Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHlCAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year figsistm'jk’ .. Newsvawr $2.00 Per Year §1xutuwu ”is: 0on3“ Single Copies. 10 Cents Each w w: “The Slipsticlc” Cleave to "The Slipstick": let a the Slapstick fly where it may. i wwww w w .. Amman». mm Mm MANAGING BOARD Editor-in-chief ..................... Russell R. Johnson Managing Editor ....... Frank D. Cotterman Sports Editor ........... John 0. Larson Business Manager. . ............... Cyril L. DuSell Faculty Adviser ..................... Walter Hendricks f EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT News Editor ........................ ....R S. Kercher Make-up Editors... J. J. Doudcra, M. B. Stevens Assignment Editors ........ N. Gerber, F. L. Leason Copy Editor ........................... G. A. Zwissler Assistants . .V. J. Kropf, W. S. Hamlin, R. H. Knabe Feature Editor ........................... J. Galandak Assistants. . .0. H. Hampton, A. J. Rosen, A. M. Lane Proof Editor ................................. N. Balai Cartoonist ....................... J. Kichavcn News Reporters ................... II. 0 Bauermeister W. A. Chapin, G. B. Eng, B. W Garrison, W. Graf, F. B. Harman, M. J. Hades, F. D. Hoffert, J. Moro- zoff, L. J. Parker, S. Itabinowitz, A. Schrieber, J. Sheehan, S. B. Sills, G. Stober, E. F. Wagner, R. Weissman. Sports Reporters ........................ M. Alexander, E. Bodenmann, J. M. Kubert, E. J. Pleva, D. B. Rodkin, C. D. Rodriguez, R. Worcester. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Business Assistants ................... M. S. Alexander, N. Disenhaus, W. A. Hotzfield, W. F. Lindeman, S. Osri, E. J. Simek, R. W. Strauss, D. C. Timber- lake. Circulation Manager ................... R. M. Lundberg Circulation Assistants ............... . .C. Forstrg, E. C. Hoyer, W. F. Schreiber. Vol. XVI. September 23, 1935 No. 1 Something to Consider In a few more weeks, the classes will be en— gaged in forming their organizations for the com- ing year, and as the usual cries of: “politics” are raised by a few dissenters, the departmental groups will be cementing their alliances and mak« ing their preparations to push into office as many from their own department as their numerical strength will allow. Protests against such pro— ceedings have been raised for so long with no ma- terial results, that it might begin to appear that nothing is ever going to be done about them. Nevertheless, realizing what a really good class organization can do toward making the school year a pleasant and enjoyable one, it seems too bad that the officers are to be chosen amongst such dissension and with so little opportunity for the entire class to make a considered choice. Last year, the class of ’36 went to its nomina- tion meeting knowing that a clique composed of two departments was prepared to put into office a slate chosen entirely from their own groups. But so powerful was the feeling against such a proceeding, even among the two groups them- selves, that no final nominations were ever made at that meeting, the final slate being prepared later by a nominating committee. What we need to realize is that, in the nature of things at Armour, departmental loyalty is stronger than class loyalty. It cannot be other- wise, with small departmental groups working together in what is almost isolation from the rest of the class at all times after the freshman year. To attempt to elect representative officers for the entire class from such a set up of closely knit groups is a mockery. When we really want to achieve something, we recognize this readily enough. Class committees are nearly always made representative of all the departments, and last spring, the junior class allowed each depart— ment to select an assistant junior marshal from its own roster. After all, everyone realizes that, for the most part, the present class offices are merely honor— ary positions. The only ones who have anything to do are the president and the social chairman, and their work is nearly always done with the aid of a committee. Why not start with the commit- tee? Every object that is aimed at in a class or— ganization could be attained with an executive board composed of representatives selected by the various departments, and such a form of class government would completely eliminate the dissension and discontent that always seems to attend class