Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, March 12, W35 Amour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY HICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the Colin-26 Year ii , , 1;, J l2.00 Per Year MANAGING BOARD ..................... Russell It. Johnson ..Frallk D. Cottcrmun ........ John O. Lurs.»n . ............ Cyril L. DuSrll ............. Walter Hendricks Etlitoi‘~in-cl1ief Allanaginur Cdilor Sports Editor ....... Business Manager . Faculty Advisor EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT ............ R. S. Kerchcr J. J. Doudera, M. B. Steven ....N Gerber, F. L. Leason ‘ A. Zwissler News Editor ......... Make-up Editox Assignment Editor ('opy Editor. . . ....................... I... Assistants ..V. J. Kropl', W. S. llamlin, R. ll. Knabr Feature Editor ............................ l . (ialandak Assistants. .J. K. Morrison, A. J. Rosco, P. Schultz Proof Editor ........................ ..N. I’lalai Cartoonist .. ..... l. Kichovcn News Reporters ...................... ll. Anderson, H. O. Baucrmcister, W. A. Chapin, G. B. Ems. B. W. Gamson, F. B. Harman, H. Heidman, M. J. Hodes, F. I). Hoffert, It. Magnuson, J. Morozofl", L. J. Parker, S. Rabinowitz, A. Schreiber, J. Shechan, S. B. Sills, R. T. ‘Smith, G. Stober, E. I”. Wagner, R. Weissman. Sports Reporters ..................... M. Alexander, G. H. Berizquist, J. M. Kubcrt, E. J. Pleva, D. B. Rodkin, C. I). Rodriguez, R. Worcester. ..________.,____._.._.._. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Business Assistants ................... M. S. Alexander. N. Discnhaus, W. A. Hotzl‘leld. W. I“. Lindeman. E. J. Simek, R. W. Strauss, D. (7. Timberlake. Circulation Manager ............... ....lt. M. Lundhcrg‘ (‘irculalion Assistants.. ..... (‘. Forsbrrg. l'l. (‘. I‘loycr. W. I". Schrciber. MARCH 12 , 1935 The Relays To those on the staff of a school newspaper, the regular succession of annual events with which they are in constant contact, but which rarely changes from year to year is apt to become a little boring after they have been through it all once. But there are two annual events at Armour that never fail to impress even the newspaper men with their importance. One of these is, of course, Junior Week, the other is the Armour Relays. That the Relays should be considered of great importance by the News is, after all. not very surprising, for it is considered so by all Chicago daily newspapers, and by contestants from uni— versities and colleges throughout the Middle West. . One of the penalties Armour must pay for being a small college with few spectacular activ— ities is a scarcity of popular recognition. We hear the “butcher college” joke too often. The Relays very definitely places Armour in the public eye, and in association with more highly publicized schools, and for this reason alone, if not for the fact that it is a really good show, Armour stu- dents should attend it. It is a duty they owe the Institute, and one that is not very hard to pay, since the price of admission has already been necessary If to thei University of Chicago field house next Saturday collected from,e\rery student and it only to muster energy enough to hie onese evening. More Pep, Please A noticeable characteristic of Armour student is the frequency with which they use the phrasel “I haven’t time. Of course, where there’s smoke Side lw «am, WWWWW m-wwww % l “n. or “ k” , . e mane , 6 l Cleave to ”The Slipstick"; le: 3‘ the Slapstick fly where it may. l The freshman chemistry class missed a lecture last week, because of that Boulder Dam talk. Several of them were complaining that if it keeps up, they won’t get their proper sleep. is a * “rm a play about a dress All they did was to go next play. The Armour Players put on versal." They can't fool us. through a rehearsal for their ='s 9.: u Regarding the fellow who has been seen around these parts in a black shirt: [always wear a blur]: sln'rl, [think I always will, ll Ilocsn’l show (I bit of dirt, ll surz’s Ilw lmmdry bill. : )2 1' >1: SCENE FROM LIFE “My girl has almond eyes and chestnut hair. and her name is Hazel. Boy, she's the nuts." “Well, my girl walked seven miles last night.” “For goodness sake I” “Yes." It happened during: the last ten minutes of the slider charette for “A Bank for Savings”. Charlie SIEGAL is the man up for discus- sion. And, of all people—Charlie all but lhrew in the wet tlwvc“ Noth» inc; seemed to click for him that night, and we don’t \l'illill that he was thoroughly diswlstvd. Well, he actually pulled his hair and sat: down on the floor in a .it of despera- tion. There is no doubt about rho fact that if he could that moment have perched on the top-most podi— ment of the Art Institute, he would have given vent ‘to his pent up nerves and screamed to the ultimate. The whole incident is quite para» doxical since the very next day a jury, composed of faculty members, Mr. F‘AULKS, an illuminating engi- neer, and Mr. NEDVED, of the firm of l'Iamilton, chved, and Fellows, .,. 