Page Four

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d’l‘fiild dWAh/ililhll;
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Mussylini Opens Up Too
Late; Scherger Pulls
Brodie; Score ill-7

The Armour basketbawlers
the annual game here today with the
Crack Oxford cricket experts in a
contest that will keep the grand jur~
ors busy for months. The game be—
gun at 4:00 P. M., both teams taking
on oath at 3:55 and promising to do
nothing that they would be ashamed
of nine or ten years later. At exactly
.‘ 38 the scorekecper was also sworn
in, whereupon he announced the
starting lineup:

won

 

Armour Oxford
Man-1., rf. King George, rf.
Simpson, if. I] Duce, if.

Von Hindenburg‘,
Aug’hstine, re. Clemenceau, rg.
Goodhcnrt. lg. Scherger, lg.

is! Quarter

At the start the Armour cagemen
looked reasonably honest, until the
glassy Augustine fouled the tough
Dutch center, Vonnie, under the bas-
ket. He was called in and asked for a
certificate of character. “Augie"
missed the two free throws. Three
Pinkerton men were ossigned to his
case at once. However he regained
the ball of? the backboard and passed
to Simpson who failed to hold, with
the result that he was searched for
incriminating letters. No score as
yet.

Here the Techs took time out fox a
special conference, deepening still
further the mystery of the game.
They come out of the huddle and at
the jump ball with Rossing leading:
an Indian yell, he tipped the ball to
Mom who passed to Simpson, who
standing by the basket and singing
“Oh, Catherine, Oh Catherine, Here
I Am,” flipped the ball in. This play
was so suspicious, it was referred to
the league of nations, which imme-
diately raised the president’s salary.
Score, 2-0.

Meanwhile the Duce sank a free—
throw on Simpson’s flying foul. He
denied it was part of a. written agree»

(Continued on page 2, column 4)

 

Ro g, 0.

Gen. Pulaski, “godmother:
Navy Hawaii, is worm?

As this issue went to press, n cable--
gram from the front. line trenches
reached Stew Headquarters inform~
ing us of the tragic though heroic
death of General Sidney Deadshot
Pulaski, head of the Salvation Navy
Rifle Corps.

Chauffeur Weops and Woepn

The news, a distinct shock to his
chauffeur, marks the end of the
greatest era in the history of Armour
Necks. During his active service as
head of the R. 0. T. C. here, more
clubs were formed, more bulletins
were posted, more unattended meet—
ings were held, and more people were
killed than during; any previous pe~
riod in our notorious existence.

A TufiE Break

The Deans’ office was said to have
gone into an uproar upon his death
because they feared no-one could be
found to follow in his footsteps. His
feet were said to be too big.

 

SEEK GR“) LEAKS lN CRANK
CASE

 

C. E. Cooper, W. Hendricks, W. )3.
Amsbai'y, and S R. Hadsell were
found in an irresponsible condition
on the end of the Navy Pier, 33rd
and Wentworth, this morning. When
revived with a solution of chlorine
and tear gas, they claimed they be“
came exhausted while plugging up
grid leaks in the bottom of the crank
case in Danny Roesch’s car.

STAlNS BANANA SEEDS BLACK

From the files of the STEW of
eighty years ago we find the follow-
ing: “Spike Scherger has developed
a method of staining banana seeds
black or at least a dark brown while
they are being grown in their parent
fruit. The seeds, heretofore white,
have always been difiicult to remove
from the teeth due to their elusive
color. A slump in the false teeth
industry is expected to follow soon."

 

Dave Moreton, the human fly,
made insurance companies grab their
potato chips when he fell from a fifty
six story building recently. No blood
was found where Dave landed. He

 

 

had only fallen from the first floor.

 

Saginaw 4144 ‘
Merrimac 5410

FOR YOUR NEXT DANCE
#Engage a

filflhlfitlhl @RflflfidTRfii
MAURlE HlLlLBélL‘OM

Musical director, formerly with Balaban and Katz and now at the
Stratford Theater, is an active member of this organization.

For information Call or Write

7931 Choppel Avenue
1525 N. Lei-cl Avenue-

 

 

 

 

Call Wabash. 8535 for

    

nt
TYPEWRETER HEADQUARTERS, ENC.
407 S. Deerhorn St.

s for Renting or Buying

 

 

Telephone Prosoect 42% for liner

 

eyes it“ .
on West 63rd Street

high/did iii. hhllhilfitm
Representotive

 

 

 

ARMQUR TEGH NWWS

Nettles Lose: firs Zilfit‘éil
Nibbles Their Peasants

 

(Continued from page 1, column 5}
lug-stone, and promises to put him out
of business.

