QMJOUJES .j-T...

They wanted to interview New
York city's ex’mayor, Jimmy Walker
——did two Brown University fresh-
men. 50 they posed as reporters and
stopped Walter and his wife, the for-
mer Betty Compaon, as they were
leaving the hotel:

“Are you Jimmy Walker?"

“Yes i"

“We’re from the Brown D ily Her-
ald," spouted the duo. “We'd like an
interview."

“Okcy,” the ex-mayor answered.

“Make a statement," the rookie rc-
portcrs suggested. while the Walkers

 

stood and wondered. Jimmy was will-
ing, however.

”On what ?" he asked.

"Make a statement about Brown,"
suggested the freshmen.

“0h,
want about Brown,
and departed.

you can say anything you
" smiled James J.

The “wrong number" it'lophuuc [log
Hm! fraternity boys somc’iimcs pull
{lidn'I slap a Birmingham Soulhr’r‘u
Folio/1o rot-d for long. S/Ic had to
speak wilh hcr enamored our and
that was all Ilmrv was to if.

Whom. the frnl phonu rung, lhc fol—
lows golhcmd around. The uuswcrcr
wu-ognizcil 1hr l'v'mu/c voice and suid:

“This is Ihr slum shop, nuulmu."

“I'm sorry. Wrong uumhm',” Rho
apologized and tried again. When Ihc
boll rang the second Him}, a cheery
voice oncwcrr :

“Your prrssing xhop
thM can, we do for you?"

“Wrong number,” 31m mullcrcd and
dink-d doggedly again.

“This is John’s Funeral Home, who
is. . . “W?”

“Well then,” swapped the coed, “let
me spcolc to a corpse named R.

 

spcaking.

 

L....c.’" ..

 

“Yes, mu’um,” and the sludcnt be-
hind the voice came to life.

 

TABLE MANNERS ARE A PART
OF THE BASKETBALL CURRICU—
LUM AT MARQUETTE UNIVER-
SITY. ON TRIPS AND IN PRI-
VATE DINING ROOMS, COACH
BILL CHANDLER ALLOWS HIS
I—IUSKIES TO TAKE TURNS IN
DOING SOMETHING WRONG AT
THE DINNER TABLE SO THAT
THE OTHERS MAY TUNE UP
THEIR ETIQUETTE.

A campus bank at Rutgers Univer—
sity makes small loans to students at
about onwthird the local rate of in-
terest. It is run by undergraduates in
the money and banking course for
practical cxpcricncc.

 

ln treating strawberries with car—
bon dioxide, three experimenters at
the University of Minnesota farm
have found a way in lengthen their
nah-able life.

 

Famous for ”pulling: strinyss" while
a student body president at Ohio Wes—
leyan University. Charles Horim- is
at. it again. He is now :1 member of
a Marionette company.

 

A rcccizf. crchaugc dinner at which
5’18 girls ale in Hu- mc‘n‘s dorms and
38 mm, ate a! the girl’s has met wilh
dcmmulc for an encore by Si. Law—
rence Uui‘om‘sily students.

 

Phlegmatic, crunch, batulent, caca—
phony, treachery, sap, jazz, plutocrat,
gripe and plump arc the ten most un—
pleasant words in the English lun—
guagc, says the National Association
of Teachers in Speech.

Neil and Steele Knochcd vilified By
Allmislic Antics of Humorous Heel

Ecjoy and R. W.

“Can I have a Hilcher and Gold-
farb?"

“Just a minute, I’ll look it up. No,
it’s not listed."

Tick-lbck (two minutes later.)
“Miss Neil, have you The Sex Life of
the Iroquois Indians by I-Iilcher and
Goldfarb‘.’"

“No, we haven't!"

Tick-tick (two more minutes.)
“Say, have you got Ililcher and Gold—
farb‘s Studies in, I-Iumldifioatlou'!"

“No! I wish you’d quit pestering me
about non—existent books!’

Tick—tick (one minute and twenty-
two seconds later). “Miss Neil, could
I have a Hilch. . . ."

“NON"

(Three seconds later).
Neil, do you suppose. . . ."

“N0! WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS “Nu-ill. l?!;““...&’“. .. ."