1:. xi xx My girl's grandmother was a Daughter of the Ameri- can Revolution. The family’s been dizzy ever since. She's not a face that looks as if it had worn out four bodies. I call her Gold Medal, because she’s been through the mill. She’s a postman's daughter, and I guess 1'“ letter alone. PHONEY ROVERBS “Where there‘s a will, therc’re relatives." “0in lo bed and oily to risc is ”11‘ fun of (I mun. whrn lliriwr he buys." “He who laughs last is an Englishman.” “"ulcl' mrc ol your primics mill lhr Dollil's will lalrc euro of themselves." “A snitch in time saves doing: time." I 4- iv ,. Lilllr Bo Peep, Slur lost her sleep, And didn’t lmnw whrrc Io find ll. She went out on u dole, And come home vary lair, II must Imoc born about four o‘clock. HU'I'EI. ME PRETTY MAIDEN While traveling- last summer, I stopped at n hotel in Yahoopittsville, Mich. I asked the clerk if Mr. Dibijic was in. He said, “I'm sorry, sir, llu-rc's no one home. in the top floor." I said, “Oh, excuse me, I’ll ask someone else." Then I asked him what his rates were. He said, “First floor, four dollars, second floor, three dollars, third floor, two dollars." I said, “I’m sorry, I don't think I'll stay here." He said, “Are our rates too high?" I said, “No, your hotel is too low." When I looked around, I saw a sign reading: We furnish blankets free. This hotel runs automatically with all modern con‘ All rooms buthlesr. Hot and cold running Hot in summer, cold in winter. “Hotel—No cover charge. venienceo. water. Rates after we look 'um over. Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they will not be disappointed." In the morning, I spoke to the old colored waiter who brought my breakfast. I said, i “How are the eggs?" I “You can't beat them." 1 "How are the tongue sandwiches?“ l “They speak for thcn'iselves." i “How many calories are in this oatmeal 3 “Now, this is a clean hotel.” “This napkin you gave me is full of holes; it‘s too old.’ i “Yes .ir, it’s on it’s last lap." l,” I i It sure was some hotel. I asked the clerk if there was water in any of the x rooms. He said “There was, but we fixed the roof." ll - l, "“Whnf is Ihc cllm-f of turning down Hm parlor light ; on Sunday night?" F. P. E.#It increases the danger of fire, due to red- ned cheeks (‘ivililt causes ‘ bridge of the nose. Ch. E.--»lt causes a precipitation of white powder, greater compressive stress on the there's firef’ holding the pace in scholastic worki which is generally collected on the shoulder. at Armour does require a great deal of time. But considerably more than half the men in school, find additional time for sports, clubs, publica—l tions, and the like. Why can’t we all? There’s no use attempting to explain it by say-l ing that some need more time for their work than. others; some do, of course, but they by no means comprise exclusively the group who belong to no, team, club, or publication stall, but who, night M. E.—It causes an increased flow of superheated l :team which is allowed to exhaust into the atmosphere as noiselessly as possible. E. E.——It increases the excitation, consequently caus- ing a [greater fluctuation in heart frequency. a a Judge: “What were you doing- in the place when it i has raided?” l Locksmith: “I was makinp; a bolt for the door.” :1: a Radio Voice: “We will now hear from Professor Jones after night, pack up their books and depart, 130; on the Advantages of a College Education.” be seen no more until their next class. Lack of interest, rather than lack of time, ex»l plains this thing, and it is not a lack of interestl that is prompted by a true appreciation of the. littleness and unimportance of college activities,‘ but rather, one that comes of being innately phlegmatic. j Listener-in: “There they go with another one of those ‘ l damn mystery stories.” a 5: Don’[ worry if your job is small, And your rewards are few. Remember ilmi the mighty (ml.