Page Four ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, March 29, “933 mpwes .r...‘ 81/ J. Hebson 1? :9 4'- President Robert M. Hutchins of the U. of C. believes that schools of journalism are the, “Shadiest of edu» cational venture.” It ii: 71'- Stanford U. school of journalism in instant defiance increased their course in journalism to five years to a master’s degree, with the added privilege of all graduates being able to wrinkle their pants and call them- selves, “Scoop.” ell 1h Katherine Hepburn was mobbed by college boys from Randolph-Macon College in a trophy seeking mood when she visited there. Leaving the scene in a gracefully fitted barrel she chatted coyly and coldly through blue lips, “Oh, cxuberent spirits of youth, *l) :;!"‘?*‘)” {If 'l‘ ’3 Governor Earle of Pennsylvania was announced as inaugurating a five million dollar building program at Penn State, but a letter has been dispatched pointing out what a crum- my outfit that is compared to Armour near State and within a few days all tuition will be refunded as the school will be self-sufficient. lit 1 ‘41 The Senior class of Micklenhurg college is allowed to plant poison ivy on the campus if all members of the class are bachelors when graduated. By MA MERAZ USE SIMPLE WORDS Aspirants for literary advance- ment should religiously eschew poly- syllabic orthography. The philoso- phical and philological substructure of this principle is incluctablc. Ex- cessively attenuated verbal symbols inevitably induce unnecessary com— plexity and consequently tend to ex- aggerate the obfuscation of the men- tality of the casual peruser. Con- versely, expressions which are re- duced to the furthermost minimum of simplification and compactness, besides contributing a factor of real istic versimilitude constitute a much less onerous handicap to the read- er’s perspicacity. Observe, for in- stance, the unmistakable and ines— capable expressiveness of onomato- poetic, interjectional, monsyllabic utterances especially when motivated under strenuous emotional circum~ stances. How much more appealing is their euphonious pulchritude than the preposterous and pretentious pomposity of elongated verbiage and rhetorical rhodomontade. Now if that isn’t enough for you try this on your piano—~“In promul< gating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial senti- mentalities and amicable, philasophi— cal, or phychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversations and commu- nications possess a clarified concise- ness, a compact comprehensibleness coalescent consistency, and a concat- enated cogency. Eshew all conglom— erations of flatulent garrulity, je- june babblement, and asinine affec— tations. Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated ex- patiations have intelligibility and veracious vivacity, without rhodom- ontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic pro- fundity, pomous prolixity, setaceous vacuity, ventriloquial verbosity, and grandiloqent vapidity. Shun double entendres, prurient jocosity, and pestiferous profanity, obscurant or apparent. In other words, talk plainly, brief~ ly, naturally, sensibly, truthfully, purely. Don’t use slang; don’t put on airs; say what you mean; mean what you say, and avoid big words. The place is now so overrun with ivy that all students wear nothing but a thick coating of brown. laundry soap. The president is debating whether to break precedent and have them just carry a daisy chain. 1? )k l'f mead 0 ’sonsumuitfi ansneumoy qons atoldap .mouuV cm aJaq 3AA 'umop amsdn mam serious pun uon ‘misnm am “an “cum [noun nod ‘Jeop Am puV “genes; A‘manos e s! snip ‘noK siuopms plo nod :no 31001,, peeq aqi poumo Animal uoncoilqud iuopms (cp’euuo) 'A uaonb Jam], 1'1? fit all Carisia’s college recently inaug- urated a course designed to keep alumni in touch with the time. Among the courses offered are: “Hey you! Do yuh know Lee surrendered?" and “How to tell a momma gup‘iy from papa guppy and itsy witsy lit- tle Oscar guppy." Isn't There’s a guy in the U. of Mich. who can make eorsages last for years but you wouldn't be interested, the process is a little technical. Safe-Blower” Continued from page oan 'Em) squad and has a good record. Although he was a member of the Sissy Club at Sing: Sing, he is gradv ually outliving his nickname. Bush, a candidate for ring-leader has been the most important man in the gang. He is a member of the “I’ll catcha you" club. While “brains” of the bunch only three men have been given the “hot seat.” Hav— ing Redhead Cupie as driver of the speedwagon, the other members hav— en’t been caught yet. Bush is well known throughout the underworld as the most brutal gun slinger there is in the city. After his thirty year term on the rocks at Alcatraz, he had emerged with a knowledge of the latest methods of planning jobs. Re- cently, he had a bomb placed in the stoker which blew a hole in the floor of the vault; the gang walked in and carried out all the bonds that were laying around. Upon returning to the hide out, they managed to paste them back together again. Only having 297 notches on his machine gun, he is going out tomor— row night to see if he can’t raise the ante and qualify for leader. Wagner, is the “plan” man in the outfit. Making