Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS Tuesday, April 3. "E93947.l Amour Tech. News Student Publication of the ARMOUR iNSTiTUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO, ELLINOIS Published Weekly During the College, Year {airflow/13;. _. _. “WSW” WLJ/lhembm) " 5345mm“ 52.00 Per Year Single Copies, 20 Cents Each MANAGING BOARD Editoruin—chief ........................ Edwin N. Searl Managing Editor. ..Richard D. Armsbury Sports Editor ....... . . .Wiiliam B. Ahern Business Manager ......... . ........... Robert J. White j Walter Hendricks Faculty Advisers .............. William W. Culvert I Eldon C. Grafton EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT Nevrs Editor ................... .. . .L. J. Beckman Assistants ...................... F. D. Cotterman, R. R. Johnson, R. S. Ketcher. Copy Editor ........... . . . .0. P. Freilinger Assistant ......................... H. S. Nachman Proof Editor. . . . ...... .J. F. Humiston Feature Editors ........... . R. Bristol, H. Levin Assistants ............ I. M. Addis, J. K. Morrison Editorial Writers Brockway McMillan, G. W. Ormsby Columnist ........................... Robert Hello. Stall" Photographer .................. J. M. Bard News: Reporters ......................... B Chase .l. J. Doudera, A. J. Dreis, C. L. DuSell, S. L. Ender, E. W. Engstrom, M. Finernun, J. Gulandak, W. J. Gartz, H. A. Geeracrts, J. A. Graf, W. S. Hamlin, F. D. Hofiert, B. W. Johnson, L. 1'“. Kaccl, R. Ill. Knabe, W. 14‘. Kraemer, V. J. Kropf, .I. Land, J. Laslziewicz, F. Leason, N. McGuone, D. J. Neill, R. A. Peterson, A. J. Regan, M. B. Stevens, R. G. Stevens, D. C. Timberlake, L. P. Werlein, and G. o 0 y l? ‘ “The filipst‘ieh , i Cleave to ”The Slipstick": let 3 the Slapstick fly where it may. , Zwissler. Assistant Sports Editor .................. E. F. Mezera, Sports Reporters ...................... F. L. Fraizer, , M. Holland, J. 0. Larson, and O. Tomci. BUSlNESS DEPARTMENT Circulation Manager .................. F. W. Schmidti Advertising Manager ............... R. H. Hedini Business Assistants ................... . F. Dudley, E. Simek, F. A. Wcrtzler. 3 Vol. Kill APR“. 3, 1934 No. 7 Speaking at Spring~ One morning, a few hundred thousand years ago ,a large hairy—chested specimen of genus homo emerged sleepily from the darkness of his‘ cave into the open air. He blinked and rubbed his , eyes at the sudden brilliance of the rising Sun. As the warmth of the day seeped into his aching joints—still from the chill and dampness of the night—he yawned voluminously, back to his very tonsils, and stretched until his whole framework creaked. These acrobatics seemed to awaken his£ faculties; for he began to peer about him, wrink- . ling his nose and sniffing the air like a rabbit.‘ He took a few tentative steps forward into the l clearing before the cavemnouth and stopped mild- ly surprised. He looked at the ground at his feet; , it was soft. Experimentally. he wriggled his toes and buried them in the mud; the sensation was pleasant. A rushing sound of many wings caused 2 him suddenly to look up; as his eyes followed a flock of large birds in their effortless flight over» head, he saw that the sky was blue and clear, without a cloud. A vague feeling of warmth and well—being began to suffuse through his con- sciousness, and the glimmer of an idea started in , l0 1’50 WWW?