liege Two Filth: Allhlfiiillll NEWS Student Publication of the ARMOUR INSTETUTE OF TECHNOLOGY CHICAGO, lLLlNOiS Published Bi~chkly During the College Year. Editorial Stall ..................... John Hornmes .............. David T. Smith ...Prof. Walter Hendricks EDlTORlAL BOARD Frederick D. Payne Editor‘in—Chief Assistant Editor Faculty Adviser... John T. Even Walter J. Zenner CONTRIBUTORS C. G. Anderson, A. Auerbac’h, J. A. Bechtold, E. P. Boynton, M. Coleman, H. Dozois, L. C. Dusberger, J. C. Edstrand, F. B. Farrell, D. G. Garen, G. A. Gibson, H. E. Goranson, B. W. Hindman, R. E. Johnson, K. G. Katz, J. W. Kramer, R. Kilbourne, C. E. Morris, H. W. Montgomery, C. Olson, W. Paradzinski, K. H. Parker, S. S. Pulaski, E. Ross, S. F. Russukov, C. L. Shabino, E. W. Short, J. G. Sitzler, G. H. Smith, F. Spalding‘, A. J. Stahovitz, R. F. Stellar, J. E. 'l‘arman, R. Timmer- man, D. Urmston, G. H. Von Gehr. Otto R. Besch Harry P. Eichin Business Stall Acting Manager.... Assistants“ Charles L. Rambolt, Morris Nelson, Stanley A. Beatty ...Elmer B. Kapke Vol. I. April 9, 1928 “No. 1 We Make Our Bow We make our bow. We are editorially ready to begin speaking our pieces. We hope to have something vitally important to say, something about ourselves'as students, and something about our school. We shall have only one aim, namely the aim of our great Institute, of which we are its life. Through our columns we will serve no group,—none but the group to which we all belong. Likewise in the affairs of this publication we will offer its management, both editorial and business, through cempetiton, to all who care to contend for any honor it has to offer. It will not be a closed company, perpet~ uated in control by some inside wire»pulling; but it will be the work of the student, for himself, and for his school. Our columns are open to all. Good taste and the common good will be our only restrictions. .4 in Al ckuowledgment We think it only fitting, in this, our first issue, to thank Professor Hendricks for what he has done, for it was he who was parent to the thought of fouilding this publication, and it is through his guidance that it is be- ing carried on. “Vol. 1., No. l. Were you to go to the office of the Chicago Daily News and inquire as to which issue of their paper is treasured above all others in their files you would re» ceive the answer, “Vol. 1, No. 1.” Or, if, say, a few years hence, you ask of the ARMOUR NEWS staff which issue of their publication is most valuable to them, they will quite certainly reply, “Vol. 1, No. 1.” You are at present reading Vol. 1, No. l of the AR MOUR NEWS. It is a milestone along the road of student activities at Armour. It represents the fulfill- ment of a definite need on the part of the student body, a need for more unified feeling, for improved school spirit. As such this first issue of the ARMOUR NEWS deserves to be treasured among the most sacred of the relics of your years at Armour Tech. Are You Reading This Over a Friend’s Elton/MW? A little more than half of the enrollment of the Col- lege has already subscribed for the ARMOUR NEWS. When we consider that the price for this semester is comparatively high and that everyone of those subscrip- tions was obtained simply upon the basis of the word of our solicitors {that a newspaper was actually going to appear, we marvel at the good faith which those 400 men have placed in us. Now the issue is out. It is a reality. It is the work only of students. Anyone in the school is eligible for the positions on the staff, the only basis of choice being meritorious work. Hence it is entirely a paper pub- lished by the students and for the students. For this simple reason alone, every person in the school should subscribe. The subscriptions that are already in are just sufl‘i« cient to assure financial independence during the re- mainder of the semester. However, next semester we should have a reserve on hand to start with, or it will be necessary to begin again from the bottom. Also, next semester, in all likelihood, there will be fifteen issues, without any such proportionate increase in the rate of subscription. To do this we must have the sup— port of all the students. Friday is the final day that subscriptions will be re. ceived. Make sure that you have paid up by that day. THE ARMOUR NEWS l. cars” 5.4-5 Number Encouraging lining The response on the part of the student body to the subscription cam— paign which the business department has been conducting for the last few weeks has quite equalled the expec- tations of the staff. Already over 400 pledges have been received. of which about two«thirds have been paid for in cash. No