Page Two

humour Tech News

Student Publication of the
ARMOUR INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
ClilCAGO, lLLlND
Published Weekly During the !College Year

 

Single Copies, 10 Cents Each

MANAGING BOARD
Editor—in-chief ....... . ....... .. ..... Edwin N Sear!
Managing Editor. ..Richard D. Armsbury
Sports Editor. . . . . .William B. Ahern
Business Manager ..... . . . ............. Robert J. White

$2.00 Per Year

 

 

Walter Hendricks
Faculty Advisers .............. William W. Calvert
Eldon C. Grafton

 

 

EDlTORlAL DEPARTMENT

 
 

 

   
            

ARMOUR TECH NEWS

 

 

v-«v w» w w Wm vww - “ma;

“Wilde Slipstickw

Cleave to “The Slipstick": let
the Slapstick Ely where it may. E

.1. mm mm

 

 

 

 

 

'Tis here—’tis here, the week of weeks. The Techawks’
“Paladise” is on Ogden Field du1ing Junior Week. The
pentathlon ought to he a wow and thcr’c s baseball games
galme. Look! Lookll Faculty vs. Seniors in baseball.
Well, fellas, hero’ 5 our chance to see the Profs do their
stuff. That Spring Concert is also quite a treat. Sh, sh,
mum’s the word Thursday night, but be sure you get in
on the fun. And so comes Friday, our servant so true,
with the Class Rush, the show unexcelled. The Junior

‘ . ...... . .Bck n

Nesz’Estiisltghs F g 30%;":2) Prom brings the grand finale, and is a dance most su-
..R John'san R S lie'rch'er' ' ' ' ' ’ preme. Well, you guys, be sure and have fun while you

........ ' . . . . . . '1' may.

COPYA:%;::rnt .OH. FS F;:;;:f:; “A word to the wise in sufficient."

Proof Editor ............ ..J F. Humiston ‘3 ° ”

Feature Editors . . ...... C. R Bristol, H. Levin “How long are you gonna be in that bathtub?”

Assistants ........ . . . .I. M. Addie, J. K Morrison “Same length 1 am any place 6156‘. Ya' Salt"

Editorial Wiiters . ”Broc'kway McMillan, G. W. Ormsby 1. a r

Columnist ------------------------- - - - - 30116” Hella list: “I saw Lady Godiva riding in the parade the other

Staff Photographer .......... J. M. Bard day."

  
 

News llcpurlws ..... .N. Balai, B. Chase,
J. J. Doudcra, C. L. DuSell, S. L. Ender, M. Fine‘man,
J. Galandak, A. M. Gallcr, W. J. Gartz, J. A. Graf,
W. S. Hamlin, F. D. Hofi'ert, R. H. Knabe, W. F‘.
Kraemcr, V. J. Kropf, J. Land, J. Laskiewicz, F.
Leason, N. McGuone, D. J. Neal, R. A. Peterson, M.
B. Stevens, D. C. Timberlake, L. P. Werlein, and
G. A. Zwisslcr.

Assistant Spmts Editor .................. E. F. Mezera

Sports Reporters . . .F. L. Fraizer,
J. Kubert, M. Holland, J. O. Larson, and O. Tomci

 

 

 

EUSHN E591 DEPARTMENT

Circulation Manager“ F. W. Schmidt

 

 

 

Advertising Manager. . . . . . . R” H. Hedin

Business Assistants. . . . . . . . ............. E. F'. Dudley,
E. Simck, F. A. Wertzlcr.

Vol. Xlll. May l4. W34 No. l4

Greetings

Once more an Open House night of Armour

2nd: “Zat so?
horse for a long time.

Wish I’d been there.

