Page Two ARMOUR TECH , NEWS Wednesday, May ll, W38 Amour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY 3300 Federal St. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year I937 Member I938 Rssocmd Colleaide press “Entered as second class matter December 8, 1937, at the post office at Chicago, Illinois, under the Act of March 1879.” -3. @287 Single Copies, 10 Cents Each $2.00 Per Year EDITORIAL BOARD EDITORJN-CHIEF . MANAGING EDITOR . EDITOR RUSINESS MAN GE FACULTY ADVISER I OBE RT WALTE II EN‘DRICKS EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT Desk Editor ,. Carl Rch Row Ito Editor In Keane Auaignment Edlto ncls Opila fist. Sports Edi ...T on Clark Fraternity Edi r Douglas Mncdonul F turc Editor .. .. .....R Perry 0 v Renders Frost R. Mead, E. Paulnitia M. Cam J. Hartman, mic]. B. n. ras. E. cum... 1. Dmmwhii. 1‘. u Iker. E. Knlnin, H. Krnntz. B. Ma Millcvillc. J. Renortern . . M. Cnmras. E. Colant. J. Hartman, T. Hunter C. Iker. I‘ Kalnin, H. Krantz, B. Mandel, B. Millevillc, J. Nicholson. h l Reidel, E. Itosenthnl, S. Silvcrman, Weddimzton, Sportu Writers , ports Reporters Cartoonist . H. 7 m man. Norkus. J. Rotto, E. Worcester Anderson. F. DeMoney, J. Fahcy .. .J. Mirotanic BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Manager Manager . MflnIlRQP'—CO-ODE r- t. b , ... Circulation Circulation Circulation . Business Assistants Vol. XXI. Frank Slavin May 11, 1933 No. 12; CONGRATU LATIONSI We congratulate President Heald and Dean Tib— bals upon elevation to their respective offices. N0 better selection could have been made for the presidency of one of the finest educational institutions in the United States, than that of Dean Heald as President of Armour Institute of Tech- nology. As Dean. his unexcelled service to the Institute and his pleasing manner of administra» tion have won him the admiration of the faculty and members of the student body. For three summers, Mr. Heald was actively emm played in the U. S. Government service as a sur- veyor. In June I923 to September I924. was en— gaged in construction problems of the McKay Dam, as lunior Engineer; the position required the de‘ sign and layout of construction equipment, living quarters and water systems. With many other important positions held. Mr. tember 1931 to September I933, as Associate Pro— fessor of Civil Engineering and Assistant to the Dean, Mr. Heald's work consisted largely of the supervision of student personnel work. In I933 and l934 he was appointed Dean of Freshmen and organized the subjects of the incoming students. From 1934 until the present time, Dean Heald was responsible for the educational program, in- cluding both day and evening work. faculty and staff. He was also instrumental in developing many new services, establishing a research division, and establishing the nucleus of a graduate program. Dean Heald is familiar with all the activities of the Institute and the future holds even greater popularity for the school under leadership of a man whose self-reliance. determination. and aggressive— ness has won him such distinguished recognition. The selection of Dr. Tibbals as the Undergrad- uate Dean. assures President Heald of the able and efficient cooperation so necessary in an engineer— ing school. THE MAIL bflx Armour Tech News: Dear Sirs: Some of the current discussion of Junior Week has prompted an unofficial “pep talk" from the under- signed mcmbur of the faculty. Junior Week is an instituv tion peculiar to Armour, evolved through the years to make possible in a nonresidential college a suitable annual culmination of the extracurricular activities and events, which constitute a valuable part of a college education. Many alumni look back upon it as the one event in which they participated constructively, and which distinguished their careers at Armour from the rest. of their school~ going days. As originally conceived, the activities of Junior Week were to be in addition to the regular class work, but Iittingly, the instructional program soon began to yield precedence during this one week to the gayer side of college life. Unfortunately, this trend continued until the scholarly pursuits for the week became of no con. sequence whatsoever, while at the same time, the scope of the Junior Week program scarcely justified the dc- votion of a full week of the serious student‘s time. The new plan this year, of eliminating all the half hearted classes and shortening the Junior Week period until it is packed full of lively events of genuine interest to every minute of the day, should greatly improve the attendance at this festival, School spirit has real value for the individuals who indulge in it. 