Page Two Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHlCAGO, [LLINOIS published Weekly During the College Year 1936 Member 1937 Rssocioled Colleoiole Dress m 231 Single Copies, 10 Cents Each EDITORIAL BOARD . Aindrith B. Parker, James D. Shcehan a mo V5.00 Per Year CnvEditors-ln-Chicf Sports Editor News Editor Copy Editor Business Manager . Faculty Adviser ris ‘ Hendricks ARMOUR TECH NEWS llfrom its present high school J. K. loves M. L. status to something slightly more subtle; a general note of sophisti— cation would help to develop the literary appreciation of the readers; some \vidcawake, pertinent editorials which will provoke some real thought; 3, a larger paper, made possible by more intensive work by assignment editors lin finding the news as and beforc it happens; 4, more careful makeup, with a better thought out ariangcment of the stories to relieve the present unvarying face the paper presents; and 5, the inclusion of pictures and Gill” toons, as these are more readily intelligible to any level n of reader. ~ Granted that these things would improve the paper, two serious objections immediately arise: How are you going to pay for it, since right now the paper just breaks Dusk Editor Beardsley . _ Mdlw-up Emu: fl Kata! even? and Where are you gomg to get the men With the “2:33;": Edlwl iuilflfi; time to Work on the paper? These two questions are realm ' J. l’leva .1 1 . 1 d d 1 1 . 1 f l m . M “mm c osc y is ate an wave a mutua so u ,ion. ou ms _ . ’ . ‘ arr . Weissman The reason that a man says he hasn’t the time Is that Assistant C It. (icon-co. (‘ w . , W Y kl ltopnr L. 13min, R, artusck, W. E. Erickson, 'rm“ .. l). Kenna. P. Kosuvski (ovncik, J, A. l eyor. Murriwm, N. Natinchck. R. Sandusky, S. S. 1‘. Clark. H. Coyle. G. C. Swankuwski, E. Worcester, BUSINESS DEPARTMENT l’crr)’. 1’. Morris. L. Norkus. ll. Worcester. R. ll. Burmun A dvcrtisim: Manager A. Winblnd Lubcr Advertising Assistnn Circulation Manager Circulation Assistants . R S. Kuhn. H, P. Kusa‘t y. Vol. XIX MARCH 24, 1937 is This the Spirit? Has the real spirit of green caps been lost? From all evidence, the St. Patrick’s day brawl was caused by an unjustifiable desire for battle on the part of a minority group of sophomores and freshmen. We do not deny the right of the sophomores to enforce tradition, but scuffles raised to riot proportions are unnecessary, espe— cially on the first day of the enforcement period. Green caps keep the freshmen together and help to produce class spirit. The same is true for the sophomores in enforcing the rule. The classes, however, must remember that the cam— pus is not suitable for battle scenes, and that someone has been injured almost every time the fights have occurred. Wake up, lower-classmenl The Relay Games The ninth annual running of the Armour Tech Relay Games last Saturday went oil" with the usual style and color as far as the contestants and judges were concerned, but judging from the spectators present, things were quite a bit below expectations. While the inclement weather that prevailed may have contributed somewhat to the small crowd, it alone could not have been responsible. Most detracting, was the utter lack of support by the study body. It was discouraging to see lack of interest especially when students were admitted with activity cards and Armour was playing host to a galaxy of stars from the Mid- dle West. Of course it is well to mention these facts, but as yet little has been done to bring about a solu— tion. Since little if anything can be done about the Butler Relays which are run off on the same night, something must be done which will attract stars from far-off schools as well as from those nearby. It is only when we can succeed in at tracting these outstanding men and teams that the Armour Relays can ever hope to move into more spacious quarters, where they would prove to be of enormous benefit to Armour, and realiza- tion of hopes for those who have worked so hard to make them the most outstanding Relays of the Middle West. All this leads to the carrying of expenses, in part or in whole, by Armour—some— thing which must be done if any of the above hopes are to become realities. Erismo n. N0. 