11

I haven't seen a

2: s 1:
Modern Versionm’l‘liree cheers for the red wine and
brew.
.1 c a
Five Feet: “Might I have this dance?"
Six Feet: “Yes, you mite."
7?! 1? al?
The Seven Wonders of the World
. When will you wonder clock?
I wonder go to the movies.
He’s wonder guys down the street.
The odds are wonder three.
Vl’ho wonder ball game?
It‘s wonder the rug, dear.
If you don’t wonder I‘ll take her.
1» x;

v

cases”

.4?”

“The difference between a hairdresser and a sculptor is
that while the hairdresser curls up and dyes, the sculptor
makes faces and busts."

Institute ‘rolls around” and once more the t "1 *
xii-mow TI’Ph News takes this opportunity to Stude: “Oh, “WW“ I think 1"“ 150i"?! M ‘59!"
’ ¢ _ . Doctor: “Whfll makes you think that ‘I"
Eli/tend the 1'1de 0f grfietlng t0 the many fr'er'd'a Studc: “Well, I just broke my lifetime fountain pen!"

of Armour, past, present, and future.

We hope our many Visitors have an enjoyable
time this evening in inspecting the school and
the work which it does. The visitor should real-
ize, however, that the show he is viewing is not
the whole of Armour Institute of Technology.
Back of the startling and interesting little side
shows which make up Open House night and
more truly the real Armour Institute are the
many hours that an Armour student spends in
class and at home studying and working on the
basic scientific principles of his chosen prolesg
S1011. l

 

 

l

Ari Optimistic @utluok l
Recently, our attention has been drawn to com— l
merits in current, Well recognized periodicals;
concerning the always popular subject, “Thef
College Graduate, Whither Bound?” ‘
The thing which seemed to be the most re-‘E
markable about this particular set of comments"
was the fact that in gathering the material midi,
facts for the statements contained in the articles, l
the authors had gone to the college students}
about to graduate and asked them the question,':
“Whither Bound?” Although the question had:
been asked of only ten men, who are editors of
the student newspaper on the campus, it hadl
been asked of a geographically representatiicl
group and in a general way the answers give a
viewpoint which coincides with our opinions. '5
The general opinion seemed to be that the col~ ,
loge graduate of this June has the brightest pros— 3
pects before him that he has bad for several}
years. In other words, the answer to the dues»:
tion as far as the college graduate could see it‘
was the! he expected to find his place in the busi- '1
ness and professional world or the graduatel
school upon his graduation. i

1

Whether these opinions mean anything more‘

l physical labor’.

.1 1.- 11

Ed: “Why is a woman like a sailboat?"

Dan: “Because they both make 21 better showing in the
wind."

'4’ 1K 0

“'l‘ough luck," said the egg in the monastery.

the frying~pan into the friar.”
1? li‘ 6

“Out of

Ncedcd inventions:
Combination corkscrew and compass.
Flying cake of soap for use in showers.
System for making straight A‘s.
WK 'l‘ &
MORE LINES
The bear alceps very warm
In his boar skin, I am (old;
But when I sleep in my bare akin
I catch one hell of a cold.

Hcr M080 is hooked
Her eyes are glassy,
No smile to brag a],
BM. what u chaseis.’

rc'rnirliuced
011 the chaste and sweet. unbiased,
But oh, the little chisclcrs
We're never (lulu; or fizzlcrs.’
1:

:1 1.

I‘ve 11.11121: r

Flora: “i hate Tony."

Dora: “Why?"

Flora: “Well, I offered to take whatever he thought my
kisses were worth and this morning he sent 21 bill marked

11

ll call her Seven Days—She mail/rec
one week.
Sb ’2‘ t»

“How much is this hat?"

"Fifteen dollars, sir."

“Where are the holes?”

“What holes?”