'I‘echhawks have made Junior Weeks of the past the occasions for the consummation of a school spirit surpassed nowhere in the country. It is incumbent on the student ‘body to make the attendance at the ac~ tivitics this year such as to justify the perpetuation of Heald came to Armour in September of I927 and taught structural engineering subjects. Fraternity Notes Hy DOUGLAS MACDONALD All {nut-min notes must he received by the fraternity («him before noon Thursday in order to appear in the next issue. PHI PI PHI The Chapter is proud to congratw ulate Brother Parker and Pledge Anthon on being pledged to Tau Beta Pi, honorary engineering fra- ternity. All the men wish to congratulate the Delta Tau Delta baseball team on their fine playing and sportsman—l ship last Tuesday in the baseball’ game. Our president, Thomas Collier, left for a presidents’ meeting in; Cleveland, Friday, April 22. The‘ meeting was to last over the week- end, but our president didn‘t show up for an alumni meeting Monday night. He wrote a letter saying that he had gone to Mississippi. He ar- rived home at the end of the week. We really wonder what happened to him, but. he is keeping it a secret! The alumni are planning to have their second meeting at the house on Open House Night. The house is planning many things for entertain- ment that. night. TRIANGLE The house has been rather dull this past week as the boys are at- tempting to do enough homework at one time to hold over Junior Week when, we are sure, we shall do nothing at all. Practice sessions for the sing have been held every noon and we believe that we have as good a chance for the cup as anyone. The plans for the skit have been finished and a start has been made on re- hearsals. Needless to say, we want to win again. The teams for the sporting events are coming right along and will do their best in the forthcoming inter-fraternity meets. The brothers have already used a large quantity of nickels in getting dates for the two dances of the week, From Sep- the Fraternity Open House and the Junior Informal. We are happy to report that, so far, every man has his dates in order and everyone is happy. Pl KAPPA PHI We recently won the ping-pong cup and are already figuring how to take it again next year. Our baseball team is the best in years, and demonstrated its prowess by winning the first game. We are happy again, the discord of the sing practices are either be— coming more harmonious, or we are becoming used to it. THETA XI We are pleased to announce the pledging of Edward Chevalley, E.E. ’39. Our Hard Times party last Saturday proved that an enjoyable time can be had in spite of recessions with old clothes and dog biscuits that come along with them. We congratulate Pi Kappa Phi on their baseball victory last week. We also congratulate Brother Young upon his initiation into Pi Nu Epsi- lon, honorary musical fraternity. During the past few weeks, we have been honored by a number of visits of Eta Kappa Nu men from points around Chicago. The members are busy preparing for the Inter—Fraternity Sing next Thursday evening and the Circus Day stunts on Friday. PHI KAPPA SIGMA Last Sunday the Mother’s Club held its final meeting and new officers were duly elected to serve during the next term. We hope all the mothers had a happy Mother’s day and will have many more to come. Many fratemity affairs will be cul- minated next week, among these be- ing the track meet, the baseball finals, the Interfraternity Sing and the Cir- cus Day. We will have a strong rep— resentation in each stunt event. “Hands-across-the~cup" and con- graeulations to Pi Kappa Phi as the new fraternity ping pong “champs”. Junior Week as on independent institution. James G. Potter RHO DELTA illicit} We are anxiously looking forward to our annual dinner dance which comes oil" next Friday night in the Continental Room of the Stevens. Brother