Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, March 7, l93€l WWWW‘WWWVWWVg ”The fillysstieh 99 .y Cleave to ”The Slipstick"; let the Slapstick fly where it may .fitrrnour ”Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 3300 Federal St. | CHICAGO, ILLINOIS I Published Weekly During the College Year I938 Member I939 hasocluted Calculate Press «spneoenrcu m "mom. inmmm my National Advertising Service, Inc. fol/ego Publiibor: Raprcicmalivc 420 MADISON AVE. EW YORK N. Y 3...... ~ L... AW... - a... ”was... &&& If s new; it's Ilrffc) 1’nt it's thc Slipslick . . chsirce, my (hildrcn, the Armour Tech News has turned into a scan- dal shr'et . So just to be different we are going to start. 0/)” will: u cute little poem entitled ”The Pony. (Faculty members see Webster‘s Dictionary for definition.) The pony is my helper; I shall not flunk. He maketh me to sit quietly in my seat; He leadeth me in the paths of diligent students For my grades' sake: he restoreth my confidence. Yea tho I walk through the valley of hard exams, I will fear no prof, for thou art ever in my pocket. Thou helpest me through integrations; Thou comfortest me, cmuao ~ “Entered as second class matter December 8, 1937, at the post office at Chicago. Illinois, under the Act of March 3. 1879." 231 $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each EDITORIAL BOARD It DI TOR-IN CHIEF TH(I)MAS HUNTER . ANCIS 01> ILA . ~ . misiii‘lgfiilbihdiiwrgk ROBEItT JBAR’I'USEK Thou preparcst a paper for me in the piesencc of mme srok'rs EDITOR I‘AHEV enemies, LoIIY E'DII‘OR ElfiEflEl 1KAIisziiv Th of H (0 IE e pr ' REX ORDS EDIHHIER A AV N y Thou brushest my pompadour with praise, my grades runneth high. Surely honor and good grades shall follow me all the days of my college life, and I Will ride on the back of my pony, Silver, forever. l N PISS M AN Ill/[Ila] WALTER HENDRICKS LTY ADVISOR EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT Desk Editor . Irvin Dzikowski Rowritv I'Idllof M * 2 3 Irnnk Reh.R1Ibcrt Maid F‘ond Anderson Marion saw her neighbor coming along the road with Assintnnl Spoi'ts Editor k Up E. Cavanazb. c. Wright - - . 1 . “giving" Beckmann .I. Kqu h'tufml‘mg “"l‘f‘ . . 7" cards Abra nit . E- Minift‘hlg Catch anything, Willie. she asked. 17- t- 't ludit Bernard Stern < ,, . . lgyfliilaymm m 0. Frost s. N (,nIn o. Mead “Yet 1W0. said her “etchbor- “Good,” said Marion. “What were they?” “The seven-thirty there and the fivmflflecn buck," came the reply. E. Worcester. F. Plrathcr. lnnt “Gray RM Underhill II. S Silvermun. Kranw W Lauhc um. . H. run . A. C. Shultz, W. Struscrnburu. .I. Thibaulil) Zim- mormnn Cub Reporters Su 4: 1: i. E. I‘raIIcomI, L. Elm'nsun. It. Muoller. A. I’ot‘ius. ndI. J Wuhor. L N k E w 1 Father: Son, can't you cut down your college expenses? Wri D1IoMn1y, or us -. orcesor _ . . . J . 323:3 Renew-m H. IJOIIIILLIK‘F‘, n. Flood G. Hanna W. Simonini, You know, you we almost ruining the family.- W S”‘”' R' “I“: . . Armour Frosh: Well I might possibly do WIthout any Cartoonist . . J. Mirnwnlt. I books. a. 1.: ., nusmcss oermcrnanr , _ _ _ ‘ Maul girls at calleyc begin, by embracing HUNT studwu Advertising Manager Vt. emu. Ralph Erlsmnn and and by studying their embraces, Cirxculzuon anauxr . . ., ,. . ,. . (lo—Ono It. Abrulmmrun I1 ,, e Circulation Manuutx Ciro) lut I1; n " Busim'ss Assist un , R. LC. J. Rinany ”WWI“ M JUIW’" R Jamb‘ml- With a wild yell he sprang behind a choir, threw it madly to one side and then flung himself under a table. For several minutes he lay there, wiggling" and squirm— ing. Then he dragged himself out, hitting his head on the bottom of the table, and, cursing furiously, dashed across the room and dived over a divan, After a min- ute hc crawled from behind it and stood up. ”Those (ii—Imncd ping pong: balls sure are hell to catch," he mut— Vol. XXIII. March 7, 1939 No. 4 The Library Just after the start of the present semester the term! library opened the upper stacks to the students. ' i, a