elections. Greetings readersl Welcome home! etc. etc. Don’t tell us, we know. With a mind clogged with fees, programs and coming quizzes you seek relief in the Slipstick, the only remedy for a sluggish system (mental). il< >14 1 Local Drama One Armour Ireshie was a person who suffered from a vivid imagination and died a dozen deaths a day, all because of his over-nervousness about ‘his health. One day he sought Doc McNamara’s office and staggered toward a chair, into which he sank without straighten— ing up. “This is the end,” he moaned as the doc entered the room. ”Without warning it came on. One moment 1 was sitting up straight, the next I found I could not lift my head.” Hurricdly doc made an examination and said: “You will be all right the moment you unhitch the third buttonhole of your vest from the top button of your trousers.” 4= * V; N. Y. A. overseer: “See here buddy, that. other fol- low is carrying two sticks of timber when you’re carry~ ing only one. What have you got to say?” Buddy: “That fellow’s too lazy to go twice.” :1: # 9]: ”Here’s a. fellow who just patented a cant'wlvmtcc for preventing girls from falling out of rumble some. What do you think of the idea?" “I don’t like it at all. It’s just another more to dis~ place men with machinmy.” 114 it THE TRUCK. GARDENER'S LOVE SONG You’re the apple of my eye, my love. A No. 1 you rate. What a handsome pour we two would make. When can I have a date? You’re beautiful, my sweet pm. I think you are a peach. One kiss from your cherry lips, And gosh, I need a leech. You’re as graceful as the woodland nymphs, You're as sprightly as the fairies. You’ve radish: cheeks that can’t be beat. I think you are the ban-ion. My celery is large enough To support us both, my sweet. ’Cause two can live as cheap as one. Provided one don’t eat. For you, my sugar-plum, I’d get A; fourteen carrot ring, And on that fruitful day, my love, My heart to you I’d bring. Sometimes I call you grapefruit, But you know the reason why. ’Cause every time I squeeze you, You hit me in the eye. My love for you will never die. My love is never fickle. I hope that your love‘ is the same, Or else I’m in a pickle. I love you, little sweet you, But I’m afraid we cantalmupe. ’Cause your mother is a lemon, And your old man is a dope. Edward .1“. Plays. 0 It: W'etzel: “I think that new girl in our office has a soft spot in her heart for me. She says she’s always thinking of me.” Pretzel: “Why man, a girl doesn't think with her heart. The soft spot must be in her head." ’1‘ ’5 m The American tourist dropped into the barber’s chair and after the usual questions, conversation began. Barber: “What do you think of the ItalmEthiopian situation.” Tourist: “Ho! Hum! Guess it will come all right.” Barber: “What do you think of Mussolini.” Tourist: “Precisely what you think.” Barber: “What do you mean?” Tourist: “Well, you’ve got the razor, haven’t you!" * '4‘ 2‘ What’s the Difference? Teacher: “What is half of eight, John?” John: “Which way, Teacher?” Teacher: ”What do you mean, which way?” John: “On top or sideways?” Teacher: “What difference does it make?” John: “Well, half of the top of eight is zero. But half of eight sideways is three." =3 5% =l= “Bredren,” said the colored preacher, “you have came to pray for rain. Brcdrcn, dc foundation of religion am faith. Whur is yo’ faith? You. comes to pro/y foh min and not one of yo’ brings his umbrella.” She: “Now that we are engaged we must begin to economize. So you must promise me that you will not do anything you can’t afford.” He: “If I make that promise then I will have to break off our engagement.” Vs ‘vk a: Fortune teller: “I see great trouble ahead of you For 3 years you will sufi‘er and then -—————-—. Freshie. “And then?" Fortune teller: “And then you will be so used to it that you Won’t notice it.” a 2% Keezer: “What’s that man on the corner doing with that camera? He’s been standing there all day.” Geezer: “He’s an inspector from Washington watching a chance to take a moving picture of those relief workers at won .” J. G. THETA XI All of the members of Alpha Gamma chapter of Theta Xi have re— turned to school this fall with one exception. We regret very much that brother Glos 13.12. ’36 is unable to continue his course this semester. The brothers after a combination of working and vacationing are think— ing of high scholastic attainments and winning the new interfraternity scholastic