Sam Spencer, our social chairman, is handling the arrange- ments for the dinner dance, and promises it will be a grand affair. The end of the semester is up preaching rapidly—4:130 rapidly for all the back school work that we have to do——but not rapidly enough for the post-finals party we are going to have in brother Saltzman’s cabin (which proves there’s a silver lining in every dark cloud). We are scrambling to get our skit and sing into final shape. What with daily rehearsals and Junior Week events, we're somewhat busy —— let's say, terrifically busy. DELTA TAU DELTA So sorry! It was an oversight, not a lack of pride that prevented the announcement of the formal initia— tion of: Harry N. Leave M. E. ’41 John H. Heibcrg M. E. ’41 in the last issue. At the Mother’s Club Tea, held on Sunday, April 10, the following of— ficers were elected: President—Mrs. E. W. Duncan Vice Freon—Mrs. E. S. Fox Secretary—Mrs. Olin Humbert Treasurer—Mrs. J. B. Street Our new officers, as previously listed, were installed on April 12, by retiring president, Bill Laise. SIGMA ALPHA MU Sigma Alpha Mu are pleased to announce the initiation of Robert Barrett M.E. ’41 Robert Abrahumson M. E. ’40 We are having a yacht party Fri~ day, May 13, at the Columbia Yacht Club. We are using Joe Mashman’s yacht and expect to make it a well remembered affair. Our Farewell Supper for the grad- uating members, will be held at the Edgewater Beach Hotel, May 28, 1938. The Sifigostick g Cleave to the slipstick; let. the slapstick fly where it may. Attention “G. E. Brown" “Well, I think I’ll put. the motion before the house,” said the chorus girl as she danced out onto the stage. Hydro Paradox Said the tree to the stream, “I’ll fall in you,” Said the stream to the tree, “I'll be damned if you do.” Lament I often sit. and meditB Upon the scurvy trick of F8 Thut keeps me still a celib8 0h, cruel f8. I want a loder maid sed8 To love me and to be my m8 My 40-2de is not so {218 I cannot ‘w8. 0h, F8, Bet)! Bell 2 L8 Relieve my awful st8 And when l’vc 1 this maid sedB We’ll osculBl Miscellaneous Baby Corny—Mama, where did I come from?" Mama Corn:———“Hush, stalk brought you." child, the Doctor: (Inquiring after boy—— who had swallowed two niclrels the day before)—~“How is the boy to- day?” Nureez—“No change yet.” “What is home without a moth- er?” the, Armourite said with a sigh. “I am tonight,” replied the little blonde. English: Prof. of “What is a metaphor?” Freshman: “To keep cows in." (Interbank—Romeo of the Rockies With Violet cuddling in his arms, He drove his Ford—poor silly—— Where once he clasped his Violet, There now is clasped a, Lily. . and then there was the fresh— man who thought the House of Ca):- rection was the place to which Ar— mour’s professors sent their stu— dent’s papers for grading. The car began to knock terrifical-r ly and stopped. Heidman: “Heck, I wondered what that knock is?” Goldie: “I think it’s opportunity lIIeide.” Prof. (holding up text to class) @peu blouse becomes lgull House For humbling Deer Sally, 0h, mea, wat a weakll Send men by return expres 3 jugs of puppy’s gud olde mountin dew. It may bea open howsc weak, to others, but it were full howse for men, withc no royal flush. I waz trumped more ofen than the triple trumpeteers, and everywon had a deuce. The visit.— ing girls thot I were the jack of hurts, and there boy trends thot I waz the ace of spades. The ate ‘bawl had nothing on men. I waz behind the ate, nine, ten, jack and king. Juice What Am Four a wile I waz in the juice lab.—no not like orunge juice, more like pickhjuicc. A little oldc lady wanted tew no wat that pretty blew streak waz that was shooting along beatwcan tcw metal nobs. We], I was as kuryius as shca waz, so I grabbed bothe nobs. Things popped in my brain and sparks shot. from my ears, noze and mouth. That big; blew streak ran up between my fin- gets, and vanished in the air. Just then. the prof. kume up withe about 15 visitors and sod—quote: this is are exhibit of high potenshul. Two million volts are now running threw that young man, and hea hardly foals it. A million more, and he’ll never feel it again.” Wel, Sally, deer lit- tle mountin flour, wen they finally turned the current off, my white korpusclcs were were electrlyzed to tow per cent