Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, April 6. 1937 l " "'i’ .... Armour Tech News I Fraternir [V0393 ., . Student Publication oéégiOLOGY I y The Slipstick “RMOUR ‘NST'TUTE OF T‘ ' THFTA SIGH Cleave to the slipstick; let CHlCAGO. ILLINOIS ‘ . __ , 'H‘Duliuhull chklv lllll‘lnfl the College V8?" l __._...—— the slapstick fly whcie It may. last) Member 1037 I Because of falling“ membership, decreasing funds and {Associoled Colleoiaie Press can» , 237 v up For Voar Single Copies. 10 Cents Eucn _,_._..... EDITORIAL STUFF anlrith B. Pnrker. .lnmcs D. Shcchnn . . . Rnymon A. Brnun . .William J. Chelizrcn .,Alhcrt N. Schricbcr .. , Idris homns Walter Hendricks (Tomnlo Editor l‘luuinrizinu Editor Shylock‘s Helper Back Seat. Driver ' mi GS Overlookcr , . Goof-up Editor 5 n) 1 hn'éi . . Advice to Lovclorn Ediwr , , Cnlumnists M. Lubcr. lllitcrulc Editor , . moms. imam... A, R. George. . annoy Sluvvs L. Ruin. n. Bax-touch. w.‘ ,, n. Koooe. P. Koxnrs '. . Koracik. .i. . cycr. ,- . Morrison, N. Nutinchck. u. rmy. P. Snndusky. s. s. Silvt‘r- 'n. W mzzmuss DEPT. . n. n. Burma", 1:. Sloven. n. A. melud PM MW 5 K h H r 'K uth 13'DMivmriililicflyr " ‘ ’ a l . . . UH ' y. . . 4 y Midlmtnh hrlsmun, n. , o n n. K. Smith This issue caused by M. Luber, E. J. Pleva. R. Weissman Vol. XIX APRIL 6. 1937 No. 7 ,. . R: Weissm c . Itch, D. Bodkin. 'r. n E. Erlckson. o .. nn klc Ail-T lwrs , On behalf of the faculty and students of " Armour Tech, we express our deep sym- “ athy to its past readers on the death of the Armour Tech News with this issue. Don’t Walk Home—— lt’s Too Far Gambling at Armour must cease! From the sound of the first bell in the morning till the last straggler wends his weary way homeward in the hush of evening, feverish fiends infest that sink of iniquity, the lunch room, dissipating their time and wealth in gaming. Such practice must be abolished if our youth is to grow up to the fine upstanding citizens We wish them to be. Not only do the habitues of the Student Union lose sums of money which they can ill afford, but inexperienced freshmen are lured into games, and stripped of their last penny by unscrupulous professional card sharpers, and are often forced to walk long distances home because they have not even carfare left! Worse still, the effects of this insidious habit, like those of opium, are cumulative, and once the innocent onlooker is enmeshed in its web, he persists in the deluded, hope of regaining his lost monies. l Addicts of this pernicious habit often spendI whole days at a time, hardly taking time off for , classes, in the wooing of fortune, often after a} period of seven or eight hours losing sums often - amounting to as much as twenty five cents inl the extreme cases. T his evil is spreading withI such rapidity that it wouldn’t be at all surprising l if the name of the Student's Union were changed l to the Casino D’Armour. All characters mentioned throughout this issue are; purely fictional, and any resemblance to persons living,! or to professors. is entirely coincidental. l I————-—~——-———-—-—l Other £ampu3e5 I Leavenworth rifle team, which com. prises a total of 3.300 men.. Last the fact that all of our members flunked out of school, Theta Xi is very fortunate to announce the pledging of Ralph Gruetzmacher, Ch.E. ’27, and Peter Paulos, ME. ’43, or BUST. Our bowling and pingpong teams are not practicing for the coming tournament as we do not think we will win it. Preparations are being made for our alumni smoker which might be held on April 15 if the next police round- up will not us any of our old alumni. DELTA COW DELTA The radio dance held prior to the Easter holiday was well attended but turned out to be a total “bust.” None of the girls who attended were able to dance and “sat it out." None of us expected the ill-earned awards which were given to J. McIntyre in wrestling and Jerry Winslow in boxing, as both men had unsuccessful seasons. It is hoped that neither will return to Armour next fall. HI KAPTAIN BLIGH Thomas H. Watts, thrown out of