“ her “USband’s ““1““ i wrong, his brain. He looked about him carefully and noticed for the first time that there was no frost. ‘ not even on the shaded sides of the trees. The: idea was growing. The distant but unmistakeable; song of a bird lent impetus to thought; then. at the sight of a small patch of early green nestled, under the southern face of a rock. the idea came. in all its force. It dulled even the pangs of hunger by its breathtaking immensity: it was spring. We of the twentieth century can never know: the full and overwhelming significance of thati thought; our veneer of civilization is too thick; Spring, to us, m‘e’ans thoughts of the outdoors, ofl baseball, tennis, fishing, camping; and when We; feel a, vague, dim, longing down inside us we ant—Z tribute it to these things. it lies far deeper, how—l ever, than these; although civilization has almostl stifled it, it is a heritage, a racial memory of a time when the coming of spring meant the endi of six dreary months of hunger—tortured hiber—i nation. We can never know the joy that filled thel heart of our primitive ancestor when he saw thel i Hello Fellows. I presume you were able to recuperate (hee-hee-nice word) during the very lengthy Easter holi< day we just had, and you can partake of some original? e—e~er humor??? 1k ‘i‘ Q“ Two deaf old folks met at a reunion and fell to talking of their childhood. The old lady said to the old man, “Do you remember how we used to play together when we were young, and how I used to spank you when you didn‘t behave?” “Heh’! Oh yes. place, would you?” You would hardly recognize the old it we a: The length of the depression shows its that the war left the world so flat that Votive may be excused for dam/ring that it 2'3 round. ii 9K a ZOOLOGICAL NOTES Of course, I‘ve learned a lot of things And a lot of things I’ve missed; But why does a flapper lift her foot When she is being kissed? l‘f h n Pledge: “Ever been surrounded by wolves?” Senior: “No, but I know the sensation. I used to open the dining room doors at a fraternity house." it .1. i June: “I had a date with the General last night.” Betty: “Major-General '1" Jane: “Not yet.” i av COUPLETS FOUND ON THE FLOOR E. E’s are supposed to know, And tame the lively dynamo. Building bridges, we maintain, Debilitating to the brain. M. E‘s, quite adept with gears Are daubcd with grease up to their ears. Muckers seek elusive ore And sell it for not much, or more. Chems, prepare infernal smells, lteminding us of lower hells. x» at .y The young wife was heart-broken. “What’s the matter?" asked a friend. “Oh. my husband is so absenbminded. After break- fast in» left a tip on the table, and when I handed him his but he handed mi- another tip,” “Well, that‘s nothing to worry about. It’s just force of habit." “ l‘hut’s what worries me. He kissed me when I gave him his coat." o o on THE MODEST MOTH ‘Tis wonderful 1 actually received a contrib, here ’tis: The moth is not aggressive, lie’s very far from bold, He is a modest fellow, At least so I’ve been told. But all of this I doubted So I demanded proof, That moths are, not assertive And holf themselves aloof. I looked at my white flanncls, l was convinced and beat, I found that moths object not, To taking a back seat. 1'). S. D. it 4'1 1k A Canadian court has ruled that it is wrong for a wife Not only is it but in these days, it is nearly always useless. fit 1% ELECTRHC LOVE If she wants a (late-willimer if she wants an eecort——Conducior If she is slow on comprehensionuhccelera‘tcr If she goes up in the air—«Condenser if she is hungry—Feeder if her hands are cold—Jimmy If she is narrow in her views—«Amplifier is; 2?. m SENSlBLE GIRL “When I was a young man I knew only one really sensible girl," said the bachelor. “Well, why didn’t you marry her?” “I asked her, but she wouldn’t have me.” >1d 71¢ 1?- Simple: Come out here! Dimple: But it‘s dark out here. Simple: Well ...... l Dimple: First turn on the light. Simple: But then it won’t be dark. Dimple: Well, ........ all right. Xl< 3? “5 Manager of Restaurant (to Scotchman): ”The idea! You come in and drink a glass of water, then walk return of the sun; all we know is that at this time l calmly out!” of the yhar text books seem to lose their savor and the athletic field is more attractive than the classroom. . .Our eyes begin to wander out the Windows (luring lectures. . .the warm air. . .Ten more weeks lmtil June 9.’