6 STUDENT OPlNlDN Men of A.l.’l‘.: May I preface the real message of this letter by com- plimenting the new News staff on the excellent paper they have succeeded in putting out so far this semester. The introduction of two new writers on the slipstick has re- vived the lure of this feature; also the inclusion of the Kaleidoscope so frequently has made the News some- thing more than a list of activities at Armour. Other Campuses in its new, enlarged form, while probably de~ signed as a space filler, presents a very entertaining glimpse of other college activities. Most of all, though, Sidelines, as it appeared last week was a welcome column Reminiscent in style of Pegler, Cobb and Boake Carter, Schrieber’s column for the first time discussed matters really of interest (witness the qualifications of a good date) and did not attempt to be “At Home Abroad.” Why cannot our paper be organized on lines which will make it more real newspaper and less toy, more news in a well written fashion rather than a poorly put together calendar of weekly events? We see glimmerings of the ability to put out a real professional paper that could give its staff a thorough background in journalism, and yield a newspaper worth the subscription price. As is, the News is considerably better than M.I.T.’s paper and those of many highly touted schools, but anyone will admit that our paper could be made much more attractive by 1, better written stories, the products of better ordered and better planned writing; 2, the inclusion of more features, with an enlarged What the Readers Think, a fixed standard of humor, instead of the present lafl‘yerheadofi‘ one week and stale gage the next affair; raising the Steam Shovel he feels he can spend his time more profitably elsewhere, either in something directly productive of money, or in fitting himself to earn it. Then why not make it possible for the News staff to earn a regular salary. say in their junior and senior years, after the training received in the first two years? Surely, they could be persuaded to de— velop themselves with that inducement and intensive work for two years should certainly fit them to turn out a REAL paper. This is, incidentally, the plan followed at Chicago with the Daily Maroon. Where is the money going to come from? The money for any paper comes from the advcrtising. Give our ads the once over. Eighty-five per cent of it is tobacco ad- vertising that appears from the same companies, and appears week after week. There is in existence a fertile field as yet untapped. Live, on the job salesmen of the business department can certainly get.ads from down~ town department stores, men’s clothing and haberdashcry stores for a paper in a man’s school, with an enrollment of 900 fellows who must wear clothes and who, if they can pay $500 a year for the schooling certainly are able to buy clothing frequently, and do. for that matter. Other leads are given by ads in other papers, leads to stores already sold on the idea of advertising in school papers. Already a substantial commission is ofl'orcd, but little new advertising appears. Do you want a real newspaper, as radical as the Trib- une, as dignified as the News, as backbiting as Hearst’s apcrs, as impartial as the Timcs‘! Do you want an op— portunity for a real practical training in newspaper work, which lets you earn as you learn? Do you want an ARMOUR NEWS worth $2 a year (30 issues)? You can have these things—and if you read this you'll know how. When a man bites a dog that’s news, but when Zuzu bites eejay, that’s the ARMOUR NEWS. Long may it licv. G. lam Areadcr. More on the Court As a uidclight on Mr. S. Finnegan’s remarks last week, I should like to ask how many here know (or think they do) something of the conditions surrounding the con- stitution’s ”assemblers”? In those days oi‘ trial, mistrust, and war-wearinoss, the founders of this nation merely Frcfloctcd the note of their times. [ in their ternary system of government, the founders Emerely tried to prevent injustice, according to their lights. Now, we have different ideas of speed, justice, slavery, and property. The Constitution, being only a “bundle of compromises,” firmly established the rights of property over life; witness several conditions uphold- ing slavery. As times changed, ideas changed, and these changes were reflected in the strife of the War between the States, and the thirteenth, fourteenth. and fifteenth amendments. Today, times are still changing, and one man