Page Two 7 i l Armour Tech News , Student Publication of the l ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 3 3300 Federal St. l CHICAGO, ILLINOIS ] Published Weekly During the College Year Member 1939 lassocioied Collenirdn firm. “magnum m. mum“. ADVERTISING 1111 National Advertising Service, Inc. College Publuber: Reprcxenlativc 420 MADISON AVE. NEW YORK, N. Y. meAGn Boston ’ Lou ANGEL!!! - 5AM FaANCISco “Enteied as second class matter December 8,1937, at the 1post office at Chicago. Illinois, under the Act of March 3.19” «(whim $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each EDITORIAL BOARD EDIIUR IN CHIEI THOMAS IIUNTEI‘ G EDITOR lANCIS OI’ILA IT ROBE RT IIARTUSEK l)l TOR FYAHF. (‘( l‘ EUIRWENE1 KALNIN RECORD EDITOR. OB E I‘ KOHIN BUSINESS MANACEII FACUI TY ADVISOR .., NK LA .WALTER" HENDRICKS EDITH fllAl. DEPARTMENT I)l'5l( l‘iilitor I“ r Irvin Dvikuwski Pe t r Woods v't Hensui I'rzink Itrh. luihei't Monti Iliiyri Amkrsnn n H E. Can/en 11.5rh 17 rig t Rcwri :pAnkmtunts . Berkmann, J, Kucu‘ Records Assistant, ' Mlnltlul lit rmu'tl Stirnl'k- -lrl (1. Front. S lIt-onun. W. Luu be, P. ruthr-r I-,iiuwn [mm-as. E. ('nlnut. Kr "nix. R. K him A. l . . . Ill; MIIII‘ ~.villc E. z. .1. '1‘iiii»,iiult C. tot Lin. 1: ’Un iii-r. W m H. Ammi-m n. _ Cub hfltiiorlcln 1c Ii‘runcnm- 1.. Elm‘nsnn. 1t. Muvlh'r. A. P001113, . D. Sumlc. Web r Sports til it I . )cMomy. L. Norkuw E \‘Vorccntx r Sportr Rupnr'nkr lll‘l. lllmlittli, II.) Flood, G Hit nn11 Vi. Simonini, 7117,, R '1‘ . . .. . .1. Minimum Cartoonist BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Advr 1 tisimz Mum unrr W, Spolh; Circu lat on Mu 117ml Ralph Eriemanl Circulation Munnr'ui ( n It. Ahmhumson l goiter Smit Circ ‘Jlatiun M mumer-wlnxchdnm s Buuim R. L M. Jl'hn‘mn. ni-ori. .Inculisen. 11L mu . Mazt, sJu "Risuny Vol. XXIII February 28. MB? No. 3 The faculty and students wish to extend their sinceic sympathy to Professor W. C. Krathwohl on the death of his fatl'ie1, Charles G. Krathwohl, who died In: at week in Buffalo, New York. . i The WEE. bituatiuu A little over a month ago a movement was be gun to extend the function of the W.S.E. to in. clude all of the engineering departments. The idea was voted upon by the various departments but tailed to be carried to completion because the A.S.l\/l.E, voted against the proposal. At the present time a committee composed of one senior and one junior from each department has been formed to consider the matter further. The committee has been formed because it is telti‘ that the measure was defeated by too small a mar- gin and a further effort should be made. There were at that time several serious defects in the by- laws which must be remedied before the propon- ents of the proposition can so much as hope for favorable action. 3 One of the most serious errors was a provision limiting membership to upperclassmen only. We teal that this is a great injustice to the freshmen, especially The freshmen attending Armour at the present time receive a general course of study applicable to no particular engineering field, but it is expected that after a year the student can make an intelligenil choice of the particular branch of the protessionl that he wishes to enter Yet no provision is made at Armour for him to secure the information neces sary to make a rational choice. Many schools main tain survey courses for just this purpose Lack of? time is the reason given for the absence of such a course at Armour The W S E can, by including the freshmen andi sophomores do a great deal towards remedying thisl situation A series of meetings let us say five each ‘ semester could present a subject relative to the, various departments This would serve not only to; furnish a basis of intormation to the freshmen but' , to give an insight of the various branches of engi- l neering lo the upperclassmen l By presenting a speaker before an audience as‘, large as the entire student body, a much betterj type of speaker can be presented. Demonstrations, f a type of subject entirely lacking in a great number of societies can be procured much more readily. In this way all students will derive many advan l tages the students will be more closely knit intoj one unit and much of the segregation which nowi 1 exists will disappear. l Habit gels a fellow. Many a father who worked his way l through college is now working his son's way through." ARMOUR TECH NEWS Cleave to “The Slipstick"; let the Slapstick fly where it may agefieie W&&&&&&&s&&fi Your response to this column’s plea for contributions has been overwhelming. The task of wading through all that mail proved a trying ordeal. But with a do or die