Page Two Let’s Remember ‘War is Hell’ Newspapers stirred up feeling last week with their accounts of the flag insult and the balking of the Jap- anese entrance into the International Settlement in Shanghai by the United States marines. Readers were led to believe that the United States was a monster of super—human strength ready to gulp down all opposition. We have seen what mass action will produce on our own campus in the green-cap scrambles. ln- dividually a man would not do things which he does under the cloak of a large group. The flag was not thrown into the water when it was taken from its standard on the American owned tug at the wharf in the French concession according to U. S. consular officers. If the flag or ten flags were taken down and thrown into the water, it would not be the will of the Japanese people or government anymore ARMOUR TECH NEWS take the let alone policy while others claim that if japan were allowed to break the “Open Door" policy of American origin, the "Monroe Doctrine" applying to the American continent would be dis- regarded. Some people believe that the longer we are aloof. the more powerful and established Japan will be. They say that the subduing of Japan would end the situation of the three nuisance nations which in- clude Germany, Japan, and Italy. All of us admire strength. We enjoy the idea of little Japan's blows glancing off Uncle Sam's hairy chest. However we must remember that thousands even millions would suffer agony of death from poison gas, and the loss of parts of their bodies that are considered necessary for normal life. Your writer can see no need for war until trouble comes somewhat closer to our hearth. While then it would be the will of a class if an individual bounced a bag of water off his rival classmates head. Some commentators advise the United States to The members of the faculty and student body extend to Mr. 0. Gordon Erickson their deepest sympathy upon the death of his mother last week. Vol. XX No. 11 Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year [936 Member I037 associated Calculate Dress «(new $2.00 Per Year December 7, 1937 Single Copies, 10 Cents Each EDITORIAL BOARD CoEditors-in—Chief . ........ . . ...... Landrith B. Parker, James D. Shceban Sports Editor ..................... Raymond A. Braun News Editor . . . . . . . .William J. Cbelgren Copy Editor ....... .Albcrt N. Schrie‘bcr Business Manager . . . . .Idris Thomas Faculty Adviser . . . . . . Walter Hendricks DIT‘ORIAL DEPARTMENT Desk Editor . , Make-up Editor Assistant Sports Edltor Assignment Edito Feature It. F Beardsley IL Kata] Nana-um I. Jafloo , E. J. Pleva itor Columnists .1. II lllmlfll, . Rea. I5. Stcrni'cld. A. M. anem, Assistant News Editors . It. George, C. W. Itch, T. W. Ymklc Reporter»; 4. A. Iluirl. R. .I. Bitt‘lunek. G. C. Cipowski, E. J. Colunt, G. E. Front. H. E. Gurmnn. L. '. ruf, A. (L. I‘lnnst .l. Hartman. H, C. Johnson. W. II. Kohl. E. .l. Knlnin.K .l. D, hcnnc. W. C. Lnubc. N. A. Levine. B. Mandel. J. R. Meyer. N. Nutinchek, l‘ Oniln. E. I’nulnitis. IL E. Perry. F. Rein: J. Old“, 5 S. Silvormnn, I‘. M. Snnduuky. Ito-idol. C. Schroeder. ‘, Sport “’ritnrs . , . Clark. I]. Coyltz, L. Norkuo,‘ J. Ratio, E. W Y Sports Report ...F. Anderson. F. De Monvy; S. Shupiro. PI. I‘ her, J. Good. V. Mason. 3 l 4 BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Advertising Manager Advertising Asslstun B ' ‘ nnager Circulation Aauitttanlfi hn. R. K. Sm l3. Bur-man Winblzd M. Waldman R. Erisman. . A. Bobhill. our diplomats are writing courteous letters, let's put a little salt on newspaper accounts and remember that u\ll/ar is hell." CHI EPSILON Chi Epsilon. national honorary Civil Engineering fraternity. was founded at the University of Illinois in I922. About the same time. the junior and senior civils at Armour decided that they should have a fraternity, open only to civil engineering students. In the following year they sent in their petition for establishment of a chapter at Armour. The petition was granted and the Arm- our chapter was installed March 9, I92 3. Since that time the fraternity has located in all sections of the country with a membership around two thous- and. The purpose of the fraternity is to place a mark of distinction on the undergraduate who has upheld the honor of the department of Civil Engineering by high scholastic ability, and to pro— vide an incentive for greater acievements in the Civil Engineering profession. Election to member— ship is based on the four requirements of a success- ful ' : scholarship, character. practicality and sociability. The candidate must have maintained an average grade in scholarship in the upper one-third of his class. and must he a junior or senior in regular standing in the civil engineering department. Scholarship is merely one of the requisites for mem- bership and more emphasis is placed on the other requirements in the election of members. The official organ of the fraternity is the ”Train git," published semi-annually. It contains news of the various chapters. along with articles on interest- ing engineering subjects. The fraternity pledge ribbon is purple and white. one ahoutus “To the rear, march!” By James Hebsou An earthly paradise is Sarah Lawrence college for women in Bronx- ville, N. Y. It has no entrance requirements, no required courses, no text- books, my grades, and no examination. Admittance is based on intelligence tests and students pursue courses conforming to their tudes and desires. But someday there'll be mutiny. 