solution of alcohawl and water. It gave now a most ex- hilarating feeling. I quick huri'yed “Now here’s a foreign language that will interest every nice girl." E. J. and Zulu (together): “Oh, it must be a Czech book!” E. J:——“I hour that the Germans have named their battleships after jokes.” Zazu:——“Why?” E. “So that the English wouldn’t see them." Englishman:—(boasting to a Yan- kee) “We have some very large birds in England. Why once while I was standing in a zoological garden I saw a. man come in on an eagle.” Yankec:~~“Brothci-, that’s nothing. Once while I was watching a ball game I saw a player 930 out on a fly l” May we part with this bit of re~ flectionz— When a girl finds that she is not the only pebble on the beachmshe be- comes a little bolder. ~Swiped. Stooubruiu bliss owt of there and wheat up tow the chem. lab, wear I will skeduled tow give a demonstrashun. A krowd quik gathered around men, they were so interarrestcd in my experiment, and possibly my laitest in blew serge overawls and for foot beerd. wich I shaved down tew threa inches. A pretty young thing, blonde eyes and blew hare, sad to mea-—”I hav heard so muche abowt it, so wat iz H tew S?" Sod I, quote and unquotc—my deer innoscent young thing—hav yew ever kept. stale eggs in the pan— try four for weaks or more? Yes, Shea replyed, why? And why hav yew thrown them owt, I filed. “They were odorous," she replyed. Lady, I sed, yew hav experienced H tew S. Then I proceeded tew show them my experiment. of ionizashion. I had coated each ion of di-hydro-oxie withe green radium paint, and each ion of sodium and triple chloride with red radium paint, so that the ions looked like fish moving around in the see. It awed them and also Dr. Elk. E. Seltzer, famous Germain physicist from Spiders Corners, Swe- den, so much that I had tew say boo to make them move. Math Made Ezee The crowning feet of my evening won my participtaion in the math. exhibit. Ladys and gentilmen, quote, I sud, I will nowe trisect an angle— (igratc applauze). I hav beer, sum— thing‘ like Wat the farmers use, only this iz called a pro—tractor. And in the other hand I hav an angle—any angle, 90 degrees in fact and figure. Look and sea. 30, 60, 90 degrees! hav trisected it (more applauz). Thank yew, I Sled, and whent tow the danze in the gym. The plaze waz packed withc engin- curs. They hav ben going tow the danzc klass, and wowl were they anxious to ride the wommins feat. They awl started owt tew dew the rumba, and ended up by dewing the bumpa. We], it iz Junior weak at skool, hear, and friday iz the bige fresh- man~sophm0re rush. I beer that the frosh are depantzed of there manly posseshions as who as they step off the streat car or L. Then the fresh are used az plows by the sophs. on Odgen feald, and the fresh try tew dew the some. After thoroly mawl- in]; each other awl (laye, they get there crutches, arnica and tire tape and gun tew the junior dome in the evening. We], Sally, I here a civil:- ing' mashezm owtside my window, or iz it; the faculty playing; the seniors, so will lclose. Yures, STOOPBRAIN BLISS. SEE THAT QUNNT LITTLE FRAME . BUILDING? IT IS ONE OF THE OLD- L SE5 IN THE UNITED ‘ WAX FIGURES SCHOD H fl?” g (£th ‘ TH CLAESES , RIGHT HERE WHERE I—lE LIVED-"AND E SCHOOLMASTER TALlGl-IT VEP VERY COMFORTABDI, AS SEE ms WAS me SCHwWEWS CHAIR. NOTICE THE Two 3 l. PIPES CARVED IN THE BACK. AND TH WHEN you PUFF mm surmount. Wu rusty PRINCE ALBERT-- WELL you’ve out come»: relive THEREI AND FIFTY DELIGHTFUL warms 5N ' we BIG POCKET~SIZE TIN. THAT MAKES A ,, BK; HIT WITH ME! SMOKE 20 FRAGRANT PIPEFIIIS oi? Prince Albert. If you don‘t find it the ever (smoked. return the pocket tin Wlll) the: rest of the tobacco in it to us at any time within a month from this date. and we will refund full purchase price. plus postage. (Signc mellowcst. motion: pipe tobacco you ) R. J. Reynolds Tobacco (10., Winston-Salem. North Carolina Cunvrlzm. 1938. n. J. Reynolds Tobacco (:0. WELL, I CIUE$ WE PIPE-SMOKERS CAN ALI. UNDE T NDTIWFRECA ' N. CEWAINLY HATE TO RUNOUT OF MILD: TAS‘W PRlNCE ALBERT. I’D WOULDN’T YOU? I SHOULD SAV SO! SMOKING PRINCE ALBEFW IS ONE OF THE BIG PLEASJREEE IN LIFE . TOO l WOULDN’T WANr TO BE WITHOUT rr , VER! ’. pipetuls of fragrant tobacco in every 2-02. tin of Prince Albert