mnwm4—.w «MW—.4 page Two ARMOUR TECH. NEWS "ll‘ueaday, Marni l3, W34- Amflm Tm}, Nam, l ... W , W .. o‘trnnn nonhuman hillbilly”? hilltlilltlt lliiéili'f’lihliffi’"hmW“ Student Publication of the l ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO. llLLiNOlS Published Weekly During the College Year $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each MANAGENG BOARD Editor-in-chicf ............. ..Edwin N. Searl Managing Editor ................ Richard D. Armsbury Sports Editor ............. . . . .William B. Ahern Business Manager ......... ..Robcrt J. White l Walter Hendricks Faculty Advisers .............. 1 William W. Culvert Eldon C. Grafton EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT News Editor ............................ L. J. Beckmun Assistants ............... . ...... F. D. Cotterman, R. R. Johnson, R. S. Kercher. Copy Editor ........................... O. P. Freilinger Assistant ........................ H. S. Nachman Proof Editor .......................... J. F. Humiston Feature Editor. ., . ...(7. R. Bristol, 11. Levin Annistants ............ l. M. Addis, J. K. Morrison Editorial Writers .. .Brockway McMillan, G. W. Ormsby Stall Photographer ................... .J. M. Bard News Reporteis ......... . . . . . ..... B. Phase, .i. J. lloudcro, A. J. Dre , C, L. lluhell, S. L. Ender, E. W. Engstrom, M. Pint-man, J. Galandak, W. J. Gartz, ll. A. Geeracrts, J. A. Graf, W. S. Hamlin, F. l). llotlert, B. W. Johnson. L. ll“. Kaccl, R. H. Knabe, W. l“. Kraomrr, V. J. Kropf, .l. Land, ..l‘, Larkiewicz. l“. Leason, N. MCGuone, D. .l. Neal, R.‘ A. Peterson. . .l. Ragan, M. B. Stevens, R. [Eu Stevens, l). t. limbcrluko, L. l". Werlkin, and G. Zwissler. Assistant Sports: Editor .................. E. F. Mezera Sports Reporters ..................... F. l.. Fraizer, . M. Holland, J. 0. Larson, and O. Tomei. l BUSINESS DEPARTMENT l Circulation Manager ................. l ‘ Advertising Manager. . . P W. Schmidt, P H. iiedin} Business Assistants ..................... i. F. Dudley“ E. Simok, F. A. Wortzler. . V0. Kill. No. 5i MARCH 1 3, E934 Actions Speak Louder Than words i This is the, week ; Saturday is the day. At l'ourl o’clock in the afternoon, in the l'nii'eroity of; (‘hicajro Field llouse, Armour Tech ope.. i Sixth Annual invitational Relay (James. 'i‘his.i the lant indoor meet ol' the season. in she bigl event in Armour'n athletic year. Last thousand spectators saw twenty schools compel.» , {our i iiii: for the honors; nix records were broke-10;: Armour. as. the, hoot, had over two hundred ath—i lctes as guests. This year’H games promise: to be even a greater spectacle. The big truck stars of the middle wont will be there; a full card of, track and field events has been arranged. Thrill: ; and excitement will be, the order of the do" they are yours for the intending. ‘il,’ there. Starting an an invitational meet for gmaiicr colleges, the Relays have grown each year until today they are viewed as one of the major event. of the track season. This growth, in the face ()1 the gloom of business adversity during the poet few years and the ui’iiycrsally decrcz in}! funds; available for college athletics in a l’it’tiny.r symbol of Armour‘s progressive spirit. . Since it is through the Relays more thani through any other school activity that the name“ of Armour reaches; the public eye. Armour is proud to have the Relays hear her name. Per'epective There is no better tonic for an inflated ego or for a tendency toward self-pity than a few mo— ments’ meditation on the, immense which we are immersed. The Great Nebula M~Zil in Andromeda, 21>: it is. knou n in the catalogues of the astronomer, apA pears on the photographic plate as an elongated: oral. solidly while at its‘ center and thinning into gossamer haze at its fringes. When one reflects. that the light that etched its photograph sped on its way at a time when the first mam- mals were roaming the earth; when he realizes that this cloud of light is in reality a great un- counted mas-s. of individual stars, each comparable in size to our sun; and when he realizes that within our ken there are thousands of such island universes, he is likely to lind the petty problems of the day fading into insignificance. We take ourselves too seriously. We magnify our minor accidents until they appear to be ca- unix'erw in tastropl’iirn. 'l'oothachcs and business deprcsv sions, “valentines" and indigestion, all seem as we experience them to be the. ultimate in human woes. As we recede from them, however, their importance rapidly diminishes until we see them more nearly in their true light. if we could more or ily grasp the relative insignilicanee of our daily trials, in relation to the full scale of human lil'e, ”The Slipotich M Cleave to "The Slipsticlc the Slapstick fly where ii may. : let mm mm, mm we could lind much less to groan about than we now do. Now after a week of inspection trips we can settle down to a bit of serious work, for example we can do experiment No. 13 in our spare time. The procedure is as follows: 1. Place a number of ingots of babbitt metal, zinc, lead, etc., in a large crucible. ‘2. lleat vigorously. When white hot dip forefingors of right hand into the solution to estimate the tem- peraturcviobviating the use of a thermocouple. Withdraw finger slowly. 3. Look thoee present in the eye while testing tern- porature to show them how you can take it. Report: How many months did it take before you could write again and how many fingers have you now‘! Give your testimonial for Unguentine for minor burniz. 9: i. i A danca A data Perchanca Out lata A classa A qu 2a No p 2 (ice u'l =r .u 1, No Obstruction He hadn’t been out in the world much, and he was deeply impressed with the girls" clothes at the dance. “Some of the ladien’ clothes 1 sec lure,” he said, . “plumb puts me in mind of a barbed—wire fence." Somebody asked him why. “Well," said be “it’s this way, They appear to protect the property without obstructing the \‘iL'VV.” t 7k .z ' “l‘ll tell your fortune. mister." “How much?" 3: “Fifty rents," Terbziwk: “( ‘orrert l" ,- w u Look Ahead Plan Ahead Keep Your Head— And You'll Be Ahead! ii In x “Where IS the capital of lllinois'l" “Springfield." "t’x’hrre is lhe capital of Africa?” “:llret and State." a in o Sod Car-en 'l'iiv timid alliirle who bought a (hacker board «0 he could learn how to jump. The banana pi-iidier whose busine xlip. 'l‘iu‘ undertaker who was worried iave Mendy cudomers. The hall" Wll who wouldn’t go to the insane asylum be» cause the people were far below his: mental level. beginning to became he. didn‘t The Scoteliman who got double pnnumonia at one time, >0 llv‘ could save time and money. Francois. :i :lK “I (flinging llw ’I‘m-Imiek who found himuwlf H'lihrml any Iulrn(’u'(ni{ for file new day.) it i Andy: “What is Bill doing i'or a livinr?” Bob: "He's selling lamps to optimi: .c -»o lhey ran net- the bright Ride of life." Francois. i: a .1. DiCTlONARiA Phase: That part of a person‘s anatomy immediately above the collahbutton. Wrench: A stccr’a playground, a Westerner’s back yard. Symmetry: A hono~yard. 6min: Getting bigger. Loin: To accumulate knowledge. 7/ ill d l- war: evening. A freshman approached a motorist. said he, “your beacon has ceased to function.” .,,. ii “Your illumination, 1 say, is; shrouded in unmitigated obliVion.” “Beg Pardon?” "The effulg-ence of your radiator has cranescet.” "My dear fellow?" “The transversnl ether oscillation in descence has become discontinued.” Just then a passing senior yelled, “Hey, mister, your lights are out!” your incan‘ r; t m Agent: “Donlt you want your office furniture insured against theft?" Manager: “Yes, all watches that.” except the clock. Everybody >24 :5: ll: FAMOUS LAST l'V/Hflifs‘ “As foolish in; pulling an. alarm (IOU/t m u l'illllY'll H pin,” as stated. by Professor [7117:]. ,t t ., it