Page Two” Armour Tech News - Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year "H- Pov Ye‘al 4 AMANAGING BOARD Editor’in-chiei V Managing Editor Sports Editor. . . Business Manager .......... Faculty Advise . .......... Frank D. Cotterman ..... John 0. Larson ..Cyril L. DuSell . . . Walter Hendricks EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT News Editor ........................... R. S. Kerclier Make-up Editors ...... J. J. Doudera, M. B. Stevens Assignment Editors ........ N. Gerber, F. L. Lesson Copy Editor .......................... G. A. Zwissler Assistants ..V. J. Kropf, W. S. Hamlin, R. H. Knabe Feature Editor ........................... J. Galandak Assistants . .0. H. Hampton, A, J. Rosen, P. Schultz Proof Edito ............................ N. Balai Cartoonist . ... .... ..J. Kichaven News Reporters ........... M. Alexander, H. Anderson, H. O. Baucrmeistor, W. A. Chopin, G. B. Eng, 13. W. Gamson, F. B. Harman, M. J. Hodes, F. D. Hof- fert, R. Magnuson, J. Morozofi‘, J. C. O‘Malley, L. J. Parker, S. Rabinowitz, A. Schriebcr, J. Sheehan, ”Li; ................ Russell R. Johnson I. ' a ARMOUR TEciii ' NEWS wwww «aw 6 6 "‘ ° ' 9 9 l The Shpstrcic Cleave to "The Slipstick": let the Slapstick fly where it may. ~4- AMA ’ m, min. noun ‘I’d‘ heard so many rotten jokes ‘That I had heard before. .I'd stood them as long as But finally I gotsore. Somewhere therefwus {ifh A rhyme. a phrase,'a word. A clever bit; of humor of which Nobody had heard. 2. . So, solemnly I‘took‘an oath, . i” By my grandfather’s heard, I swore, I would search until I found the joke That no one‘s heard before. I read through; every volume, Till folks thougjt me insane, I scoured com’idlhtagazines, *: But my search was still in vain. But suddenly when I glanced through A medieval tome, I found just what I’d hunted for, A humorous new poem. I set it down so those of you S. B. Sills, R. T. Smith, G. Stober, E. F. Wagner, R. Weissman. Sports Reporters ........................ M. Alexander, G. H. Bergquist, J. M. Kubert, E. J. Pleva, D. B. Rodkin, C. l). Rodriguez, R. Worcester. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Business Assistants M. S. Alexander, N. Discnhnus, W. A. Holzfield, W. F. Lindeman, S. Osri, E. J. Simek, R. W. Strauss, D. C. Timber- lake. Circulation Manager ................... R. M. Lundberg Circulation Assistants .. . ........ C. For-sherg, F. C. I-loycr, W. F. Schreiber. Vol. XV. Al’RlL 9, 1935 . No. 8 The Concert The proposal of the Armour Tech Musical Clubs to hold their annual spring concert away from the Institute has aroused so much argument ' that the News has decided to take what it con- . siders the only fair course in a matter afi’ecting so many of us. A poll to determine the opinion of the school on the matter will be conducted this week. The plan of the musical clubs is to present their concert at the Goodman theatre, expenses. to he, paid by an admission charge, probably amountingl to fifty cents. However, since the clubs have no funds of their own, it was necessary to obtainl financial backing of some sort to assure the pay-l ment of all expenses. The junior class, as sponsor‘ of junior week, was asked to assume this re-i sponsibility and did so rather readily. The offi-l cers of the musical clubs were certain, however, that the concert would be able to make its ex-‘ penses. i As far as the question of site alone is con-1 1 cerned, the Goodman theatre probably has the edge over the assembly hall, but not such a bigl edge as might be supposed at first. The assem— bly hall seats considerably more than the Good-i man theatre, and certainly never looks betteri than on a spring evening under the enlivening influence of lights and people. } However, besides the improvement in thel l surroundings, other advantages for the down— town concert are claimed by its sponsors. Added prestige for Armour would be one result of such a move they say, and the attendant publicity‘ would be valuable. Perhaps the most important argument is that profits from the venture would he used to establish a working fund for thel musical clubs, something which they need andl deserve. l Objections to the downtown concert center onl the fifty cent admission fee. Many are skeptical1 of the chance of making a profit, or even of avoiding a loss. More than two hundred men[ will probably take part in the concert; to admit‘ them free would certainly cut the receipts, but to charge them admission doesn’t seem feasible. Requiring them to sell a stated number of tickets in order to qualify for a free one might work and might not, no one can say. The admission price would undoubtedly reduce the attendance, but to what extent is a question for the astrologers. However, it is pointed out that many have been in the habit, in the past,’ of taking their young lady friends to the concert, and the addition of an admission price for anl occasion to occur two days before the Junior,l Formal might discourage this practice. It becomes evident from all this that the essen— tial question to be answered is whether the im- provement to be