Tick-tick (ten minutes, ditto). “ .
and another thing. . . . Come back, I’m
not through yet!” “F’r goodness sake,
’71, I jus mauled to return a book.
Musla been, sumpiu’ she ct.”

Meanwhile, four floors above, Zazu,
eternal altruist, kept up the good
work.

”Yeah, sure Bert. Hilcher and Gold—
farb‘s Outline of Busiucss Economics.
The whole problem is worked out on
page 64. Listen, Griesbach, you know
me better than that. I wouldn't kid
you." .

“Okay, thanks. I'll go down and
get it before someone beats me to it.
So long, Zazu!”

“Hnyeh, hnyeh! There’s one born
every minute....lessee now, that
makes KREIMAN, TI-IODOS, GROM-
BACHER, KRUMBEIN, ..AND
GRIESBACH. That’s twenty-one,
twenty-two, hm, twenty-nine. Not
bad! Oh, say, MASIN, here’s a swell
reference for that humidification
problem. It‘s

“Oh, Miss

Meanwhile, four floors below, Bert,
the bewildered recipient 01' a brutal

 

 

 

bum’s rush, dodged the last book,
which, by the way, was not Hilchcr
and Goldfarb. “Hmm.. . .Hilchcr and

 

Guldfarb. . . .helluva name . . . . Zazu
. . . .oh-oh- . .wise guy. . . .hmph..

Goldfarb . . . . hm . . . . say, I‘oner!
C’merc” “Bzz, IJZZ. . . .Swell, there’s

one burn every minute!"

Tick-tick (More time. Four floors
above). “Pardon me, Professor Swine-
ford. Does Zazu have a class. here?
I've a note for him from Miss Steele."

“Yes, Hoyer, that fat-bead in the
second row."

“Oh-uh looks like they caught
up with you this time, Zazu.”

“It all comes back, don’t it, Zazu?”

“Maybe she found a Hilcher and
Goldfarb, Zazu. Better go and see!"

“We'll miss you, Shtoonk."

“Aw cut it out, guys. It ain’t fun—
ny. Wonder how they found out. . . .
some stool-pigeon musta. I’ll say
it’s a frame-up. Tha hell, I’ll tell the
truth. I’m not afraid. . ..gosh, won-
der what she’ll say. . . .migbt as well
go now before they get me.”

Tick -tick (Time marches on).
“G<g- good afteinoon, Miss Stcelel..
I. .er.

“Well, hwhal: do YOU want?"

“Why, didn’t you wanta see. .uh. .
me about that Hilcher. .uh. .then you
didn’t wanta see me! Heb, heh. .ex-
cuse me. I gotta go now. G’bye!"

“No, I didn’t send for y. . . .say. . . .
wait a minute, you. Come back here!
So you’re the smart alec. I want to
talk with you. . . .”

(Time stands still.) “Honest, Miss
. .I had no idea. .Yes,

. .yes sir, I mean, yes ma’am.
my heart. . . .I only. . . .yes

 

 

Cross
ma‘am. Gosh! I didn’t realize. . . .I’ll

never. . . ..”

Much later, a slightly peaked and
considerably paler Zazu delivered
this philosophic gem from the very
depths of his shaken soul, “Yeh, fel-
lers, i guess that’s right. . . .there’s

one born every minute!”

ARMOUR TECH NEWS

Glee Club To Have illavc Ye lilo Green Hail, Frcchic?
Squibb Patrick Blushingly inquircu

Crowded Schedule

Following the successful Goodman
Theater concert, a new series of en~
gagements for the Armour Musical
Clubs is being arranged by the di-
rector, Mr. 0. Gordon Erickson.

April 4 marks the first definite
engagement at which time the clubs
will present a concert before the
members of the Shawnee County
Club, after which the Musical club
members will enjoy the use of the
club for the entire afternoon. A stage
performance will be given at a thea-
ter in Kankakee, Illinois, April 9.
On April 16, the clubs have an en-
gagement at the Shoreland Hotel.

As the Armour Musical clubs will
give a concert for the benefit of the
Rockford College for girls on April
25, it is expected that Rockford Col~
logo will retaliate by sponsoring a
concert here at Armour. The suc-
cess of the Goodman Theater concert
gave impetus to a three day trip to
Detroit under the sponsorship of the
Detroit Armour Alumni Association.
This trip is expected to begin on
April 29.