Illinois for one week, ruined our entire week-end by paying us a visit. We are glad to see he’s back at school again. The pledge pin on Raymond A. Dodge’s lapel has been replaced by a safety pin. We have met the young lady and we were not impressed. Burman was right. The nominations of the contestants in the pingpong tournament have been swift and sure—so swift that none are left. As the finance company has repossessed the furniture, members are urged to eat their lunches in the Mission. PIE CAPON STIGMA Plotting for the Mothers’ Club Card Party to be held at the house next Saturday night was concluded last Sunday. Cocktails, caviar, and onion soup were served at, the close of the meeting. Last Wednesday evening the house was well nigh wrecked as a result of the hefty pledging tactics cmv ploycd by the Pie Cow Stigma on their new men. The ping-pong team, having but recently recovered from an operation for six athlctcs’ feet, is ready for its first match to be held with Theta Sigh at the Theta Sigh rooms. FLY PIE FLY Grnmma chapter of Fly Pic Fly takes pleasure in an— nouncing tho pledging of Tom “Collins.” Collier. GE.“ '39, and Henry “Baron" Mulhauscn. '41. We were visited Wednesday by Brothers Everett chcll, Harry Beumnn and Frank Smithson of the Fly chapter at Purdue, but we still have our silverware. . Our challenge to other fraternity bowling tcnms still holds. We “bowl o’ny” the best! ‘ icahnn hit @-% hid it $3 $3 WEE NoTickee ithhhiiiddflfii‘ih l Deadliest in marksmanship i. the l With the understanding of a sphere of atoms, we perceive at once a satisfiable tendency to union. The general result of the tendency each to each, being a tendency of all to the center, the general process of condensation or approximation, com- mences immediately. =l€ =14 31/ a. common and Simultaneous movement On the withdrawal 0)" {he Denim: Voiitian. The individual amfloxinmlians, Or coulosconccs—not coalitions of atom- wilh atom, being Subject to almost infinite variations Arrive at unprecedented means. ik AK .5 The development of repulsion must have commenced with the very earliest particular efforts at unity. 5k ’3‘ IF NEBULAR COSMOGONY 1. The Ncbular Cosmogony of Lap- lncc is one among- myriad of similar systems which make up the universe proper. 2. Let us conceive that particular agglomeration of which we have just spoken—~thc one at the point desig— nated by our sun’s center to have so far proceeded that a vast quan- tity of nebulous matter has here as- sumed u roughly globular form. 3 Laplace has shown, dynamically and mathematically, that the results i a case necessarily ensuing are those and those alone which we mani- fcsstcd. 9.4 ll1 2‘: Ho: Due to the preponderance of objcctivc configuration, the Supreme Essence inaugurates a subverswe m- fiuencc on the intro—molecular har— monics. This is definitely correlated with such hypothcs as confine intru- stellar nebulae. She: We are aware that (evangelic communications of the pure Psyche produces cntcrcstic divinations of clcgriac phrases. Self-evident conclu- sions assert themselves in this tend— éncy of adhesive scintillations. »r :1: w Tim 1mm; of tho Particle Prnpm' implies absolute Homogeneity. We cannot [may/inc thin without Emplmsizinp Divine Will. 'And that‘s ZAZU it happened in Salem,Muss., on February 12, 1877. The young reporter attended a demonstration of inventor Bell’s new telephone — thou “talked" his story to his paper in Boston by telephone! Though he didn’t realize it, he was inaugurating a new era in journalism. For today’s newspapers could hardly exist Without the telephone. Gathering and spreading news with lightning speed is just one of the tclcphone’s countless contributions to modern life. And 300,000 Bell System people strive constantly to make the service still hotter, still more useful. Why not telephone home oftener? Rules to most points are lowest after 7 P M. and all day Sunday. "" YOU LOAD YOURS \MTH YOUR TOBACCO. I'LL LOAD Tony’s Tavcrn, at 33rd and Federal announces the inauguration of a new feature—free fish and French friesI and buttermilk on Fiiday nightsfl= Tony’s technical library and study room is now open to all patrons. 