Page Two , «a . Alhhllfllllt Sliflll lilh‘lll’f‘i Student Publication of the ARMOUR lNSTlTUTE 0F TECHNQLDG‘Y CHECAGO, EL'LINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year SHE S TAPS" MANAC‘ENG BOARD ...lohn Hommes, ’25} Fred B. Farrell, ’29 ....Russell E. Johnson, ’29 Editor-in-Chief ......... Managing Editor. NEWS DEPARTMENT David T. Smith, '30 F. B. Attwood, ’31 ........ (Open) . B. Auerbach', '31 News Editor. Assistant Fraternities (lopy .. . Reportc .. W. Carlson, ‘. , McClosku, ‘29; H. P. Richter, ’32; Fred Rasmussen, ’30; Vernon A. Sturm, ’30: Win. Edmonds, ’32. Sports Editor ..................... Ass .tants——J. P. Edstrand, .lr., V. Taylor, ’32. A lirA’Elsil'l‘ORlAL DEPARTMENT ....... Al Auerbach, ’31 Humor . Stall Ar st John G. Attwood, ’2‘.) Book Reviews ....... J. M. Jacobson, ’29 inquiring Reporter 7. Ashenhurst, ’32 Editorial Writers . ..... (Open) MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT Makeup Editor ................ W. J. Ehrmeyer, ’29 Assistants#AM. L. Morgan, 61', O, R. Steinert, ’31; E. J. Wiltrakis, ‘32. BUSINESS DEPARTMENT Advertising Managei ...... Stanley A. Bentty, ’30 Assistant ............ ...ll/l 0. Nelson, ’30 Circulation Manager John W. Gamble, ’29 Assistant .................... John E. Batman, ’29 Vol. Ill. FEBRUARY 14, 1929 i No; 2 We print the dirt But don’t feel hurl. . For all we rim 1:; just in FUN: —Soanres. The Salt in The Stew Pass the suit! Thanks. That’s been the most common expression in the Office of the News for the past week. This issue is a potpourri. it has been in the act of accumulating since we started publication. We put our best cooks on the job, who pondered over every recipe in their repertoire, and finally decided upon NECK STEW. O. l(., ‘wc said. make it neck stew, but be sure to add plenty of sult, And mm it's dished up. We hope you like it. We tried to make it please you. But Lincoln was right when he said you can‘t please everybody all the time. If you’re not mentioned in the STEW, it isn’t because the recipe didn't specify you also. It’s because the STEW started to burn before wo could begin to gel; in all the ingredients, and we just had to lower the gas. 50 don‘t feel slighted. Rather feel lucky. Anyhow, We’ll get you next time. You needn't take this The l‘ ~ . v- 'i-loinewerk Syndicate Satirical; limb in ritlay iii Scanned Saying (Continued from page i, column 6) credit at which the course is valued. For an “A” grade: $10.00 per semester-hour. For a “B” grade: $8.00 per semester-hour. For a “C" grade: $5.00 per semestehhour, The above rates, according to an influential member of the firm, were arrived at after a. careful study of the increased earning power which the customer acquirer; after pasding a semester-hour’s work at the famous A. I. 'l‘. Faculky in On Graft The wild clamor on the curb which took place, yesterday was the result of an unofficial statement which leaked out from J. M. Jacobson, one of the financial backers of the move— merit, namely that the success of the venture was absolutely assured be— ause, after failing in their attempt to secure a corner, every member of Lhe faculty except one agreed to ibide by the, dictates of the new or: :auization provided they were al— lowed a graft of ten percent of the company’s earnings. The one dis- senting member of the faculty was believed to be Butch Raymond, who was not considered of enough import- ance to cause any dimculty. To Build ' , Offices for the syndicate Will be 10— :ated in a beautiful Muster}; sky- scraper which is to be built on Ogden field, plans for which are already be ing’ drawn up by the Senior Fire Fro- tecs taking Structural Design. The building; is to be of the collapsible type so that when Bill Krafft wants to run a baseball game on the lield, the view from the drafting: rooms on the fifth floor will not be obstructed. A button located on the seat of Dean Penn's chair will supply the impulse which will fold away the building; for an afternoon’s siesta. May Be A P. U. When interviewed as to the finan- cial soundness of the undertaking, Professor M. H. Imebrig‘ht stated that he thought the company would have enough money 1:0 operate success— fully providing: lliey had} money enough. However, he stated, the ven— ture had all the earmarks of :1 public utility, since it was performing a necA essary service to a community under conditions of monopoly, and hence would require Bill Thompson‘s super- vision. At this the. directors balked quite emphatically, saying that they were not interested in flying fish. The raw material upon which the new syndicate will base its supply of information came from the social fraternities, each of which donated their tile in its entirety. In return, 25 percent of the capital stock of the company will be divided among; sall‘s already right in the i. no. The Low-Down {an “Education” Libraries can be filled with the books written on the subject of education. Philosophers, psychologists, edu— cators, ornithologists, zoologists. business men, black: smiths, bankers, bootleggcrs, and