Page Two
Armour Tech

Student Publication of

ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY

3300 Federal St.

CHICAGO. ILLINOIS
Published Weekly During" the College Year
938

l 9 3 7 Member

associated Colonials Press
“Entered as second class matter at the post office
at Chicago, Illinois, under the act of

We
$2.00 Per Year

First Foo .......................
Second Foo
Sport Stooge
Cheese Editor ...................
Alpine Yodeler ..................
Scrooge .........................
Eagle Eye .

   

         

 

SHOVELERS
(‘mm wnvnm
Love Editor
Slaw l)l'i\or.~|
Curly ('SllN
Snooper.- ... ...... M.

1‘. Knlnin. u. Mandel. ll.

    
   

lk
Nirhulm . lboh. .l. Reidl'l. E. llosentlml.
Wmldimzlon.

H. Zimmerman.
Sto. um: . .
Sport Checkers
Swirls Snnmwru
Pitcher Maker

L. Norkus.
‘ Anderson.

 

 

 

Slander lions
l’upcr Seller

 

Pastor Upper

Vol. XXI:

87
Single Copies, 10 Cents Each l

..... Max Ephraim ,

Robert Burtuack. James Mover. Francis Opila.

a, rmsth. ‘chié'e. [Cl-Pdulaitin
n rus, .i. Hnrtmun r.
Millevillo. N. anlnt‘l’lrk. J

orefimnrfim

March 29, 1938

News

got sucked into the Player’s guild.

ARMOUR TECH NEWS

Someone ought to

take it up with the white slave commission at Washing-

the ton.

Battling furiously for every point the Ping-Pong team

. crashed throngh to a terrific and exhausting victory over

1
March 3, 1879.” l‘
l
l

“domain EDITORS

..... Russell Kotall
. . . .Robert Jail’ee

f ' .
. . . .Howard Coylei lnence

 

. . .Thomas Yeaklcl
. . .Robcrt Winblad,‘
Walter Hendricl

 

 

Carl Reh
. ..John Keane

Buin.

Hunter.

S. Silwrvmin. W.

'l‘om Clnrkl

J. Ratio. 1-1. Worcester
1“. DeMoncy. .l. Fahcy‘
. .. J. Miro

The
asset.

 

lie

 

rmnk Slavln 1

. Ralph Erirmnnl
mom 5. Kuhn)
....lloprer Smith l
r. Mayer -

No. 7

a book.)

beneath us.

 

 

   
    
  
    
 
  

‘ staff deviate from their policy for
’ issue.
minds aie allowed to be printed.

manner.

resemblance of names,
‘ pure-1y coincidental.

persons,

Pl KAPPA PHI

Bearing the flaming colors of dear

teenth annual com-lave of the clan will be ol’ brother:
Slavin (have to get around to asking his first name some
day, everyone just calls him Bubbles).
alternate with 01’ brother Frank Heiden something"

(everyone calls him Spike).

S’tough about ol’ Brinkman and Buckman; the chumps

Once each year, the students and members of the

Things that have been preying on their
, As this issue is
7 edited for the pleasure of the faculty and mem-
bers of the. student body, it is assumed that all
facts contained herein will be taken in a jovial .
The Tech News does not assume respon—
sibility for any of the material in this issue.
or places,

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   

the April Fool
whole thing".

 

An)
are '

what with Ping-Pong and
swamped. And then there was that ducky brawl at the
Bal Tabarin at the Sherman or Drake or some place, no
one knows, all we girls were simply blind under the in‘
And just guess what.
managed to rope in another pledge.
dopc‘s name is Harold Gustavson, a co-op, who has some
idea of getting out of here in ’40.

Triangle. We don’t like to brag but those guys certain~
ly are lousy players.
A guy named Dusell who claims to be an alumni

dropped in last week and chiseled some meals. Conpla
more bums like that and then we'll be bust.
DELTA TAU DELTA
This has been such a busy week at Tau. My dear,

stuff we’ve been simply

We
The

Go ahead, guess.
But honestly.

PHI KAPPA SIGMA

We‘ve got a pledge.
you other ellysmay fraternities.
The name is Roger Olson.

We also managed to get twentyfive couples at the
costume dance we deficited for.
the thing: was a deadly bore.

Two good 01’ brothers from Minnesota sponged off of
us the other night and boy, do we ever resent it.