“The holes for the ears of the jackass who would pay
that much for it. ”

They laughed when I sat down to the piano, but when

than the fact that as a general rule a young col—l my pants started to rip, I thought they’d split.

lege student is cheerful in his outlook on the
future, tune, alone can tell. Also, whether these
indications can be applied to the outlook for the
engineering college graduate is rather doubtful,
since the results of the survey were based on re!
plies from larger schools which were not strictlyl
engineering institutions. Perhaps the outlook for 1

an engineering graduate is even more cheerfull
than that for the non—technical graduate. As al

this latter statement would suffice. From all indi-
cations which we have noted in a general manner

matter of fact, if we were to venture an opinion, i

concerning our own placement Service, an Arm-
our graduate, at least, also has his bright pros-

pectu.

t.

Realtor: Now heres a beautiful home overlooking the
lake.
Buyer: Where’s the lake?

Realtor: That’s what’s overlooked.

“Mister, so you believe in the survival of the fittest?”

“Heck, no! l'm an undertaker.”
1 1

“is there any age limit for sailors?"

“Theie‘ s no limit of :ny kind for sailors."

“A gi7l may love you from the bottom of km hemt, but
1‘ Iheres always room for some guy at the top."
H‘- >l= .i:
l So long, see you guys and you gals at the dance.
l R. 11.

l swarm nuances

 

A Chautauqua is an institution of
learning which uses everyday fresh
air instead of college atmosphere. The
first Chautauqua was founded by one
of the first fresh air cranks. He be‘
lieved that a series of lectures de—
livered in a comfortable camp would
tone down the horrors of acquiring an
education to such a degree that many
middle aged people, who would be
run down and seriously stepped on if
they got on a college campus, would
eagerly soak up learning if obtained
at a popular price of admission.

This proved to be the case and the
original Chautauqua is still attended
by many thousands who live happily
by the lake side at Chautauqua, New
York, (luring the summer, perfecting
themselves in art, literature, philos-
ophy, slenogruphy, crocheting, brass
hammering, basket weaving, and
other branches of wisdom.

The Chautauqua at one time was
so popular that it spread over all the
country like a light rash, beginning
in June and continuing until the
nights cool off. All that was needed
to pull oil a Chautauqua was a large
tent, some pine seats and plenty of
“talent." “Talent” was sold by the
lecture bureaus and came in $50, $100,
$500, and $1,000 lots. A plain orator
could be obtained for $50—wan orator
with a. press agent for $100. Ordinary
congressmen brought $200 if lively,
and governors and senators of the
first grade got $500. The highest
class of talent got $1,000 a night and
consil-ltcd of great ministers, great
curiosities and William J. Bryan.

The Chautauqua had usurped the
place of baseball in our small towns
and had become the prevailing sum—
mcr amusement. Every year 25,~
000,000 American people gathered
under tents to listen to ministers,
educators, humorists, jubilee singers,
string bands, politicians, rcvivalists,
impersonators, authors, explorers,
and brass bands and to absorb from
them enough wisdom to last them
through the long, hard winter.

Chautauquas are very beneficial to
the nation, but it has been recently
noticed that the senator who knocks
down unothm senator can usually
commanda higher mice on the Chau—
tauqua cir it afteiwaids and that
the explorer who has computed his
diary with a false horizon made by
the aid of :1 basin of water from a
New York faucet gets more money
for telling what he doesn’t know than
a scientist who never got any free
advertising.

These facts are dimming the glory
of the Chautauqua to some extent, so
that we, of the modern age, have to
think quite lcngthily before we un—
derstand the meaning of the term
Chautauqua.

 

Am News

Tomorrow is a big day for our
clause R archa. These- juniora have
been making [he most of their time
antil will present to the jury “the best
island Memorial» ever oleaignfld." The
empire also consider tomorrow their
big day becanuo their memorials; are
NOT duo. They have been graciously
given an critenaion until May 15.

I’rof. A. C. WILMANNS gave his
construction enthusiasts quite a lrcal
last week by substituting for his
clucoca an inspection trip to the
”Fair" grounds. The boys all claimed
to have a. swell limo. . . . I wonder?

