1 i 1 -C. A. Erickson, ’32 Page Two ARMOUR TECH NEWS. - Tuesday, June 3:193fl heater % tech they‘ve Student Publication of the ARMQUE INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY (ll-EKCAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year SUBSCRIPTION RATES $2.00 Per Year Single Copies, 10 Cents Each MANAGING BOARD Editor—in-Chief ..................... Fred Attwood, ’31 . Arthur Jens, ’31 mamgmg Emma“ '{Aivm Auerbach, '31 Business Manager ............... Frank Spaldlng, ’31 Faculty Adviser ........... Professor Walter Hendricks ADVISORY BOARD Retiring Editor— in~Chlcf ........... David T. Smith, ’30 Retiring Business Manager ...... Morris 0. Nelson, ’30 NEWS DEPARTMENT News Editor ......................... W H. Rudolf, Departmental Editors ’32 Fraterunity .J. R. Jackson, ’32 Organizations ...................... E. W. Carlson, ’32 Reporters J. B. Dirkers, ’32 I. Krawitz, ’33 M. Windgrond, ’33 _.,R. G. Kellner, ’31 T. Leavitt, ‘33 E. C. Kubicek. '32 SPORTS DEPARTMENT Sports Editor (Acting) ............... Arthur Jens, ’31 Assistant Sports Editor .............. H. P. Richter, ’32 , Assistants .C. Jens, ’31 C. Stempkowski, '32 F. M. James, ’31 R. F. Rychlik, ’33 R. Mulroney, ’33. FEATURE DEPARTMENT Feature Editor .................... P. E. Seidelman, ’31 Columnist .......................... Philip Jordan, ’31 Inquiring Reporter .................... O. Barnett, ’33 Cartoonist .......... Dave Chapman, ’32 Feature Writer ..... . . . .C. Blahna, ’31 Star}? Photographer... ...... O. R. Murphy MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT 'Make—Up Editor. . .‘ .................. M. J. Schinke, ’32 Assistants L. Bcnvallet, ’32 R. L. Ellis, ’33 G. F. F. Strassenburg, ’31 BUSINESS DEPARTMENT E. A. Scanlon, ’32 i 'Adveztising Manageis .............. J. J Casey .32 Assistants R. Tufts, ’32 ‘M. A. Collick, ’32 C. R. Marsh, ’33 Circulation Manager .................. A. F. Wilde, ’31 Malling Circulation Manager ......... J. S. McCall, ’32 Vol. V JUNE 3, 1930 SENIQRS It will not be long now until the largest Senior class ever to attend Armour will he graduated. The under— graduates will be looking enviously at these men and wishing that their time, too, was over. Perhaps the Seniors look back on the days they are leaving behind, and regret that they must now make their way in a cold, hard world. The least we who are left behind can do is wish them lots of luck and hope that they get all the breaks that they deserve. Many Seniors will want to keep in touch with the school affairs, especially if they are sent away to some distant city. Far be it from us to become commercial at this time, but we will suggest that, in our opinion the Armour Tech News is the best medium for keeping in touch with Tech. The rates are kept at one dollar a semester no matter where the weekly is to be sent. FINAL EXAMS The final exams will soon be upon us. Though they are of no concern to the Seniors, they surely mean a lot of worry and loss of sleep to those of us who are compelled to take them. This time of the year brings up that old, old question, ”Are final exams, or any exams for that matter, a real test of a student’s knowl— edge?” The snap-judgment answer of the student, of course, is no, for the simple reason that he thinks he will get out of some work if the exams are eliminated. A more serious minded student will also invariably answer no, but his reasoning for such an answer is diflerent. He will say that a two—hour examination covering a semester’s material is an unfair test. The average student does not remember even a small portion of material studied, and he has the choice of doing a lot of cramming beforehand, and possibly getting a grade which does not represent the extent of his knowledge of the subject, or else he may go into the examination room possessed only with the knowledge he has ac— quired during the semester. In the latter case, nine times out of ten, the grade will be so low in compari— son to the crammer’s grade, that the student is classed as “dumb.” Of course, we