copies will be sold to students who have not paid their seventy-five cents for the five issues. Elmer B. Kaplie, who has been act- ing as business manager until a per— manent appointment can be made, has also stated that the Faculty sub- scriptions are rapidly approaching 100 per cent. The deadline has been set for Friday, the 13th, at which time all subscriptions should not only be in, but also paid up. Milwaukee Destination of Senior E.E.’s, lVl.E.’s The Junior and Senior Electricals and the Senior Mechanicals, com— prising a group of about 100 men, will make an inspection trip to Mil- waukee, leaving Thursday, April 19, and returning Friday evening. Thorough inspections will be made of the important industries in that city, such as the Allis-Chalmers plant, and inspections will also be made of sev— eral of the substations of the North Shore Electric system. Thursday evening the annual A. I. E. E. smoker, which is usually held here on the Campus, will be held in Milwaukee. Plans have been made by several of the. men to continue their trip over the weekend to Madi— son and return Monday morning, in- stead of going back with the crowd on Friday night. SPRYZG AB HERE-— BEAUTEFUL SPIRES! Marbles are proving more popular this year among the members of the Freshman Class than ever before, de» spite the heavy losses which have been incurred by many of the marble brokers of the class of ’31, according to the authentic reports from several of the influential upper-class men. This increase in popularity in the face of the severe bankruptcy with which many of the dickerers have been threatened is not capable of a satisfactory explanation. Fox, popular track star, declares his losses to have been very heavy, but that he was safeguarded by hav~ ing them covered on the curb. He is out to make one more killing before he again retires to private life. Panic reigned among those who were not so fortunate as to be able to cover their losses, but no cases of suicide have as yet been brought to the notice of this paper. Not for ten years has the marble market been so active. Fortunes have been made and lost over night and the. excite- ment is causing much less of sleep. In a private transaction at the ath- letic field, the details of which were not disclosed, it is reported that one man lost over a thousand marbles in a little less than an hour. Sphinx Smoker Tonight at S. K. i). House Sphinx is to hold a snicker at the Sigma Kappa Delta house tonight. At this smoker, a number of men who have done noteworthy Work on the Armour publications, the Engi» user and the Cycle, will be given the privilege of wearing the black and gold ribbon which is the badge of a Sphinx pledge. ! Bernhard Chosen Coming Editor of “Engineer” L. F. Bernhard '29 and L. P. Brown ’29 have been appointed Edi~ tor and Business Manager of “The Armour Engineer" for the year 1928- 29. Mr. Bernhard has served for two years on the staff of “The Engi- neer“ and is exceptionally well fitted for the duties of his new position. His work as Assistant Editor during the past year has been particularly meritorious, giving ample indication of his high abilites as a leader and organzer. Mr. Brown also has seen considerable service in the past, and everything indicates that the busi- ness and of the work will be in ca- pable hands. Following the usual custom, the May issue will be handled almost ex- clusively by the new editor and his assistants under the supervision of the present editor. This system @11- ablcs the members of the incoming stafl" to try out their skill under ac- tual responsibility, while at the same time having the retiring editor on hand to advise them in case of dith- culties. There are several features of the May issue already planned which promise to be of considerable inter~ est to the engineering students. One is an article on traffic control lights by Mr. C. S. .Schatl’er ’24, of the Electrical Department of the City of Chicago, in which the working prim éiples of automatic traffic signals are» explained in detail. Another is a paper prepared by Prof. Daniel Roesch of the Gas Engine Labora- tory, entitled “Audibility Antiknock Tests and Knock Intensity Evalua- tion.” This paper was presented at the annual meeting of the Society of Automotive Engineers at Detroit and contains a comprehensive sur- vey of the methods employed in mak- ing such tests iv. the Armour Insti~ tutc Laboratories. HONDRARY FRATERNITY DANCE ANNOUNCED FOR FRIDAY 27 The Honorary Fraternity Dance will be held Friday, April 27th, in the Italian Room of the Allerton Club, the Allerton Club Orchestra furnishing the music. The date was adfvanced two weeks from the