even professors have claimed distinction to a knowledge of what education really is. Let these poor bewildered specimens have their say, dear readers. Make off you're interested, and listen— ing. Do not discourage their puny minds. But after all, you know as well as we do that the above dados haven‘t the slightest idea of what education consists of at the. present time. They may know what it was when they went to school. They may know what they would like it to be, or what it ought to he: or they may imagine that they think they know what it might possibly be if it weren‘t something else, but if you really want the honest~ to—goodness dirt as to the purpose of an education, co’nv suit the Armour Neck Stewdeut. He’s the boy that knows because he’s right in the process of having one installed at. the pr nt time. aside {rum the. secondary purpose of education (that of providing a means of livelihood to an army of good—for. classes to leach), its primary object is to train, instruct, touch, and lll any other way aid the niforementioncd stu» of information on the nullest piece of paper! The room was pitch dark. The clock chimed three A. M. Her {other some to the head of the stairs and called. No answer. lie balked down to the loot of the stuirs and called. No answer. lights. The room was empty. the fraternities pro rata, according to the weight in pounds of the file which they donated. Phi Kappa Sig- ma was said to have relinquished a file which far exceeded that of. any other donation, This contribution will occupy the entire 47th floor of the new skyscraper. The Triangle. S. K. 1)., Phi I’i Phi, and K. D. T. fraternities were closely tied for second place, each havmg a much smaller offering, but all said to be of better quality. The Batu Psi oil‘ 'ing would have rateu second, but was counted of no value because it had been worn out from over-use. It will be used on housewarming day when the new structure reaches com- pletion. firearm implicated in (Continued from page l, column 2i mostly all B's thou‘i seems to be no hope E _ these men The ineligible men :u‘c‘. C. l“, Jillsou, '13:): J. 5. Retro, '30 J. R. Youut, 'Z‘ . l). l T. Smith, "30.: V. A. S L. Fox, ’31: l). .3. Ever. Montesano, ‘31; ’32; liodg . .lzuiscn, '32: Doubt. ’32. asunuuuae I news - ” Li S SSS Sr SSSS c. We? Else @i" 5“ ”mm _ . , ‘ fleuccsyffioacéy in Susana lil’fieggam Slices: Would 3‘} i A Eidgmphy training department 0 Early known to the it way out west in iloway. for cheese of all forms led to the adoption of er). While, important athletic positioni 4 assistant to the first helper to the ending up as understudygto “the athlete, “Hey You” was the ”b m (Six and under.) 7' ' ‘ Wins A’s and 5’s As Athlete Expert manipulation of specimens of solid gee added new laurels to his brow, ' ‘ ‘i football, baseball and basliLetb-all. Veach saw brief glimpses of our coach; and he steed: gained knowledge so that he became world famcas. . . Despite offers from the New York Giants, the Chitin» Bears, and the international Swedish hellringers, Con Mb? Krafi’t went to the haunt of the beerhouncls, and coached» / in Waukegan. l/llmll/lvlllil/ \l/ lll [H I HUM/I) W [I ”NU/VTWTW/HUMAV/ 11/“, During this period, he also played scmipzo baseball, (’1- 4'5, and was scheduled for a big: success, but the team refused to let him bat with a tennis racket. _ that a baseball hat was too thin to use, William Carl l the team. Doesn’t Like KRAF'VT GOES OUT FOR TENNIS AT LA VERNE lip Aida? filmy} limp Fay {instead Ericka Stars Oiiice yesterday morning that a new tree has been purchased to replace the beautiful old oak that adorns our campus. Dean Pnnu, in :1 statement , e . . a , Schoolh {lull Show Myamfimfi” ”giggle Hem Raieleeg’ — His record as a coach is enviable; in baseball his 36 (Continued from page 4, column 1} each scored Zl free-throw for the for- eign all-stars, making the score 0);. lord .‘l; Armour 2. The Stew—ards then issued the following statement, lost one game in eight, in basketball five in fifteen, & . . - . ithey permitted him to referee the games he lost as us those he won, he would have had a perfect racer . Three years of military training have given him that. manly and erect poise so inspiring to every Eresbman and Track {Graft Scandal spectivo events are only gold plated, not solid gold as was supposed. Many The A. N. stcwdent will tell you, and you'll agree, that entrants have declined to run follow— ing this piece of trickery. Further, to discourage the track meet, the nothings MW WOUM hiWC nothing W d0 were there no Deans' office announces a list of sev- apparatus. they are fl‘imliSlltllg the cntecu men who are ineligible to run, system of breakage fee because of poor scholarship The, atus will be given to we (lent in Will’s and (“WINS 0f writing- l‘ht‘ greatest 71““)qu grades of the ineligible men were merely asking for (in. In two men had no method oi‘ recur ‘iu l‘alicn as low as a C average. There To cover the cost of breakace. Paul. ’30; D. : ii. . M, .lumes, '3l’, R. in a race he strode inlo the parlor and turned on the A. ‘I‘immermans, ‘35; ll. 1?. Richter *on. ’33: Taylor, '32; (Ink be made: re. to u STEW reporter, aid. “Arlnour’s campus is indeed a 1 re combination of natural and manqnudc beauty and consists of five huml .