Page Two Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 3300 Federal St. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year l937 Member l938 associated Colleoiote Dress “Entered as second class matter at the post office at Chicago, Illinois, under the act of March 3, 1879.” $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each EDITORIAL BOARD Editor—in-Chief ........................ Russell Kotal Managing Editor ...................... Robert Jait‘ce Sports Editor ......................... Howard Coyle News Editor .......................... Max Ephraim Copy Editor ...................... .Thomas Yeokle Business Manager .................... Robert Winblad Faculty Adviser .................... Walter Hendricks EDI I‘ORIAL DEPARTMENT Desk Evliirvr . Carl Rah wk. Me er. Francis Opila Lu qNorkus, .7. Ram), E Worcr‘s BUSINESS DEPA [CEMENT .. Frank Slnvin Ralph Erisman Robn't K Roger Smith No. 4 Advert. isinK Manager Circulation Msnager»Exchung Vol. XXI. March 8, 1938 On behalf of the faculty and student body, we wish to extend our sincere sympathy to Neal Simeon upon the death of his mother a week ago. More Public Finance No, you‘re wrong—.it isn't a communist meeting in front of the dynamo laboratory and that sullen crowd of milling students are not picketing Dean Tibbals' office. if they nervously drum their fin- gers or impatiently glance at their watch, they‘re not to blame. After all, there is only one phone booth and a dozen people can't use it at the same time. It is inconceivable that a school with an enroll- j ment of over one thousand should provide only one telephone. Surely, more than one person might want to use the phone at one time. only booth provided is exceedingly hot and humid, and hardly a fit place for human occupancy, espe. cially if you're the tenth person in line. in order to preserve the student's health, his where funds can be procured for the remodeling of and at the same time save shoei equanimity, leather, we suggest that the school provide a few l l Besides the ‘ ARMOUR TECH NEWS more public phone booths, ventilated more effi- ciently than the present one, and located conven- ienlly about the campus. Crowded Lunchroom With the gradual increase in enrollment from year to year, we now find our school with the highest number of clay students ever enrolled in its history. With this increase, one would expect to find expansions in various departments. A few new departments have been created and many expan- :aions have occurred during the past year. Among these, was the addition of "D" Mission as a study" hall and lunch room However with over a thous— and students making a rush for the Student Union each noon hour, a great deal of confusion exists. Some of the confusion and crowding could be avoided. Students having a free period before or after the lunch period would facilitate matters by eating during those periods. The students that 9 wish to bring their lunches from home could prob- ably eat in Room “D" and leave the table space in the lunchroom for those students that buy their lunch. One would have a difficult time carrying his tray into another room and chances are, that he would collide with someone in the hall while on his way. It may even be necessary to divide the noon hour into two lunch periods. However. this side of the question also has its disadvantages. As the spring season is almost here, we would not have our team complete for the noon-hour baseball game or what— ever it may be. It is not at all unusual to find thirty or more students eating in the assembly hall and others in the classrooms, but under the circumstances the students will have to do the best they can until more space can be allotted for eating purposes. Hereafter, when we sit down to our lunch, let us remember that some other schoolmate may be waiting for our table, which shortens his lunch period and probably causes him to be late for his l :lO class. Crowded conditions, as they now exist, clearly exemplify the urgent need for a new, larger Stu. ident Union. The Mission Building will be decorated l l l l and probably modernized within a short time. lm- provements are very expensive and it is not known the civil drafting room into a clubroom. which is so necessary. By James Hebsmi. A war poll at the University of Texas brought forth the charge on that if the results reflected real campus sentiment, it branded present —day students as slackers. that 61.8 per cent of the students who answered said they wouldn’t vols the part of a Texas newspaper editor unteer for war to invade some other country. _0._ “Democracy grow up here and it is the has! [or you; but in Germany, That is why we. gave it up.” F. Helm/20, 17-year»0ld German exchange student at Moses Brown school, ihlnks it would be impossible for the U. S. to have a dictator. we nevw did have (my real democracy. would laugh him out of school. __0._. Freshman coeds at Stanford uni- Prof. Harris Lectures on Operations of'Slide Rule An interesting Incl—ore and demon- stration on the manipulations of the slide rule was presented last Friday morning by Professor C. 0. Harris who spoke at this semester’s first; meeting of the Math Club. He dis» cussed the reading of the scales and the purpose, accurmcy, and fallacies of the slide rule. Using a seven foot model, Mr. Har- ris illustrated multiplication, division, squaring, cubing, finding square roots and cube roots. At the close of the demonstration, mimeogi’aphed prac» tice sheets were distributed to those students interested in experimenting with the slide rule at home. At the present time, certain mcm~ bers of the Math Club are at work constructing models for display at the Adler Planetarium. The next meeting will be held March 18 at 10:30 in Science Hall. five years in a chain gang. It seems Max The people w._ Capt. Fred W. Griffith, 65, re. tired naval reserve officer, is the old- “Boners” reached a new high re— cently at the University of Washing- ton when results of an identification test given to freshmen were made known. Here are some of them: Fiorello La Guardia, New York ‘City mayor—-“a general in the Spam ish civil war.” John L. Lewisn“president of the American Federation of Labor.” A1 Smith—“a Seattle newspaper reporter.” Dr. Joseph Goebbels, German min- ister of propaganda “a secretary to the A. F. of L. or a kidnaper." Camille Chautemps, premier France—“a French movie star.” ._4_,_._ of Coeds at Ogelthorpe University have formed an “Ugly Club" to pro- tect their rights against unchivalrous males. Their motto is to take every- thing they can get. __0._. Merry-making college students in Denver hire their driver to stay sober for them. When 2. police officer questioned him he said, “They hired me to drive as long as the party lasted. I’m working my way through college for fellow students who like to drink.” varsity revoltod against the sorority rushing system, and the student daily paper supporteé the stand olf the girls in insisting that sororities be discontinued on the campus. .Many of the freshmen refused to accept bids under the present system. —o~— A graduate student at the Univer- sity of California has developed an explosive claimed to be nearly 25 times as strong or; T. N. T o—~ Two students at New York Uni— versity claim an Eastern altitude record for their weather observation ballroom, which remained aloft for four hours and reached a peak of 67,500 feet. —-0— A recent survey revealed the fact that 79 per cent of the University of Maine students earn part or all of their college expenses. —0— Syracuse University seniors are exceedingly gullible, it seems. Jour- nalism students found that. 115 sen‘ lots would sign a paper that. at the start read like a proposal to elimin- ate final examinations for seniors, but ended up with a promise to serve est student at the University of Washington. —o- The pleasing personality that in— fluences people is born, not made, in the opinion of Dr. Howard W. Hag- gard, professor of aplied psychology at Yale university. Personality and genius are inborn, he says. 0— Thc Purple Parrot, campus humor magazine, was barred? recently from distribution among Northwestern University students until a two-page supplement of pictures showing coals in their baths had been deleted. —0 Joe Gordon, the much-talked- about new Yankee infielder, may en— ter Columbia for a master’s degree after he obtains his physical educa- tion degree from the University of Oregon. .V._Q Intercollegiate mathematic rivalry is". the latest college sport. Instead of footballs air baskekbflls, the