Page Two Armour Tech News Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO. ILLINOIS MANAGING BOARD Editor—in-ehiel ..................... Russell R. Johnson Managing Editor ........... Sports Editor ............. John 0. Larson Business Manager... .............. Cyril L. DuScll Faculty Advisor ..................... Walter Hendricks EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT News Editor ........ . ............. It. S. Kerchei' Make-up Editor . J. J. Doudera, M. B. Stevens Assignment Editor .. . .N. Gerber, F. L. Leason Copy Editor ........................... G. A. Zwissler Assistants ..V. J. Kropf, W. S. Hamlin, R. H. Knabe Feature Editor ........................... J. Galandak Assistants... .0. H. Hampton, A. J. Rosen, A. M. Lanei Proof Editor .............................. N. Balai Cartoonist ....J. Kichaven News Reporters .............. ..H. O. Bauermeister W. A. (lhapin, G. B. Eng, B. \V. Gamson, W. Graf, F. B. Harman, M. J. Hodes, F. D. Hoffert, J. Moro- zofl', L. J. Parker, S. Rabinowitz, A. Schrieber, J. Sheehan, S. B. Sills, G. Stober, E. F. Wagner, R. Weissman. Sports Reporters ........................ M. Alexander, E. Bodenmann, J. M. Kubert, E. J. Pleva, D. B. Rodkin, C. D. Rodriguez, R. Worcester. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Business Assistants ................... M. S. Alexander. N. Disenhaus, W. A. Hotzfield, W. F. Lindeman, S. Osri, E. J. Simek, R. W. Strauss, D. C. Timber- lake. Circulation Manager ................... R. M. Lundberg Circulation Assistant. . ............... C. Forsberg, E. C. l'loyer, W. P. Schreiber. Vol. XV. May 28, 193 A.T.A.A. Elections The most important election of the year at Armour will be held tomorrow when the students choose the officers of the Armour Tech Athletic Association. Yet not only has no notice of the election been issued before today, but it is doubt- ful if very many of us could state off—hand where the candidates came from, now that we know who they are. Moreover. although we are prob ably dimly aware that they have something to do with the administration of the student activity fee and the presentation of athletic awards, we No. 14 .Frank D» Cotterman milk and an editor condensed it. fathers mined for it with pick and above], while she mere— ly strokes a bald head. one else is. sum to find out. ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, May 28, l935‘ WV wa wwvw W ”The Slipstichw i i E Cleave to “The Slipstick": let the Slapstick fly where it may. m... Jammy». MMM mg SAPPIEST EVENT OF THE WORLD The health enthusiast who wrote an article on fresh Francois. :k II: at: Old Gentleman (bewildered at an elaborate wedding): Are you the bridegroom? Young Man: No sir, I was eliminated in the send-finals. 7L5 V1: 1': They had been sitting in the swing in the moonlight alone. No word broke the stillness for half an hour until-~ “Suppose you had money," she said, “what would you do?” He threw out his chest in all the glory of young mam hood, “I’d travel!" He felt her warm, young hand slide into his. When he looked up she had gone. In his hand was a nickel. a: a t. Suitor: I wish I could take you in my arms and squeeze you until you’d gasp for breath! Girl: So do I, you weakling! all ll: $ I can always tell a married man from one who isn’t so. My method is infallible and this is how I know. There may be other ways of telling but I think this is the best. A bachelor never, never lacks a button on his vest. :u s Thanks to Science (2’) I can't see why, After wishing the semester was over Al the beginning, With all the work to do And final exams coming, I wish 7'1 it was longer. ll} All 75 The modern gold digger is a genius indeed; her fore- » at: * Conscience is the little thing that tells you that some- =1: 'l’ a. A little weak looking man (about the size of Nick Virgilio) had applied to the foreman ot’ a stevedore gang for a job. He was insistent so the foreman put him to haven’t a very good idea of just What the duties work loading 300-pound anvils in the hold of the ship. and powors of the A.T.A.A. officers are. In short, heard and somebody cried for help. All went well for a while, but suddenly a splash was Running to the the StUdent bOdy ls woefully ll’l Ignorance abOUt gangplank the foreman looked over the side and saw the the lunctionings of the A.T.A.A. Secure behind the requirement that every student become a member of the association, the Athletic Board of Control has perhaps been a little careless in neglecting to take the student body in on what’s