- va once a 7m! like you. ”ll >l! “Horn ”1080 Lifrhuoy Ulla," suizl {he yii'csidcn! of llu’ College may be a little puddle, but experience} 1;. and 0. 'l'm'lroud. has shown that the best men will take a swim anyway. gOOdi Tlu'n III/.‘r mmm’nls about “12".,“ l CON-FU-TSE. awarded Charlie a second medal. Mel GROSSMAN and Wally SOBEL also breasted the tape for a second medal apiece. One of our more ambitious follows is Dick “One-pinch" LISCHER. If you won't take this culumnist’r. word for it, just try to recall the classy scenery you've been seeing at the rec-mt Armour Players’ productions. Yep, he can really sling a mean calm somine brush. li‘LASI—IM-i'rom New York—~Milt KOHN rates a mention on the “Open—air Museum" project, and his fellow class br’ers CONCOLINO, KAPLAN, PFENDT, Van SCOYOC, and VIEHF—NAESS cop hall men- tions. And now obey, and the rest of the juniors, are at work on a new project entitled, “A Kindergar— ten,” which is no child’s play. Ralph EDMUNDS win,- vlrclcrl by ‘lllu rlussu/nmlcs to be Imlsxirr of [I10 junior claim. Ralph, was sous-massim' loci your, «ml his election 7mm a fill flue uacimcy rrmtlml wlim Ralph PIclESTLEY left school. Consc» {moi/lily, Chile/c SCI-IREIIH'L‘R was madr llzr ncw sous—munch»; These are the boys who will l)(‘ rz-spmwiblc for giving Hm depart/man! (hr farlh- roming smolwr, lmnqucl, and, we hope, «mother of those smlsulionul 1/1le (Irma-rs. i As usual, sincere resolutions were I made by the seniors to start out and hit the ball immediately on the new project, “A Research Hospital”. It seems that we’ve heard such de~ terminations before. This time Mr. SUTER even suggested that would- n’t be a bad idea, and that the fol— lows should try to Lfivc themselves at least an even break. Johnny KOSSUTH cluimn to be a itcller of some ability, and there- I’ lore intends to give Coach Krafit's regulars some competition. Good luck to you, KOSHY; but don’t for- get: that you're an architect, which i meant that you have two strikes on you before you start. Still, we can remember when Charlie SOMMER l and ”Dutch” MORELLI did proudly ‘ for ye olde ARK. l l l EAGLE EYE. lTo Hold Campos Club 1 lnilmllon on Friday i Initiation of new members of the Campus club will be held Friday, March 15, in the Campus club rooms. Those pledges who are to be initia— ted are: R. Beardsley, J. M. Bird- l song, K. Endert, I. Evanofl. Felt, J. i Haasc, R. Magnuson, Richter, G. Sto- lber, J. Styrsky, C. Vendley, and F. . Westcrman. i All students, including- freshmen, i are eligible to join, and all lhose join- ;ing will be initiated Friday evening. The initiation fee is two dollars. and the dues are one dollar per year. The initiation committee is composed of W. W'aite, E. May, J. Galandak, and ‘. N. Dushek. A professor of Psychology at 1305A . ton university has banished notes in ‘ his courses, declaring: that they sub» astitute the hand for the head and i in the end alley a very poor repri» ductiun of the lecture. churns oDERATEs A N "DATE BUREAU' to me do: TENNESSEE. MEN ARE CHARGED A FEE ‘OF 75¢ For. WEEKEND AND 3PECIAL Caz/emu DATES, ‘MF newton FEE \‘3 15¢ .114! J“ 211’”; Alhfillh’l ABELINE M‘KNlGilT FEE-MEDICAL smuwr AT KENT STATE COLLEEE, WORKS HER WAY mouth some). OPERATING HEP. own SHOE REPAlR SHOP. Contest Winners to Be Gwen Cash Prizes Several cash prizes, which range as high as 50 dollars, await ambit ous literary artists. These awardsi are to be given for the best themes on the subject, “The Value 01' Ger— man in Research.” This contest is sponsored by the University of Chicago, and all students are eligible to compete. The theme should not exceed 3,000 words in length and may be written in either German or English. Intentions to compete in the contest should be filed with Pro- fessor Fischer, who will import fur— ther details, not later than Wednes- day, March 13. STUDENT lViUfiliNGS LAWYERS This essay is going to be a great rebuke to the lawyers, because it is going to tell all about them in 400 words; whereas, a good lawyer can— not get through the preamble of an indictment for chicken stealing in less than 1,000 words, many of which are as long; as a bull snake. A lawyer is a passenger to press perity on the wheels of justice and he usually rides alone. He is the only man who can examine a law and tell what it means without making a chemical analysis. This is because all