(l imd thirty acres 01' tree-“studded expanse. The campus starts on a level plain cov— ered with rugged ancient live oaks. It 2nd Quarter sweeps gradually ascending- through With the opening; of the second groves of mystic fir trees. Those o‘i quarter, and the girl fans calling for you who have never viewed the Field a basket, Johnie lVlanz answered with House through a framing of slender beauty from the sidelines. He was tapering fir trees, with just a wisp of given the congressional medal of fog intertwined, have, as yet, lived in honor. Few seconds later Augustine vain. dropped one in and celebrated by 01‘- Beauty Spot of City dcring a double malted. The captain “Landscape architccis have taken of the “Tech“ team, Manx, when advantage of naiure’s gifts of cli— asked for a statement, said, “I can't mate, soil, and location to cover pruc- explain it. My team must have sud- tically the entire campus with wide denly gone honest." With Armour expanses of velvet lawns and sur- celebrating their new spurt, Substi- round’ them by trees, shrubs, and Lute Villa of Oxford played Santa. at flowers of every nature. The whole his basket and scored a goal. The is welded into an unforeetahle botany half ended with Armour 6, Umhreit 5. nical setting. 3rd Quarter Ar4~#-——» Ros-sing scored again for Armour The following photograph i C- group A K . but few down terribly on the next SEEde {digit fifillfilllllg attempt, lie wns ordered to file ref- h _ f , 1 "l crences from his last employer. Spike contestants “5 L ey appeared ’3 ‘2 the ‘ I ’ @lill Elfidhd {l8 ludilfl‘d i. . ..,,. , ~ . . - zeal which the contestants display in the novel experi- 9 Silieig‘cr now £1...th d tmough With a ___.._ ”I went. “80 far as “'9 know we are 3 clean , the snap and vigor that impresses all. His SQ'S'EEZ' team and W “12100le "f 0111‘ .imOWl- i inch chest is the marvel of all, and the firmness and so 1“» edge WP 211'? playing this game 0" the ity of his build are only equaled by the thickness. of its level.” The rest of the quarter was superb cranium. cancelled for the good of the. Kellog‘ ‘ Treaty. l " ” l Word was received from. the Deans' \ment. Then Clem and King George ‘_ in football one in “mg. Coach iirefit claims $13,; l‘ ? no lie: Sold Seat llarkcued Stools ’ «and still the ARMGEJR TECH NEkVS is the » QVERWfiESMlNG EHQlCE The Reporter for the STEW subjected 3362.841»: peo- ple to u blindfold test in a dark room. asking easel; cor:- teslant to specify which of the publications submitted ’1; him held his Interest for the longest per‘cd. Therein” publications used in this test were the ' user," the “Cycle,” the ARMGUR TECH \ “Alumni News." tally, but in the wrong brisket. Announcement of a radical change am innocent," in Iid in a written in the plans for the freshman course statement to the p, [35‘ Shortly after- 3“ quantitative chemistry 5'3" this 59" wnrd time out_ was taken, for a mes— niester have been announced by Dow 3mg.“ boy arrived with an afiection- ald S. 0, S. llllock, curator of chem— ate letter for Gondheurt. With time istry. In order to adapt the course in the Oxhides started to fight; to tie to work in harmony with the newly the score. The Dace he scored a discovered mathematical answer fac-- basket while Goodheart was tearing tom, the instructors will give each up the letter, making the 590m 10,7. student the composition of his un— Armour lending. known, and by doing this. it is hope The mm“, w that the students will be able to show count ol‘ rumor better results for their analyses. mission called for photo tatic copies Fm”! Bfighmfl 3“ 3'03” of the play-by-plny accounts. .15 a BY this method the department substitute attraction each team put hopes to prove to Dean Faun that the on their clean clothes. present freshman class is the bright— W est one in years. “The only student a . ' _ , 3 who will {ail chemistry in the, future," % Qéfgfir fifil“%:gwfifl§i 1 states Prof. C. Austin Tibbals. “Will W_WW_MW be one not well prepared in motile. Letterbox: *' a course l have been thinking: that Tau Bits mu Answer Pie would look nice on my pedigree. if; a review." so l have decided to join. 1 think that that organization would benefit Igreatly by having men like my their membership roll. Will whoever lakes cure of such rmitiue send me am applicnlion blank and state whether or not reduced membership ‘39, Edi rates on, still in k‘l‘fficl? Test A Freshman. {1‘99 Silk . Mfifi trailer. MANGGLQ \Vl‘i’és PRiZE then called on oc-~ The has ct‘unll coin» maticf, and we are plain in ‘Hig‘her Compuiutim ‘ Factors' for those use No Bread-gage Fee ing for Mr, Griffin S shill iii . is inevitable. when the i tempt to illu looted on i , With the old s. ten dollars are them, in at the C A . second floor “own expo me he p‘ s hecmhlows than as . 22.]: used {ljl‘mlkflfjjil promo: