Page Two ARMQUR "Elam-l Widths Student Publication of the ARMOUR lNSTlTUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO, ILLINOIS Published Weekly During the College Year EDITORIAL STAFF F ‘ ‘ ' . ..John Hommes, ’29 llgskmlflhittdhmf Fred B. Farrell, '29 News Editu . David T. Smith, :30 Department Lditor. ‘lmrles E. Morris, ’30 Assistant ............. .Wulter J. Ehrmeyer, ’29 Social Editor ....John E. Tarman, 30 Assistant ..... ..Vcrnon A. Sturm, ’30 Athletic Editor. ohn P. Edstrancl, ’29 Assistant ..... Clarence Steinpkowski, :le Humor Editor ..A. B._Auerbach, 51 oel M. Jacobson, ’29 1:232”; iii/12:1» sor Walter Hendricks CONTRIBUTORS J. ll. Ashenhurst, Fred A, Atwood, A. B. Auerbaeh, L. W. Booker, Joseph Boula, l’lal Burnett, E. W. Carlson, W. Edmonds, Frank M. James, 1“. W. McCloska, C. J. McDonald, ll. J. Monger, W. l’ziradzinski, S. S. Pulaski, ll. 1’. Richter, W. H. Rudolf, It. I”, Stellar, Venon Storm, Max Schinkc, ll. W. Yount, John Yount. BUSINESS STAFF - .. . . ’29 Business Manager ...l{ussell L. Johnson, ( Assistant . Thomas R. O’Mulley, ’50 ., , Advertising Manager ......... .btanley A. Beatty, ’30 Assistants..Morris 0. Nelson, .30 Wilbert B. Deermg‘, ,80 Circulation Manager. ......John W. Gamble, 29 John E. Barman, ’29 Assistant ............ Exchanges D. R. Garen, 30 vol. 11. No. 10 WHEN THE STATE IS MOST CORRUPT, T H E N LAWS A R E MOST MULTIPLIED. w'llacitus. W..- .Re The Forthcoming Valentines (Addressed to the Freshmen Only) Obligingly, the lleans’ Office has maintained a policy in the past of issuing: a kindly warning to students who are failing in certain subjects. to save them the unpleas- ant experience of finding out the sad fact after it is too late to apply a remedy. These warnings, so-called “val- entines," come regularly in the middle of the semester, and are new distributed. If they serve only the purpose of informing the stu- dent of his low standing, these notices are of little avail, for it does not require any uncanny ability for a person to judge accurately for himself whether or not he is fail- ing. If, however, they simultaneously produce an incentive for harder study in that subjectmthen they are of value. By no means do these notices predict who shall end up as “flunkers” in a «given class. Many students fail at the end of the semester who stood high at the ten-week pe- riod. Others attain higher than aveig’age grades at the end who received “valentines" at the mid—semester. The greatest difficulty of the Freshmen is to become thoroughly acquainted with and used to the customs and methods in vogue at Armour 'l‘ech, Probably more than anything else he misses the monthly report from the in- structor of his grades at that time, under which system he was more than likely brought up at his high School. If such is the Case then the notice of his low standing may he a shock to him. The Thanksgiving holidays. coming next Week, will atl'ord a timely opportunity to regain one’s footing. Lab- oratory reports, study a.. u’nmeiits, back problems, can all be made up at that lllll(’. With the slate once clean, to keep it so should be comparatively easy. As Al Jolson would sing “It all depends on you.” A Man’s Thanksgiving. k it or God of commonsense, l nix-e Thee thanks for the heavy blows of pain that drive me back from perilous Ways into harmony with the of my being; for stinging whips of hunger and cold that urge to bitter strivings lavas “THE ddlltdllt‘ll” o a «a Cleave to "The Slipctick”; let the Slapstick Hy where it may. no u FLEAS I think that I shall never see An insect: awful as a flea. A flea whose hungry mouth is pressed Against a man’s great hairy chest. A flea that bites and runs away To live to bite another day. A flea that does at all times dare And spares not either hide or hair. A flea that loves a juicy vein, And intimately lives with pain. Poems are made by fools like me But what can bite just like a flea? ——Mm By Gosh. >1: 4: i. Fan-mun Accidentu Cop: How did this accident happen? Motorist: My wife fell asleep in the back seat, wFi'eddie. i. Seems that Professor Palmer