1k :1: ll: SPIKE McGLOOK, ARMOUR ‘26. IS PAYING AN INDEFINITELY EXTENDED VISIT WITH A GROUP OF PROMINENT STATE OFFICIALS. HE REPORTS, “THE FOOD HERE AT STATEVILLE PEN IS MUCH MORE DELECTA— BLE THAN AT ARMOUR. I EX- PECT TO PUT MY TECHNICAL KNOWLEDGE OF STRESSES IN ALL SORTS OF JOINTS T0 GOOD USE. MY COURSE IN “BAR CORROSION” WILL BE OF GREAT VALUE HERE. I REC- OMMEND ARMOUR AS THE SCHOOL OF SCHOOLS.” l l l l The graduate of the Fox Secrcta» rial School has received employment with the National Window Shade Co. He is doing very well. He pulls down about 10,000 a year. or tr :4 Two freshmen students at the Re— search Laboratories of Dunning, Illi- nois, have perfected what promises to be the greatest boon to gold-fish since the beginning of time. They have patented a gold—fish bowl made of tonic lenses so that near-sighted fish can see outside of the bowl. The bowl is then coated with black lac-l quer to prevent the poor fish from dying of sun-burn. week alone they turned in a perfect score of 14 guards killed and 16 wounded. Their greatest ambition is to shoot the cars off a bonafidc warden. 3 Lucy Flour. dimea-dance hostess, says that economics students are the best dancers, and that engineering students 319 the worst. But who goes to a dimea-dance place to dance. ‘ii—ir STEAM snoriiI Jake Krumbein rode down to school on the Ravenswood “El" this morning. He wore a hat and coat and carried a briefcase. +- 3 * Jerry Danek, John L. Masin, Ed Berg-er and Charles Sellen played bridge at the Masin home in River- side last night. Mrs. Masin served cookies and tea. The group will play a round of croquet on the Sellen lawn next Sunday at 3 P. M. A good time will be had by all. :'5 =3 =:x George Kahle is busy preparing a paper to be presented before the Ad vanccd Organic group. Prof. Freud has announced that the speakers’ schedule for the rest of the semester has been completed. '4'r~ X 7?- Prof. Thompson is sick abcd with a bad cold. We hope that he will recover soon as we want him to en- joy Junior Week in our midst. l ##k or); OUR ATTENTION was recently called to the following profound odes by Mater Gucc, who is best known by her metaphysical discourses in verse which have found favor among more mature audiences. Observe the subtle ingenuity in the third verse, and the tender, delicate grace that permeates throughout the sustained. emotional passages. The author here uses the Pindaric technique, alter— nating Alexandn’ncs with anapcstic trimetcr verse. The attached lines will, under careful analysis, reveal the erudition and painstakingness of the author. $4n* Humpty Dmnpty sat. on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king’s horses And all the king’s men Could not put Humpty Together again. an >z Hickory dickcry dock; The mouse ran up the clock The clock struck am, And down he ran. Hickory glib-[corp dock. WE WILL be pleased to hear your criticisms and opinions of these verses. We have several other selec- tions by M. Guce which we would like to print if you enjoy the finer phases of poetry. R. W. NOW HOLD YOUR PIPE BOWL. 'TO ONE CHEEK "“ I’Ll— HOLD MINE TO THE OTHER N A SPECIAL. SCIENTIFIC WAY ‘CFEIMP CUT.’ THAT’S WHY lT BURNS SO GOSH, vouns IS Mucu comma ‘ pipefuls of fragrant .4 tobacco in every 2-0:. tin of Prince Albert. is you WANT A TOBACCO THAT DOESN‘T BITE ~THA-r PUTS REAL SMOKING PLEASURE mro voun PIPE —Jl)ST DROP INTO THE NEAREST TOBACCO STORE AND SAY: ‘PRINCE ALBERT, PLEASE.’ MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE Smoke 20 fragrant pipefuln of Prince Albert. If you don't find it the melloweut, tastiest pipe tobacco you ever smoked, return tho pocket tin with the rest of the tobacco in it to un at any time within a month from this date, and we will refund full purchase price. plus pooh @ age. (Signed) R. J. Reynolds Tobacco Company, Winston-Snlem, North Carolina. Copyright. 1037. n. .7. noynoids Tobacco company