the bank floor plans, the jobs usually can be planned to perfection. Although the plans are often hard to read due to the blotches. Because of his sticky fin— gers from eating chocolate bars and drawing at the same time, his finger usually sticks to the trigger, often killing ten men instead of one. All the above men are attempting to qualify for leadership by trying to carve the largest number of notches in their eats. Selection: a lender is Armour Home Appoint Bug/house and Others The Armour Players, better known as the Armour Star Hams, are mak— ing every etl‘ort to maintain their financial integrity. They have an» nounced the appointment of live dues— paying members to the Guild. The suckers arc Bughousc Sternfeld, Wacky Buckinan, Rancid Brinkman. Goose Danforth, and Rat-Face Eris- man. The Hams figure on tossing :1 skim dig to celebrate their discovery of a stray bottle of Scotch Vodka, ’76 which that mad Rushian (Russian to you) hid away during the last farci— cal failure, “The Marriage Flop." Professor Totenpuss found the stray bottle and in an effort to integrate the whole volume, he managed to com some a whole half. His lecture con— sisted of a discourse on the Armour Math Building which is being.r dog for him, third floor basement, Chopin Hall, room 320, and the art of swoon— ing at frequent intervals ably dem— onstrated. Leskinen suddenly re- membered the bottle of Vodka and thus the beginning of the present celebration. Undounted by the results of previ‘ ous plays the group is said to be planning another potential failure. Professor Combs, Rat-Face Erisman, and Fulghum in order of importance and Hendricks will undoubtedly con‘ tribute to shearing the complete har- mony of thespspspspsps players. The ring circus will be staged during Junior Week in R Mission. a hard task, as he must be a murder— er, killer, throat slicer, knifer, and be able to hold the gang in his hand at any time. Pledge Prise Eloise into Frau Beta. Pi Frau Beta Pi has recently an~ nounced that Joe Collitch, Armour Tech’s erstwile electrical engineer, is being considered for election to that famed psychopatieal souioty. Collitch nosed out Knowitallovitch by the wart on his nose. Collitch got 3 E’s last semester. Knowltallo- vitch got only two E’s. Both men took only three subjects last semes- ter because they had so many incom- pletes the last five semesters that. the bosses of the asylum deemed it hardly advisable for the men to over- exert their heads. Gollitch’s average for the last seven years in the electrical engi- neering department has been—.041, while that of Knowitallovitch has been .0001 for the past twelve years. 1-1. Bodnar was willing to concede that Knowitallovitch had an advan— tage in point of seniority, but that Collitch was the better man. He cited for example the fact that Col- litch has been thrown out of school twelve times, but returned each time with a larger endowment for the School lawn. Witness the lust investment from the endowment scattered all over the front lawn. The only reason that the lasting flavor (loos not reach around to the research laboratories is that Collitch’s last endowment ran to $1.26, just enough to flavor Dr. 'l“L ‘s 8:30 physics class with that well known fragrance, but not enough of the fragrant derivative lasted to be scattered in the vicinity of Dr. Poulter’s emporium. Gas Barrage {leer Armour formalin Students to Flee WAR GAMES AT ARMOUR A noble move on the part of the Institute authorities to prepare and protect the sons of Armour for the inevitable war was made last week when the Dean’s office ordered a six week session of war games on the Armour campus. Promptly at 8:23 Monday morning last, acting com~ rnander Tibbals gave the order and George Rhoda and Fred White, peacetime gardeners laid down their first in a series of repeated gas at- tacks. Working with feverish ac- tivity, they were able by 9:47 to cover every ineln of soil from Dear- horn street to the railroad tracks and :Ifrom 32nd to 34th streets with a two inch coating of the deadly sub- stance, CmeflXW Every Armour man was on his tees to receive the attack, and in 13.8 seconds (timed with stop watch from fourth floor), the campus was cleared except for the prostrate, crumpled bodies of three gasping sophomores who succumbed to the obnoxious odors and dropped into the east gutter of 33rd street. It is ru- mored that repeated excessive cal- culus assignments, overwork, and worry had greatly reduced the re- sistance of the victims. The brisk breezes of Lake Michigan have carried minute particles of the lethal exterminator into every cranny of the college, sifting it, report would say, into slide rule cases, lunch kits and between the tines of the forks in the Faculty Grill. l m . . . .theac @hcotcrileld ingredients are the best a cigarctm can have Copyright 1953, been” a: Mvnns Tomcco Co. . . the reason they give so many smokers more pleasure . . .is the lull flavor and aroma of mild ripe homemgrown and aromatic Turk“: ish tobaccos. blended like no other cigarette. The flbompogne cigarette paper used in making Chester/fields 2's glare . . . it burns without taste or odor. . . it’s the best cigarette paper money can My. macaw find MORE measures: in Cbesl‘erfieidk milder better More