 

l . .
The Slapstick
Cleave to the slipstick; let
the slapstick fly where it may.

 

 

 

 

 

Good morning, fellas! It's been quite
some time since we’ve had the oppor-
tunity of passing off on to you some
of our fine collection of rare, old jokes,
and this chance makes us happy to
the point of doing our own home-
work.
how you feel about it....Thal.’s bo-
causc of our sensitive feelings and
because we hurt very easily. W00-
W00.'

'l‘humbing through our mouldciing'

files, We come, upon a subscrib—tho

lam: subscribnwhich reflects an ap—

propriate respect for the aged and

dead, and hence is printed here with

huzzahs, “yippcc”:

I like to road the A. T. N.

The stories all are fine.

The grammar’s good,
right.

I read it, every line.

the spclliag

'l'hc Shavel's kccn, lhc Slipstick (.00.
BM one thing leads the rest,
The thing there‘s most of com-y week.
The ads, I think, are best.
Don Q.

You’re welcome, kced! Come again,

we doubt.
*5 k

The newly-weds were on their
honcy- moon. To avoid some of the
unpleasantiies attendant in such sit~
nations, the happy hubby bribed the
colored porter with a dollar to keep
it a secret from their fellow passen—
gers. When the beaming bridal pair
came into the (liner for breakfast the
next morning, they noticed the people
there nudgingly smiling at each other
and casting: suggestivcly mischievous
glances at them. Hubby immediately
called the porter and stemly inquired
if he had two-timed him a dollar’s

worth. “oh, no sub! No sir!!! Ah clone

j'ua tol’ ’cm you all was good fren' s,
(lax all!
4.4 1’5 5:
~ An article in a monthly mentions
the fact that modern poets no longer
look like poets. This completes the
breech. And as for that infatuated,
Valentine-vending Casanova - he
can’t even spell the word “poem.”
4‘ =k #1

He (hotly): “Believe me, darling,
I love you so much that I could eat
on!"

She (coldly): “Believe me, tall,
dark, and useless, I hate people who
cat with their hands!"

,, . .

We let loose with the most atro—
cious pun we’ve heard to date. It
has to do with a. sentence containing
both the word “effervescent” and
“fiddlestick out.” "Efiervescent
enough covers on the bed your fid-
dlestick out."

a: 2.
First Gin-l: “I’ll bet you were sur»
prised when you heard that your sis-
ter and her boyfriend were going to
be married."
Second Girl: “Was I! I nearly
broke my head on the door knob."

4: :k a:

Zazu hasn't been home for a week
now. His mother swears she’ll kill him

'on Sight. She sent him out to get some

 

extract of beef and he came back
with a bottle of milk.

You notice we don't ask 1/!)7yl,_

 

Aye, he was pitiful, the cold wind
sweeping out of the bleak, leadcn sky,
swirled the sooty remnants of win-
ter’s snow about his thin and shivcr~
ing shanks. It had not always been
thus. There were indications that his
costume had once been complete. His
brief ease with stickers, his slide—rule
with large yellow cascwall, all these
save for the one omission that placed
the pathetic being in acute danger of
chilblains.

There, where the breeze now moan»
ed dolcfully between cluttering knees,
had once hung a pair of trousers
(pants in the vernacular), a lovely
pair of trousers, flowing gracefully
from a lap gently wrinkled and taste—
fully garnishcd with sundry rc—
agcnts, to appealingly bagged knees
and touchingly frayed cuffs. Ah, inv
decd, a pair of pants to give mun

pause. Now, as the woeful creature
thoughtfully surveyed the gaping
lack ’t‘wixt shirt-tail and sock was

the truth borne home. Trousers are
Sacred. . . . Since the dawn of time,
when man first left the maple leaf
behind, he and trousers have faced

 

 

Speaking of the bull, Zazu‘s iulcc of
pcrpcllml 'Inotiou is a cow drinking 41
pail of mills.

 

Chupcron: “Girls, I have a man
outside whom I want you to meet."

Athletic girl: “Is be strong? Who!
can be do?"

Literary girl: “What docs
read?"
Chorus air]: “How much money

does he make?"
Nornmlitc: “Where is he?"
4. . q: .1.
And so, W” the next lime, I’llilcn
and I say to you, “Checrio.”
Eejay.