——Oh well! Scotchman: “Did ye expect me to stagger out?” .2 m u 'l‘ilh S'l‘hhlili Silil‘Vhl. “If you could really get a million marks im- n dollar after the war," said Frnnk Snmtuna, “then I’ll bet you could have mailed a brittle ship for ten cents!” And then some hard- headed \ungineer reminded Frank that he couldn't get a battleahip into a mail box! JOHNNY l’ANDERPOEL knows his social science! And JOHN as— sures GORDON ZWISSLER that he i-ealy would be eligible to be mayor of Chicago, except that he really ought to grow up first. Rumor has it that. their is no doubt (1.9 Ia who in bass in DICK FRIEDE'B “(u/urn family”. And it ain't DICK} , Who'd 've thnn‘h it, who'd ’vo ,thunlc it. Lately Bill Gray has been :soen either reading :1, Railroad Story :Mugazine or writing to a, gal named l, Sue. What’s the new technique. Bill? ‘And we olwnyn thought Willie was l a nice buy! , M 2 With the weather man forecasting iwurmer weather, two things are go- ling to happen: Lennie Dworsiry is ,going to start shooting the javclin inbout 1:00 leer or more! in which ‘case the bystanders hotter beware 1(oee Al Lnuahialrio and others for 1 further details) . . . .uud Pclcr Il’mul iPolho is going to take his new six Eyeor old Pontiac out of cotton bat» lting and moth balls—in which case :6“ the Ducsenbergs around the aschools (including Richard “Boil- ,steim” Berger’i Pontiac) better get lout of the wayl } Notice has hereby been given by l“l‘ll’S¢,)IlIL'/II " IIOl’li‘lil that the name “I’II’SQUEAK” is objection— iahlc, because “I’ll’SQUE/lK" ; not cure for the nume- “I‘ll“- ISCJUE/ll”, and therefore will no long-er be known as “I’ll’SQULi'AI ”, but l'ienccforth will be called “PIP- l SOUR/11.”. l l i does And also lot it be. known, that DIAMOND SI'IERLA W DICKEY INN] naming Io do with, the above, es- l 1 111/ ".3 DIAMOND is pretty] busy l vim m] a small but cffir' 1, power l plan! which. in 5’-4” and hr. red hair. 1 And the reason ”Bringing Up" lFotter goers to burlcoquo shown, he iclaimo, in to round out his views on life. Doc Scherger: “Die Wetter is ochlucht heute, nicht wur?” l Bright Sayings-rol—Chilolren: l ' “Unt howl” Roy Winehiudt: And now, «our (liner! we heard that , ARCHIE ANDERS sold three cxlw 1‘ pairs of shoes (is 11. result a] o. l pub]? (,1; in the Steam Shovel, we 7‘6 071... wing charging the customary votes of $00.60 per column inch. i c n ADVHCE re The LOVELDRN None. MARRIAGE BUREAU No business this week. Well, at the ram.- . e junior jacket committee working, the juniors ought to be getting their jackets in Iime [0 start their pootvf/raduate c0m~oc——i.f not sooner! Nice work—- C/mck Handler! is , _ . l .F.E.llii.rlh. Workers Pay Edent by Government Good news! At least it is good news as far as the school F. E. R. A, workers are concerned. The school has received its first allotment of funds from the government and the employees have had a pay day. Each school receiving; financial aid from the government; is allowed to give work to l0 per cent of its total en- rollment prior to January 30. The funds received by Armour were based on an average of $15.00 per month per man. The first allotment ,of funds amounted to $1245. The working students have been paid for their services for the three weeks ‘ ending.~ March 15. According to Mr. Say fellows, contribute some of your never~loefore~seen G. S. Allison. the F'. E. R. A. work lpuns. They will be sure to glorify this Slipstick column 3 (if they are original). So, comes the end. l R. H. is expected to continue up to June '14 and the workers are to be paid , twice a month. U'l'lrilfillld. EAIWP’MESES Cherie Club to Elect The College of the City of New York is experimenting with hypnosis no a. method of communicating facts. If it works, students will be able. to sleep a semester and get a four- yeur college education. m m w The University of Minnenotu re- ports a fromhmzm who has been going to that institution for the post thir- teen yours. it looks like some of no still have a chance. VII 1V Il' Gambling in the university