RHO DELTA RHG
Cat’s delight.
She is even house broken,” says Jaffec, you
,know, he‘s famous, number 12 on the average parade.
(Confidentially the guy’s a grind.
Max E. in his usual obsreporous was simply
forced his way into the column.
around the campus, he is always news.
We are so pure around here Ivory soup simply sinks

We’re practically ecstatic over here.
going to absorb our debt. As a matter of fact, the school
is absorbing everything, house, members and charter.
Our dearly beloved brother Caldwell is happy about the
“The only Thing I ever got out of the
dive was indigestion.”

We’ve got a pledge. Yahhh, all
Are you ever jealous.

Everybody left curly,

“Our latest addition is really an
Allus got his nose in
But being n big man

Max says, quote,

Pl PHI PI

The school is

TRIANGLE

Escorted by three armed guards the ol' jeweler made a
visit to dear ol' Triangle and a lot of the ol‘ fellnhs made
their choice of the junk. Most of the stuff has disapv
peared as the lads made the trip to the nearest fence.

Wish the seniors would take it on the lam.
alla time stalling around the place and messing it up

They're

Candidates were nominated for various offices and

promptlv forgotten since the odds are the mortgage. is

l
‘ generally.
l
l

ol’ Pi to the ump-:
make a caucus.

He’s going to

going- to be foreclosed before enough guys show up to

SIGMA ALPHA MU

We are going to have a colossal membership drive at
the end of which we have every hope of col-ruling a mem-

ber. We aren’t too optimistic, though, there’s nobody

l—lill Billy Honeymooners Tour New
York: Bill Collectors {latch Up

My dear Sally, i

“Quien mucho habla mucho ycrfi

ra." Is this not so, my fair
one? Of course, you would not un—
derstand this linguistic

juggling of the vernacular.
I received a letter yesterday from
my sister—Amorphus—who is home»
mooning with her husband, H. Brain
Storm. They went to New York tol
celebrate. The other day they,
toured the town. Approaching the‘
Hudson River, a. man called out,
ouote—Ferryfi unquote. No, my
hubby calls the Angel, replied Amor—
phns. Then they toured through the
Bronx. “Fish, fresh fish,” a fellow
cried. No, we left our poles at home,
said H. B. 8. When they arrived
back at the hotel, after spending
twenty minutes trying to go up a
down escalator in a department
store, and waiting five minutes for
a package of gum to come out of
the ticket machine in the subway,
hubby received his mail containing
this bill concerning the wedding ring
(solid tin, chromium plated) : quote
Tin» rose is real, the violet. is blue,
[his little bill is overdue. Please pay
in nowA—rltm’t wait till when, the
rose and violet bloom again. For if
you do. delay it thus, no violet, no
rose, will bloom for us. Unless you
pay, the rose will rest, upon our fair
and Inuuly chest. The birds will sing,
but what of that? We shall not hear
them, where we’re 111‘. So come across,
we need the dough, not in the Spring,
but non), you know. The rose is red,
the riolct blue, do we need the 1871?
I'll say we do. Unquole. (P.S.Ahe
paid the 59 cents.)
City Dogs Are Smart
Sally, my dear, do you know why‘
a chick walks softly? Because he
can’t walk hardly. . . . Don’t hit me.
In the drafting»: class the other
day, two students were arguinzi
about who had the smartest doef.
Gosh, that argument went back andi
forth, pro and con, for a half hour.

i
l
l
acrobatic :
l

 

 

l

 

 

 

- there in White tie and tails.

Finally, one fellow said to the other:
Quote, My dear sir, if this does not
convince you, your head is full of
crevices (cracked, guess he flippant-
ly put it). My dog is so intelligent
he keeps up with the world affairs.
Vv’hy, just the other morning I looked
out of the window, and saw him
reading the neighbor‘s newspaper.
All Dressed Up

Pater’s night is tomorrow night at
the Lake Shore Athletic Club. Stu<
dents by the hundreds shall see me
I shall
shave for the occasion, all the way
down to the good eaith. 1 shall even
take a bathfiwillingly and without
reluctance. Sally, l am a new man.

“School Life In Gulch Valley,” or
“You Can Only Die Once,” as con
tinued from last week, Orfy Basil»
twerf, a student of the arts, a patron
of the opera, 2 man with degrees of
M.E., PH.D., 8.8., B.A., and P.U.,
is complaining bitterly to a friend
outside of the stable where he works.
“Life is terrible. Everytime I let
my work go, it keeps piling up. Sud-
denly he hears the eight gun shots.
Jumping on his horse, and throwing
in the clutch, he rides the 15 miles
to Jullietta, the fair’s ranch house
abode. He hears a scream, then
eight more screams. Then a thud,
then a groan, then a pattering of
voice crys loudly, quote: Swim,r her,
feet, next an Indian war whoop. A
clip her again, unquote. A woman’s
voice hollers again, and again a
stomping of feet. Then, all is siA
lence. What terrible thing has hap-
pened? Dear Sally, I am to afraid
to continue.