determination we read it. aill—«one postal card!!! Fooey to youse guys. We’ll swipe our jokes just for that. ii! iii )1: ‘1 P‘v The one who thinks those jokes are poor Would straightaway change his views Could he compare the jokes (1’) we print With those we do not use. " 93 The professor looked pallid and nervous. He had dark circles under his eyes and wore a haunted expression. He kept glancing around apprehensively. “You look ill, dear,” said his wife. “ What’s the mat- ter?” “Nothing much.” he replied, “but I~I had a fearful dream last night and I feel this morning as if I—as if —" he hesitated and stammcrcd. “What was the dream?” asked his wife. “I~——I dreamed that I had to take the examination with the pupils!" sighed the professor. :11 :1 TM a Landlord: Of course, you have no children? Tenant: No. Landlord: Dogs or cats? Tenant: No. Landlord: Piano, phonograph or radio? Tenant: No, but theres one thing. My fountain pen squeaks :1 little when I write. I hope you won’t. object to that. 1: 1k )5 :1: 12: My girl is like a typewriter kcyboax‘dv—if you press the wrong,r spots you get terrible words. '2‘ 1': '3‘ *- ’4‘ He who laughs last is trying to think of a dirty meanw ingl valves Freshman: When we get to (he study of magnesia, in chem there will be a question as to whether we are study— ing physics or (-hcmi “The editorial policy of my new magazine is quite, clearly defined. I aim at the man in the street." “So does my friend here.” “Oh, is he an editor, too?" “No, he’s u motorist.” 7l= 1F 11 ii: a Our maxim for the week: You can lend a fool to the trough of knowledge, but you cannot make him drink. I'A I? 39 iii 13 Parting "177] can only be :1 sister to you." “I must he going. I had 03% from you, but/“well, good "No,” said she, “Very well," said he. ported a diil'erci'it answer night!” “Bernard," she [altered night. “Bernard!" “What is it?” he asked, very crossly. “Aren’t you going to kiss your sister good night?” He did not go then. “IF as he started out into the when Pardon me while I lilac/can my face I've got to take up my stand on 33rd and Slate Streets. I‘m just selling some pencils in an effort to raise some of that filthy luci'c for the Junior Formal. Pk 3‘? 'F v; .1. Hi Yo: Did you hear the story about the three holes in the wound? Eleanor: No. Hi Yo: Well, well, well. 51‘- ‘Il: 45 5‘ 5'; And while we’re on the subject: The love of some women is most touching. u a: e is "Have you been through calculus?” asked Dr. Knuth- wohl. “Not unless I passed through at night," “I'm from Kaunas, you know. ’ .. a; replied the Freehn‘ian 1% Fro :“I failed in my Trig. exam.’ Soph - “But I thought you had all the answers written on your cull?” F1 nah: “YeahA—but by mistake I put on my algebra. shiit " ‘5’ *‘fi ’11 ’1: 5’11 Oscar came to the city and got a job as a janitor in a igirl’s school and was entrusted with a pass key to every room in the building. The following week the Dean mu across him and asked, Why didn’t you came around Friday for your pay, 080017.?" “Vail Do I get pages, foo?" .- 1:1 9n X: Add dafi'ynitionSGA watch is something which if you look at 10119; enough it will be too late to do what you were {301115; to do before you looked at it ‘ I m losing my punch,” said the man as he left the cocktail party in a hurry. 14,-, ’1’ “Where's our Nellie?” “Our Nellie’s out in them thy’ar hills.” “But thy’ are be” is in them hills ” “That’s all 1:,ig'ht our Nellie rides a bike and she can handlebais. ” * ——1Vlinuesata Engineer. Vi“ #1 Mary, on her pair of skates, Around the pond did frisk; Now wasn’t she a foolish girl Her little 1" ! Mm'm, mmm, what ct banquet. Best of this your and probably best yet. . . . Yep! Ye Am: do it again! . . . Swell turnout. ZOO strong for old Armour Arr. . . . Darn nice bunch, too. . . . Do you remember that thick steak, fresh vegetables, rolls, amt" that top— pin‘ fresh strawberry sponge cake, mmm . . . the Dining Room outdid itself, or maybe it's turning over a new leaf. Who Said “It’s about time?" .Piofessor van d6? Robe was yreub ly acclaimed by all in alienduce His 310th was of great interest to all Am attending . . . mmm, mmm, WWW, that strawberry sponge mire! Professor Kliphardt, Mr. Lib der, Beckman. Cunningham, Pelz were there. . . . Smiling Jack was there as always . mood turn—out of seniors, juniors and sophs. . . . Anyone who missed this should have known better be- cause ye Arx always hit, it off with a hang . . . always a bang-up time. Back to hum~drum school life. after the grandiose banquet. . . speaking of life, the sophs’ new theme song is “We Love Life" (on alternate Thurs- days, of course). . . . Dodge believes that Dodge knows