Page Two Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 3300 Federal St. CHICAGO. ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year l9 3 7 Member l93 Dssocioled Colleoiole Dress “Entered as second class matter at the post office at Chicago, Illinois, under the act of March 3, 1879.” 2 $1 $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each E TORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chicf ........................ Russell Kotal Managing Editor ...................... Robert Jalfee Sports Editor. . . . . . . .Howard Coylc News Editor ........................ Max Ephraim Copy Editor ..................... uThomas Yeakle Business Manager .................... Robert Winblad Faculty Adviser .................... Walter Hendrick: EDH'ORIAL DEPARTMENT , . .. , Carl Rch . .lohn Keane eyer. Francis Ovilu Desk Editor Rewrite Editor . Assignment Editors .. Copy lloaders ""Icoiie'r'l'hnnliscklw m.e , . . . . in. (1. Frost. N. Levine. E. Paulaitie Iii-porters . nmras, J. Hartman. T. Hunter (‘. lluvr. E. Knlnin. B. Mandel, ll. Millcvillo. N. Natinchek. J Nicholson, F. Itch. .l. Raidcl. E. Riyacnthul. S. Silw-rmau. W Waddinuton. H. Zimmerman. Assioumt Sports Editor . .. , . .. Tom Clark nor ‘l Writers . L. Norkus. J. Rattn. E. Worcester Sports Reporters F. Anders’n. F. De. one}. .1; I"‘ahcv Lari/non st Mirolonic BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Advertising Manuucr Frank Slavin Circulation Manager Ralph Ermman .irculation Manager - p5 . Robert S. Kuhn Circulation ManagernExchaneea .. Roger Smith Circulnti n Assistant . 'r Vol. XXI. March 23, 1938 No. 6 On behalf of the members of the faculty and members of the student body we wish to extend to Professor Wells our deepest sympathy upon the death of his wife last week, Student Court for Green Cap Troubles For years the freshmen and sophomores have disputed the green cap rule never reaching a sat~ isfactory solution to the problem. However, with the inauguration of a student court whereby the difficulties can be thoroughly threshed out, an agreement can be reached which becomes a final decree. The court will probably consist of the class presi— dents and A,T.S,A. representatives of the fresh. man, sophomore, junior and senior classes. Having more experience, the upperclassmen may be able to advise the new men, so that they may under— stand the reasons and suggestions given in retain- ing Armour‘s green caps. Many other colleges and universities insist on freshmen wearing either green caps or other means of identifying the fresh without trouble. Why can‘t we do likewise? Street brawls are looked clown upon, by all; nothing is ever gained by participation in such brawls; last year one of the students was injured. After each struggle, it is not uncommon to find torn clothing, scratched hands and faces, not fol ARMOUR TECH NEWS mention blows received when one strikes his head against the curbing. Many complaints are received by the Dean concerning torn and missing clothing, visitors receive a bad impression of the Institute when such brawls occur. We have sought for some means of ending all this trouble. Conferences have been held with the Deans. but the two classes could never agree, It is hoped that the court can end all trouble once and for all. The upper classmen will, no doubt. try to uphold the green hat tradition; if a freshman fails to wear his Cap, he can be summoned before the court and the case considered. One obstruction exists—that of punishment. What can the court do? It can prevent street brawls but it will have to find some means of “holding the stick“ over the guilty persons. The court won't fine the “offender," it can't cause any physical harm to the persons. What will it be able to do? The problem of punishment is, no doubt, a very difficult one and must be considered carefully. Having representatives from all classes a fair ver— dict will be possible. Both sides will offer their arguments either for, or against the issue. and the court will hand down its decision. lt will be under- stood by the students that the decision will be final. The time previously used in street argu— ments and brawls can be used in preparing the cases for the student court. In this manner it is hoped, all conflicts can be settled in a civilized Letter to the Junior Class Departmental politics is a. question which has; come before the school many times. Now it again appears in connection with the election of the Junior Marshals. They are to represent each departmtnt of thc school ex— cept the Science Department. The Science Department is separate in every other respect except in this case. In the touch—football tourna» ment last year I was not allowed to play with the chem- icals as the junior F.P.E.’s objected to my doing so. Also our scholarship averages aren’t figured in with the chem- icals. It is because we are a separate department. Why consider us separately when Junior Marshals are being chosen? Each state in the Union is represented in the senate by two men no matter what its population is. We should also be represented in a body considered as representa- tive of the entire union of departments as now exists at Armour. It would be fairer to choose these repre- sentatives from the student body as a whole, but as it is not, why should our department be left out? We desire to be considered on an equal