and his big Franklin (air- cooled), were in the park last week when a nasty smash- up took place. The driver that caused the accident shot away and the motorcycle cop was questioning the other motorists if they saw the license number of the offender. Professor Palmer owned up that he had seen it, but that he couldn’t remember what it was. Then, brightly, he said to the cop, “Oh, yes, I remember now that the cube root of the license number multiplied by fifty equals the sum of the digits reversed.” K4 * it‘ Putting on Airs Student in the Cafeteria: Hey, I've found a tack in this doughnut! Heller: Why, the conceited little thing! thought it was a tire. * It must have a s:- I am pleased to announce abut the Slip-Stick ham yer- mmded the celebrated scientist, Doctor (in. K. Goober, BER. Pb. F. A. B. (1., and other degrees, to answer quen- tions asked of him by the curious. This feature will brighten your live; at spasmodic intervals. Dear Doctor Goober: My new super squeal “Iodine Six" has not of late brought in much DX. Please advise. “Anxious. Answer, by Doctor Goober: Try connecting the left grid to the middle leg of the parlor couch, and in series with a 10 volt baby carriage, using a length of pie dough. (Modulus of elasticity .000009756463). Massage the condensers and transformers daily with a 0.1 normal solution of Sloan’s Liniment flavored with garlic (must be C. P.) Also try rejuvenating your batteries with I—Iodkin’s original Swiss-hyena gland extract, known to the initiated chemists as mono-braille, delta 1—345 di- hydroxy 4-7—signals over-hike— of the basic yapititi acid. If no better results are then obtained, any night between the hours of one and four, push the darn thing out the window. ———J. G. so it Have You? What kind of a car have you got, Bailey? 1 got a Wreck. A Wreck? Yeah. Every time I park it a dozen people come up and ask me if I’ve reported the accident yet. 2: =t< * r Ambition Student: I‘ve added these figures ten times, sir. Prof. Doubt: Fine, that’s a good check. Student: —and here’s the ten answers, sir. 1k *1 7h Say, Mr, Editor, how come the Inquiring Reporter is stealing my stuff. Here last week he goes and runs a lotta jokes about Armour grads getting rich. And say, Mr. Editor, have you heard about what hap» period to the first of that infernal species? Seems he was interviewing Methugelah and asked him to what he at- tributed his old age. Methuselah thought a minute and and uloriom achievement; tor steepness and roughness of the way and staunch virtues gained by climbing ove!‘ jagged rocks of hardship and stumbling; through dark and pathless sloughs of discouragement; for the acid blight of failure that has burned out of me all thought of easy Vi0~ tory and toughened my sincws for ficrcer battles and greater triumphs; for mistakes I have made, and the priceless 1 us I have learned from them; for disillu- sion and disappointment that have cleared my vision and spurred my desire; for strong appetities and passions and the power they give when under pressure and control; for my imperfections that give me the keen delight of striving toward “perfection. God of common good and human brotherhood, I give Thee thanks for siren songs of temptation that lure and en tangle and the understanding of other men they reveal; for the weaknesses and failings of my neighbors and the joy of lending: a hclping‘ hand: for my own shortcomings, sorrows, and lonelin s, that :1ch me a deeper sympathy for others; for ingratitude and misunderstanding and the gludncss of service without other reward than self—em pression. Arthur W. Newcomb. Let me offer you r. creed—the creed of work. Young men, work! Life has no other reason for being, and each of u is here only to perform his task. ways distrusted chimeras. people. Work alone gives courage and faith. —-——Zola. Great nations write their autobiographies Ln three mam the book of their a vacation, to say nothing: of a little turkey ’n’ trimmin s usci‘iptsiethc book of their deeds, words, and the book of their art. m-Ruskin. .1 have-ab would be a good idea to put up .2; tablet to the Illusion is bad for a man or a inventors of the wheel and the discoverer of fire. A good ii The only strong men are the men who work. then said, “Well, the fact that I was born over nine hun- dred years ago might have something to do with it.” * . A Brief Tragedy Ruth rode in my new Buick In the seat in back of me; I took a bump at fifty-five And rode on ruthlessly. » i: sin The Local Salutation What struck you the first time you saw Chicago? A blackjack. :5: M s Derc Al. i wuz rlfludin the eNguneerin news rekord in the li- braRy aNd i cum across one ui‘ tha Most vigerus ijec- tions tl-Iat pasSed a censor. it sez: DfiN’E’” WANT RUAD Bl’ BAM EMT/E «mwestErner. - a l: Professor Wilcox says as long as we put up monu- ments to the unknown dead in Arlington cemetery. it. humour: race saws hook Reviews By JOEL M. JACOB-SON “Old Man Dora’s Talks to College . Men” By Howard chent (Fleming H. Revel] Co.) It takes the sudden jar of a flunk notice to make a college man realize that it is about time to take stock of his position at school and make some radical changes in his study habits. Since the little printed reminders are . about due, it is perhaps, the proper time to go over a little volume, new- ly arrived in the library, which may offer some valuable suggestions. Nut- urally, such a book as “Talks to Col- lege Men” is directed mainly at the freshman, the upper classmen being, in general, so fixed in their study habits that it is well nigh useless to attempt a change. “What are you here for?" asks Old Man Dare. What is the average man’s reason for attending college. Spin 5; and social activities in the main, thinks the author, and scholar- ship on the side. College as a Whole should have a triple purpose. It should develop the students’ stamina, sympathy, and scholarship; “guts, heart, and head." Its success in so doing, is however, dependent on the individual. “Not one of you,” says the Old Man, “ever thought out the three fold function of college, and ever aimed at a well rounded char- acter. . . . The top floor with most of you it; not built up at all; it’s only a rough-brawn attic stored with useless lumber and junk which you have tugged in from a lot of college courses into which you put neither the stamina of persistent effort, nor the heart of sympathetic understand- ing," After sustaining a continual bom- bardment for a full chapter, the col- lege student, battered and torn, may Well ask, ”Why study at all?" Old an Dare begins a second barrage of facts and figures gleaned from sta- tistics from numerous American col- leges. “Because success in college means success in business life; be~ cause success as a freshman means success as an upper classmen, and so all along the line.” - It is my opinion that here at Ar— mour we generally realize the need for study and probably do plenty of it even to the exclusion of social and athletic events. But the most effi- cient way to use our study time is as much of a problem at Armour as in other schools. Howard Beinent gives the a seal A DEFENSE 0F ARTHUR TRAEM To The Letterbox: In a recent review of Arthur Train’s latest novel, the reviewer bee gan by confessing that he knew naught”. of Arthur Train and ended by condemning him . For so brief and probably short acquaintance, the judgment is severe. Arthur Train is most widely known for his lengthy and popular series of stories wound around the character of Ephriam Tut‘s, lawyer. These sto- ries have appeared in well-known magazines and also in book form. The surprising feature of the entire set of stories is the fact that the au- thor can take a most technical legal case. and make it interesting and ab» sorbing, as well as educational. l readily confess he can sink a legal fact in your mind and leave it there for your use. His stories are always with an element of humor. Every author has a dream of writ, ing: something different than his reg— ular line, and I think “Ambition” is but the outbreak of it. Furthermore, I have spoken to people who have us a whole chapter entitled “How to Study.” It should be “How Not