life better’n the prof . . . how about giving him some lessons? . . . Anderson and Danforth were darn good at the concert, just ask Andy . . . Freshmen came down to life on the wrong: Thursday. . . . The liecklers in the junior room, Pnsiuk, Suuermun, and Howe, should be pacified now that they've made the Arx News. . . . Who was the guy in visual training last Tuesday that , made a fancy job of printing from a Incentive, which turned out pitch black? . . . Seniors are still pound- ing their heads to design a good school, and with the sophs. they’re giving Alichuler a heating (censorcd') Now I Ilis'll you, when a guy gets; a news contribution like this. what does he do? This is typical of news of— fr-i'ed by the sophs; Wagner was up— set the other day when the “sophs became too, too, boisterous" (my, my, well, slap my wrist) . . . Here’s hop- ing- for better stuff. We conclude that Richardson direct- ml the banquet very well with the co- operation of Mr. Mell . . . The All- Ar'cliitcclural Banquet was one swell banquet]! BOZ—ARTS. fillflli’ hi EW’S MWMWWWWWWW l-l. Kruntz li‘i'cehmcn co’op elections: Fresh— men initiative has again displayed it.- scll' in H. new method of electing oili- core. The ten highest-ranking men in mathematics will be the only students eligible for election. 0f the Tuesday. February 28, l939 SHOVEL ea Well, men (may we address you so personally—gosh, thanks), unlike the W.P.A. we home not been leaning on the shovel the past week. It is too bad that some of the items we uncovered have to be censored. Oh well, there are plenty of uncensored mics (and bowl) it >ll 1|! $51 Ill Ed Osterberg. You have heard the name before. Think hard. It was not under a help wanted columner was it under the for :lele column. Well, to get to the point, the .nbove mentioned senior juicer once more surges to the from: in a bid for the A.S.L.S.S. crown (American Society of Love Sick Students) and the N. and N. cup (Neck and Neck). Gotten a date by Larry (I fix ’em) Strnccbia with a young- ludy from National Col— lege of Education, he proceeded to have u merry evening roller skating with some other senior juicers and their dates. This super wolf on the way home put his hat. on his dates head, pulled it down over her eyes and tried to neck with Larry’s girl friend. No luck. Five nights later he again dated Ruthie for the Goodman theatre concert, but again he didn’t; have much luck at piching W00. However, the evening who a success. Quotes Ed: “She kissed me good night—4m the check.” >11 :1: :1: v.1 Well, enough of this prattle. . . . FlilIDSTEIN is looking for an India rubber mam. Advertising his tuxedo as for sale cheap, he stated: "Will (it n mam between 5 feet Ii inches and 5 feet 10% inches." Wonder if that means the perils will be worn an lmee britches on the taller man, or if a: short man would have to $111an in the 1min and lot: it shrink? W 151 ii. :1 v a: We have a chef among our faculty! Yes, none other than Benny (Super- Sulads) Fraud, our eminent professor of chemical engineering. He astounded his class with the amazing statement that; he, and only he, could make good salads. Pardon us, not good salad, but. supensulads. His method may be stated as follows. For his “Eureka salad" (it reeks all right) he takes garlic and waves. it; three or four times over and around the salad bowl. This, he adds, gives it its superb flavor. The rest of the salad is his own chemical secret. Quoting Prof. Freud: “l have trained my family to like garlic.” II! III 31 ill 11‘ The “.3wa title of “STUMPY” STERNFELJ) is “maternity editor.” ’li 3]: ll‘ W 1I1 From “personal” column of the Chicago Trib.: “John from Aurora—— Worried. Cull Alice. Atlantic 3897.” Not that it makes any difference but JOHN DOYLE is from Aurora, arid the clipping was pasted on his locker door. 1,. Ash; HAL DAHLIN if he wiehes he were in Florida with hin folks. Is [he Imuno open for the boys to drop in for poker, Hal? :1 a; .1. it >l1 ill 11' I? I11 It wasn't Mr. Ericlrsmi’zs cigarette that was burning after the concert the other night. when “the boys” owung into a jam session while waiting for the photographer to set up his camera for pictures. However, the hep cats really put “Sweet. Sue" and “Basin Street Blues” in the groove like a real bunch of rug- eutters. Frowned “0. 