award for their efforts. Pll'i‘lll KAPPA SIGMA Alpha Epsilon Chapter of Phi Kappa Sigma is prepared to we]- come the incoming Freshmen. An attractive rushing program has been arranged to acquaint the Freshmen with the house and its members. Brother Koehler and Pledge Brother Donnelly have transferred to the University of Illinois and are well established in the Chapter house there. The three graduating seniors of last year are all working at their respective bureaus Brother Beigler at the Chicago Board, Broth- er Wheaton in Cleveland, and Broth— er Marm‘v in Rockford. We regret to announce that Brothers Stehman, Skcppstrom, and Thornton will not return to Armour in the fall. Broth— ers Skeppstrom and Stehman are working in the city, and Brother Thornton is working in Milwaukee. Brother Stehman is going to night school, however, and hopes to return in February. Brother Tops of the Rho Chapter spent the night at the house last Wednesday while travelling through the city. lllllHlO DELTA RHO For many years the Rho Delts have been a close second in scholar- ship ranking among the social t'rats. Now we are pleased to learn we have stepped out in front; thus winning the interfmternity scholastic award. With but one exception all the active members are returning back to school. Abe Mandelowitz, M. E. is at present working. We hope he will soon be back with us. After their long summer lay off, the broth— ers are eager to get back to school and continue the good work. All. vans. GESH (Continued from page 1) Eta Kappa Nu .............. 2.47 Chi Epsilon .. Salamander Pi Tau Sigma .. . . Pi Nu Epsilon .............. Honor Society»— Sphinx ...................... 2.23 Professional Fraternities.— Scaralb . Alpha Chi Sigma ............ 2.28 Social Fraternities— Rho Delta Rho . Pi Kappa Phi .. . Theta Xi ............. Sigma Alpha Mu Delta Tau Delta ...... 1.70 Kappa Delta Epsilon . . . .1.6 Triangle ......... 1.53 Phi Kappa Sigma . 1.49 Phi Pi Phi .................. 1.41 The average of all students be- longing to Phi Kappa ‘Sigma, Delta Tau Delta, Theta Xi, Phi Pi Phi, Triangle, and Pi Kappa Phi frater- nities (fraternities that own or rent their chapter houses) is 1.69; while the scholastic average for the school as a whole is 1.65. In computing scholastic averages, an A is 3 grade points, 3-2, 0—1, D- O, and E— O. The number of grade points is multiplified by the credit hours 01: the course. The sum of the products is then divided by the total credit hours. A credit for work at other insti- tutions was considered equivalent to 1 grade point if the students schol- astic standing for work at other in- stitutions was below 2 grade points, to 1.5 if equal to a more than 2, and to 2 if equal to or greater than 2.5. Junior is Appointed New Handbook Agent Succeeding Algird Rulis, Warren F. Schreiber J12, has been appointed as the Armour representative of the Chemical Rubber Company. Schrei— her, a junior chemical engineer, sells the “Handbook of Physics and Cherry istry,” two editions of the mathemat- ical tables published in the hand» lbook, and other accessories. l Fraternity [Yofieswl Thomas H. Watts N lusty-eight percent of the Vassar College students are opposed to mil1- tary training. 5 ll: This drew a yelp of delight at a luncheon at the University of Min~ nesota (Minneapolis) recently when a professor described the difference between a university and an insane asylum. “You have to show improvement to get out of the asylum," said the afore-mentioned prof. :1: >1: a Only 25 percent of the men who have applied to the student (late bu- reau at the University of Toronto Canada have a preference for hlondes. ll: 31¢ a: A live-day school week with no Saturday classes is being petitioned by University of Georgia undergrad- uates. :1: 11‘- 1|: The Newcomb college debating club lin New Orleans debated the question: “Resolved that Santa Claus should wear a green suit instead of red." They failed to propose a new costume for Cupid for the winter season. (“Esquire" fashion notes please copy.) fl 1!: :1: W At St. Thomas College, Minnesota, the students insure themselves against being called on in class for the small fee of :25 cents. 1% ill lh A survey (what, again?) at Har— vard revealed that the average stu— dent carries 22 cents. ”4 7b ll: A. champion liar of the Uni‘mersity of California is a theology student. 2: ll! 5‘5 A butler at the Lambda Chi Al- pha house at the University of Ala- bama has named three of his oilfl Testing Lab is Kept Busy During Summer More activity than has been seen in the past five years was experi- enced in Armour’s materials testing- laboratory during the past summer, according to Professor Huntly, head of the mechanical engineering do. partment. Most of the work done was in the usual line of testing the strength of bolts, ropes, belting, and other prod ucts. One investigation was made to check the fitness for service of a wrought iron boiler in use for 43 years, while another report concern— ed itself with the strength of band saw blades and the forces operating in the cutting of various woods. The latest problem which the de- partmental testing service is inves- tigating is the wearing of clutch facings. A machine designed for this test is planned to wear out the fac- ing at high speed in a few minutes as compared to the months on auto~ mobile service test would take. Howard Milleuille to Fill Publicity Position Endeavoring to continue and ex- pand the publicity work of last year, Howard P. Milleville, ’36, has been appointed as student publicity direc- tor to succeed Leroy J. Beckman. Milleville will be assisted in his work by Alexander P. Schreiber of the junior class. The work of last year, which will be continued, consisted mainly of writing up important events at Ar~ mour«scholarships, dances, and athletic events—and having them printed in the daily newspapers and local publications in the city and suburbs. Such articles help to keep the name Armour before the public. Milleville requests that heads of honorary fraternities, professional organizations, clubs and athletic teams cooperate with him fully. This will facilitate the release of news items. spring Lambda, Chi, and Alpha. But what if he had worked for the Tri- Delt house? I dunno, you guess. .1. .1. ... Petting at the University of Texas has reached a new high. The stu— dents now spend their evenings in the university park, which is well guarded by special police—who do not disturb the petters. (Yes, but did you ever see a gal that wasn’t nutty about a uniform?) The professors at the University of Michigan got busy and formulated 15 plans to keep the students. Won— der if they thought of growing a moustache. a n. A small tin cup in the office of the school of agriculture at the Uni- versity of Minnesota has printed on it: "For Aspirin. Apprentices deposit money here to ‘buy headache tablets for struggling fellow students.” a a .1: Sparks College at Sparks, Georgia, was destroyed by a spark in 1927. University of Santa Tomas ((Manila, P. I.) is the oldest univer- sity under the United States flag. It celebrated the 200th anniversary of its founding on December 6, 1934. Tulane University College of Arts and Sciences has dropped the honor system after it has been in force for 50 years. Reynolds Will Give a Recital on Camber 2i Kenneth E. Reynolds, assistant in the physics laboratory, has announc- ed his forthcoming recital, which is to be held on Wednesday, October 2 at 8:30 p. m. in the Englewood Y. M. C. A. Reynolds is a member of the Chicago Comic Opera Company and appeared in the Gilbert and S111— livan Operetta “Ruddigore” last year. Reynolds is also a member of the Chicago Lyric Singers octette, which is directed by Mr. Maurice Ivins, who has given Reynolds a scholarship to study voice for as long a period as he wishes. Admission to the recital will be free of charge. 'l'llli STEAM SHOWN. Ahoy! mates and welcome Fresh— ies. If you don’t know and can’t guess, the name Steamshovel implies “digs up the dirt.” So spare not the pen (or pencil) when a friend or enemy is implicated in some “activ- ities ’ which make Steamshovel ma— terial. (Hand in contn‘bs to box near elevator). Such is the irony of fate. Howie M. Bolton who physically, verbally or mentally defended his mustache for four long years, finally fell vic- tim to the butchers (or barbers— same difference) upon completing his last hour of work at camp. Bucky O’Connor would certainly be grateful if somebody invented a better grade of “transit glue.” “I just pick it up and the top popped ofi‘,” be said. JOHN KAHLES had an experi- ence with a. skunk during the sum- mertime. with the proverb “fight fire with fire,” in his mind. be quick- ly removed his shoes and saves! his day! the hour that AL RAG V find the Sears two-I: d: polite Eistonors to his humor. mine Essex," says all.