going on. True"enough, they were anxious that this issue of the News make the details of the election quite clear; they are not, of course, trying to hide anything. But after‘ all, the dues were paid last February. Why wait. until the day before elections to start explainingi to an admittedly ignorant student body that the} first vice-president now being elected will auto-‘ matically become president in a year? Of course, all the information regarding the A.’I‘.A.A. has always been available to any onel who wants it. There is a constitution which, among other things, specifies the method of selecting candidates for office in the association, and it may be examined by any student, provided he can find some one who has a copy of it. On, this ground, we might even be criticized for our( failure to find out for ourselves whatever we need to know about an organization so impor— tant to us all. But all the blame cannot be thus affixed. Entering Armour, every freshman is officially told that there is a student activity fee of nine— teen dollars a year which every one must payl l Unless he purposely tries to find out more about the matter, which, in his naturally innocent state is unlikely, he will not learn until nearly a year later, on the eve of the A.T.A.A. elections, that he has any voice in the matter of the student activity fee. For that much money, he has a rigt to expect a little more. It must be emphasized that the athletic board is aware of this situation, and, apparently, takes the same View as the News, that it ought not to be. What they have neglected is to do something about it. The remedy is, of. course, perfectly simple. Let the A.T.A.A.. provide every member with a copy of its constitution and by—laws, and, perhaps, with a simplified explanation of its methods of procedure. It, then, no one ever reads the things, at least no one will have any kick coming. little man he had hired bobbing up and down in the water “What's the matter, Shorty, can’t you swim?" calledi the foreman. “Sure," came the reply, “I can swim all right, but if you don’t throw me a rope, I’ll have to drop this anvil. w :2 a: An engineer has to be a contortionist to get by these days. First he has to keep his back to the wall and his ear to the ground. Then he must put his shoulder to the wheel and his nose to the grindatone, keep a level head and have both feet on the ground. it: 1h If the plural of mouse Is mice, Then certainly The plural. of spouse Is spice. You’re wrong! It‘s bigamyl ———Ohio State Lantern. 3i: :l< 'Il’» A certain prominent collegian wandered into a ten- nis tournament the other day and sat down on the bench. “Whose game?” he asked. A shy young thing sitting: next to him looked up hope- fully. “I am,” she replied. 1k ll: When an Engineer Proposes My darling Inertia, you are my big moment. My heart whirls in eccentric orbits, and when I think of you my brain spins as though it had lost its radius of gyro- tion. Though you are far away, 1 steel love you. Each time I leave you, I hurry back saying to myself, “I can- tilever alone.” When I beam on. you, the stress in my heart strings approaches the elastic limit. As two bars are firmly rivited together, so let us be forever united by the bonds of matrimony. —Minn. Tech-Log. >1: v.- 2r “Do you like beer in a mug, girlie?" “That all depends on how he acts when he's got: it in him.” a. a a From which it follows that: The capacity of the beer barrel is fixed but the ca- pacity of the beer drinker is something he has to find out for himself. is =i: it: Some punk poetry (found in, the gudder): Pity the calf That Iost its mudder—— It’s all alone, i There is 'no udder. press the freshmen with some good fatherly advice. The interesting part about this whole sinking business is the comparative reactions of the “shakes.” URBAIN war. meek as a lamb and probably would have sat in the sink himself if he were told to do so. However, the other victim was as wild at. they make them and squiirmed and wiggled like a stuck Having; made no less than fifty—1 pig. (Pardon the aimile).. . . ..... three studies of plan ,on the Ryerson ‘— V Prize Competition, Mel GROSSMAN ”Kid" SALETTA pulled a funny (:oodluck, 31?