t This was clone in hope that student interest in the library would be stimulated. it was intended to encourage students to browse through the volumes “My. that the library has on hand. but are seldom called‘ .11 Gm," (WWII-91w: for. These books have been segregated from the ,, aCtlve bucks and placed m the upper “ads for thel Om gnunl'molhcr Imlimmd that ”mm was a, (Icsliny SlUdenlS *0 peruse. AClan Of lhls SOY? ls h'ghll’ which shaped our (’116l8,l)l4l Ill!’ modem girl IlllHt‘H mmc commendable and rates the library committee a with, in ayiidlc. vote of thanks from the student body. MOSI of the SlUdenIS are "OI very familiar Wlll‘l Our own newly formed dancc hand was in full swing the books that are in the library. This. however,l Maid: Madam, muxlcr is Iyiny unconscious III [llc hull with (i picrc 0f Imprr lll his hand (Ind 11 lurgc IIOJI' by his Oh, my MIMI imt has arrived. . v; :I I. ll lbut something had gone wrong. Don Charlton, the IS the students own fault, ll they will take an hour leader, glared at Doolittle. the cornotist. . Off, and just browse they will find many books that fic‘;;I:hLth(:>'nu-‘Surth did you stop playing Just as we got are highly interesting. All of the volumes are not ' “Well,” rammed Doolittle, the dry, intellectual treatises we may think they Train,‘ 3,, I did." are Many books. written for the interested lay- * t It “on my music it says ‘Rc- man, are on the shelves. Take, for instance “The Prof: This is the third time you’ve looked all Jnncs' Great Mouthpiece," "Zeppelin." F a m 0 u 5 paper Bridges," “Ships That Have Made History and l 1'“ Y°' Y0" "WI he ““5"“ l ”m” Plaml" 4<1F «r “The Story of Skyscrapers." Right there we have five good books, picked at random. all of them high— my, 2,” it." ly Instructive, and all intensely interesting. Many “Surely it mp, Mt m; low 1,1,3 that." more can be found if the students will take the time t ., :3 l0 acquaint themselves Will" what 35 on the library His toes curled in the black soil. It was marvelous to shelves. Real benefit can be derived from the ll-,fcc1 the good cool earth beneath his feet again. Ten- brary if fhe men, themselves, will merely climb : derly he bent down and crumbled a piece of sod between some stairs, The library committee has done itslhis fingers‘ A ”fan W.“ a fool to leave_the land' He . :thought of the City With loathing. All It had brought part, now let 5 see the Students take advantage Of ‘ him was unhappiness and sorrow, but that was over. the opportunity He was back to his first love—«the earth. For a while Opening the stacks is a great step toward achlew he was motionless in silent contemplation; a prayer of ing the purposes of the library committee. but there tham‘sglvmg “’59 “0““ hi? heart 9“? more I” was are still things which need attention One is the a Part Of Naif“? and, "0t “18f, a Shadow m the my’ A _ voxce called, ‘Dmncrs ready. Slowly, and reluctantly, conduct of the students In the rooms. Too many oi he took his feet out of the flower pot. the men think the library is a meeting place to talk ., .5 ,5 over the day‘s happenings. They sit and talk. rais— ing a continual buzz that is most annoying to any- one trying To work. Such actions, coming from col- lege grade students, is rather unnecessary. Proper guidance in the matter of conduct would be a high- ly advisable thing to try. At present the discipline in the library is of the crudest sort. The methods which are used are mainly those of force, no subtlety being in evidence. lf .3 student transgresses the rules of the library he is not requested in a lady-like manner to cease his distubance, but is chastised in a second grade tash‘ ion. H is only natural that the men resent being treated in this way and Show no respect for the au— thority which uses it. If the library staff will use a bit of tact and show a little consideration for the feelings of the students when they are ”bawling them out," it will bear fruit in that the students will have more consideration, in return, for the li— brary stall, and thus for the library as a whole. “I'm hm'ing a new evening frock mode, but my heart Arabella: A drunken man proposed.