Amid all the commotion that the
contestants were staging in their hot
battle, the sudden pop from a sawed»
of? shot-gun served as a signal that
the half was over, and the score was
still in Armour’s favor,-—-a. 0 to 0 tie.

“We want baskets!” yelled the
frantic mob. In on instant 30 sales-
men appeared with 29 samples of
every type of basket that is made on
the face of the earth. The baskets
were all bought up at a cheap price
by the Lunchi‘oom where they will he
disguised as Shredded Wheat.

Kit-off! Cameo To

Slowly, Armour began gaining on
its opponents. They had worked the
ball two feet past the center of the
floor and were now under the basket.
At this instant, Krafft woke up and
asked:

“What’s
about?"

“Mauz is holding the ball and the
other fellows on our side want it so
they can make a basket,” replied an
ardent Armour fan.

“Why have an argument?” yawned
Krafi't as he rolled out four more
balls to the Armour quintet.

Armour Gets in Brawl:

At this stage in the game, the tide
turned to break the opposition of the
visiting quintets. With a minute to
play, the backboard fell down and
the home aggregate then proceeded
to run up a record score in record
time. Schommer got tongue-tied
counting when he reached 2,222 so
this score became final. The final
score was 4,444 to 0 in favor of the

the big; argument all

Armour Neckingstute of lntolog‘y.

The
Englewood Knitting Works
Wholesale and Retail
6723 S. Mediated Street
Branch: 1210 W. 792}: 5%.
Phone Wentworth 5920

.____ midi ,

 

Elohim disorder fillets
Peed oi: “Sonny fairly”

Whom should we see acting oppw
site Al .iolson in the Iatter’si latest
production than Tubby Foerster.
Tubby will again not in his usual role
of “Sonny Boy" in the mirth inspir-
ing productions.

FEREQNALS
Auggie, my love, don’t come over

tonight. Daddy lost a. bet on a beam

ketball game.

Lover—«Ophelia.

Not responsible for any lmfiz,
lmldz, or kornz kontracted before; or
after February 14, 1929.

J. Frances McNamara.

Who has my Cale book? Keep the
book but return the pony on the back
pages. Reward.

C. llrwin Palmer.

 

ALLISON! HAVE YOU
SCRIBED TO THE ARMOUR TECH
NEWS?

Russell E. Johnson, ’29.

 

ATTENTEON!‘ Barney Wilcox.
How about Physics I?
it or I’ll give you dcath.’

Vernet V. Poupitch, '29.

 

FOR SALE: Chinese alphabets.
Cut rates to Armour students,
Theodore Chin Fain, ’31.

  

RED-MOT
MUSMJ
HAfllrieon
«”93

 

—School Orders Our Specialty——

 

 

 

SUB- ,

Give me cred- ‘

  
  
 
 
     
 
 
 
 
 
 

.452. word shoot odseicfieing . . .
The products you see consistently advertised in this
paper are worthy of your confidence.

it takes two things to make a consistent advertise;
One is a strong conviction that he has a product that .
will hold its place in public favor despite competition.
The other is actual proof of that . . . the increasing
popularity of his product.

if his product will not stand the test of comparison *
he would simply be throwing his advertising invest:
merit away. if the "buying public rejects his product
after it has been offered in advertising he 3A3
thrown his advertising investment away.

That’s why the manufacturer who advertises his
merchandise consistently is very sure of his quality i
. . . and why you may he sure of it, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

A lilietionnry oi: miemiosl Essences ..

containing 12,000 completed and baianced reactions
classified for ready reference.

" Midfield

it

Offered at half price to students in the
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midi? oldhllillfiflh‘lfilf

 

 

 

 

 

21%

    

Q3
.li‘ii i 1L B e

Kori/c yon-r or concern doors

    

The Hinds Regain some; 3 rope into die; air,
swarms up said rope Emmi over hand, and pulls
it in after him. Marvedousl fine slchnlczd tourist
cook a snapshot of the miracle. Result: no
miracle, no Climb, nothing.

You can”: photogrcgfi s cigeroms’s flavor,
of course. field’s More ii; owner, if it isn’t theses.
Mildoess me be overdose, you know own so the

 

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may
5“ gs
Q r“

MW

 

W ‘ {sis
é‘o l.
Wed or:

point where there’s no zesce at {313. Elm“ never

in Chesterficids. They’ve go: have: and hedge

and it doesn‘t misc s hypemist to prove it.
Not that there's even e. him. of maisonette m

Chesterfield. There’s some smoother. B i the

full, rich, subtly blended tobacco flown: so:

loops intact to do their pleasant dorynmm so: '”
leek that who: a eigescste is for?

 
    

 

 

55 .

gt.

mr, x r N, s. “1
reéaifi‘hh sense

winger? a s Yvonne {10>