“ to Brother Swami: finally came back to his second or one (we think) the other evening ell: 0“ his election as ”will“ 0‘ third idea. Likewise, Stew GRANG- when he said. “If a man calls up. C e boxmg team. _ ER has been tossing himself around tell him if the phone is working." All the" meeting ,at the house from pillar to post, and deriding his There’s “0 sense to that, bill that’s last week, the Mothers club lormu~ “nigger”, Hal SLAVITT, jestinglv just what we like about it. To hear lated plans for the coming year. ‘ . him say it is half the Show. With finals only two weeks away, ' the brothers are looking forward to our annual farewell party to be held in honor of the graduating mem- bers. i Fraternity Notes I rm PI PHI l Gamma chapter of Phi Pi Phi takes great pleasure in announcing the pledging of Thomas Onions '37. Congratulations to Brother Savi- dis on his appointment as track manager for next year. May he have l the success that has attended Broth-\ cr Grakavac, retiring manager. of course, for loafing on the job. (Let’s not mention Mel’s “nigger.”) l Friday is the day these immense ”Ono-Pinch”LISCHEI? again crime py-Ojem are to be turned mV and one through. This time he WOLS THE jun can never tell, until the inevitable], "1'0" 1‘0 mm on the Lost class B voice of Joe Wagner calls [or themfl EWWESG - Esquiwtt “An. Antique just what the final will be like. 1 Shop". l Phil KAPPA SleA The annual Senior Farewell party A few of the seniors seemed to. The 1'95““3 0f the judgment in was held at the Empire Room of calm matters into their own hamlet New York 0f the last junior projet, the Palmer House last Friday night. when they put “Blue Buy” unumn “A Park Bridge” were rather fav— The couples spent a very enjoyable in the well~hnown sink. Another of arable. W' Senn WEITING: Whose evening dancing to the smooth the “dunking” candidates was Joe beautifully rendered project “1115‘? rhythm of Freddie Martin’s band. KICHAVEN, who was also sinketl ““9 floored them at the B. A. I. D., Congratulations are in order for by the seniors. KlCI-IAVEN'S free came through with a first mention. our tennis team who won the first bath was a result of his untimely‘ H's Classmate, IVar VIEHE‘NAESS. match with Triangle last Thursday remarks to the general populace got 0“ withamention,whereas halves by the score of 2'1. We are nowi when the aeniora were trying to im- were given t“ Bi“ CONCOLINO: Ed looking forward to the first match‘———W______.___ OLSON: and J09 PFENDT- of intorfraternity golf which will be played in the near future with the Bolts. 1 our chapter and affairs of the West- i ern division of Delta Tau Delta. At‘ present he is busily engaged in form“ ulating another Chicago alumni chap» DELTA TAU DELTA ter. Our golf team has high possibil- ities this year with the Davidson brothers forming a nucleus aroundi which the team will be built. Our; first match will be played with Pi‘ Kappa Phi. Let us close with a welcome to the freshmen who last Friday were both formally and informally initiated to A. A. 8.; and who were shown that evening at the annual banquet, the splendor in which the upper-class- men dine (once a year). EAGLE EYE. Plans are in progress for a house, dance to be given a day or two fol-I lowing finals. It will be held at the Architects Club and a large number of both actives and alumni are ex— pected to come. Brother Frost, an alumnus from University of lllinoin‘» and at present occupying a position in Chicago, has moved in to our new l 1. A large group of alumni are ex- _____- l pected to be present. W KAPPA PHI RHO DELTA use ' Congratulations are in order fort The annual Rho Delta Rho dinner shelter With “5- The new quarters Brother DuSell, who was initiated dance was held last Saturday, May MW ”Nit With a favorable lml’l'eS‘ into Sphinx, honorary literary so— 5. Amid the beautiful surround- sion 0" him and he thinks that the , ciety last week. i ings of the Electrical Club in the PURSlhilitleS l" decorating will prove, Sunday evening a get together Civic Opera Building, and to the :smoker was held for the Beta Pail tune of Dave Cunningham and his H. J. Prcbensen was recently we» alumni of the Chicago area. Plansl Towne Club Orchestra, the Rho Delts sented with the jeweled, alumni, Pi Kappa Phi were made for the} selves to their heart’s content. Din- our chapter in appreciation for the near future. distinguished services he has given Plans are rapidly nearing com-i which many unusual novelty num- Mr. Prebensen has been both active in i to be held Saturday evening, June 1 tra. beneficial in every way. ‘ for initiation of Beta Psi alumni into. and their girl friends enjoyed them‘ service badge of Delta Tau Delta by l 1 nor was served at 8:30 p. m., after us under the roll of chapter adviser. pletion for the senior farewell dance,l hers were presented by the orches—