of our laws are made by lawyers A lawyer gets $7,500 a year more or less, and mileage for making laws, and $50,000 a year for telling;r what he meant when he wrote them. And if he is a particularly fine lawyer he can afterwards earn $200,000 a year l l by demonstrating to the Supreme Court that they are no ,e'ood any way. It is a lawyer's business to protect mankind against villains, reformers, justice, injustice, and other lawyers. For this he receives in retaining fee which is a sort of financial tic rope to keep him from going- over to the other side. After the case is over he receives another fee. This is not fixed by law, but it is rarely more than the client should be at}: to pay in a lifetime if he practices (canmny and does not go to law again. Lawyers are wise and use hundreds of heavy imported words which the ordinary man could not even lift. Law books are written in large perchcron words which prevent com- mon people from meddling- with them and reading what doesn’t concern them. The Bible was originally pub- lished in this manner but was trans» latcd later, and this is what will hap- pen to the law books some day. When this happens, lawyers will no longer be able to stun a trembling client with a certiorari, mandamus, res adjudicate and other jagged verv bal junk, and the Supreme Court will find time to go fishing twice a week. Some lawyers are very honest and will not lie except to the jury. Others are not so particular. It is easy to tell if a lawyer is honest or not by the size of his fee. If he leaves the letter Box More About Dances As a. result of the editorial, Class or Classy Dir/woe, in the March 5, 1935 edition of the Armour Tech. News, considerable discussion and hard feelings have once again been stirred up. Referring to the free bid situa- tion for each member of the four so. cial committees, it is evident that the editorial writer has been misin- formed as to the existing conditions. In the November 27 issue last year. during" the time when the seniors were drawing,- up plans for their dance, the News published an editor ial, The Free Bid Situation Again, congratulating the senior class up- on their decision of this question. This decision, i.u,, that free bids to each class (lance should be given to only the members of the social com- mittee sponsoring the (lance and the faculty sponsors of the dance, has been adhered to by each class throughout this entire social year. Referring: also to the cost of Ar— mour dances, a question which everyone thought had hitherto been discussed and settled, it is quite evi» (lent that the writer of the editorial has never served on a social cum- mittoc. For this reason, he knows nothing- of the problems which con- front such a committee in regard to selecting~ an attractive ballroom which is not only centrally located but also within the means of the class treasury. the choice of bids and programs that will add to the novelty of the dance, the booking of an orchestra that has a name, and also the trim: of a price for bids which is in accordance with the dance and which will be within the means of those socially minded. In our estimation, .t-his- editorial was entirely out of place and has not only served to misinform the student body of the work and of the cooperation of the social committees in presentingy a good dance, but has also caused an unnecessary ill feel- ing: between the sludent body and the social committees. Sincerely yours, The Junior Social Committee. (Nl'iicugo, March 9, 1935. m Buildings Emptiecl in Two Minutes in Drill Armour students abandoned their scientific pursuits for o few minutes last Tuesday for the first fire drill of the year. The main building was emptied in two minutes, and the other buildings in less time. Students crossed the streets quickly. and, in general, showed excellent discipline and cooperation during the drill. A feature of the drill was the g 'm class. which was attired in scanty fashion. Everyone cheered as they is- sued from the building: looking sheep— ish. and folding“ their arms across their nearly bare chests. The ph s class were inspired client anything after he has won a judgment from him, be either honest or so careless that he is a. re» 3 proach to his prof .sion. l P. is by the drill to speculate on the nums :ber of holes required in a siren to produce such :1 wierd note. Some fel~ lows even went so for a: to calculate the number of holes.