to Study." Barnyard animals may seem to us far removed from college stu— dents, yet Old Man Dare gives us an interesting comparison. . . “ole hen, she race Llis-a—way, an’ den dab—a— way; an' den she turn an’ run to de let’, an’ den she turn and run to do right, an’ den she turn an’ run plumb under de wheel. . . Some ob yo’ studies like dot. Yo' rushes at sub- jec’ an den yo’ rushes away from it, workin’ like ole dcbbil, an’ jes’ gettin’ nowheres but under de wheel." Good advice it is true, but; I am doubtful as to how much of it will do any good. Study habits are, after all, an individual problem and each man must work out his own case for him» self. The problem will not be solved by observing a series of don‘ts or following some set rules. Reading Howard Benient’s little volume will not in itself change a flunker to an “A" man. Concentrated, earnest, and well directed efi'ort are necessary in addition and it. is my opinion that the student possessing such ability has no need of the book. On the student who cannot study properly, “Talks to College Men,” can only impress the need for such effort, but can give but little concrete help. read “Ambition” and IE. ported favorably about the be though not praising it as a; grid: work. it distinctly remés one at? Train‘s earlier books written on the World war, wherein he leaves his sage and narrow path and eamau‘es hi" — self in a plot devoid of interest. But do not condemn a man for 2. single book when his others are ter— esting and well worth reading. A. AUEEBACH, ’3}. To the Student Body, via the Letterbox: Five students were “kicked out.“ of 2. Physics class on Monday mar ‘ ing for cheating on a quiz. Tails not a fact about our school to 1‘" one proud. It is a startling iact. students in one class were caught: committing acts of dishon ll: makes one stop to think of cm‘zv ditions involved. What caused the c men to cheat? Why did they dciih» erately try to steal credit from the school? But were they cheating the school: or cheating themselves? Did they stop to realize that the aim 65 the faculty is not to get a nice set of quiz boelci, but to “put the stair across” to the students? The grade is not the student‘s knowledge, but an at- tempt to measure it. If he tries to make his measurements appear larg- er than they should be, be is deceiv— ing the instructor. but worse than that, he is depriving himself of a vari- uable part of his educaziou, the knowledge of which he will in ER likelihood be held for at some future date in his career. If he wins, he loses. That student pays his money to gain certain knowl— edge. certain training of mind and character from the Armour institute of Technology. Then he deliberately trys to keep the Institute from de- livering the goods for which he paid. If a man is dishonest in school, he will be dishonest out of school. En— gineering. of all the prof ens, ex~ cept perk? that of medicine, {lee wands the highest standard of iateg~ rity. if a man is not trustwer‘ ‘ in all things, be is unfit: to accept this responsibility of being an engineer. ‘We can stop this state of afiairs by student disapproval of such acts. It a student thinks there is no less» of social prestige, that his school mates. will wink at such acts, he may cheat. But if he realizes that: he will be looked upon with scorn by his fellow classmen then he is going to think a long time before he deliberately cem- mits a dishonest act. -—S.T.B. Broadway and! Whip—Gary Orrington and Church—Evanstnn ll Eli .. Marion and Lakbnnk Par-k . «s '«i. r idea. profes. fiery? r; how would Science Hull do for a come -—-F. S., Jr. J a Despite all worries. cheer lip—wjusi‘. a week and we get MAL AUBREACEJ “Chicagoans” w and ii We natured them “Chicagoans” because they iced the town in style and value- at $35 and $48!. they have the smart University styling and carotid tails: ~ . _ . .. . _ mamw‘ztfi‘fiu mg of coats considersbiy higher priced. arrays, Blues, and Brown and Grey l‘weeds. it’s the wise thing a e a . 3 flag savfigmqgm “l -11 stead; you’ve a new @vercoak in mind ... see g‘l ” “to (is?