ends until And >0, fond readers, the Sllp‘ week. W'aitl newt week, besides your much needed co about until ibs. What is (-ois. llere ix something to worr , . three—sevenths of chicken, two-thirds: of cat. and oue~half iof goat? R. H next ‘ l appreciate the numerous; contributions of Fran» , A lilktolu cmtdi .aim for the t to of “meanest person. in the world’ is a. professor rt! Syracuse university, who, while recovering from an. ammu- dicitio operation, mule lectures in bed. to h'io chemistry class with the aid of (b microphmze, the telephone or (-ltmtyc, and a. [mid speaker. Other clam! seconds in the race for the title are those professors who insist on keeping classes overtime. We all have (1/. least one. Students at the Lce~McRea college of North Carolina turn the dormitory into an inn in the summer months. Home economics majors wash the dishes; football liuskieu hustle bags. Football has been discarded for rodeo sports at the Cheyenne school at Iolorado Springs. Bucking horses and wild steers: are considered less dangerous by Dr. Lloyd Shaw, super~ intendcnt. l Roclieuter university has abolished eight o'clock cinnsca, because i! prev {era lo: have lino students sleep in Jim} rather than in claim. Why not , not up beads in ill": classroom inslend? Columbia university granted a Ph. D. to the author of a manuscript on “The Duties of a School Janitor.” A junior in the college of engin- eering at the Univernity ol‘ Nebraska accumulates enough in}: natelim to put M‘hool. revenue. repni r- li im lli rouu'h (‘andidutes for Student oll‘icos at the University of ('alilorniu at law ‘ Angelo-i have to luv fruarded heavily by police, in order in protect them l'iom kidnnpiuur by mud factions. li'orl ‘two vai..ity players: and twenty ' 'ix free-lumen reported [or tenniu practice at the University of «California. .er'nl/ Tun/i.- t‘lirmlum unlmw‘mly , slut/rum ‘lll/j/IIi/it't‘lllll] film/toll rm i rzrum yi'ucn (rll, lhr rim/ila um] olroimm imp; of ilm Among the (hing/ii no! [\‘IHVIU’II. wr'rw lllw 'I'rtilim's : o/ the pronulr'nl, Illl‘ itmmr of [he “4 (my/'11, {he 'numlmr ol' m'hooln in. Hm ‘ SON-’I’Illll’lll wonfrrem-r, the number of rum/um. ‘ building" on, 1171' rumpus, the nu mo of : llu' mil/or of the Ho It’d Frog, llur umnr of {he cup/«Jr! [or-l of the foot 1 (mil «ml (/10. ixlwwli/y of tho 3 prmin’r'ul, of ”(4‘ almlenl body._ l (co, m n The Minna... man who wan rcloaacd from an in- Daily mentions ‘ . . ltonwahon charge on the plea that 1 line hadl ”water on um brain and was taking an anti—freeze oo‘lulion." llr, Herbert Evans. of the Univer- inity ol' (‘alil'ornia had better guard l bin claimed necrct for controlling; the human ”growth of beinga or every lochool may have a 6~foot 7Ainch ( banketball center. , _~__. l 'I'o olww 710w l‘ll/Iill' ’ ‘litions arc l uml Ito-w ”NIH/Jr UII’ sludunis uric who ‘ Akron I'i’m'lrlt'ltfr of ’m-mily of Akron. I'll Motor], n Hint/lion [hr .‘llI/WI’J‘S of which prom» l "ism! lo (Imrnpilulr' [homey/77M on n, l cerium (lull: Only lllrco per Item of ,l Ilium! um’lrourhwl lulled lo put down l l/lrlr munch. lu'rml ”HI names of fan. . all.” lm'mhm'x (171])1'ol‘l’ll ml lho 7mli~ ‘ lion. 1 A 3 book store is being planned by West- lminster College. Her duties will be train a? nurse for the college to quote price“ and administer l laimell‘ing sails. There should be six 3 nnxrae‘s here, don‘t you think? l 1 _____ , A student at Alberta University in jsucinr: the college for $56,000 dam— lagcn received during “Hell Week,” Plans are under way at Loyola to joccure material for their exhibit at 3 A Century of Progrcsa" this year. l’l‘heir exhibit was so populai lazit iyear that it has been decided to on. ilarge it about ten times. 1 Reports from Stanford have it i that coeds must peas :2 physical ox~ lamination before the-y are. allowed to xi: ' out until 1‘2. o‘clock on week nights and until lzfli) on Saturday night-M For the >ec0iid Line in two years, stu