Well, as Euripedes once said~
“Life is like a deck of cards. When
you are in love, its hearts. Diamonds
when you are engaged. When you’re
married, it’s clubs. Spades when
you‘re dead and buried.

Yours,
Stoopbrain Bliss.

here but us officers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boz—Art and Art Gum with the
rest of the Arx are trying their
darndest to rival the accomplishw
merits of the Drunken Delis. “Tough
luck follows but it was a good fight.”
It seems, if we are to believe re-
ports, Viren started a good week by
splitting his allowance into two
parts. Three quarters went towards
extra—curricular amusement and one-
quarter went nobly towards tracing
paper. His noble efforts were
wasted, for on Tuesday he sold the
paper and put the results in the
stomach. He has taken up quarters
for the present in the Life Class.

Wagner, of Beaux-Art fame, has
acquired so many enemies that he
has been doomed by popular vote to
associate with engineers. His consul-
tation prize was the Title of Junior
Marshal.

Sauermann has a leaning towards
the engineering fields. His first step
in this direction was the acquisition
of a slide rule. He won’t say what
her name is and after last night, we
doubt if he knows (Delt competition
was too much). “The only differ-
ence between my slide rule and the
common run of them,” said Sauer-
mann, “is that mine doesn’t offer
so much resistance and after one
night’s practice, I know what every
line means." I’m tired of virtue, I’m
tired of sin, . . . etc. Oh well, every
man to his diversion.

Barber Jakabowski doesn't ap-
prcve of the slide rule system of
emotional control. He favors the
shaving system. ll: produces a new
insight,” said Jake. Scheel and
Brad: had long been raising mus~
taches and as a result they become
the first victims. After much prac-
tice, Jack went to work.

BOZ»ART.

Tuesday, March 29, l938

 

The Slipsticli;

Cleave to the slipstick; let
the slapstick fly where it may.

 

 

 

The propositions or laws of Struc-
tures affirm. (yo-existence, (its order in
place, between, the different parts of
lining (malice.

’l II:

He: Realizing the scientific ideal
of Biology, are high generalities
wanting?

She: In Plants—all the parts are
homogenous in structure; or, as
otherwise expressed, the flowers are
modified leaves; the monocotyle-
donous mode of germination co-exists
with the endozenous mode of growth.

ll; is a deduction from the per-
manence of Matter, that
materials exist in plants and animals,
must be supplied as a condition of
their growth.

whatever

>1: ill

Father: “The Law of Conserva-
tion holds true in organic changes,
and is a deductive key to the phe—
nomena.”

Daughter: “Gastric juice contains
hydrochloric acid, whence the neces-
sity of salt as an article of food?"

 

As regards Collocation, there is {,ch
peculiar“); of Hie orgnnm'd struc-
lm'el.’

 

Little boy: “Many of the proposi-
tions of Biology are defective in
structure.

Little girl: “The character of the
science requires the utmost aids that
can be afforded by well contrived‘
hypotheses.

Little Boy: Presumably!

'1: El: Al:

The taxonomic value of the plac-
entn in Manimulin is the number of
characters that it carries along with
it. Biol. then, the dichotomous method
of Botany, if fully adapted, as it
might obviously he, would be still
better.

A" ’1: 1}

At) a final end is to discriminate
the necessary from the unnecessary
elements of the situation, we begin
by u. separate enumeration of all the
circumstances, taking care to reduce
each to its simplest components.

 

   

or lhhlfil‘l‘lfh

"Bogdad on the Subway” (as 0. Henry called New

 

York City) is now able to telephone to Bagdad on the
T igris.

Today your Bell telepl‘lone puts you within speaking
distance ol'sornc 70 foreign countries and a score of ships
at sea-03% of all the world’s telephones!

Whether you talk to Bagdod or Bali —- to 0510 or
Boenos Aircs -— or just around the. corner,
Bell T clephonc service proves its value
wherever and whenever you use it.

 

 

B (BO-PEEP) RS.

 

  
 
 
  

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“a?

 

         
   
     
            
 
 
  

1 'N

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T THAT THERE’S AWORLD OF GOOD
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c: {in with the rest of

(Signed) R. J. Reynolds

pipefuls of fragrant tobacco in
every Ewe. tin of Prince Albert