math- ematical wizards will around calculus toss theories and geometrical figures in the competition announced lay the Mathematical Association of America. The Slipsticlr Cleave to the slipstick; let the slapstick fly where it may. Stoopbrain Bliss, you have been found out! ’Twus I who peaked} in the window and saw your disgraceful rendezvous with Dolores Scoundrel, you dam led liar with the pink braids iii. your beard and your store shocs’ [law could you ply her with evil p0— teiit liquors like double root. beer floats! Although she now rather simartiz your board than go with me, I have not lost. hope. Bid. I do say that when next we meet, I shall wrap your ears around your haul so many times, it'll look like a cabbage. ll< ill >1: I eat. my peas with‘honey, I've done it all my life, It makes them taste quite funny, But it keeps them on the knife. . Ii! .«a 2: Then thorn was the rooster who could never get a date because he hind 1-. face that would stop a chick. m .i it Really, I don’t sec what she sees in him. Why, the star]: that brought. him flew over the Br'oolcfi<'l(l zoo for three hours before Stoopbruiii could talk him out of it. ll: il= 5k Rejected Stu“ PROUD OCEANIC TRAVELER: ”I'm an author! I contribute to the Atlantic Monthly!" GIlEEN—FACED FRIEND: Phooeyl shush, shush! I contribute to the Atlantic Dailyl" vii w .. I sat by a Duchess Hi. 1.0a, Embarrassed as I could be; I'Icr rumblings abdominal Were something: phenomenalfi— And the guests all thought it was me! ‘Ili 3" 3% Case of NunASupporl The three roisterers who had been singing- “Sweet Ad-o-o-ovlino" in thtI taxi, scrambled out when it stopped at the address given and bracing themselves shoulder to shoulder stag- gered up to the door. “Mail’m, will you pleash pick out your husban’?" asked one when on irate woman answered their hell. “The rush of ush wanna 9:0 ’omvz, y shoe.” “0h!” breathed the lady furiously, “it’ll youwyou brute!” She pointed to the one in the middle. “No, no! Gosh, no!” objccmd to one of the flunkcrs, “you can’t take thash one, cuzh ’f you do me’n my fricn’ ’11 fall down!” Si? 'lC $ And there is that certain sopho— more who always gazes into the mir- ror and wonders what. the other six wonders of the world are doing. 75 7.4 2: Scoop]! . . . The streamlined Vas- sar bus/mtbull squad have. been signer) for a name with our own Armam- flvc. “There will be no forward passing when we play Armour this year," said Miss Lamas-hanks, pretty Vussur captain, in (1.7L exclusive inter- view, “as Armour WW. are too for~ ward when they make passes.” =h 9! Yr “How are your children getting along?” “0h, fine. Tony wants to be a racketeer, and Molly wants to be a chorus girl." “But; what happened to A1?” “Oh we had to kill him. He wanted to be an engineer." ax vs ir- Dames are pushovers for gay cab. alleros. Caballeros are athletes in Spain. Athletes in Spain throw the bull [or diversion. Hence, domes are pushovers for bullthrowers. That’s ogicl v!’ H: 9.: Gag ok the Your (Ed.—Wllat Year?) “Angel face, say hello to your aunt!" “I hate chool “That’s not nice, dear. to auntie." “I hate ch00! “Please, snookums, sake, say hello.” “I hate ch00! I hate ch00!" "Listen, plug ugly, say hello to your nuut before momma knocks whatever teeth you’ve got down your throat.” “Why, auntie door, when did you arrive?” l B. R. S. I hate ch00!” Say hello I hate ch00!" for momma’s would‘ /. W THE ANDSIEREAD is OPEN TO All YOUR HAND 0N FIRST WHEN you REACH 8, W38 Tucs"ay, March "KAFFEE KALAS “ IS ENJOY ED EVERY AFT FEE ON THE TABLE. SIUDENTS l:'l'OTAL COST lS WHAT YOU PUT IN yous POCKE m. WHICH DEHSATED PRINCETON NIH lN'l LLEGl ATE GAME PLAYED IN 186‘) ’ HEIS THE ONLY SURVNOR. or THE TEAM ~- llllembsni. or DELTA UPSILON ransom»! .. A J N W KEEP JUNIOR“ ’liiElK PET ALLIGATOR Us! THE BATH» 11m AND DO THEIR BMHING EUSEWHERE/ ’WN‘T recb' S HOPKINS UNNERSI liloopbmm Bliss Tallow Bright but Bhuwriful Gal to Formal Dorm Deer Sally, Excel-psi from Horatio, quote—Jim» cle Sam scz “Yankee Doodle D00"; a rooster sez “Cockle Doodle D00,” and an old maids scz “Any Dude‘ll do," unquotc, and I hope yure the some. Wow. Sech a (lanze were that junior formal] lusto weak. I ser- passed owl my other sozlal acomv plishmcnts at this tlonzo and I had the forest babe in towne their. Oh, those wonderful two buck teethe, baggy eyes, withc a peach complex» tion—yelln and fuzzy. Gosh, Shea hail curves wear shca shouldn’t of had, and vice verso. And that for— mal shun hade on. Evcrytyme I dunzed witho her, I slept on her train. Then shoa complaynevl about my beard ligating in her i’aze. On top )f awl that, the collar buttonn (that’s sumthing these city tellers where) of mine popped off, and my shirt front dissapeared. 