“ to me last night. Agatha: Ho, ho, pow-don me, but it's so funny—a may. proposing to an old maid like you. Arabella: Just 11, minute, Agatha. I'll have you under» stand I’m no longer an old maid‘. 1% >l= iii A bricklayer was building a wall when a man in over. 3115 came along,I and passed some remarks about brick-v laying in general. The bricklayer somewhat annoyed, asked sarcastically: “And wot do you do for a living?" “I’m a precision fitter," the other replied, “and in our trade we have to work to a. thousandth of an inch." “Really?” said the bricklayer. “And ’ow many thou- sandths are there in an inch?” The fitter scratched his “Blimey, millions of ’em.” was; head, . and then replied, Tragic mama They met on the. bridge at midnight, They will never meet again, For one was an east-Im-mvcl heifer, The other :1 westbound train. Hi-Yo Silver. _mmmmmmmmmm IKE GI? bl EWb Tiiday this column will conform with the newspaper rules and print only the latest dope. Pie-juniors are not only organizing their basketball team and promoting the co-op tournament, but are also trying to obtain a 1-0 on tIophy cup. Each ye: Ir the winning): team will take possession of the cup and will have its class numerals engraved on it. Lawrence (HalLAdam) SCHOL‘IT- man, 4A, the Pride of Albany Park, claims undue consideration in a suit for $0,000(), the value of the minnow pond in question, against Kanny Swim Tortoise. In a written con- tract, the parties mentioned had agreed to run a halfvmile race, the winner to lake undisputed claim to the ownership of the 8th Street Min— now Pond which was then being used by Lawrence as a source of fishing bait. and by Mr. TortoisrI as a source of digestive ingredients. lVIr. Tortoise planncd the course to be run. and included in it, unknown to the plain- till‘, a creek several feet wide and several inches deep. In the course of the race. the parties ran nose to nose up to the crock, at which time the leather “hoppers," refused to wade thru the aqueous current, While Tor- toise, being accustomed to such crusa— inns, had no difficulty in swimming to the lead and maintaining his posi— tion to the finish of the event. The plaintil'l' now claims undue considera- tion, treason on high waters, unfair advantage, and a lack of minds to meet. "All great men have theii peculiar" itios.‘ Prof. Luikin was recently caught in the act of industriously drawings caricatures, including the (Ivor-baffling “Irv Pick.” on the board while waiting for the co-ops to as— semble for law Class. Never, in all the bygone years, has anyone doubted the wrestling ability of “Strangler” Nigrclli, 4A. hone- crushcr superb. But. his engineering nhility '.’? Very recently he concoivml the idea of cutting oil steam at '70 pounds pressure by knotting the exhaust hose. llci'orc many seconds (Continued on page four) Fraternity Nol less All In Il(‘l‘lllly noIch must b1 I (-ivcd by the fraternity (Illilor before 5 RM. Thursday In )I'Ilt‘r to nflanr in t (2 next inalm. By Bernard Slornfold They're Back Again Fifteen Pl Kaps came back from Purdue about a fortnight ago and are still in a dither about the trip. Although Lafayette didn’t impress, “Wheelman” Buckman’s terrific piloting of a V-8 furnished plenty of excitement to satisfy the caravan. Something (called a district Ironclave was the occasion for getting out of town. National Secretary John McCann finished his inspection of the house last week end. Evidently his report to national chapter headquarters will be satisfactory, probably because he didn’t set eyes on Stump Dickerhoof’s Civil War tux. Pi Kappa Phi teams are back in the groove this year. The ping pong specialists ground the Sammies into the dust last week. The first team will be shoved in against the Delts for the final workout. Their basketeers breezed