has been selected as the symbol of that change. People as a whole desire a change improving the rights of life and liberty over the rights of property and money. As the symbol of that opinion, the President is attacked. While the question of the fairness of the attack can be argued for days, the real question goes unanswered. Can the hands of the dead help the living, or should the living help themselves? hill non HOW many nights a week may an engineering stu» dent go out, and what time should he come in every night? ANSWER: If the dverugv student went out only an a Saturday evening with his sweetie and spent the rest of the week in earnest—writing reports, deriving equations, (La, far the next class session, his standing in scholar- ship would be greatly improved. But, if he takes her to a, dance Saturday, a Show Sunday, and dreams about her the rest of the wcelc when he should, in reality, be concen- trating on up and coming quizzes, things begin to luck bad! WHAT would happen if one got out of phase with the fireman in the boiler room when he is shoveling coal? ANSWER: If you bwalc the rhythm and escape from being thrown into the furnace, the best thing I can sug- gest is to head for the nearest bathtub. (There are plenty behind Chopin Hall.) WHATEVER becomes of the detailed financial re— ports of «our dances? ANSWER: According to a statement by the chairman of the junior class, Stan Healy, a report is turned in to the class treasurer and the information can be obtained from him. WHY did Healy get such a haircut? ANSWER: I asked Hcaly the other day and he claims that in some colleges and universities students consider it a. custom, and the closest he could get to the Harvard at- i mospherc was the haircut. (Personally I think as a result of the junior formal, he had to balance the budget.) 1 l l The Slipstich Cleave to the slipstick; let the slapstick fly where it may. Ho hub! god it. Just as we were getting over last year's prologgcd case of sprig fever, it has to start all oer agaid. (This dab code is getting od byl dervcs.) Oh well, I guess we’ll just Sprig is here agaid. Dog-ll have to face the situation with our‘ usual philosopohical call). But cdough of this silly-hallyig. We’liave great treats id store tor you, We have cobcdy, we have busic (dab this code), we have draba, we have fleas. Od with the show!! SPRING POEM N0. 242173—A (The sponsors of spring) Now morning, blue and golden, falls 0n Bloch and Finkcl overalls; Imm'nad’lncs with bold advance The front of Golclblatt‘s kiddie pants, Anrl :rlnops to sample with, a kiss 7‘ch truth, of Colgate Dcnliflrioc. Her lovely month all redolent 0f historian and Pcpsndcnf. At lost. her onyx foothills omc To Lucky Strilco and WT' loy’s gum, Whore wccopi'ng, she will view the wreck Of what was once called Armour Twit. Adapted from I'lofl’cnstein, v .k .3 The Clarkson Integrator gives us ittlo Audrey had a baby, but she just laughed and laughed. She knew Jergen‘s lotion would take the chap off her hands! And now MOR-FEEN, professor of lethargy, will give you a few words of timely advice on “How to keep awake during lecture.” Follow these instructions closely, and you will be sure to succeed. I. A very good way of retaining inter "at in a dull lecture is to note the favorite cxpicssions of the professor, and keep score. An interesting varia- tion is to take the twoleading phrases, and run a contest. Of course, gambling on the outcome is taboo. It might help keep the morale, but it brings in an undesirable tinge of pro-> i'cssionalism. 2. Try counting wolves jumping over a fence. If sheep counting will put. you to sleep, then counting wolves should keep you awake. If you should spot Eejay trying to make the jump, it counts ten points extra. No score is given for wolves crawl~ rut; srtau unwind1 Jack “Free-Slum.” O’Connell is de— tcrmined that the name O‘Connell shall not‘perish from the annals of the ball and the ring game. “My first kid is going to be a, basketball player. I’m. going to set, up a hoop on, his crib, give him a rubber ball, and lw’s going in fire (nutty until he can sin/r. ’cm. from all parts of the circle." Them’s ambitious Words, but Jack is an ambitious hombre, andl maybe some day we may even see an ‘ all-O‘Connell five! .1. u: .z. Paul Roll—the dignified senior—is as soft as fried ice-cream as far as the fair