district in Seattle is raid to cost studon ,5: and other suckers nearly $3000 a week. i i: it A “Selmmzzle” club has been cstubm “shed at tho Unionrsity of Oklahoma. In il< n: The world’s largest cloak, design ed by a graduate of Georgia Tech, was recently installed in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The clock has n fifty» five foot face, a thirty-five foot min- ute bond, and a twenty-seven foot hour hand. The hands were con structed of laminated aluminum al- loy. The clock, advertising a nation~ ally known soft drink, in illuminated at night and can be seen for miles, $li ll: 3k On December 21, the shortest day of the your, there were only 3.7 hours of sunshine at Alaska college. In June the sun will shine for more than 21 hours. it a: m At: the University of Nevada, seniors. only are privileged to wear oombrerne and mustachea. W- lll ll: Some students in the University of Vienna sign up for a course, miss all their classes, and meet the pro- fessor only when the final examina- tions are given. They pass as often as those who attend all the lectures. ’5‘ ll1 IlK A professor in the college of edu‘ cation at Creighton university gave his class a few hints on how to crib. lie said that by far the most in~ genious method he ever saw was the Harvard Roll. The crib notes are typed on n. roll and enclosed in a watch case so that the stem will wind the roll. The professor noticed one time that a student was looking; at hie watch rather frequently and winding oftener than seemed neces— sary, and at last one of the profes» sors asked to look at the watch. The watch was harmless, but later the on lillitth intend it With its Gilmore Friday Last Thursday during the lunch hour, the members of the chess club held their weekly meeting and de~ cided to hold the election of olficers next li‘riilny. Due to the enthusiasm displayed by the members at their recent meetings it was decided to place the facilities of the club open to members and to any individuals interested in the game of chess, dur~ ing the noon hour. At the end ol‘ the business session the members enjoyed themselves pondering over check- that had come prepared for just such an emergency with two watches. it rt =k Here’s one for the law students to brew over in their legal cranimmi. According to the ”Minesota Daily”, it’s the “/1” students that make the teachers, the “8" students that malw the judges, but the “C” men make the money. What do the “D" men make? ’11 ill ill Gettysburg college in Pennsyl- vania started its one hundred sec— ond term this year without a coed on the campus for the first time in 45 years. * d: ‘I just love those children plays,” said a. sorority girl at the University of Minnesota on «he bought a ticket for llbwn’s “Doll'o House.” 71‘ ll! >91 Students at the University of Washington in Seattle have the double-seated bicycle fad. I'll ‘ll 1% Steve I—lamas. who recently flat- tened Max Schmeling over the 12- round route, won, while a student at Penn State, eleven major letters, iii-- eluding awards in football, basket- ball, boxing and track. w 1:: a A course in automobile mechanics is being offered to girls at Wellcsloy collar/c. It is termed a. "curiosity satis- fier”, ’1‘ Yr )3 A University of Chicago professor, invited to address a. club meeting, chose as his subject “Need of Educa- tion." The next day a, newspaper headline reported, “Professor’s Speech Shows Need of Education.” ’l‘ i4 V A owed at Boston university has adopted a new hobby; she collects profs learned that the clever student l locks; of hair from her friends. om, or" 1; Crammiug is a pleasure-—~ if it’s cramming mellow old BRIGGS into your pipe! B R I 66 S is aged in the wood for years until it’s biteless. No wonder it became a na [ion-wide favorite before it had a line of advertising! Won’t you let BRHGG S speak for itself, in your own pipe? KEPT FACTORY FRESH by inner lining of CELLOPHAL N E ‘3? 5'. 3.1317332“ Cc... EEK.