, For the bes‘r interests
of ‘rhe student body and the welfare of the school,
fhe custom of green caps together with its com—
panion “depanfsing,” cannot, and will not be re
sumecl on March l7.

 

: newer- hech driven.
There is everyrhing To lose, a pervj

“Oh," said the nut.
move?"

“Cam I help it if the horse won’t

nr 41 it
She: When do you lhink I'd do if you tried lo neck me?
Me: i haven't any idea.
She: Aren't you curious?
4-,. 13

“Last summer in China I spent most of my afternoons
in a shady spot in the country.”
“Why, I didn’t think those places opened up until evc~
hing."
If! 'rl: 9
IF A GIRL EXPECTS TO WIN A HCSBAND, SHE
OL'GHT T0 EXHIBIT A GENEROUS NATUREwOR
HAS BEEN TO
HER.
il‘ Wk 11‘

You "my be sure that the girl who is pun: as Show has

'2‘- # Iii
Pledge: What’s the big idea, wearing my raincoat?
Frater: It’s raining. You wouldn’t want your suit to
get wet, would you”.l
ii: .11
“He was considered the mast expert parachute-jumper
in the country,” remarked one of the friends standing
beside the open coffin.
“Yes,” said the other, “he was good till the last drop.”
Girls who walk home usually get their hecls sore.
’4 l4 3!:
We were discussing dogs, and the tales were getting
“pretty tall” when one of the group took the lead.
“Wolf,” he said, “had a most intelligent dog. One
night. Wolf‘s house caught afire. All was instant con-
fusion. Old Wolf and his wife flew for the children and
bundled them out in quick order. Everyone was saved,
but old Pal dashed back through the flames. Soon the
animal reappeared, scorched, and burned with—what do
you think?”
“Give up, we all shouted.
“With the fire insurance policy wrapped in a (lamp
towel, gentlemen.”

n

* 1k >:<
“This can't go on," he said, as he trier! to put on a size
twelve collar on his size fifteflen neck. Which is our senti-
ments also. So long.

Hi YO SILVER.

 

 

 

.__. our»

WNW“ m

bl E‘WS

 

 

       

   

am an ..

 

 

“Professor" Zalewa, The Voice Of
Experience - - 7 l ? In his most re-
cent exhibition of oralorial ability, he
explained to his fellow juniors the
proper selection of a certain hydruuw
lic constant for fluids flowing through
pipes- The forty cnsops jerked them-
selves ermt and took special notice
when he gave the reason for his
choice: “You get to know those things
through experience.”

John Kucox'a, 4A, was observed
dashing madly from one corner of the
mechanics lab to the other, c' ‘ryiug
two balancing.r weights marked two
and two hundred. Finally, panting
and disgusted, he asked his fellow stuv
dents where the balance scales could
be found. When asked why, he re-
plied in all earnestness and serious—
ness that he must know immediately
whether thc weights he was ‘ari'ying
actually weighed two and two hun-
dred pounds as indicated.

“What is the most inter ting sub-
ject you are studying?" was asked of
the third~year group. Sleuchli claim‘s
women are; or, more accurately, Rosie
is.

 

 

Diligently pursuing his work as ob
server and experimenter in the lab-
urotory, Vic Taylor 4A, proceeded to
measure the lengths of indicator
cards, using a ix~inch scale and map,"-
nil’ying glass. “They‘re exactly 4.01
inches long," said he to his fellow
workers. Accordingly. the group made
lengthy calculations and wrote up the
report on all of a dozen sheets of
paper. The following- Monday brought
heart-breaking news and six rewrite
reports. Unintentionally, and through
no fault of the magnifying glass Vic
bud misread the scale, which showed
the length to be 3.01 inches.

Prefiuniors are anxiously awaiting
comments about the young lady
Kreugle is escorting Saturday nights.
If the reports are favorable, San-
dusky’s lime l‘Cll book will be subject-
cd to ex ' o, wear and tear by the
curious class.

Wanml Large size package tops
from Kelley's Corn Flakes, Send them
in Ed (luvanagh, 3A, better known as
Cadet Captain of the Howie Wing
Flying; Squadron.

01' ill] things! Stuart Olsen, 4A,
spenl, several evenings at home study-
ing: in a still Shirl, and bow tie. He
wanted to become accustomed to full
dress before escorting Adello to the
Junior Formal,

“Side-Burns” Ruilvillas, 4A, showed
up lasL wcck wearing- a very becoming:
(and bright) bow lie, which was tied
and untied by very nearly every ju-
nior cry—0p. The following «lay he were
no tic.

M/IMH
’ 'W/f/

 

 

 

 

 

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Sl—lOV'El’.

 

 

 

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Prince Albert. Its exclusive “no-bite” process
removes harshness — leaving a RICH-TASTING
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with—thanks to that special “CRIMP CUT.” Step
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Prince Albert today l It’s the National Joy Smoke!

pipafuls of frugram tobacco in every
u handy pocket tin of Prince Albert

The campaign surges forth. The latest officer to be elected to the A. S;
L. S. S. (American, Society of Love Sick Students), Armour branch, is
LARRY STROCCHIA, the newly elected lrcasm‘er. Toycthcr with E. K, O.
and R. K., prcsltlcul and ucm‘ctm'y, respectivcly, the Society has a well'
founded and ”rounded uuclcus- in which fa gill Illa ball rolling. Jalmlm
and ulrliuiclm have been invited as pledges. . . .

ll '3‘ ’r‘

The exploits of (Do You Know Him?) .lalmke are well known. Those of
Ed (“’5 All Over) Minialm have been hidden under a bushel basket. Very
much that way about a certain redhead, he saw her walk into a dance—hall
one night. with another fellow. “My husband!" quoth she, “You’ve been».
jilted!” Ed couldn’t study for a monzh.

I'r- 7“ )l-l

The newest description of Mr. ERICKflON (0. (l. to the boys) is MOD-
EST. At glee club rehearsal he stated he lmd been invited to appear before
the Crown Prince and Crown Princess ol‘ Norway this summer. To give a
command performance?

l. ., ,k

Hartman, is the man if you want a blindl date. He hus all types and sizes
on hand, shy or . . . not so shy. His powers are so extraordinary that the
women even meet, him downtown for dates, he doesn’t have to go to their
houses to pick them up. What Huvc You Go! Thu! Gels Me?

i: i: .1.

“Brothcr” WINSTON lilccs in bowl the boys out for coming in lufr. But
whorl do you {hill/c." HE came in la1c Friday morning and fried in say he
had been in. the I’residcul’s office. Tish, fish, lsk, we are sm'cly disappointed)
in you, Prof. Wiunfou.

)1: ll: ll:

Familiar stock phrases 01' some of the profs: Paul—“Your slide rule‘s
kidding you, mister”; Libby——“Get it‘l"; Winnlon»—“How are you feeling,
brothcr7”; Purim—“That is all"; Hammer—“Gout Mor-rqmiug"; Bibb——
“Here’s hnow we do it dao‘wn in Tennessee"; Finnegan—“When in doubt,
it‘s right because it worksl”; qud——“Now!l Are there any questions, gen-
tlemen‘ll"; Dohrenwond~l—“NOW if everything comes out right, it‘ll be okie-
doukie,"

ll: ll= ll‘

“Watch me scare this guy!” Bring” .“Gce, my poppa will be mad.”
Above quotes are from W. (Wreck 'c-m) GROUNDWATER, who with his
dad's cur tried to pinui‘. anoiher on in car line. Remulls?

ll? xk li‘

You guess.

In some (:21. s the worm turns, but last week Maxwell's stomach turned.
He couldn’t, take it when Schommei' passed around some gory pictures in
bug lab. Bob hurriedly asked for a leave of absence and headed for . . -

Odd human or uol, the following sfurlriulg curry some unusual mmiiclrers.
They are all lislcrl in ihe directory: Brui' , Buumgurll, Becsou, chvllz, Ba-
mmco'n, Bollco, Brzus/cicwicz, Ciemlwouau, :2’, Crumb, G. Daumi, As/mcl David-
Khar’nirz'n, Dc Boa, De ll/Ie‘l‘ll, [)0 Money, Dichci'lmf, Di‘zrschltc,
Dzikoumhi, Field/music, Flood, Goo, Himcliuayp‘, Kuzmici'owicz, Ii'lumczj/uslci,
K'uos, Mic/ricwirz, Mihaltljrzzylr, ll’llll/Ilfilll'lC/l, Ogurh'icwicz, Prmlrulshi, toe—
Locr, Zz/wot - . . and Jones!

 
    

'l‘ rl‘ >1!

Then we have the actor-,Cagney; the statesman, Calhoun; the building
tradesmun, Carpenter; the fighter, Dempney; the author, Dickens; the ani-
mals, Fax and Wolf; Frau but not Jack; the colors, Black, Brown, Gray,
Green; the wreaths ol' Hallo; the auto Horn; Lindbcrg the aviator; the radio
actor, Oswald; the night Rider; the man who is Time; a senator Wagner,
and the Woods. This could 9:0 on for hours. *

=l= tl‘

A senior civil who has bccu )l!’j/ll‘(‘f(fll is JOE HUGIELSKI, who IJI'sirles
his .‘ilutlics has five wumcn, on his miml who 'phmlc him constantly.
i, .l l.
Art Hansen, the man who has been accused of wriking this column,
really goes in for big shots when it comes to women. He gel. a plume call
from Mitzi Green last week.

   
  
   
    

' , . a
Copyright. my \4 .
n. J. Harnoldu Tobacco Co. am. "‘

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\ insiomsmiem, isms Carolins