Prof. SUTER took his freshman
class on an inspection trip last week
to the new “Field" building. With
many obs and labs the frosh saw a
real modern interior. I wonder which
one of the frosh does a modern gate
lodge now?

 

After hearing “BOB” SAMUEL$
brag about his $32.00 rain coat, the
boys decided to test it out by experi—
ment. After filling up the alcoves and
pockets with water and seeing no
leakage, the boys were convinced to
its fineness. Have you decided wh
is going to foot the bill, Bob?

WATTLEY still claims the break-
ing of his window 1'17, the drafting
mom was an accident. But the office
did not believe his story, and invited
scvmal of the onloakeis into the of-
ficc to relate their own versions of
the accident. I hope they all told the
some story/1’

See you at the formal!
SNOOFING SAM.

 

lVlo‘nclay, May l4, lgfifll

 

 

basement, North.

floor.

 

DllhEC'l'flli'll
MAIN BUlLDlNG: 3300 Federal Street. Library: first floor, North
Dynamo Laboratory: first floor,
second floor, North. Electrical Laboratory: second floor, South.
Qualitative Laboratory: third floor,
floor, North. Electra-«Chemistry Laboratory: third floor, Center.
Organic Laboratory: fourth floor, North. lnduotrial Chemistry
Laboratory: fourth floor, South.
North. Gymnasium. fifth floor, South. Mechanical Laboratory:

ARMOUR MKSSBON: S. E. cor. 33rd and. Federal Streets. Civil Draft-
ing Room: second floor. Room B: basement. Asnembly Hall, first

CHAPIM HALL: 3329 Federal Street. Physic». Laboratory: first floor,
North. Radio Station: second floor, North.

FILTRATION PLANT: 3343 Federal Street.

AU‘H‘OMOTWE LABORATORY: North of Machinery Hall.

SOCIAL SCHENCE DFFHCE: 43 West 33rd Street.

South. l’hyflica Lecture Room:

South. Science Hall: third

Drafting Ron/m: fifth floor,

 

 

 

 

 

CTHEIR CdMPUSEfi

 

A. master's thesis based upon a sur-
vey of extra-curricular costs of a col—
lege education at Marquette Univer~
sity reveals that the average student
spends two cents a week on books
and five cents a week on movies. The
medical student has the highest Week-
ly expenditure of $22.25 while the
journalist has the least.

At the University of Berlin stu—
dents are allowed a period of six

weeks to analyze and select their
professors.
In a quiz at Milwaukee State

Teachers college, the sophomore class
received the highest average in the
identification of names of prominent
persons.

The head all the botany department
at the Univeruity of Wooten» Ontario
credits the average proteaaor with
from eight to eighteen lien per loc-
ture, and wit-nukes that the lextwhooks
each contain an average of 120 false.
statements our mistakes.

Indiana University celebrated its
one hundred fourteenth birthday on
May 2. A two hour ceremony was
held attended by alumni from all over
the nation.

 

At the Los Angclcs junior college
students taking a history examina»
tion were asked to State briefly ihc
Monroe doctrine. The laurel wreath
wont to him who answered, “Scrum,
foreigners.”

 

A Marquette electrical engineering
grad wrote in to say he was making
lots of contacts, but no connections.

Recently the Michigan Daily listed
the names of the university’s twelve
most prominent alumni. Three of the
names on the list were those of men
who, because of their low scholastic

 

standing failed to complete their
course of study.
A professor at Balilcm‘n, Spain,

promised to para every/me after he
had been locked in his room by fifty;
two desperate students.

An Ohio State university rookie
passed a captain on the drill fig 111
without saluting.

“Say, buddy,” said the captain,
with characteristic sweetness, “do
you see the uniform I’m wearing?"

“Ych,” said the rookie, enviously
eyeing the officer‘s almost immacu-
late attire, “and look at the damn
thing they gave me."

Thirteen horseshoes, a black cat, or
a four-leaf clover was the admission
price to an engineer’s dance given on
Friday 13.~—The Minnesota Daily.