1 quick opens my mate to kntch it, and everything- pops open. Now I know howe Pop foals wen Ma pops him withc her shotgun wen he After- BUD PARKER hurl been out stepping with his new 1.938 model brunette, the boys at the frat house asked him if he had a. (load time. “I sure (lid, but she’s: TOO fast for me," replied Parker. iii 1: 9; HEIDMAN (God's gift the Ladies) sure has received many let:- to tern asking him to return to Knox College so that the girls can get a real glimpse of ‘Armour’s Romeo’. If he’s absent from his juices one of these days, we’ll know the reason why. 1k 'Il’v ’3 “A fellow just can‘t keep his mind on school work,” says C. V. PETER- SON. It. seems that Peterson’s little heartbeat just had to send him some real important news, so sent a tele— gram to school. It read: Sorry but. unable to go Saturday Slop Will ecc- plaln later. is 9% “When I appeared in the grand ballroom of the Stevens Hotel last Saturday,” says ADOLI’H RUNE, “and found a lot of Indians, sailors, 11nd men in long underwear dancing, .. I pulled out my bid and found that the Formal wasn't at the Stevens, BUT at the Palmer House. Well, I didn’t like soup anyway." >l< 1k 4. “A slug 8. day keeps me happy and gay,” is the slogan of CLEM KOTR- BA. It seems that Clem just has to call her up once a day just to or . . . make sure she‘s still happy. “That; is, all except Wednesday, and I visit: her every Wednesday evening." ] kums home with goode olde mountiu dew a sparkling in his veins. We], the. older (luye I whcnt too the dentist, an he’s a fellei' who grabs you by the nck, stilts a buzz saw in yewi' mouth, and sets her going. Why, I felt. worse than that tyme I had drunken that jug of corn that. bro- ther [-lzill'twist had put kerosene in. Down, down, he whcnt. Finalley, won hiz machine had almost dis- apczired in my mouth, I 307. to him—- “Doc, gimme a glass of HOH” (that’s slang for H20). Doc sez~«“Whi1t for—yen thirstyl," “Now," sez I, “1 just want to sea if my nck leeks." Say, dou you no will} a slipstik is? Wcl, in our skool paper there is a col- uni cawled that. Sum shank of the lowest. degree must rite it. Why, in hi7. colum he claimed I couldn’t. hav hen brought by a stark, bekixuse a stork only carries FIRST CLASS mail. And making disperging re- marks about me taking a bathe only wonce a your. Why, even you no 1 take won Christmis, and Easter both. Why, that elongated maltancse, if I over ketch him I wil spank him so tender he’ll bea able to sit on a news‘ paper and reed the headlines. Wei, instalment III of “Skool Life in Gulch Kreek Valley, or You Only Die Wonce,” unquote. Jullietta Mc- Juice, the sweet and fare, is sitting in her boodwaur (pronounced bed- rume). It is nite—shea knows, be~ kause it is dark outside. Suddenly, a pebble is thrown against the win- dowe. Jullietta throws it open, and there is Ott'ie. Elope withe men, my sweet, he cries. Oh, no, Shea oryes, that wuld bea too muche of a gam- blew—to ride awaye withe you.” “Lady Godiva put everything Shea hade on a horse," sez Orfie, “that wnz'a safe bet.” “Yes," sez Jullietta, “but nothing goes faster than $2 on his nose. Unquote. Well, who nose? Yures, Stoopbrain Bliss. wows i News of the judgments: Thursday came the news for the seniors from New York on their Alumni Club de- signs. First. Medal Man BAKER got another First Medal. “It’s getting to be a habit, " comments Butch. PARKS received the Second- -Medal mention, and SALETTA Inted a men— tion. In the local Junior judgment, REA and GOLDSMITH rated high with First Mentions. DANFC‘RTH, RICH- ARDSON and SCOTT received Men- tion Commendods. SOPHS are hoping for their ment which is due any time niw. judge Overheard from fellow sufferer: “I’ll betcha Passionate will take off one of these days,” ADV.: Vilsnted, grade “A" 1506 word paper for Eng. 2033. Quick. ' Address— BOLAR'I'.