sex is concerned. So, when one of those Normal gals wanted some drawings colored on the Nor- malitc train the other morning, he just squatted down on the floor and did a nice crayon job indeed. . ,,. ,. Wanted by B. K. Brown: to ex~ changc—-one 5 foot 1 inch brunette for a 5 foot 11 inch blond (redheads not eligible for cxchange“‘). Must not be very particular about her cs- cort’s character, etc. if you’ve ever tried dancing cheek-to--clmck with a girl a fool shorter than yourself, you can see his difficulty. of course, you can always rest your chin on the top of her lieadl x“Too inexperienced for redheads yet. Reserve for next trade. i 5 under the fence. That’s cheat— ing. ' 3. It you have a good imagination, sec what you can visualize in the prof’s blackboard scrawl. It is very diverting to see how many pictures like battleships, landscapes, animals, etc, you can make out ol' the hap- hazard lines. 4. Try going 1.0 bed night's. ill 1“ :lv Hm'lr lo the crime Of pain, so shrill. Tbcrc’s a. cal-(lawn, strike In the old look mill/ll (Stolen) u :1: an 1 low mo, 1 thin/c I‘m grand, 1 ya to ‘lho show just to hold my hand. I put my arm (wound my waist, When. I get fresh, I slap my face. And that’s ZAZU. MOR-FEEN. Wednesday, March 24, l937 Someone once said that good things come in bunches, but we all know that good things now come in letters. espe- cially if the letters are from the Realm-Arts. The valentine for the seniors was one that has seldom been equaled and the Class B awards were also very swell. (All you An: know some of this slllfl, but praise in print is certainly your due, bccuusc when has the Armour Am: ever had such. a Roman holiday?) Back to the seniors. Winning at Half Mention award on an Esquisse- Esquisse is like having your horse come home in the Irish Sweeps, but Becker tops that, because of that whole, big, swell MENTION that is now his. Lischer, Ramp, and Saletlo. all received Half-Mentions on the some sketch and they too feel very jubilant. All this for a few hours of work on a Saturday. Why must we all do many long, hard, projets for our needed points? This way is less tedious,——BUT. The senior awards are only the beginning for the Class B awards were also very slick. Ba~ ker received a First Mention Place and Ostermnn a First Mention on the Bookstore projets. The Mention awards for the same problem read like the class roll and include John- bowski. Kubicka, Parks, Pelz, Schaf— fer, Richardson, and Wagner. All the rest save one received Half- Mentions. The dust in your eyes, gentlemen, is from the ball that is now rolling; may it roll foster and faster for all of us. The column rolls on, to . . . Stufl‘. The Modeling jndmncnt brought a First to Dmmclly and a, Conuncmled to Cunningham, Davidson, and Slmbic . . The junior Life judgment gave seven Mmtlons in, a, class of ten. The fellows (m2 yctting gaocl . . . The freshmen are agitating for an Am: pin, 01' lacy. How about it? . . . The attendance at Mr. Bohmcu‘s second i lecture was much. better than at the ,first one. I wonder why? . That i fiend, Nobles, persists in placing tooth- [ pic/co behind the cars of every statue he sees . . . There is not going to be an, issue of the TECH NEWS next week, and the week following Art Gum II will be back to pinch. hit for a, weak . . . so, see you in the paper on. April 6. Art Gum. r SMOKING AND HUMM|NG~ COME ON, JlMM‘lf SNAP OUT OF IT. THERE'S DADDY VUU SMOKE AND SCOWL WELL, cnoaems, I’M NOT HAVING ANY ~r00 . MUCH FUN BREAKING ' 1N ‘THIS NEW PIPE o my FAVOQlTE, FENCE ALBERT! ,, WllNCE ALBERT IS THE CORRECT ANSWER TO evsnv-rume MEN WANT m A PIPE TocAcco—A RICH, TASTY Tooacco THAT SMOKES COOL BECAUSE |T’5 ‘csIMP CUT’ AND ,. ‘MO-BITE' PROCESSED. GET RA. FOR REAL PIPE JOY! ‘\ a l'VE- HEARD A Le? OF MEN peAxsE p. A i?“ pipefulo of fragrant tobacco in '1 ’LL. Bitch GUARRNTEE tobacco you ever smo e , (Signed) R. Salem, North Carolina. HOW’S THE smalls nuance anem- Smoke 20 fragrant pipefuls of Prince Albert. If you don’t find it the mellowect, tastiest pipe m. turn the pocket tin with the rent of the tobacco in it to us at any time within a. month from this date, and we will refund full purchase price, plus postage. J. Reyno do Tobacco Company, Winston- (SWEAT! ALL I HAVE ’TO lSTl—IE smoomsst MILDEST AND TASTlEST TOBACCO l EVER x SMOKED lN ‘ ‘ MW PlPE.’ FRENCE RLEERT h‘lGNEV- «ht