are not expecting the immediate aboli- tion of final examinations, but we are looking forward to that happy day when a college student can finish a semester’s work without the necessity of a lot of cramming or else the receipt of some low marks which are not justified. No. 15 I am a printer, and a printer of news, and I do hearken after them, wherever they be at any rates; I’ll give anything for a good copy now, be it true or false, so it be news. Ben Johnson VVVWVVVV VV “Wye gimmick” Cleave to “The Slipstick"; let the Slapstick fly where it may. V'VV A». AAAA A as. An Easy Way Out AAA... AA. “Can you prove that the square of the by- Prof; potenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides of this triangle?” Student (freshman, probably): “I don’t have to prove it, I admit it.” Walt. $ o W Heredity A professor, coming to one of his classes a little late, found a most uncomplimentary caricature of himself drawn on the board. Turning to the student nearest him, he angrily inquired: “Do you know who is responsible for that atrocity?” “No, sir; I don’t, ” replied the student; “but I strongly suspect his parents.” fit rs m ‘ Us Engineers Prof. (discussing riveted joints): possibility of failure in this joint?" Joe Collich: “Swell! I flunked three times already.” J. S. McC. “What is the 1. .1. y Physical Disability It seems that one of the greatest difficulties that the student encounters in the study of physics is the dis— tinction between mass and weight, and when to use the gravitational constant 980 and 32.2. After thirty years of search and research, the writer has at last come to a few simple formulae by which this matter may be cleared up. The mass of a body may be de- termined in the following manner. Take the weight 01’ the body in question and multiply it by 980 times the length of the latus rectum of an alcoholic hyper— bola. Then take 32.2 gr. of entropy and. disintegrate it until it will give a dark white ppt. Heat while Professor @hhrtes Page Matrices (A Biographical Sketch) BY 17‘. EM“; SEMEILMAN Charles Page Holmes, Assistant Professor of Fire Insurance, was born at Cincinnati, Ohio, on Feb~ ruary 22, 1890. After having at— tended thc grade and high schools of Cincinnati and Dayton for some ten odd years, he received an ap- pointment to the United States Na— val Academy at Annapolis. The prospects of life in the Navy held very little appeal for him, so in 1911 he decided to take his last year of college work at Massachm setts Institute of Technology, where he was awarded an S. 13. degree in Chemical Engineering, in 1912. After g r a, d u a t i o 11 Professor Holmes tried his ability at various occupations, including finally, at the beginning of the World War, the placing of ammunition con— tracts with Wltworth and Arm— strong, of Manchester, England. In 1916, he began his career of active army service, along the Rio Grande, at the Mexican border and later, when this country entered the war, he joined the American Air Service and was attached to the Royal Fly- ing Corps in whose service he, re— mained until the armistice was signed. He married Miss Alice M. Clay— ton, of Indianapolis, Indiana, in 1919. They now have one child, a girl, nine years of age. A few years after returning from across the seas he obtained a posi— tion with the Western Acturial Bu— reau. Incidentally, it is this Bu— reau which awards the four-year scholarships in Fire Protection En- gineering at Armour and through Whats it some “filli'l‘h Xi Brother (1N. Mullican, ’27, vis— ited the Chapter House a little over a week ago. He flew up from Gov-- ington, Kentucky, arriving in Chi— cago late Sunday night, May 25 He left by plane late the following night. Brother Don Dawley, national traveling secretary, also visited the Chapter House last week end. DELTA TAU DELTA A party is planned for Monday night, June 9, to give the gradua- ting Seniors a happy goodbye and to celebrate the closing of school for the year 1929-30. TRlANGLii A dance was held at the Chapter House last Saturday evening