through the Sammies in their tourney opener for a 43-14 giveaway. It’s All Over With The nutty nine pledges from the Rho Delta Rho fold are all probably present today. They’ve had since last Friday’s informal initiation to come back from . . . well, wherever they were. Everybody had such a lovely time, that the actives are paddle weary and the pledges are just weary. The formal initiation is to be run oil in Home downtown hotel banquet hall, complete with alumni, adequate ceremonies, cats and of course, THE) pin. Said pins go to Morris Black- stone, ber, Bennett; Edelman, Bernard El» lis, Alan Hersh, Ben Levin Mort Lowy, and Jerome Pinsky. Could be that the Rho Delts may break their jinx of second spot plac- ings and walk off the champs of the interfrat basketball tourney. Among their pledges are three gents who can push and pull with the best of them. , (Continued on page four) SHAW SHOVEL Earl Bluestein, Norton Fernl Notes from "Captain Ayylrjarlc" Mimi-sol , . . All youse guys that didn‘t try out for the play don’t lmmw what you missed. Wow! Tln-oc or four good looking girls and only the Arm ' stair harm; to bother them. A: '4: Ii: Three of them.your reporter met, and we might jot down a line or two about each, since these gals from Chicago Normal have invaded the sacred portals of this all—male school to try their luck at acting. . . . w it ,. ANGELA LUCIA PALE/IA is a pretty little brunette who apparently tries; to imitate Carole Lombardi hook, line and sinker. She is doing a pretty good job at that except that. Miss Lombard is a redhead (we have heard), .1. 'll I, DOROTHY KENNEDY is blondc with personality and looks. tracts DICK HANNEMAN but. we bet she already has a boy friend. I. m It She at» Th1: blasc little lady who last week told Kalm'y where to get off all. is by name Loretta Tu (yes, she claims it. is spelt with (m ”0”). This spunky your.” lady, in. mist lg to 'H’Llllfic public an apology to aforementioned male tlnouyh this; (lollt’mu, tore up the mic yam wyortcr wrote because, although. he wrote it at her invitation, she thought it too, too sarcoktic. Oh well, we .1. .. Incidentally, FRITZ (STUMBLE) SCIIULTZ Is trying: awfully hard to get some place with Miss Palms but he has been left on dry ice. III ’l‘ ’l‘ Congratulations to CHARLIE MacALEER, one of the leading men in “Captain Applojmclr," who was eIectecl treasurer of the Armour players. ii in =l= Epstein could make a better weld with putty than with metal. After working hard with an arc weld in Welding shop last week, he [took it over to a vice to test it. Tapping it lightly to fit it in said vice, it fell apart. said Ep: “I thought it was a metal (I mrode I used but it must have been my chewing gum.” in .u :1: “DOC" C/l TLIN claims that tho Shiner he is new exhibiting was gotten legitimately. Howmwr, there are rumors that his 14 your old girl friend irre- scntcd him with it. II: ’l‘ ’5 Is it true ED SWANSON likes a dime store gal? red hair, he should attract the women. all can’t be 00011. With his glamorous i. I; u. Who! 11, may. ZAREM. II»- ho human? Latest averages released show that he has 14, three and (I’IlCJIILlf your average of 2.98. The pom" (my must have slipped along the may and got an A minus. (Continued on page four) 939 . this telephone idea can help you HILE you’re in college, you’re on the consumer side of the fence. There you’ll find the mWhere to Buy It" section of your Telephone Directory a quick, easy way to discover who sells what you want. After graduation, you may be on the other side of the fence, too—4hr: seller’s side. As a manufacturer or distributor of an advertised product you. will find clas- sified telephone directory listings a most efi‘cctive and economical way to direct buyers to the dealers han- dling your Product. This directory service, tying up the Iiati'Inul adven- tiser with the local distributor of his product, is just one of many Bell System ideas that help to increase the value of your telephone.