gained by taking the concert‘ downtown is Worth the price to be added. The! results of the poll will probably determine what final action is to be taken, and it is to be hoped that they will be conclusive. ln this locality, May view a clever masterpiece Of real originality: “Thai ladyc whom. I seen. ya willie, Did cause my hcm'le much slryfc!” “That was no ladyc, sire,” he. sayclh . “Fair damsel was my wyfc." , » * . S. Budd Sills. u ‘. :1. a: Don’t forget, boys, that kissing a girl good-night is a custom of long standing. :1: :n at There was puwky humor—or was it ready wit'l—in the remark of a boy who, coming" home one Sunday aft» ernoon with a. string of trout, was suddenly confronted by the minister. There was no way to escape; but the boy roae to the occasion. “Minister," he cxclaimcd,. “(llyc see what thae tnoots got for nabbin‘ worms on .a Sun~ day?” 5 The minister went on his way rejoicing. lill u- Modern Philosophy Most of us have never been sculptured, but all of us , have been chiseled. Not all the squirrels on the campus climb trees or live on nuts. Ants can lift weights which are tremendous as com- pared with their own, but wasps also can raisin quite good sized lumps. r. Little Boy: heaven?” His Mother: “No, door; it takes engineers to build skyv scrapers." “Mother, do they have skyscrapers in i1 vi. x; DICTIONNAIRE MODERNE lolcen: p. tense of take; take, tooked, token. camera: Italian prize~fightcr. gait: hole in a fence. raw: three make a college yell. knots: demented; Ex. He‘s knots over'hcr. hole: place where bad boys go. band: to bow. EX. You gotta band down, sister. vlll’vl': cxclamutory remark. Ex. Valve, ['11 ml you. tunic: to think. won: first number; wan ,tew, tree. wary: word meaning: in a great degree; wary drunk. iam‘oca: a wig-uly dance. rest: the part of the suit we spill the gravy on. rein: real wet water that leaks down from the sky. furnish: a big stove in the basement. Idea: a sweetheart. EX. Lava come back to me. 5’; :1: Sweet young thing: “Excelsior 0909‘? You’ve the wrong; number but maybe you‘ve got the right person!" £1 1'6 7! Oh horse you are a wondrous thing, No horns to honk no bells to ring, No license buying, every year, ’ With plates to stick on front and rear. No clutch to slip, no valves to stick, You starfit yourself without a click. Your spark plugs never miss or fuss, Your engine never makes us cuss. Your frame is good for many a mile, Your body never changes style. Your wants are few and easily met, You’ve something on the auto yet. m s a After terrific struggles, the freshman finally finished his examination paper, and then, at the end Wrote: “Dear Professor: If you sell any of my answers to the funny papers, I expect you to split fifty-fifty.” 2- 2% ..—. Jean: “Well, you just try to kiss me and I’ll fight for all I am worth." ‘ Bob: If that's the case, I think I had better stop then.” Jean; “Oh don‘t be that way, I’ve lost all my money and I am practically penniless." H. O. ‘ l Fraternity Notice I DELTA TAU DELTA Delta Tau Delta-takespleusurc in announcing the formal initiation ol? 3 Malco, e C. Forsyih, ’36. Our bases I‘ ball team is practicihdtlihr'd ini ord'e1 - re llorthc coming inter-fra- y schedule. Brother J.’Bridge, presidentadfl oui: divisidni‘was u visitor at the house last Tuesday evening. Our ping pong team is pre— paring for the final game of the in— tor-fraternity tournament which is to be played Wednesday night against Beta Psi. Brothers Erebensen, Gal— higher, and Gregg returned from Appleton yesterday. They represent- ed our chapter at the formal instal— lation of the new chapter of Delta Tau Delta at Lawrence College. BETA PS! At this time, we wish to congratu- late E. R. Johnson and M. B. Stevens, who were pledged to Salamander, honorary Fire Protection Engineering Fraternity last Wednesday. Last Tuesday the Mothers Club held their monthly meeting at the house. Many new faces were seen as the l Mothers of our recent members also iconic to the meeting. Refreshments were served and enjoyed and everyone had a good time. This last week—end a number of the fellows drove down to Champaign, Ill., to witness the formal initiation of pledgecs into Alpha Chapter. l The finals in the ping-pong: tourna. intent will be played Wednesday. TRlANGlLl-l Tonight, we will hold our annual l Founder’s Day Banquet in conjunc- tio with the Chicago Alumni Associa- tion of Triangle. It will ‘be held at the Engineers Club. We will install the newly elected officers of the active chapter at this time. Brother Scott has been elected ‘ president. Brother Kendall will now lbccome vice-president and Brother Penn will retain his office of treas— l urer. Congratulations boys and many, ; thanks to the men who are retiring. ‘ . -—.