basis with every other department and in lieu of such, our group should have a Junior Marshal, William Penn, Sclence,"39. Fraternity Notes ' A Column Writer Has Plenty of Troubles Too (By Associated Collegiate Press) RHO DELTA RHO, after an event— ful hell week, informally initiated the following men: TRIANGLE fraternity also majors in ping pong, but here,thc absorbing tournament is intrafraternity. If you’ve often wondered what other campus columnists talk about, as we have so often, you’ll be inter- Com- ested in these gems from those who “rile Slipsticla l Cleave to the slipstick; let. the slapstick fly where it may. It's news! It’s news] The Slipsticlc has entered the package manufactur- ing field! R. I”. has perfected an col« laps-Me container designed" to hold anything from. an understatement to a large swatch of phooey. Named the “Don‘tloolcicmiw,” it is particularly useful in shipping things marked “Not To Be Opened Till Christmas.” Every “Dan’tloolcicnow” is so can.- struclod as to reach its destination empty. Moreover, if an addressee cu:- tempts to open one before Christmas, it will automatically give him the bird“ in Chinese. For more details, write your congressman. Yeakle had a contrib, but I lost it. Anyways, it was about as good as this Mary had a little lamb It’s fleece was white as snow. It followed Mary to the well, One day It fall down the well. Mary looked down in the well, “Hello, Lamb,” said Mary. “Hello, Mary." said the Lamb. the contrib. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water—Oh yeah?‘.’ Panic Falwy. Then there was a girl called “Checkers" because she jumped when- ever you made a bad move. Man is dust. Dust settles. Be a man, Stoopbrain. Pay me that 64 cents. The donkey, he are a lovely bird. He hair are long and thick Ho are mostly can; and head, But a lot of him are hick. “Memoirs of Stoopbrain Blica. Three Ways to End a Dinner Conversation 1. Ask the lady on your right if she’s married. Should she say “yes", ask her if she has any children. If she says “no", ask her how she does 1.. 2. Ask the lady on your left if she’s married. If she says “no" ask her if she has any children. 3. Ask the lady across from you if she has any children. If she says yes, ask her if she’s married. I may not be funny, but I have acute indigestion. B. R. S. Maybe I should haw remembered l‘ l tlo man, WAGNER. Wednesday, March 23, I938 Sportsmen in Underwear Beagle Stoophroin of Armour Relay Games Deer Sally: ' they are the dippsrdoodles. They are Monteculm Bentwitt wince sed to ‘ frequently cawlcd mathmatiks maid the Roman Forum, quote—A woman is a parte borrowed from man a long, long time ago, but the prinziple has never failed too draw interest, un- quitc. You bet, exklamasion mark. We], Sally, my door mountln flour, let’s take the hull by the tail and face the situation. Six weeks hav flew buy, and I am jest, starting too at down too work. I shal hav to give up mic soziul kareer fore the tyme being. Ah! but spring is hear. al- most, altho on the modell T fords they wasn’t. Lov flattens thru the true tops, jumping from brunche to branchc, wispering softly in the breezes. Cupid is on its waye. Isn’t it funny that wen cupid hits hiz mark boa usually Mrs. it? A feller wonco sed to a girl—yew are a cute kid. Shea sex—yew are stupid. That is howa cu-pid originatted. Mathmatilm Maid Eazy Wea engineers hear use many things yew never heerd of. For in- stance, we have slid-rules. 0 boy, Spring has come! And with it has come an urge to do watercolors, or to go home ’cause it’s such a nice day, or, as Snuerman goes, asleep. There were a couple of judgments last week, most notably was news of the Junior’n Bank Interiors, recently judged in New York. Jalcuhowalti, Mikolajczyh, and Scott received Men- tions. In the local judgment of the ”2.5. Lampn there were two Mon— tion Commended which were given to Ron and Brndt. The freshmen had a freehand judgment which amount~ ed to eight mentions and the rest un- fortunate. It seems as though. the Freshman had a. party the other day as SWAMI SWAN SON was taking his spring tonic exercises, wllhoul any points on, out in the park upon, having been 're- quested by his persistent classmates. Its in. the air that man POOR knows how to handle the gals down in the art: school. That My noise you hear when you walk into the Junior Room is that lit- BOZ—ART. eazy, or a quik waye too stagnate an engineers mind. However, they are quiet ‘wonderfull. I wil describe hiw they works. Tow get the square root of 100. yew put a thing cawled an index on 100 on the upper, or scale of D (no sharps or flats). Then on the scale of A yew reed oil the an- zwer—«9.978—-—sea, out ten three places. Of course, tew yew it sounds complecatcd, but few mea it is easy-— I am an olde hande at it. Incidental- ly, after yew dew the abov, yew looke it up in tables. Big doings in the waye of sports hav cum off laste weak. The Armore relays wir lasto Satiday nitc. In these games iz a lot of fellows when run around in there under-where, yes, deer Sally, there underwhere — plane shirts and shorts. Emajine. Laste semester it. waz fellows withe there pants off and green caps, now they take everything off almost. Under- whero are things city fellers where to keep warm. 0f kourse, peppy don’t need none, has takes his warmth internalley (goode olde mountain dew). It scams the objekt