0.," “call me a taxi." Incidentally it was :1 PLEA’I'ED front that he had on his tux. lit 1!1 ’31 7|: El: Brainstorm of the evening happened just before the concert started. A freshman canny student member of the glee club iiwldhnly noticed that he haul on, :1. black, and while polka tlol bow tie imitated of the regulation black one. He promptly tried to cover up his error by filling in the white dots with ink from his fountain pen. 5 ’1‘ if}: lit il' No wonder Don Churlelan fairly shook the house with his slide trom- bone. The little lady he brought along was a real eye full. How about a date—Pail? v Mlnfortune came after the concert to JOHNNIE KEANE. Heading west on Adams in his car, he plowed into the rear end of 11 car waiting; for the green light. all Miohigen Banal. l'lle upon! the next two hours trying to push the wreclmge of the grill and fenders into such a position than he could drive the cur. Meanwhile, his blonde dale just sat and eat. )1 11- 1k i: :k Gene Worcester'e girl friend had that look in her eyes as he walked with her during the intermission. Watch out, 5011. It! is 1h >1 ten men, four will be elected by the, ‘first ballot to fill the offices of pres- ident, secretary, and treasurer, ac- cording to the total number of points: i received by each candidate. Eachl vote for president will count four points, :1 vote for Vice-president will count 3 points, and votes for secre- tary and treasurer will carry two and one points respectively. After the count, the student, receiving the larg- est total number of points will assume the duties of the president, and the remaining: ollices will be filled in the order of second, third, and fourth largest total. count. 01' the class of forty, the following ten men 11ml: highest: G. Wittekint, Stodtman, M Minte1,Ii. Irwin, V. Robbins, A. Zimmerman, and J. G. C1uwf01d,J. Woodbuiy, II. Sogin, and J. Burnabee. Elections will be in charge 01" R. Schneider, temporary chairman of the class. The night before: He courageously plodtled his way to his earthy abode, his rolling: eyes perceiving four blind» ing beacons on each passing noiseless automobile, his head pounding with the untimely beat of his strained i heart, his aching torso sxiz'aiying,r majestically in the non-existing gale; his knees buckled simultaneously, and suddenly met face to face with the massive concrete structure beneath his swollen extremities. His fighting spirit bore him up, and on he trudged. Apologeticnlly, he excused himself as he ruthlessly scraped 21 stately oak,l and again as he have down upon an unsuspecting: elm. With renewed strength be vigorously hurled his a: ’11 'rIl 1!: 2: A nice twosome—TOM CLARK mid MARGE CARLSON. 1‘5 [I4 *Il 1’.“ 11‘ Paul Henri/c.9817, was much in evidence during the intermission of the concert with his sweet little girl friend. Oh, boy. 1. .5 a.- q. a Bright freshman went up to TONY at the chem supply window mull eaiol’: “Hey, Tony] Give me 5 grams of tilrate!” Tony, puzzled, replied': ”You want 5 grams ell—what?” “I will,” replied the innocent fresh, ”tilrate. Look. It says, ‘add phenolphtbalein and nitrate.” Ir xi: 1: e :1: During last Friday’s rehearsal of the Armour Players, the psychic character of one of the Normal girls was unexpectedly verified. Christov phonon asked the girl to sit on the other side of the room with Kalniu and go over her script. Despite her brief acquaintance with E. J. she wisely remarked, “All right, if he‘ll be good.” ’l‘hey say you can always tell a man by the mug he wears. Oh, well. and challenge any and all co—op teams l,’1 lake the title from them. With Dori .Ioncs, the Joliet Flash, playing with the il-A's this year, little doubt remains (in the minds of the juniors) fats to who will claim the title. bony remains against the immovable entrance to his. homestead, swearing by all the coils and goddesses that guided him there to give up boxing for all eternity, Ilarold Kruse, 4-A was tired. In the classrooms: A few of the things we learned in the low class: If you’re under twentymne you can at loose when and as you please . . . (Forest, Preserve contracts are null and void . . . 'l" Each (11' us has undoubtedly had his Shaw ()1 heir— viaisei's, but 101 a sure enough blood— cui'dling' chill, havel liii'gci' Johnson, 4-A, tell you about the steam engine that almost carried him to the hereafter. he lei'tures sound much better from the inside a Cinema pal» “There's always :1 first. time" was “a” task “FIaSll” Jones) - . ~ D01” definitely established last “lednesdey‘ “9V9" 5151'“ nuthin‘l when "Sure'lqzot-it” Beckmun. Jl-A, - entered this educational institution. “Doc" Winston (analyzing the squeaks, groans, and peculiar actions 0 a certain pi'e‘junior); “Hm-m. \Vorms . Very contagious and nerve-\\'v':1cking." V‘Vascrseu: "No, Doc You mean I'm :1 . . . u . wi tlmut “ It ””411 s homework. Basketball: The annual 00»op bus»l kctball toumament is to be playedl next month Last yem s champs, they pie—innims, are the first to organize the It can' i: tter- b