for alumni and active members. Art Oberbeck was the social chairman. A “No~More-Books” party will be held Monday, June 16. This will al- ford the Seniors with a lasting re- membrance of their dear old days at Armour and at their fraternity. their office the fire insurance com- panies also give several two— —yea1 scholarships in insurance at North- western University. Protessor Holmes is the head of this Insurance Department, which is a part of the Economics Depart— ment in Northwestern's School of j Commerce. His time is occupied in the teaching of insurance at North— western and instructing the sopho— more and senior Fire Protects in schedule rating, at the Institute, where he began as an Assistant Professor in Fire Insurance, in 1925. He is a member of Alpha Chi Epsi- lon fraternity and an honorary member of Salamander. BETA PEEK After a luncheon which was served at the house June 1, the fel- lows and their dates saw “Chick Sale” in “Hello, Pans," which is playing at the Grand Opera House. Jack Pierce of the Lake Forest chapter, and several of his friends visited the house, Monday, May 26. There is ondPM Kept items? in Golf Tourney The Theta Xi and the Phi Kappa Sigma teams have eliminated all other squads from the upper brack- et of the inter-fraternity golf championship, and it now remains to see which one will play in the finals. The lower frame has not been so successful because the teams still have three matches to go before they reach the final round. The winner of the Delta Tau palm-Sigma. Kappa Delta match will meet the victor of the Phi Pl Phi-Sigma Alpha Mu round. The finals will be finished by the end of this week. Sonia Uterus Begin Summer Course Early The Sophomores of the Chemical Engineering department will have ust enough time to catch a breath and recover from the shock of their grades before they will be plunged into the fumes of the summer course in special methods of analy- sis. The course will be of six weeks duration and the hours from 8 am. to 5 pm. The course will cover special methods of analysis, as the name implies as well as the analy- sis of water, ink and oil. adding 980 dynes until approximately 56 dynes turn a into joules accompanied by a vigorous evolution of adiabatic alphashmabba particles. Then—” (The above was found in the tomb of an Egyptian king. It is believed to be one of the causes of the Clikko war.) Phthalic Acid. 11! St The ocean liner was rolling like a chip but, as usual in such instances, there was one passenger who was disgustingly healthy. “Sick, eh,” he remarked to a pale—green person who was leaning on the rail. The pale—green one regarded ’ the healthy one with all the scorn he could muster under such circumstances. “Sick, nothing!” he rctorted rather weakly. “I’m just hanging over the front of the boat to see how the captain cranks it,” Ii 6 Very often the flower of manhood is only a bloom- ing idiot. I. t1 W SORTA FHSEll—DON’T YOU WK? Old gentleman, hard of hearing, meeting a friend carrying a fishing tackle: "Hello, Ed. Goin’ fishing?” Second 01d Gent (also hard of hearing): “No, Im goin’ fishing." Old Gent No. 1: “Oh, I thought you were goin” fishing. ’ m o 0 Poise is that quality in a woman which prevents her from being embarrassed on the windiest of days. R. S F o o n it Might: Ee Lon: Chaney Astronomy Prof—"Name a star with a tail.” student—“Rinu'l‘im‘l‘in.” m 8 it! She: I hear you fainted at the party last night and that they brought you to. He: Yes, and then I fainted again. She: Good gracious! And then what happened? He: They brought me two more. 0‘ I vanted to puy a cigar, so I vent by der cigar store und said to dot girl vot was dere: “Hat you Perfectos?" Und she says, “No, I hai‘ bunions.” 3:1 )1: =91 To the Seniors: Good—bye, old pals, best luck in the world. To the rest: So long, gang, see you again next Sept. R. E. M. Pm. J MAJfliNQ S UBSQREPWQN RA TE itlfl. a guaranties " ll?“ “YOU DON’T KNQW YQUR FUTURE ADDRESS, Gil/TE US YQUR PRESENT ABBRESS AND NGTEFY US at? ANY CHANGE... e New tot" Netti horn esterys