6 3 7; Professor E. S. Corklin, director of Indiana University’s psychology do- partrncnt, stated at the recent annual Purdue University vocational guid~ ance conference, that the knotty problems of college students usually can be traced to love, economic wor- ries, or fatigue. lb k ’i: “We've gone crazy on extra-cur— ricular activities and it’s a. wonder the boys and girls have any energy left for what still is the prime busi- ness of the schools,” according to Dr. N. Henry Black of Harvard. At Ar— mour it's a wonder the students have , , uuy energy left for extra-curricular interests, apti- activities. a a On entering Princeton University, where he is now u f WWW”. JOIW L. Lewis Jr. assured the registrar that his father is an “executive.” SOT. f Pom the sidewalk Yard. Courtesy week at De Paul Univer- sity will be marked by neatness in dress and more restraint in behavior Curbings have been removed Gentle inclines will replace Listing his activities for the stu- dent yearbook, a University of Wash- ington freshman who had mistaken “affiliations” for “afflictions” said he belonged to "Flat feet, earache, ends in Harvard grown, and at present has l4 chapters. The Slipsticlr l Cleave to the slipstick; let the slapstick fly where it may. lt seems that the Schtchmnn was walking along an icy loft list carrying a pint of rare . in his hip pocket. Suddenly he slip- ped and fell to the street with a ro- sour-cling thud. As he sat there, he felt something cool and went running down his leg. “Gfllflh, I quoth be. hope that’s blood l" rhlhllt The following was proved with the benefit of Logic (1) Zaru iv a come- dian (assumed, very assumed). Being a. cmncoliom is funny business. Funny business usuallly means something fishy. Fish. smell. Therefore Zuzu stinks-J (2)A hive ls upiary. An apiury is the home of bees. Bees are very busy creatures. So when you have the hives, you are busy as a bee. (3)11 stylist is a swell dresser. A swell dresser is u chiffouicr. A chif- fowler is part of a. bedroom suite. A bedroom suite may be in (L lady’s boudoir. This is no place for gentle- man. Please disregard. 5k 5l‘ *l‘ Tho. landlady brought in a platcful of extremely thin slices; of broad and butter, which rather dismayed her hungry boarders. "Did you out theme, Mrs. Brown?" asltotl one. “Yes, I cut them!" came the stern reply. “Oh!" went on the boarder. “All right—I’ll shuffle and deal!" 18 ’1‘ 3k It may not. have been so funny, but it‘s cloam. Besides, this month’s Bal~ lyhoo isn’t out yet! ‘44 il‘ :{4 The Enigirna to End Enigmus A squirrel is in a cage 3 feet long. There’s a hole in each and large enough to stick his head through. Ho sticks his head through one end and turns around and runs for the other hole, sticking his head through that. Should he be running at 15 m.p.h. the first trip and doubling his speed each trip thereafter, how many trips must he make before his head sticks: through both holes at the some time? RS. It might help to let Zazu, the 33rd St. Foo, be the squirrel. I]: *1: Met in [the lift one day, . A junior avd a bald—headed. 7mm “One side you mug," the junior cried, “Sara/m, you’re in my way.” “Why, I'm the couch,” replied the mun With head of shiny sheen. “0h, ynddcu me," the junior yulyad, “I thought you were the Dean." STOLEN. our wr- A clean gag fits in about here. Doctor: “You cough with greater- ease this morning."« Patient: “Why should’nt I? been practicing all night. If you are looking for the end, that”s it. I’ve on 2r. Comes now a porno entitled Ye Bachelor’s Prayer.” Dear Lord, I wish you’d get this straight: I know I asked you for a date For Saturday, but what I meant Was anyone but the gall you sent. Flt in :l: to be a. columniut. He offers: 1; ~44 a Mother (to her little dear) : “Hush, on the campus. During this period sweaters, uncreased trousers, and left—over summer shoes will be dis- carded for more appropriate apparel. :l‘ >l= l: ,Hiram College, Ohio, is serious about this business of examinations. When the football team traveled to Detroit this fall for a game with De- troit Tech, a three-hour examination was held in a downtown hotel shortly after a practice session. =l: “The next. hundred years will see the beginning of an American matri- archyw—a. nation of Amazons in the psychological rather than physical sense." Dr. William Moulton Mars- ton, psychologist, formerly of Har. yard, forecasts the doom of this man’s world." 1% a" 95 Harvard University has gone are them, banishing toe—stubbing forever. 9; An overwhelming majority of stu- dents at University Heights College of New York University are in favor of a kissing ring similar to those at West Point and Cornell. If it be comes official, any student or alum- nus may demand a kiss from his fem- inine companion within the boundar- ies of the ring. 315 Jr- Haviug been baptized only once, the president of Georgetown College is in danger of losing his position. A conservative element of the Baptist council in control of the school can— teuds that. one immersion may be suf- ficient for a layman, but that a. min- ister should be baptized at least twice. fl! 71* st» Yale claims to have found the most effective and easiest way ,9‘ stop- step further in adding to the mmarial ping the Army .foottgallattack.