 

Sherman created quite a. sensation
when he marched through Georgia,
but he had nothing on (we Dulce co-
cds who marched up to thc thiid
flow of on N01 fh Carolina down last
week after some pictures belonging
to them which won? on display 1'71 a

Station t’s room.
0

 

Red fingernails so irk University
of California men that many declared
on a recent questionnaire that they
would break a date with a cai'mine
(lighted female. Opposition to the
craze was almost unanimous.

A certain profezsor at the Univer-
sity of Ellinois was speaking; against
the: use: of cosmicti/cs, an& in Risk
course of the speech he said, “The
more i come in contact with thia sub-
stance, the less. E like it."

uctiv e members.

“l"llllli‘. HCNCEARWS

SALAMANDER
Honorary Fire Protection Engineer-
ing Fraternity

Salamander, honorary fraternity in
fire protection engineering, was
founded at Armour Institute of Tech-
nology in January, 1923, for the
avowed purpote of promoting high
scholarship and encouraging original
investigation in all branches of fire
protection engineering.

The initial steps for the formation
of Salamander were taken by O. L.
Cox, ’23, 91nd R. M. Beckwith, ‘24, in
cooperation with Professor J. B. Fin-
negan, head of the Department of
Fire Protection Engineering. At. that
time the aim was to develop a stu-
dent activity in the form of one of
the established fire insurance frater—
nities.

In the end the founders deemed it
a better plan to promote a distinct
association in the form of an honor-
ary fraternity. Since all members of
the senior class in the department
were outstanding in their school life
they became the nucleus of the or-
ganization. These charter members
were: 0. L. Cox, G. G. Blair, C. W.
Hawth, O. R. Matson, and J. C. Wor-
ley all of the class of 1923; R. M.
Beckwith of the class of 1024; and
Professor J. B. Finnegan.

The prime requisite for the elec.
tion of a student to membership in
the fraternity is a good scholarship
standing. To be qualified for mem-
bership, the candidate must be of
good moral principles and show evi-
dence of superior abilities. These
may be indicated by his activities.

The badge. of Salamander is a gold
key whose general outlines represent
a conventional sprinkler head. Cor-
responding to the fusible link in a
sprinkler head we {ind the mythical
Salamander, a creature which lived
and rejoiced in fire. The seven
notches in the deflector are ‘in agree-
ment with the number of founders.
Engraved on the reverse side of the
key, in addition to the bearer’s name,
are found two numbers, one giving
the number of the chapter and the
other the seniority of the member.

The colors of the pledge button are
red and black, the red standing- for
fire and the black for the destruction
inevitably following in the path of
the fire.

A news letter, the “Deflector," is
published annually by Salamander.
in its pages are found news of the
alumni members as well as that of
the active members. This year’s edi-
tion is in process of publication at the
present time.

Each year an award, Lhe “Hand—
book of Fire Protection” by Crosby,
Fiskc, and Forster is made to the
student of the freshman class in lire
protection engineering standing high-
est scholastically. The award was
made this year to R. A. Peterson

Honmaiy membc1s of Salamander
me: I. V. Parker, chaiimau of the
scholmship committee; W. R. Town-
ley, member of the scholarship com-
mittee; J. B. Finnegan, head of the

department; 0. L. Robinson, associate

professor of fire promotion engineer—
ing; C. P. Holmes, formerly assistant
professor of fire protection engineer

ing; and Fitzhugh Taylor. engineer.

U udcrwriters’ Laboratories.

There are seventyd'our alumni

members of the organization and ten

The present inem»
bciship is C. A. Cunningham presi.
dent, G. E. Myers. vice pres ‘eu., A.
J. Ande1son, secretaxy- -t1'eusnre1, C.
l”. Krili'el, E. N. Searl, 5. J. Ahern,
L. W. Biegler. O. P. Freilinger. .l. R.
Morrison. and G. W. Wheaten