 

““i
l
l
l

 

l

the" wmld dauntlessly, femlcssly, side
by side (inside and outside). For this
noble garment no sacrifice is too
great, no indignity too large.

“Momma," he had said, (Mark you
well, Freshmen)“Momma,this merry
Saint Patrick’s day is occasion for a
jolly custom at school.” He had bah»
bled further, “On this day the ‘sopho-
mores’ as we boys call them have
requested that we wear green huts,
but I shall not. I feel it would be an
indignity, and besides,” he added
thoughtfully, “It will take at least
twenty to pants me!" (See Prof.
Hendricks for word derivation). Re—
membering this idle boast with bit—
ter regret, his meager shoulders
heaved as he gazed through tear
dimmed eyes at the retreating backs
of the swarm of sophomores who car-
ried away his most tenderly cher-
ished possession. “Farewell, beloved,”
he subbed.

Thus will be the fate of many who
trifle with matters of moment. In
passing, it may be noted that the
correct form is not, “Hey touts, toss
me them jeans," but rather, “My
dear Miss, please avert your eyes and
hand me those hrouscra whose un-
timely removal is causing me simply
loads of cmbamssment.

However, kiddies, do not be inn
Limidatcd.
foobbardy daring; you are not wear-
in’ the green Within the area of
Thirty-fifth, W on tw 0 till, Thirty-
I'irst, and Michigan, stand on your
lights; gaze firmly and steadfastly
at the confronting soph and say
heavily but politely, “You shall not
remove . . . I cannot pct-mil. . . . they
are such a lovely mauve—I must rc-
tain my shorts." Remember, neither
fluttering hands nor extended shirt
tails. will hide your nakedness from a
cruelly amused world.

 

If. by Home mischance 01"

i Z
l

Tuesday, March l6, l937

Shading ll. Humor
Addrccccs REES.

 

Relations between the architect and
the fire protection engineer was the
subject of the talk delivered by Mr.
Stirling H. Harper, instructor in
architectural construction at Armour,
at the F.P.E.S. meeting held last
Friday in the physics lecture room.

He attributed the lack of coopera-
tion between these two branches of
engineering to the inability of the
fire protection engineer to appreciate
the problems which confront the
architect. The former considers but
a sole phase of building design while
the architect is.confronted with a
multiplicity of factors. “

Practical consideration necessitates
several features of design which are
vigorously objected to by the ex-
ponent of fire protection. Another
factor causing strife between these
classes is csthetic considerations not
dealt with by the fire protection en-
ginecr.

Mr. Harper suggested that the
Fire Protection Engineer employ
more, tact in contacting the architect
before the actual design is completed.
This consideration will tend to elim—
inate some of the now too prevalent
evils. He further suggested the Fire
Protection Engineer avail himself of
cvcry opportunity to realize the com-
plex problems confronting the arch-
itect and thereby attain better results
in the coordination of the work be-
twccn engineer and architect.

chl. Friday morning; the society
will hold a business meeting; in the
physics lecture room to discuss plans
for a smoker, which will be held soon.
At this smoker, an annual affair,
sophomores; will receive their “shin—
glee,” the evidence of their member‘
ship in F.P.E.S.

 

   

yourself while traveling.

ELCOME HOMEI That's what
the comfort of railway travel
really means nowadays. On the railroad—and

on the railroad alone—you can fully enjoy

As you ride at high yet sale speeds, free from jolts

and skids, you can eat, sleep, read, write, stretch, relax, listen to the
radio, breathe cool, clean, sweet air and make yoursiell fully at home
under the kindly ministrafions of courteous attendants alert to your

every need.

For these and other benefits, you must credit thorough air-conditioning,
smart interior decoration, nub-dale can: construction, improved road-
beds, heavier rails, adequate power and-""most important of all—a

personnel interested in service.

Typical of zailway modernization for
comioxt is the fact that by the end of
the year the Illinois Central will have
in service 157 air-conditioned cars of
its own, in addition to air~conditioned
Pullman equipment. All ihe railroads

MEMEMMEER . o u

Railway travel today is a thrilling
experience, hill of the spirit of
youth. On your next trip learn
how deservedly enjoyment,

coupled will: economy in price.

and the Pullman Company together

now have more than 8,000 such cars.

has increased railway patronage

in recent yaars.

law

‘99: madman