‘ When. comfort 0] the obsenmnmdcd.wafer. cadets approach .the wartime. some”. and appendicitis once.” 0! It 3 The bureau of Educational Sur- veys in New York City reveals the fact that Organic Chemistry is the most difficult college subiect. Also, science courses as a group are the most troublesome with history, par-- ticularly ancient, medieval, and Eu- ropean, not far behind. #4 PB #6 De Pauw University’s 750 male students foot most of the “date” bills, but. despite those expensive items, spend less in a year than the 450 coeds. yr 2: )l'. The University of Oklahoma has a “charm school” which is training the coed to develop her personality in ad. dition to her figure. Besides being daught how to improve make up, coif— forces, and general appearance, the .girls are learning howto be perfect hostesses. dear, the sandman will soon be here.” Pride and Joy: “O.K., Mom. Gim- me a lollypop and I won’t. tell daddy.” ’5 VB '4! HE MUST USE THE SAME JOKE—BOOK WE DO. LOOK! area The young lady walked boldly up to a woman whom she assumed to be matron of the hospital. “May I see Lt. Barker, please?" “May I ask who’s calling?” “Certainly; I’m his sister." “Well, well. I’m very glad to meet you. I’m his mother." lit 9:: 35¢ Jack. outdoes himself with this quickie from the second act of Too-Ru.“ ; Ra-BoomsDe—Ay, 1917. 3! )F ii Thirty days has September, April, June and N ovembcr. All the frost have thirty-one, Now, is that fair? or . medicinal spirits . Jncllr “Cheese” O’Connell aspires ' i The Steam Shovel 1! E. MARIK had a fine time at the last; A. 'l. E. E. smoker. Ed sold his dad the two cigars at a dime apiece. A real business man. ll[ 3!! BILL CHELGREN, the “Big Apple of Armour," again acted as louder at the tea dance given for the munical clubs last Friday. til X4 5k CARL REH claims he was apolo- gizing when he was noticed in the. middle of the dance floor on his ’Imeas lust week. ,4 1,: ,1 CHUCK “BULL.MOOSE" SEL- LEN last week became the proud possessor of a $1.00 brim-coated “blast furnace.” Unwisely, after an early morning breakfast, be filled it brim—full with Bowl of Roses tobacco and rukishly fired the. entire charge. Much later he was found in the same chair in the lunchu-oom, his face a lovely phosphorescent green, his eyes glassy, and the pipe trucking: over his twittering chin. He had to out. his first three classes because he was unable to get up. Chuck wants to announce a fire-sale on a first~rute, second-hand pipe. m as m Rooks most likely to be written in the noar future: “Fender Welding,” by E. C. 8157‘- gar. “Ancient Grecian Customs,” by C. Cm‘stans. “Synthetic Blue Dyes," by Roy P0» tro. “The Correct Method of Handling u Buckingham Fountain Pen,” by Bud Adams. “The Anti-Tobacco Act,” by Sen. C. Seller. as just around the \ Tuesday, December 7, l937 Writer {lives Advice on Johuflett‘ing Technique Philadelphia, Pa.—~(ACP)——Many seniors qualified to hold positions fail to land them because they bangle the first interview with their might—have- been employer. For this reason, Dr. Clarence E. Clewcll, director of the University of Pennsylvania’s places mont service, and his assistants ad- vise seniors what not to say: “I am willing to accept any job you offer me.” “Explain what you have done, can do and want to do. Should the ques- tion of salary arise, do not respond that you are willing to work for practically nothing, for the employer will judge you worthy of no more. State the minimum wage acceptable." Some other suggestions for over- coming negative impressions are these: “Sincerity, modesty and good manners are most, essential. Avoid personal inquiries and crude curios~ ity, such as. attempting to read cor- rospondence or other papers." The resultn of a recent survey of degree of intelligence found in clif- ferent professionn puts moat kinds of engineer» into "second rating" along with doctors and lawyers. Electri- cal engineers. however. were rele- gated to “third rating" along with plumbers and “pseudo-scientists." We suggest that the electrical» move down to the basement with lowly mo- chlaniculm. >1: It >1: An engineer is said to be a man who knows a great deal about a. very little, and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until finally he practically knows everything about nothing; whereas, a Without repeater tubes, which amplify voice currents every 50 miles, telephony over very great distances wouldl hardly be possible. all, Incidentally, the telephone repeater tube was one of the first applications of the vacuum tube principle, which now makes it possible for you to talk across the continent as easily needs call for continuous telephone research to make your service more and more valuable. k. \ ...‘ \. Aw... Why no: call Mother or Ba tonigiw? Rates to most points are lowest rifle: ’?P. M”. and all day Sunday. salesman, on the other hand, is a man who knows a very little about a great deal, and keeps on knowing less and less about more and more until finally he knows practically nothing about l everything. comer. fl. Changing