of these games iz tow invite different kolleges and skools to race, run and jump. They goa rownd an rownd a track, getting nowear fast. Then they throw iron bawls at each other, cowled short putts. Then they take fishing poles but no fish and vault over bars, like brother Stoopwit used tew swing from trea to trea. Who'll Rescue Her? We], wot yew hav ben waiting fore, and heer if. iz—J‘Skool Life in Gulah Kreek Valley, or Yew Only Die Woncc,” unquo‘te. It opens in the par— lor of tho ranche howse home of Jullictta McJuicc. Her father, J. Grapefruit McJuice, is cawling tew her fondly—«quote, cum heer my little won, or I wil brake every bone in yewr body. Knash, Knash. ‘H‘cr fos- ter mother, on the other side of the come, advances. “Hall, the little rat," shoa cryes, “wanting to marry that fermented gUy cawled Orfy." “Pleeze, don’t take another step, step-mother, or ycw’ll be a step-farther.” Sudden- ly, eight gun shots are heerd. 12 it Orfy kum to rescue her? Haz shea comltted sueycide? How. a roman candle gone off? Deer Sally, I’ll tel yew next weak. We], as won teller sod to another as a sophisticated skirt whcn‘r. by— quote. she’s from Atlantik City. I , can tel by her bored walk. Will klose. l l Yures, l Stoopbrain Bliss. EN’T . mar/23 THE BANYAN TREE . ”Wiv— we...“ a T , u LOOK“ . AND, we FIRST THING , KNOW, THER’EQ ANOIHER "REE John H. Alschuler, Arch., ’41. Myron J. Jackson, C.E., '40. Standford M. Linick, Ch.E., ’41. Ben Mandel, Ch.E., ’40. Ernest M. Mandel, Arch, ’40. Marshall Saltzman, Arch, ’41. The formal initiation is scheduled for March 26. Brothers Max Ephraim and Bob Jaffee were pledged to Sphinx, hon~ orary literary fraternity, recently. Congratulations, fellows. The party held at the Rho Delt house last week was adjudged by those present, a huge success, and they plan to hold another soon. The informal initiation was enjoyed by actives and pledges alike. One re— sult of that exciting evening was the adoption of one of the cats which the pledges brought. It was a kind-eyed cat and soon won the affection of all of the members. However, it was later discovered that she was soon to have a blessed event. Anyone want a kitten? DELTA TAU DELTA lists another achievement as brother Bernard W. Bernstrom has been elected to Sphinx, honorary literary fraternity. Extracurricular activities are in full swing with bowling, ping pong, and informal, faction wrestling head- in;: the list. spread desire to attend the “Dell; Prom," the members are enforcing self imposed economics to make the affair financially possible. This year the prom will be held in conjunction with the Chicago Alumnae and the Northwestern chapters. l petition is fierce as the field nar- rows down to the semifinalists who will fight for the honors this week. A large attendance was a feature of the mothers' club meeting last Sunday afternoon. The mothers completed plans for the card party which will take place April 16. Tickets may be obtained from any Triangle man, Last Saturday night after the re~ lays, the members and their dates returned to the house for dancing. The dance was well attended but of a rather wild nature as the slow “waltzers” were trying to reconcile their dancing to that of the “Joseph- ine” addicts. PI KAPPA PHI wishes to apologize for the misspelling of Brother Pavel’s name. The correct spelling is P—a-v—e-l. Dad’s night, the second annual affair of this nature, was enjoyed by all who attended. As it happened, the major source of amusement of the evening was a few reels of interesting travel pictures. Ping pong is a major indoor sport at the Pi Kap house. Their team has finished their training period and is anxiously awaiting the open- ing of the inter-fraternity tourna— Because of the wide l ment. THE'TA X] has formulated a ping pong- team consisting of brothers Giovan, Glos, Ives, and Hurda. The team is anxiously awaiting the forth— 5 coming interfraternity tournament. tell other campusites what it’s all about. On our honor, they’re all clipped verbatim: No. 1: “In the coming month, when candidates start campaigning, remember this: The walking brief case, derby and double-breasted suit (lawyer), is also likely to be a stuffed shirt.” No. 2: “At any rate, the frost is coming out of the ground and the only solid things about the campus are the sidewalks and the roads. No. 3: “The ideal professor is just one of our straight ‘A’ students grown up. However, he forgets to change his suit from year to year. The student doesn’t do that.” (This was in an interview column) so don’t blame the columnists). No. 4: “The girls speaks first. Yes, this is her obligation, and she must fulfill it.” . . No. 5: “And so, while the silk worms and the lisle worms rear their heads, time passes and summer ank- lets will run them With into eclipse." No. 6: “Sitting in a classroom bc- hind a girl who has a two—foot zipper down the back of her blouse has be— come a torture vastly more cruel than all thousand of the Chinese methods.” No. 7: “Public schools are un— doubtedly marvelously fine and worthy things, but, somehow, after graduating from those mills of stand- ardized culture, one feels as though he had been labelled, ‘Made in the U. S. A.”’ WHEN AMAN GETS ON TO HOW MlLD AND TASTV , was. l5, HF .1qu NATIJ‘RAUM WANTS His menus , TO ENJOY amen SMOKIN/ TOO .. . 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