origi— nal date of April 13, as announced in the recent issue of the Engineer, not so much to avoid the date as to obtain a more desirable ballroom. The attendance at this dance is limited to active members and alumni of honorary fraternities at Armour. As a result, only a certain portion of the Junior and Senior classes may attend, as well as the alumni mem- bers. Tickets for the dance will be put on sale immediately after the Easter holidays. The bids will be $2.50 per couple. Ben-y Announces Plans For Junior Week (Continued from page 1) C. Healy, the Social Chairman, who is responsible for its management, is already active in formulating the details of the afiair. Saturday, the 19th of May, will then remain, and it will marl: the annual clash between the Sophomores and Freshmen in the Class Rush, the climax of the week’s occurrences. The remainder of the morning and afternoon, after the rush, will see the usual stunts by the fraternities, to he followed by the award of prizes and cups to winners in the week's competitions. Special zest is expected to be shown in the various meets as s is suit of the addition of several new awards to be given out. To the win- ner in the fraternity sing, a silver loving cup will he presented, where- as formerly no sword was made for this competition. lndividual fro. pilies will also be awarded to winners of the interclass relays ,while a few other prices, as yet not definitely de» velopod, will be assigned. “Wilt? fitififlilifiiii” :: Cleave. to ”The Slipstick"; in! the Siapuiici: fly where it may. a- on o immnmmv 1‘ ,a THE SLH’STECK The siipstick rests in its leather case With ne‘er a foreboding thought Of the agonized, soul~trying, woodscratching pace That soon on its slide will be wrought. It's always ready to enter the fight Tho’ the glass is cracked and bent. If the figures don’t come the way that’s; right, The slipstick will lie like a gent. So here’s to the slipstick, sing he my lads! Raise your glasses high and drink deep. For the slipstick, the jolly old slipstick, my lads, Is the friend that your secrets can keep. —C. R. Bishop, ’26. Well, this Slipstick will be a friend who’ll publish your secrets. Let’s have ’em, if we can’t print ’em; we’ll enjoy read— ing ’em, anyhow. So let’s gather slaps for the Slipstick my friends, and give the world a laugh or two. GOOD CREE? l “CLARENCE.” lumerous articles recently published among the prop aganda designed to better the wayward collegian, pol? tend to portray that profanity is merely a poor substitute for a good vocabulary and the ability to express cne’s self well. Thus the scene opens on a student, greatly impressed, determining to do away with profanity, and to express himself in gentler terms. Consequently when he loses the sole existing copy of his final thesis on which he has been working for three months: “Yea, verily this doth gall me and distress me, and vexeth me beyond at}; ~ ance. All heaven and earth are witness to my plight. Surely this is taxing me beyond the limit of human en- durance. I vow, one who can in silence hear so creel; a blow, is deserving of a better fate, and such determinn~ tion is indeed worthy of a better cause. I am brash- indeed, I approach anger, Wrath, fury! Such is fate, such the cruelty of the powers that be—— oh, devil take it!!! This is a helluva fix, and I’ll bedamnedif I write the *$&?ll__X- ..];‘**!$‘&‘l..:;-?’ thing over againll! Horse-power. And at the top of the canning industry we find, not Mr. Heinz, but the dean of the college. —R. D. Whedon Harvard, '29. A Day Awheel Three smart young men, and three nice girls, All lovers true as steel, Decided in a friendly way, To spend the day autheel. They started in the early morn. And nothing seemed amiss; And when they reached the leafy lane They in rode twos like this! They wandered by the verdant dale; Beside the rippling rill; The sun shone brightly all the While; They heard the songbirds trill. They sped tlircuérh many a woody giade, The world was full of bliss—— And when they rested in the shade, They sat in twos like this! The sun went down and evening came, A lot too soon, they said: Too long they tarl‘icd on the way: The clouds grew black o‘er-head. Down dashed the rain! They homewarcl flew. rfill one unlucky miss Slipped sideways, crash! The lot Wereallmixeduplikezhisl Great Scott ! ~ ——"iivver So in. “Haven't shaved in s \veek——-“ “Yah! ‘s bad. '5 a habit that grows on you." April Fool Conductor {not a col con): “lion" old is $31.3: boy, madam i’ " Madam: “Thirteen years, and here’s his fare?" And now this here first line the face. ‘s 3 habit t, lipstick habit grow on . stuck“: let the Slapstick fly who!"