— l 1, RODMAN’S REVERIE l | Taken from: Field Engineers Bul-i letin No. 8, U. S. Coast and Geodetic‘ Survey, December, 1934. l By R. S. Clark ‘ When Lil'c’s last traverse is finished And the notes are computed and l i checked, l l When angles and levels and chainage ‘ Are pureed oi' the last defect, ‘ We shall turn in the tools and thel ‘ notebooks l l l x And stamp oil' the ice and the snow , And take us a good long noon hour Of a thousand years or so. Then, when we are all quite rested, l The Chief will announce a plan For a Galaxydetic survey job With a trillion miles to span Out past the far horizons, Out past the Pleiades, To lie in the solar system With the neighboring galaxies. l l All distances chained precisely i With an invar light-year chain, All levels referred to datum l 0f the true ecliptic plane i In twenty decimal places, Or possibly twenty~one, With never a doubtful reading, And never a line re-run. l l l All angles to accurate fractions Of a pip on the Zodiac; Doubled and thrice redoubled; Repeated forward and back. Horizons exactly closing, All pink and purple and gold, Where instruments read to millionths And fingers are never cold. Then rodman will not be,,footman, Pacing a weary route, But will ride five weeks in a rocket ship To set the front target out. The chain gang will not inch along With bucks and tension bars, But will shoot by stadia just like that, From here to the horns of Mars! And, ’ere we have measured and plotted The infinite boundaries of Space, The rumbling March of the Alphabet Shall have passed the decimal place i And each in his separate station Shall labor as best he can For the profit of all creation And the good of the General Plan. l l l CONGRATULATIONS, Stewart, .9. GRANGER and Mclm'n- M1 GROSSMAN and our licm‘licrt wishes for your success in the Eyew— oun Scholarship Competition! Mal mid Stewio, you were chosen. to rap— rosent ARMOUR for the twelve hun- dred dollar prize bemmsc'you are the TOPS. It's on big responsibility and a. lot of work; but we [mow you have it in you from your past records to rank with. the best of them, so let‘s see you give it EVERYTHING. Our apologies to Milt BEJECK [or having omitled his name from the list of juniors who rated mentions on the “Kindergarten” projets. We would like to see him and the rest of his class come through with mentions at least on their current projot, “A Park Bridge,” which is a test of engi- neering skill as well as design. Do you happen to know what a tea caddy is? Well, frankly not many of the junior modellers (lid until Ted HOFFMEISTER came along and gave them just that thing to model in clay. We’d rather not insult your intelligence by telling you what it'd. 'When a: i’ellcr .noetlo.‘a friend is when he's hungry. And that’s when you can depend on Irv ADDIS to share his lunch with you. Boy, what a spot~hitter a cornedebecf sandwich and a good juicy pickle can be! An open letter to today’s jury on the senior “Research Hospitals“: Dcm‘ Jury: Please be good, kind, generous, aml humane in your judg— ment of “muff projctc, for you, have no idea, or phrlmps you. have, whorl when they ...snyu ' Translating the symbols, the Tokyo “' i llVii’llidnuires (Treated _ oil- A. l. E. E. Smolcer A “Monte Carlo" interlude was the» evening's feature at the smoker of the American Institute of Electrical Engineers held last Thursday evening at the Phi Pi Phl‘fralernity house. fi‘jGambling” of all sorts—«lice, ru'u- littcublockljack, and wagers on the puth of a billiard boll"c:iused those present to either lose or run up fantastic sums. “Jake” Bard, by in- creasing his holdings from an initial fifty dollars to a final seven thou- sand, easily led the field. It little thing like a mention would do to nppcdsc the 711.011.!le agony/“of those who would lilac lo graduu ,, Signed: A friend of the senior class. Hal SLAVITT mentioned to us the other day that he had gone through a tow weeks of torturous “menttiI duress.” Just why or how such ‘a condition should have existed We are not qualified to say; but, neverthe- less, we are glad to see him back to NORMAL again. ’ One of our engineer friends tried to crash the life class last weelc to not a peek at the model; and it was quite a treat, indeed, to see Prof. lCREHBlEL usher him to the door, GENTLY but ever so firmly. At least that's one place in the school where the junior and senior ARK reign su- preme and ENJOY n complete mon- opoly. Two mysterious questions present— ed themselves almost simultaneous ly the other evening: Where was Mic WANDMAYER . coming from when he boarded a north-bound “L" long past his bed-time? (If we told you the station, it‘wouldn’t look so good for Wlandy). Question 2: Was the red stain on WallySOBEL’Suovm‘v coat really lip rouge? Now don't get us wrong, because'so far as we know Wandy doesn’t use the stuff. . . .YE'I‘. EAGLE EYE. wityo telephone operator says, "The connection is made— go ahead, please.” Meaning that now you can talk to J apan from any telephone in the Bell System. Interestingly, Japanese was the first foreign language ever transmitted by tele- phone—when in the winter of 1876-77 three Japanese students at Harvard visited Alexander Graham Bell in Boston. These men have lived to see the day can tall; with Boston from. their homeland! Seeking to put the whole world on such easy speaking terms, Bell Sysgom service now enables you to reach more than 93% of the world’s 33,000,000 telephones.